Friend Sarah in Kentucky and I have been discussing the crush via IM today. This is her quote...
"Listen, if charming, doting, sweet doesn't work, whore will every single time."
Now that's solid advice.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Addicted to a real bad thing
Yep. That's me. Addicted to a real bad thing.
"She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing
Always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring
She knows she bounces like a yo-you when he pulls her string
It hurts to feel like such a fool"
Ah lyrics from a song written just for me. Addicted, by Dan Seals. I heard this song on a random shuffle of my ipod tonight on the way home from drinks with the crush.
Yes.
You read that correctly.
Drinks. With. The. Crush.
He, apparently is alive, and does know how to drive and/or be social. I had plans to meet another friend tonight for drinks and decided on a whim to send the crush an email to let him know if he was available, we'd be at the bar. His response - which threw me that he responded - was not what I expected. And he said he could be there anytime around 8pm. Not really a commitment, but hey, I'll take it.
So, I get to the bar and the planned drinks with Claudia fell through. We've had a hard time hooking up at the same bar at the same time. One of us usually has our "lions crossed" (come on. You know that's a line from the Lion King...sheesh). Anyhow, I called Claudia as I was sitting in the bar to see if she was going to make it. And as usual, we hadn't quite communicated correctly and she had it down for next week. BUT I told her that I had invited the crush to join us. Immediately she launches into how this was a date. A date? I don't think so. Its two people casually getting together for drinks. That's it. A date means there should be smooching afterwards and I knew that wasn't going to happen. She proceeded to tell me I was...what was it?...she had some big word she had just learned, basically telling me that I shouldn't expect the stereotypical thing in the world anymore. And this was clearly a date. Whatever!
ANYHOW, I left. Once home I sent the crush a text message (god forbid I call him) and told him that plans had changed and Claudia and I weren't meeting, but if he was interested to let me know.
30 minutes before the time we were supposed to meet I thought, "What if he didn't get the text? Maybe I should go to the bar 'just in case'." So I dressed again, (I was in my PJs) and drove to the bar. Got there just as he pulled up. He hadn't got the text message. Phew! Thank heavens I decided to show. Can you imagine if I hadn't...? Poor guy would have been left there all alone drinking away his sorrows of missing me....pining away for me. I would have definitely felt bad.
We had a couple of drinks and got all caught up on my trip to NY, my car, his back problems, the new practicum class for the PMA (which is what my normal excuse is to do things with him). And we left. After of course he gave a good night kiss!
Hah!
Got ya. Just checking to see if you were paying attention.
No we left AFTER I drug him over to admire my car.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned I'm pathetic. I'm right back to liking him. Show me a little attention and I'm puddy in your hands. He's so not the guy for me, but he's so nice, and I'm soooo attracted to him. Blast!
In other news, I saw this street sign on the streets of our fair city this last weekend when Sherrie and I were trying to see the Dead Sea Scrolls. Not sure exactly what it is saying. But I laughed at the sight of it. The yard sale of people, books, bags etc. "Think of the Impact You Could Make!" Huh? The funnier part is it was no where near a crosswalk. So I really don't get it. But it amused me none the less.
This other photo is of the fountain and the Space Needle in the back. Oh Seattle on a beautiful day. Gorgeous! Just gorgeous.
"She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing
Always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring
She knows she bounces like a yo-you when he pulls her string
It hurts to feel like such a fool"
Ah lyrics from a song written just for me. Addicted, by Dan Seals. I heard this song on a random shuffle of my ipod tonight on the way home from drinks with the crush.
Yes.
You read that correctly.
Drinks. With. The. Crush.
He, apparently is alive, and does know how to drive and/or be social. I had plans to meet another friend tonight for drinks and decided on a whim to send the crush an email to let him know if he was available, we'd be at the bar. His response - which threw me that he responded - was not what I expected. And he said he could be there anytime around 8pm. Not really a commitment, but hey, I'll take it.
So, I get to the bar and the planned drinks with Claudia fell through. We've had a hard time hooking up at the same bar at the same time. One of us usually has our "lions crossed" (come on. You know that's a line from the Lion King...sheesh). Anyhow, I called Claudia as I was sitting in the bar to see if she was going to make it. And as usual, we hadn't quite communicated correctly and she had it down for next week. BUT I told her that I had invited the crush to join us. Immediately she launches into how this was a date. A date? I don't think so. Its two people casually getting together for drinks. That's it. A date means there should be smooching afterwards and I knew that wasn't going to happen. She proceeded to tell me I was...what was it?...she had some big word she had just learned, basically telling me that I shouldn't expect the stereotypical thing in the world anymore. And this was clearly a date. Whatever!
ANYHOW, I left. Once home I sent the crush a text message (god forbid I call him) and told him that plans had changed and Claudia and I weren't meeting, but if he was interested to let me know.
30 minutes before the time we were supposed to meet I thought, "What if he didn't get the text? Maybe I should go to the bar 'just in case'." So I dressed again, (I was in my PJs) and drove to the bar. Got there just as he pulled up. He hadn't got the text message. Phew! Thank heavens I decided to show. Can you imagine if I hadn't...? Poor guy would have been left there all alone drinking away his sorrows of missing me....pining away for me. I would have definitely felt bad.
We had a couple of drinks and got all caught up on my trip to NY, my car, his back problems, the new practicum class for the PMA (which is what my normal excuse is to do things with him). And we left. After of course he gave a good night kiss!
Hah!
Got ya. Just checking to see if you were paying attention.
