Stay-cation's all I ever wanted...

I'm trying to be optimistic. I know, some of you may not recognize this one me, but I think instead of being overwhelmed by being unemployed, I'm going to try to choose to see this as an opportunity for a Stay-cation. And besides, I think it goes well with my eyes.
I've learned a few things being home all day. I am, I admit, that nosey neighbor. And I now know just what shenanigans go on here during the day.
I think my cat is having an illicit affair with a Goose who may want to eat him alive.
Francis here (I've named her Francis - I have no idea if it's a her - but we'll go with that) shows up every morning at about 7:37am (not that I'm clock watching or anything). She does his little goosey call (read: honk) to seduce the poor feline to the back window. Then she promptly sits on my deck and taunts the cat.

When I first caught her I thought it just a coincidence that the cat was staring out the back door drooling over a meal. But Francis here shows up daily. And she leaves behind little gifts for me. Little trinkets of her affection to my deck that she now thinks is her own person perch.

See? I would have missed this daily ritual if I had been at work. I never would have know of this sordid affair.

Also, daily, some where near me a family leaves for work leaving behind their dog. I know this because for about 45 minutes after 8:05am the barking begins. Its a sad bark. One that demands being let out of the garage. But bark this dog does...non stop for 45 minutes. Until I think he either gives up or loses his voice.

And lastly, I learned today that it does feel good to apply to jobs. There's something satisfying about getting that resume tuned up, polished and out there. Telling the world to LOOK AT ME! I'm available. You cannot let this pass you by.

I've discovered a number of new and exciting websites that do a lot of the work for me. Each click of the mouse I'm taken further into a maze of job opportunities until I come up for air and have no idea who or what I've applied to. Thank God Microsoft has a job searching log template. Who knew? And why didn't I think of that on Tuesday ... oh yah, I remember. I was too busy preparing for my Stay-cation!

I am beautiful in every single way, words can't bring me down

I'm unemployed!

I feel empty and a bit confused. How'd this happen? How'd I get here?

I'm unemployed!

No matter how many times I say it I can't begin to believe it. Day 2 of The Great Unemployment Adventure (GUA) is now over. Day 3 - only a few short hours away. Then Day 4, 5, 6, etc. How long will this last? How long will I have to be brave and face the changing landscape of my life.

"Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breath..."

Ain't that the truth. Sing it Christina.

And so my path has been chosen. I've made a good start at being unemployed. By day 2 I've filed for unemployment, applied for more than a dozen jobs, called Volt, called KForce, went to the library and checked out books on interviewing techniques (to brush up), and have made a list of things to do in my "off" time during the GUA.

I'll be scared and worried another day. Today I'm choosing to be optimistic. It's a new era. Time for a new view on life. Time to put away the old insecurities that this unemployment has brought into light and move into a world where I am great.

Words (and unemployment) cannot bring me down!

Side bar: Do you think its fate or coincidence that my iTunes went from Beautiful to Bring on the Rain?

Purses Purses everywhere!

So the Great Purse Party was today! Thanks all you GalPals who made your appearance. Just a note to you all - you didn't eat enough!
My place turned into a little shop of purses. I went all girly inside seeing all these delicious shells all over my living room. I did manage, just barely, to contain myself to just three. They all have cute little girl names, but I've renamed them for the obvious.

I bought ...

Pinky - of course (Cori)

 

Asian (aka Elizabeth)

And, Snake (Jen)

What was interesting - well to me anyhow - was how different these shells look in person and actually on the purse. I gotta say I NEVER, ever would have ordered Snake or Asian online. But in PURSon (get it?) I loved them. And so now I officially have 5 shells - one for each day of the work week!
The cookie fundraiser today raised a good chunk of change. Thanks everyone for buying them. I also sent everyone home with little packets of cookies. I totally felt like Martha Stewart had inhabited my body for two days. Crazy decorative stuff going on here.
So tomorrow should be interesting. I neglected to call in my estrogen patch this week and the old one came off today. So I'll be going a day and a half without a patch (unless somehow they get them in tomorrow). It'll be interesting to see how this affects me - or if it does. Stay tuned! It could get ugly!