No we left AFTER I drug him over to admire my car.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned I'm pathetic. I'm right back to liking him. Show me a little attention and I'm puddy in your hands. He's so not the guy for me, but he's so nice, and I'm soooo attracted to him. Blast!
In other news, I saw this street sign on the streets of our fair city this last weekend when Sherrie and I were trying to see the Dead Sea Scrolls. Not sure exactly what it is saying. But I laughed at the sight of it. The yard sale of people, books, bags etc. "Think of the Impact You Could Make!" Huh? The funnier part is it was no where near a crosswalk. So I really don't get it. But it amused me none the less.
This other photo is of the fountain and the Space Needle in the back. Oh Seattle on a beautiful day. Gorgeous! Just gorgeous.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A scary thought to be sure...
Daily I walk down to our local cafeteria which has a coffee shop. And daily I get my Tall Vanilla Americano. As I walked down there today (keep in mind I don't have to leave the building) I gasped at a fleeting thought that passed by me:
What if the next place I work doesn't have a Starbucks anywhere near? Oh the horror! Surely I need to add this to my list of things to consider when searching for a new job. Or, *gasp* I could consider cutting some coffee out of my life.
Oh my hell.
What if the next place I work doesn't have a Starbucks anywhere near? Oh the horror! Surely I need to add this to my list of things to consider when searching for a new job. Or, *gasp* I could consider cutting some coffee out of my life.
Oh my hell.
Hooked on a Feeling...
So maybe not hooked on a feeling but hooked on a book.
Fellow blogger, Patron Saint of Smart Mouths, recommended a website called DailyLit. It, effectively, allows you to get daily blurbs of books. Mostly the classics. So, since she recommended it just about a week ago, I've been hooked on Anna Karenina. Hooked I tell you. I can't pronounce half the words in it (because they're Russian names), but I just slur over them.
I should also admit that since you can get three daily book deliveries a day, I'm also getting Utopia and Don Quixote. insert sheepish grin
In other news, I had a fantastic phone interview yesterday for a job I'm very excited and enthusiastic about. It's a PM job that sounds to be just up my ally.....so cross your fingers.
Oh and I heard, finally, from the crush. But still nothing to really report.
Fellow blogger, Patron Saint of Smart Mouths, recommended a website called DailyLit. It, effectively, allows you to get daily blurbs of books. Mostly the classics. So, since she recommended it just about a week ago, I've been hooked on Anna Karenina. Hooked I tell you. I can't pronounce half the words in it (because they're Russian names), but I just slur over them.
I should also admit that since you can get three daily book deliveries a day, I'm also getting Utopia and Don Quixote. insert sheepish grin
In other news, I had a fantastic phone interview yesterday for a job I'm very excited and enthusiastic about. It's a PM job that sounds to be just up my ally.....so cross your fingers.
Oh and I heard, finally, from the crush. But still nothing to really report.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Plan B
Ever had one of those times when everything you planned didn't quite turn out the way it was planned? In project management we call this risk management. Not something I do too well in my every day life. You'd think I would learn.
This weekend Sherrie and I trotted off to see the Dead Sea Scrolls at the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. I figured going later in the afternoon we might avoid some of the crowds at the PSC. We got there about 3:30 and apparently the Dead Sea Scrolls was sold out. Huh? What? How? Neither one of us could understand how a museum piece could be "sold out." After staring at the poor worker behind the bullet proof glass for what seemed like eternity, we moved on.
We figured we were already at the Seattle Center, already paid our $10 parking fee, might as well wonder around. Sherrie suggested we have dinner at this swanky Italian place she and a friend had gone to before. She knows I'm ALWAYS game for Italian food. I think I must have been Italian in a past life.
We meandered our way through the Center to this fountain in the center. The fountain does a water display to music. Much like the Bellagio does in Vegas, only smaller and not as warm. It was about 65 degrees in the sun. Yet, there were several dozens of kids running through the water. Um Brrr..... When we were kids, did we not care how cold the water was? Did we not have any heat or frigid sensors in our bodies? Surely we did, but these kids did not. We sat there for about 30 minutes and drank in the sun, the people, the noisy kids...but it was quite enjoyable.
Finally we walked to the Italian restaurant for an early dinner. About 5 blocks away we finally get there...they're closed. Oh wait, they open at 5pm. Its 4:15...let's see. We're at the bottom of Queen Ann hill, a place FULL of coffee houses...yes...that's it. So we marched 3 blocks back and found a little coffee house. We sat there and chatted until about 5:10. Marched BACK to the Italian restaurant...ah ha...they're opened. Opening the door we were hit with the small of garlic and tomato...mmmm. I was hungry instantly. As if that's a stretch.
The hostess asked if we had reservations. Reser-what? Ah no. Did she not understand that we had been waiting for them to open? She informed us she was full and it would be about a 2 hour wait. Yah, so not going to happen.
So we left, a bit depressed and laughed at how everything we tried to do that day turned out to not work quite right. We went next door to the Italian restaurant to a little Mexican joint called Pesos. In short, the high ceiling is lipstick-red, cheesy bullfight art covers the lounge's back wall and the back bar couldn't be gaudier. It's tawdry--and fun. Unlike family-oriented Mexican places, this joint holds nothing back. I had their Carne asade (broiled flank steak) and camarones al mojo de ajo (grilled shrimp in garlic butter) come in two versions: standard and diablo (with that devilish roasted habanero sauce). I stuck with the standard. But my god what flavor. Sherrie had a Crab and Shrimp enchilada thingymabob. We both sampled their Mojitos...I had the Pomegranate one, she had the apple-pear one (and left 3 quarters of it....)
All in all, despite fate's attempt to make our day a disaster, we had fun. I, for a change, didn't get all bent out of shape because my plan didn't go as - well - planned.
Job update: I have two phone interviews tomorrow morning. One job would pay me exactly what I'm making now (Ca-Ching). The other, not so sure about...but we'll see.
Crush update: Tomorrow it will be exactly one month since I last heard a peep from him. He did post something to his blog (which he hadn't posted to since June) that indicated that he might not be "engaging" as he would prefer. Oh well. His loss. I need someone to be engaged...at least a little.
Netflix Update: Not because I think you need to know this, but its a pivotal part of my life. I love me my netflix. I have been addicted to watching series lately. I've gone through Angel - as you know. Then Buffy, Then Queer as Folk, and now am on to last season of Lost. Yah, finally got to the point in which I stopped watching...and MY GOD....this show fascinates me. I can't wait to get the next DVDs... Next on my Netflix viewing enjoyment is Smallville. Laugh if you must. But I will marry Tom Wellings. After I convince him to ditch his beautiful wife. Maybe I should just borrow him for some SuperMan needs?
This weekend Sherrie and I trotted off to see the Dead Sea Scrolls at the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. I figured going later in the afternoon we might avoid some of the crowds at the PSC. We got there about 3:30 and apparently the Dead Sea Scrolls was sold out. Huh? What? How? Neither one of us could understand how a museum piece could be "sold out." After staring at the poor worker behind the bullet proof glass for what seemed like eternity, we moved on.
We figured we were already at the Seattle Center, already paid our $10 parking fee, might as well wonder around. Sherrie suggested we have dinner at this swanky Italian place she and a friend had gone to before. She knows I'm ALWAYS game for Italian food. I think I must have been Italian in a past life.
We meandered our way through the Center to this fountain in the center. The fountain does a water display to music. Much like the Bellagio does in Vegas, only smaller and not as warm. It was about 65 degrees in the sun. Yet, there were several dozens of kids running through the water. Um Brrr..... When we were kids, did we not care how cold the water was? Did we not have any heat or frigid sensors in our bodies? Surely we did, but these kids did not. We sat there for about 30 minutes and drank in the sun, the people, the noisy kids...but it was quite enjoyable.
Finally we walked to the Italian restaurant for an early dinner. About 5 blocks away we finally get there...they're closed. Oh wait, they open at 5pm. Its 4:15...let's see. We're at the bottom of Queen Ann hill, a place FULL of coffee houses...yes...that's it. So we marched 3 blocks back and found a little coffee house. We sat there and chatted until about 5:10. Marched BACK to the Italian restaurant...ah ha...they're opened. Opening the door we were hit with the small of garlic and tomato...mmmm. I was hungry instantly. As if that's a stretch.
The hostess asked if we had reservations. Reser-what? Ah no. Did she not understand that we had been waiting for them to open? She informed us she was full and it would be about a 2 hour wait. Yah, so not going to happen.
So we left, a bit depressed and laughed at how everything we tried to do that day turned out to not work quite right. We went next door to the Italian restaurant to a little Mexican joint called Pesos. In short, the high ceiling is lipstick-red, cheesy bullfight art covers the lounge's back wall and the back bar couldn't be gaudier. It's tawdry--and fun. Unlike family-oriented Mexican places, this joint holds nothing back. I had their Carne asade (broiled flank steak) and camarones al mojo de ajo (grilled shrimp in garlic butter) come in two versions: standard and diablo (with that devilish roasted habanero sauce). I stuck with the standard. But my god what flavor. Sherrie had a Crab and Shrimp enchilada thingymabob. We both sampled their Mojitos...I had the Pomegranate one, she had the apple-pear one (and left 3 quarters of it....)
All in all, despite fate's attempt to make our day a disaster, we had fun. I, for a change, didn't get all bent out of shape because my plan didn't go as - well - planned.
Job update: I have two phone interviews tomorrow morning. One job would pay me exactly what I'm making now (Ca-Ching). The other, not so sure about...but we'll see.
Crush update: Tomorrow it will be exactly one month since I last heard a peep from him. He did post something to his blog (which he hadn't posted to since June) that indicated that he might not be "engaging" as he would prefer. Oh well. His loss. I need someone to be engaged...at least a little.
Netflix Update: Not because I think you need to know this, but its a pivotal part of my life. I love me my netflix. I have been addicted to watching series lately. I've gone through Angel - as you know. Then Buffy, Then Queer as Folk, and now am on to last season of Lost. Yah, finally got to the point in which I stopped watching...and MY GOD....this show fascinates me. I can't wait to get the next DVDs... Next on my Netflix viewing enjoyment is Smallville. Laugh if you must. But I will marry Tom Wellings. After I convince him to ditch his beautiful wife. Maybe I should just borrow him for some SuperMan needs?
Friday, September 22, 2006
Interview question of the day...
Question: Developer A is on Atkins diet. Developer B is a vegetarian. How do you order dinner and keep both happy?
I was given this question as a sample of the questions I can expect from a interviewer this next week. Any ideas out there?
I was given this question as a sample of the questions I can expect from a interviewer this next week. Any ideas out there?
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Life is a highway….
And so it’s happening, I’m aging. I didn’t ask to age. No one checked with me to see if I wanted to grow up and get older. It seems only fair that someone at least ask my opinion.