Cookies!!!

Well all know, and hopefully love the Cookie Monster. He - I think he was a he, is a blue, furry creature in Sesame Street that loves cookies. What's not to love right?

I like cookies too. While I'm not a sweets fan (I'd rather have something deep fried) there's something about cookies that can bring out the child in you.

I happen to love to bake cookies. My co-workers often benefit from this love because I really only want the first 2 or 3 (or 4) cookies out of the oven, then I'm done, then the lot of them have to go to work. Why waste them?

This year I decided to put two passions together. Raising awareness and money for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day and baking cookies. I've posted on FB several times that if you want to order cookies I'll send you a dozen for a donation.

Now I'm not walking this year. But I'm determined to help my team raise money. Just because I'm not putting one foot in front of the other during the 3 Days does not mean I'm not a willing participant in the spirit and glory of the 3 Day.

I laid out my plan some time ago. I started talking to friends who all said, "Oh sure! I'll order! And they have. Bless you!

I've started with decorating sugar cookies. There's only two decorations at the moment because I have three orders I'll be fulfilling tomorrow (Thanks Ladies! You know who you are!) But rest assured, I now have the bug. Who knows? This could be a job of some sort.

Good Old Sugar cookies with pink sugar.

More sugar cookies, only dipped in white - well pink - chocolate and little pink pearls.

You wanna order now don't you? I ship anywhere in the US.

I'm a Loser Baby!

So this last Saturday we celebrated another year for Blueberry. She's no officially older than me and will be until December. But this was a special year...42! Which really - according to HikerGirl - is 21 again! And as I understand it from some Sci-Fi friends 42 is supposed to be some all powerful super number. We shall see.
In 2003 Blueberry was diagnosed with breast cancer. Never in all my years would I have imagined that this disease would hit so close to home, and to someone so young. It was scary times. Fear was stalking at our doors on a regular basis. The unknown lurked. The new words we were forced to learn were more syllables than I'd ever imagined. And yet, she prevailed. We all did. And here we are 7 years later still sitting in amazement at the brave soul that suffered, and survived!
It was shortly after that horrible experience that I decided for her birthday's gifts would no longer be enough. Let's not talk about the fact that she, and I, both have more stuff than we could, or should, ever need. What do you buy a cancer survivor for birthday's and holidays? Something pink? Something they'd be thrilled to see that day, week, month, but would soon lose its luster and be tossed into the bin of "old birthday gifts".
It was the realization that life was precious. And that all we really have in life, in the end, are memories. Memories of fun times spent with family and friends. Sure there are some sad memories tossed in to keep us grounded, but by and large, the good memories are what people really cling to.
It was then I decided that for her birthday's for as long as I could, I'd give experiences over gifts. The first year I decided to do this I took her on a tour plane ride around Seattle. Now granted we couldn't do it in April, because, well you need a sunny day. So we went in June on the most beautiful day every created.
Last year I took her to the Roller Derby! I mean, how much fun is watching grown women skate in a circle daring each other to pass them?
This year I was at a loss. What to do? I told Blue to be ready by 2pm on Saturday the 17th and that it would be a surprise. Well, the weather didn't turn out to be as good as I had planned so she had to take a rain check (hahaha get it? it rained - rain check? Oh never mind) for the one thing I had planned. But the second thing, was still a go.

I kept the crowd relatively small this year because - well - I wasn't really sure how the HR was going to be. It just opened in February, and as cool as the HR is, the food isn't so great. Still we had a blast! Blue was very surprised.

Why the Hard Rock you ask? Well, for as long as we've been adults globe trotting around the world (is that redundant? Globe and around the world? whatever) Blue has ALWAYS, without fail, stopped at a HR and bought a souvenir pin. She must have a dozen or more. As part of her experience, I bought her a pin to add to her ever expanding collection. (and don't tell her but I've done research already as to HRs in Alaska for our cruise in August).