I got an invite today to join a Yahoo group for our 20 year class reunion. Huh? What? No way. It hasn’t almost been twenty years. Surely someone didn’t pass math, because there’s no way that I’m almost 38 years old.
I thrash about my desk in search for the trusted calculator (I wasn’t a math major you see) and I tap in the numbers: 2007 minus 1987. Holy shit! It has been 20 years.
That got me thinking about my life. And more importantly about how I’m on the threshold of being unemployed – of being in that dimly lit room called broke.
“Twenty years ago, I never would have thought I’d be where I am now.
“My life sure hasn’t turned out the way I had imagined it would in high school sitting with my girlfriends ‘planning’ our lives.”
Wait, it hasn’t ‘turned out’ at all, it's been lived. Sure, there have been a few we’ll call them “inconvenient moments”, but those moments are few and far between. Instead my life has been a colorful journey of – well – life and experiences. Maybe its been a blessing in disguise that it didn’t “turn out” the way I planned from the mind of an 18 year old.
I started pondering those “inconvenient moments” and why were they so unwanted, or so “inconvenient”. We all experience “inconvenient moments” - you know those moments when you don’t know where you’re headed, or even who you are anymore. Your seemingly perfect, good life, is running along with everything as it should be. When suddenly…WHAM! You are “in between” everything. Jobs, relationships, houses and most importantly the person you were, and the person you are about to become. It’s a scary place to be. The world of the unknown. Black, dark, unfamiliar…and most of all insecure.
Growing up our parents, and our parents –parents (aka our grandparents) told us that security is what it’s all about. The Holy Grail. If you achieve nothing else in your life, be sure you have your security. Security is everywhere in our lives: national security, social security (though I’ll likely never see this), personal security, job security, financial security – the list goes on. You were sold that if you worked hard, saved $$ that you would be fine. Secure.
I don’t buy this anymore. I rather like the world of insecurity. Our lives are anything but tidy and predictable, so why try to make them fit into that mold. When it doesn’t fit into this mold we believe we are “unsuccessful” or a “failure”. Being “comfortable” clearly stunts our growth.
Every time I’m forced (usually kicking and screaming) to face a change, I grow just a little bit. Though I rarely see it at the time, looking back, it wasn’t nearly as bad of a trip as I had anticipated it to be. And somehow I ended up a better person, a smarter person, a more “secure” person. Yet, if I had stayed in my comfort zone I might have lived with nothing to worry about, longed for nothing then I’d have no desire nor need to grow, or change, or invent something new in me. I can’t grow if I stay comfortable.
And frankly, it’s unlikely that I would knowingly and purposely move out from the sunshine of comfort into the black hole of the unknown, but I’m glad that I’ve been, in most cases, pushed out. And if I can see this as an opportunity to find joy, happiness, love then maybe, just maybe I will be just fine.
I got an invite today to join a Yahoo group for our 20 year class reunion. Huh? What? No way. It hasn’t almost been twenty years. Surely someone didn’t pass math, because there’s no way that I’m almost 38 years old.
I thrash about my desk in search for the trusted calculator (I wasn’t a math major you see) and I tap in the numbers: 2007 minus 1987. Holy shit! It has been 20 years.
That got me thinking about my life. And more importantly about how I’m on the threshold of being unemployed – of being in that dimly lit room called broke.
“Twenty years ago, I never would have thought I’d be where I am now.
“My life sure hasn’t turned out the way I had imagined it would in high school sitting with my girlfriends ‘planning’ our lives.”
Wait, it hasn’t ‘turned out’ at all, it's been lived. Sure, there have been a few we’ll call them “inconvenient moments”, but those moments are few and far between. Instead my life has been a colorful journey of – well – life and experiences. Maybe its been a blessing in disguise that it didn’t “turn out” the way I planned from the mind of an 18 year old.
I started pondering those “inconvenient moments” and why were they so unwanted, or so “inconvenient”. We all experience “inconvenient moments” - you know those moments when you don’t know where you’re headed, or even who you are anymore. Your seemingly perfect, good life, is running along with everything as it should be. When suddenly…WHAM! You are “in between” everything. Jobs, relationships, houses and most importantly the person you were, and the person you are about to become. It’s a scary place to be. The world of the unknown. Black, dark, unfamiliar…and most of all insecure.
Growing up our parents, and our parents –parents (aka our grandparents) told us that security is what it’s all about. The Holy Grail. If you achieve nothing else in your life, be sure you have your security. Security is everywhere in our lives: national security, social security (though I’ll likely never see this), personal security, job security, financial security – the list goes on. You were sold that if you worked hard, saved $$ that you would be fine. Secure.
I don’t buy this anymore. I rather like the world of insecurity. Our lives are anything but tidy and predictable, so why try to make them fit into that mold. When it doesn’t fit into this mold we believe we are “unsuccessful” or a “failure”. Being “comfortable” clearly stunts our growth.
Every time I’m forced (usually kicking and screaming) to face a change, I grow just a little bit. Though I rarely see it at the time, looking back, it wasn’t nearly as bad of a trip as I had anticipated it to be. And somehow I ended up a better person, a smarter person, a more “secure” person. Yet, if I had stayed in my comfort zone I might have lived with nothing to worry about, longed for nothing then I’d have no desire nor need to grow, or change, or invent something new in me. I can’t grow if I stay comfortable.
And frankly, it’s unlikely that I would knowingly and purposely move out from the sunshine of comfort into the black hole of the unknown, but I’m glad that I’ve been, in most cases, pushed out. And if I can see this as an opportunity to find joy, happiness, love then maybe, just maybe I will be just fine.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The Great Job Search - round 1
And so its began. I've started down that ever so unknown, and ever so exciting path of finding a new job. Fortunately, I have the luxury of looking for a job while I still have a job...just barely though.
I have submitted my resume, in the last week, to 35 different companies. These include contract companies too. Something HAS to come out of this. I'm not being overly particular just yet about what I want to do, for how much, or where. That will come as job descriptions are laid in front of me to review. Too bad I can't just tell the recruiters that they should look no further. The one they have been searching all their lives for is finally available and on the market.
In submitting my resume, and doing a few information interviews, I find myself up against a question. What type of Project Management do I want to do? Now, project management as a whole can be taken into any industry. The fundamental processes are utilized across the board. Yet I find myself precariously situated with "what" type of project management. My resume is cluttered with experience from customer care, to building websites, to international liaisoning. I think I will have to so some soul searching this weekend to see if I can uncover what exactly it is that interests me. Got any ideas? Too bad boys didn't need to be project managed...or do they?
I have submitted my resume, in the last week, to 35 different companies. These include contract companies too. Something HAS to come out of this. I'm not being overly particular just yet about what I want to do, for how much, or where. That will come as job descriptions are laid in front of me to review. Too bad I can't just tell the recruiters that they should look no further. The one they have been searching all their lives for is finally available and on the market.
In submitting my resume, and doing a few information interviews, I find myself up against a question. What type of Project Management do I want to do? Now, project management as a whole can be taken into any industry. The fundamental processes are utilized across the board. Yet I find myself precariously situated with "what" type of project management. My resume is cluttered with experience from customer care, to building websites, to international liaisoning. I think I will have to so some soul searching this weekend to see if I can uncover what exactly it is that interests me. Got any ideas? Too bad boys didn't need to be project managed...or do they?
My focus over all for this Great Job Search is to ultimately find a job...no I'm kidding...I really want to work at Boeing. Since my entire family works there or has worked there, I think I should automatically be hired.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
ARRR! Shiver me timbers...
What the hell does that mean anyhow?
Today I learned something. I know. I know. It's shocking. But by reading a few of my favorite blogs, I learned that today is "National Talk Like a Pirate Day" (thanks lesley girl).
And as such, I think its only fair that I do as I'm told and I discover my true pirate name.
Captain Jenny Rackham Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!
So there. Now swab the decks you scoundrels.
Today I learned something. I know. I know. It's shocking. But by reading a few of my favorite blogs, I learned that today is "National Talk Like a Pirate Day" (thanks lesley girl).
And as such, I think its only fair that I do as I'm told and I discover my true pirate name.
My pirate name is:
Captain Jenny Rackham So there. Now swab the decks you scoundrels.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Friends R Friends 4 Ever...or so I thought
Ah the rights of passages. How much we longed for some of them? How sad some are now? First as girls we waited until that first period. We thought we'd be so cool. We'd be like everyone else. Now many-many-MANY years later, its not so cool. In fact it's annoying.
Then there was the first date, the first kiss, the first job, the first apt, the first time you stood on your own without help from the parental units. All of them were glorious.
And now, the saddest rights of passage of all...your friends moving on without you. I'm not sure exactly what's happening. I am sure I probably have something to do with it, but can't quite put my finger on the surprisingly sad situation.
I once prided myself on having many friends. We all hung out together, liked the same things, managed to get along even when we didn't always agree. Then slowly, or was it quickly, everything changed. One by one they got married, had kids and fell off the face of the earth. Or, they get a new significant other and fall off the face of the earth. And suddenly, without 30 days notice - which I think is only fair - I don't fit into their lives anymore.
And what of the friends who aren't dating, how did I become the LAST person they call? How did it happen that I, somehow, don't fit into their lives either? Did I do that? Or did we just grow apart - not by distance, but by emotion?
I sit and sort through the memories of the friendships that once were. Trying desperately to find an ounce of explanation, a thread of knowledge that might shed some light. When we were friends we seemed to mirror each other in our morals and feelings and beliefs? How then do we now not mirror that now? Is it so easy for people to toss a friendship aside, assured there will be another waiting down the street? And why am I the one being tossed? Have I grown and not noticed that the others weren't keeping up? Did I move on and suddenly realized I didn't have a place to move on to? Is being single a death sentence with your "so called" friends?
I have no answers yet. And I doubt I will. I do know I have a significant amount of time to find those answers because apparently I'm the only one who calls or invites or sets things up to do. If I don't, then I'm left with nothing and everyone else has moved on and/or planned things that don't seem to include me. Funny how that happened. I stop doing the inviting andall the planning and suddenly they stop being in my life. Yet, I stand firm in my belief that a true friend will meet you half way.
In the end, I see myself clearly. I'm sitting up in a chair an a retirement home and a poor orderly who's been assigned to my room is dabbing drool off my chin. I have no family left, no friends to visit me. Just me and my cat Pookie (who at this point is like 14 THOUSAND years old).
So if you're in the neighborhood, stop by. Say hi. Or god forbid YOU invite me to do something. Until then, I'll be just fine. Ta!
Then there was the first date, the first kiss, the first job, the first apt, the first time you stood on your own without help from the parental units. All of them were glorious.
And now, the saddest rights of passage of all...your friends moving on without you. I'm not sure exactly what's happening. I am sure I probably have something to do with it, but can't quite put my finger on the surprisingly sad situation.
I once prided myself on having many friends. We all hung out together, liked the same things, managed to get along even when we didn't always agree. Then slowly, or was it quickly, everything changed. One by one they got married, had kids and fell off the face of the earth. Or, they get a new significant other and fall off the face of the earth. And suddenly, without 30 days notice - which I think is only fair - I don't fit into their lives anymore.
And what of the friends who aren't dating, how did I become the LAST person they call? How did it happen that I, somehow, don't fit into their lives either? Did I do that? Or did we just grow apart - not by distance, but by emotion?
I sit and sort through the memories of the friendships that once were. Trying desperately to find an ounce of explanation, a thread of knowledge that might shed some light. When we were friends we seemed to mirror each other in our morals and feelings and beliefs? How then do we now not mirror that now? Is it so easy for people to toss a friendship aside, assured there will be another waiting down the street? And why am I the one being tossed? Have I grown and not noticed that the others weren't keeping up? Did I move on and suddenly realized I didn't have a place to move on to? Is being single a death sentence with your "so called" friends?
I have no answers yet. And I doubt I will. I do know I have a significant amount of time to find those answers because apparently I'm the only one who calls or invites or sets things up to do. If I don't, then I'm left with nothing and everyone else has moved on and/or planned things that don't seem to include me. Funny how that happened. I stop doing the inviting andall the planning and suddenly they stop being in my life. Yet, I stand firm in my belief that a true friend will meet you half way.
In the end, I see myself clearly. I'm sitting up in a chair an a retirement home and a poor orderly who's been assigned to my room is dabbing drool off my chin. I have no family left, no friends to visit me. Just me and my cat Pookie (who at this point is like 14 THOUSAND years old).
So if you're in the neighborhood, stop by. Say hi. Or god forbid YOU invite me to do something. Until then, I'll be just fine. Ta!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Miss Me?
I know you did. I miss me. The sane Jenn is MIA. She's packed her bags and was last seen headed for sunny Hawaii. While the practical Jenn stayed home to manage a party and a tradeshow. Sane Jenn always has more fun.
The 25th Anniversary party was a smashing success. Everyone had a fun time. The place looked fantastic, the cupcakes were delish, the food was amazing...and plentiful. My god did we have some food. In fact, I just tossed the last of the sandwiches because I was tired of eating them. It was good to see so many family members, and so many life long and new friends together in one place celebrating mom and dad's marriage.
Pain-in-the-butt-little-sis, Billie and her hubby Dan stayed with me this past weekend. They flew up from Cali to celebrate with us. We spent Sunday at the Pike Place Market buying up the joint. Well, okay, maybe it was just me buying up the joint. But I have a good reason...as soon as I find it I'll let you know.
The Great Job Search II has started again. I've opened my resume on Monster, submitted it to about 20 different jobs last night, have heard from about 14 different agencies today and have two interviews tomorrow. Man, I'm tired already. My main focus is Boeing and I want to do full on REAL project management. We'll see what's out there. The pay that I'm hearing from these agencies has my bank account all in a tither. One job for a wireless company in the area has a salary range from $50 - $60 an hour. Could you imagine? My god. The things I could pay off...like a Mustang for example. Or mom.
One small humorous item to tell you. I have a small bruise above my right eye. Naturally its the eye that my bangs don't cover. No, that would be too easy. Its round-ish and looks suspiciously like the bottom of a shaving cream can. I was getting a new razor out last night and pulled the box down from the top of my closet shelf. The box was opened and the shaving cream can came at me butt first. Did you ever see Christmas Vacation when Chevy Chase opens the attic and the ladder strikes him in the face? The look on his face that he has as he sees it heading right to him...? Yah I had that look. Cussing as it hit me in the head....!#$%^&@ !!!!!
Oh ... and a crush update. I've not heard hide-nor-hair from him in several weeks. I'm basically counting this crush crushed! I had high hopes for this one, but sadly, there appears to be nothing. Though I have not actually had a chat with him, its because I've not had a chance to actually see him. So for now, I'm sorry to say I'm going to let this one lie and work on finding me a job.
The 25th Anniversary party was a smashing success. Everyone had a fun time. The place looked fantastic, the cupcakes were delish, the food was amazing...and plentiful. My god did we have some food. In fact, I just tossed the last of the sandwiches because I was tired of eating them. It was good to see so many family members, and so many life long and new friends together in one place celebrating mom and dad's marriage.
Pain-in-the-butt-little-sis, Billie and her hubby Dan stayed with me this past weekend. They flew up from Cali to celebrate with us. We spent Sunday at the Pike Place Market buying up the joint. Well, okay, maybe it was just me buying up the joint. But I have a good reason...as soon as I find it I'll let you know.
The Great Job Search II has started again. I've opened my resume on Monster, submitted it to about 20 different jobs last night, have heard from about 14 different agencies today and have two interviews tomorrow. Man, I'm tired already. My main focus is Boeing and I want to do full on REAL project management. We'll see what's out there. The pay that I'm hearing from these agencies has my bank account all in a tither. One job for a wireless company in the area has a salary range from $50 - $60 an hour. Could you imagine? My god. The things I could pay off...like a Mustang for example. Or mom.
One small humorous item to tell you. I have a small bruise above my right eye. Naturally its the eye that my bangs don't cover. No, that would be too easy. Its round-ish and looks suspiciously like the bottom of a shaving cream can. I was getting a new razor out last night and pulled the box down from the top of my closet shelf. The box was opened and the shaving cream can came at me butt first. Did you ever see Christmas Vacation when Chevy Chase opens the attic and the ladder strikes him in the face? The look on his face that he has as he sees it heading right to him...? Yah I had that look. Cussing as it hit me in the head....!#$%^&@ !!!!!
Oh ... and a crush update. I've not heard hide-nor-hair from him in several weeks. I'm basically counting this crush crushed! I had high hopes for this one, but sadly, there appears to be nothing. Though I have not actually had a chat with him, its because I've not had a chance to actually see him. So for now, I'm sorry to say I'm going to let this one lie and work on finding me a job.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
It's time to go back....back...back to school again
Am I the only one that feels the need - er ah - urge to go buy "Back to School" supplies?
I'm a pen whore from the get go, so when it's this time of year I have to walk down the pen aisle. I tell myself it's to "just see" what's out there. But I know that there's a 95% chance I'll leave with a new pen - of which I don't need.
And let's not forget back to school clothes shopping. A friend of mine has kept this tradition for herself every year. Even now when she's in her 30's - she still buys "Back to School" clothes. I like that tradition. I might have to jump on that bandwagon.
As I sat behind a school bus yesterday letting kids off after their first day of school, the oddest thought crossed my mind. "Do they still make GarAnimals?" And if they do, why don't they make them for adults? Because I gotta tell ya, I know a few fashion (maybe color blind) people who could use them. The marketing genius around GarAnimals was the matching of the animals. Lion pants matched with Lion Shirts. Oh sweet simplicity!
Remember how exciting the first days back to school were. By the end of the first week you would have worn ALL your new cloths and had to go back to the "last year" models. And how for the first week you'd actually do your homework on time, and try to write perfectly in your new notebook - and swear that you'll write perfectly all year so it looks nice and neat.
Then somewhere after the first month you just don't care anymore. School somehow becomes a drag (can you tell I wasn't the brain in school?). Suddenly you long for the Christmas break. And you wonder how on earth you'd ever make it through. Oh the drama.
Of course, for me, starting a "new" school happened rather frequently. My parents will be celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary this Friday. (There's a point here I promise). As I was doing things for their party, like figuring out how many miles they had traveled together, how many houses they owned, etc. I started thinking about how many schools I went to. Here's the break down.
Kindergarten - I don't even remember going to Kindergarten. Maybe I was a super genius and I didn't have to go learn how to paste and color.
1st Grade: Two (I think) We were in Minot, ND and we went to a public school and a Catholic school. I suspect we went to a public school after the Catholic School, but I don't recall.
2nd Grade: Two - I think - its blurry. It was a long time ago. I think 2nd grade started in Minot ND, but ended in Great Falls, Montana.
3rd Grade: This was the grade to end all grades. FOUR schools. All in Great Falls, MT, but 4.
4th Grade: Two - started in GF then moved to Lancaster, CA. Promptly got a D in California History, which I argued was fair considering we'd only been in CA for like a month.
5th - 6th Grade - Same school Can you believe it? El Dorado Elementary
7th - 8th Grade - Same School - Piute Jr. High. Home of the Warriors
9th Grade: Antelope Valley HS
10th Grade: TWO: Crossed borders and went to rival school Quartz Hill High. Then we moved to Redmond, Wa and I went to Redmond High for the remainder of the year. Best part about this was I got an A in Geometry. We covered the same stuff I had already covered in CA. So there's a whole half of Geometry I never learned.
11th Grade: Started at Redmond High and ended in Switzerland at The American School in Switzerland.
12th: Same School
So by the time I graduated I had attended - wait I have to go back and count - hold please.
15 schools. Is that a lot? Feels like a lot.
And let's not talk about how many places I've lived in my 37 years. That's another blog for another time. Besides, I hear there's a Back to School Sale going on at the local drug store...gotta go.
I'm a pen whore from the get go, so when it's this time of year I have to walk down the pen aisle. I tell myself it's to "just see" what's out there. But I know that there's a 95% chance I'll leave with a new pen - of which I don't need.
And let's not forget back to school clothes shopping. A friend of mine has kept this tradition for herself every year. Even now when she's in her 30's - she still buys "Back to School" clothes. I like that tradition. I might have to jump on that bandwagon.
As I sat behind a school bus yesterday letting kids off after their first day of school, the oddest thought crossed my mind. "Do they still make GarAnimals?" And if they do, why don't they make them for adults? Because I gotta tell ya, I know a few fashion (maybe color blind) people who could use them. The marketing genius around GarAnimals was the matching of the animals. Lion pants matched with Lion Shirts. Oh sweet simplicity!
Remember how exciting the first days back to school were. By the end of the first week you would have worn ALL your new cloths and had to go back to the "last year" models. And how for the first week you'd actually do your homework on time, and try to write perfectly in your new notebook - and swear that you'll write perfectly all year so it looks nice and neat.
Then somewhere after the first month you just don't care anymore. School somehow becomes a drag (can you tell I wasn't the brain in school?). Suddenly you long for the Christmas break. And you wonder how on earth you'd ever make it through. Oh the drama.
Of course, for me, starting a "new" school happened rather frequently. My parents will be celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary this Friday. (There's a point here I promise). As I was doing things for their party, like figuring out how many miles they had traveled together, how many houses they owned, etc. I started thinking about how many schools I went to. Here's the break down.
Kindergarten - I don't even remember going to Kindergarten. Maybe I was a super genius and I didn't have to go learn how to paste and color.
1st Grade: Two (I think) We were in Minot, ND and we went to a public school and a Catholic school. I suspect we went to a public school after the Catholic School, but I don't recall.
2nd Grade: Two - I think - its blurry. It was a long time ago. I think 2nd grade started in Minot ND, but ended in Great Falls, Montana.
3rd Grade: This was the grade to end all grades. FOUR schools. All in Great Falls, MT, but 4.
4th Grade: Two - started in GF then moved to Lancaster, CA. Promptly got a D in California History, which I argued was fair considering we'd only been in CA for like a month.
5th - 6th Grade - Same school Can you believe it? El Dorado Elementary
7th - 8th Grade - Same School - Piute Jr. High. Home of the Warriors
9th Grade: Antelope Valley HS
10th Grade: TWO: Crossed borders and went to rival school Quartz Hill High. Then we moved to Redmond, Wa and I went to Redmond High for the remainder of the year. Best part about this was I got an A in Geometry. We covered the same stuff I had already covered in CA. So there's a whole half of Geometry I never learned.
11th Grade: Started at Redmond High and ended in Switzerland at The American School in Switzerland.
12th: Same School
So by the time I graduated I had attended - wait I have to go back and count - hold please.
15 schools. Is that a lot? Feels like a lot.
And let's not talk about how many places I've lived in my 37 years. That's another blog for another time. Besides, I hear there's a Back to School Sale going on at the local drug store...gotta go.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Things I will never understand
I will never understand how someone can take their own life.
The acquaintance who sat across the hall from me, I found out, actually took his own life. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what is so bad that would cause someone to do such a thing. Then I'm struck with this feeling of how so many of us wear masks.
He seemed like your every day guy. He was laid back, easy going, his team loved him, he had a house, 10 years at this company, what, then made him decide that not living was the answer? I know that we will never know, but I do know that the grief I saw in his brother's and mother's face today when they stopped by his office was real. How selfish his act was to take his own life and not consider that which he would leave behind? The questions? The unknowing? The guilt people feel? I barely knew this guy and yet I ponder the question, "Could I have done something?"
The teammate who shared the story with me said that he had spoken with this guy on Tuesday night and all seemed as it should be. That he seemed happy and looked forward to the long weekend ahead. This guy went home, stopping at Costco to get his groceries, then took his own life and left no note.
I'm still in a bit of a state of shock. Like I said, I barely knew this guy, but to think about how normal he appeared, only to find out he had some serious demons lurking. And coming to the realization that even on my darkest day (Sunday for example was a dark day for me) even if the thought crosses my mind about what would I be missing if I wasn't here, something ALWAYS brings me back to understanding how precious life is. We're only here for a moment, and nothing is so bad that would ever make me choose the alternative.
The acquaintance who sat across the hall from me, I found out, actually took his own life. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what is so bad that would cause someone to do such a thing. Then I'm struck with this feeling of how so many of us wear masks.
He seemed like your every day guy. He was laid back, easy going, his team loved him, he had a house, 10 years at this company, what, then made him decide that not living was the answer? I know that we will never know, but I do know that the grief I saw in his brother's and mother's face today when they stopped by his office was real. How selfish his act was to take his own life and not consider that which he would leave behind? The questions? The unknowing? The guilt people feel? I barely knew this guy and yet I ponder the question, "Could I have done something?"
The teammate who shared the story with me said that he had spoken with this guy on Tuesday night and all seemed as it should be. That he seemed happy and looked forward to the long weekend ahead. This guy went home, stopping at Costco to get his groceries, then took his own life and left no note.
I'm still in a bit of a state of shock. Like I said, I barely knew this guy, but to think about how normal he appeared, only to find out he had some serious demons lurking. And coming to the realization that even on my darkest day (Sunday for example was a dark day for me) even if the thought crosses my mind about what would I be missing if I wasn't here, something ALWAYS brings me back to understanding how precious life is. We're only here for a moment, and nothing is so bad that would ever make me choose the alternative.
Friday, September 01, 2006
The Sadness
A few days ago I posted a note about a friend's husband who died in the crash in Lexington. I've been - as I've mentioned - obsessed with keeping up on the details. I feel it's the only thing I can do from so far away.
A colleague of Sarah's sent me this today.
There's a story called “Man’s dream became reality” that is an interview with Sarah.
About CW Fortney
Heartbreaking, get some tissue.
And if that isn't enough death around me. Today it was announced a teammate who sits across the hall from me passed away. He was my age. We don't have all the details, and he wasn't on my team specifically, but rather the Speech team in general. Still, each day he'd poke his head out of his office toward mine and tell me if his music was too loud to let him know.
My mom said it the best today though. She asked how I was doing and I really couldn't fabricate a sentence. Then she said what is the hardest usually to deal with is the fact that these people are my age. People my age aren't supposed to die yet. And certainly not in any tragic accidents.
A colleague of Sarah's sent me this today.
There's a story called “Man’s dream became reality” that is an interview with Sarah.
About CW Fortney
Heartbreaking, get some tissue.
And if that isn't enough death around me. Today it was announced a teammate who sits across the hall from me passed away. He was my age. We don't have all the details, and he wasn't on my team specifically, but rather the Speech team in general. Still, each day he'd poke his head out of his office toward mine and tell me if his music was too loud to let him know.
My mom said it the best today though. She asked how I was doing and I really couldn't fabricate a sentence. Then she said what is the hardest usually to deal with is the fact that these people are my age. People my age aren't supposed to die yet. And certainly not in any tragic accidents.