The gang: Sean and Carrie MacNeil, Mr. Volleyball and the Dane, Blueberry and of course, moi!

Don't ask! Its safe to say, we were being goofy...

So another year, another experience to put in her books. Whatever will I do next year? She's threatened me with a surprise this year for my birthday but that's almost impossible. She's only pulled off a surprise once! (see what I did there? Should she be reading this blog, which she won't because she's lame that way, I've thrown down the glove!).
In other note Blueberry related news - I've been getting donations for my cookies. I have two orders pending right now - $200 worth of cookies - so they say! So what are you waiting for? Why aren't you ordering your cookies from me? Beautifully done, World Famous Chez Jenn sugar cookies!

Will you forget me when I'm gone?

I swear to you...I'm going to get better at posting. I have some thoughts perk-u-lating in my noggin and just haven't had the time, nor the inclination, to put them down in writing. I've been busy you see...taking Blueberry to birthday dinner, killing bees, eating chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, fundraising, eating peanut butter frosting, cooking, being forced to work because the lottery numbers will not cooperate, etc. You get the picture.

And if I weren't running out of battery as I type, I might, maybe, type more. I just simply wanted to check in and make sure my stalkers know that I'm not ignoring them, I'm not! I will get something in writing soon.

Bang the drum. Eat a cookie. Run. Walk. Fight for the cure.

I love to give back. Most the time I don't feel like I'm doing "enough" or that I'm not doing the "right" thing - which I translate into the most impactful (if that's a word)

Today I made 60 Thank You cards by hand for the volunteers for the Gala. BigBro and I took some fantastic photos that evening. The volunteer coordinator wanted to send the photos to the volunteers with a "thank you". I signed up to make the "cards" with the photo on it. They're darn cute I if I do say so myself.

Anyhow, as I was cutting, rounding corners, tearing, and chalking these 60 cards, I was thinking about being a Pink Warrior and what did that mean. Did it mean I had to do everything? No. Did it mean that every little bit helps? Yes it did.

So I put away my "guilt" of not doing enough and settled on doing what little I can, knowing full well that that little bit is helping someone, somewhere. My hands hurt from all the cutting, tearing, etc, but that's a small price to pay when you think about dealing with cancer.

I've also put on the fundraising hat for my team: Saving Second Base. The team is walking again this year with me as their trusty sidekick - Queen Walker Stalker! I'm motivated to help the team so here's what's in the hopper for fundraising.

1. Gathering junk for garage sales.
2. Having a Miche bag party
3. Having a pampered chef catalog party (yes Freak - I just need to figure out when - but you're may gal for this party for sure)
4. Baking cookies.

And #4 is where you my dear readers can come into play. I'm making ribbon shaped sugar cookies, lemon cookies and lime melt away cookies - if you want 6 or 12 they can be yours. I'll even send them to you - and you can pay me whatever you feel is worthy of 6 or 12 delicious cookies made by yours truly. These cookies will be like I said sugar cookies, lemon cookies or lime melt aways with a soft pink icing over them.

Even if you yourself dont' want to eat the cookies, surely you know someone who will. And trust me these are good cookies. I've already made and tested the cookie dough...oddly enough no cookies were harmed during the testing because no cookies were ever cooked...but trust me the dough is delish!

Place your order today by emailing me - most of you have my email. I'm standing by waiting for your order.

Slow-motion weekdays stare me down....

Perhaps its just me, but I feel like I'm in one of those movies where they show the days of a calendar flipping off to show the passing of time. That, I swear, is how this week has gone. Warp speed! And how on earth did we get to April? In case you care, there are 260 more shopping days until Christmas! At this rate we'll be there before you know it.


Thanks to everyone who sent me comments, advice, etc after my last post. I can't say I'm any better off, but hours of soul searching and listening to advice, I think I know the road I must travel.

In other news, I cleaned my desk today of all toy like objects. I had "heard" a comment in a conversation about an impression that is set if one has "toys" on their desk. I wasn't sure if I was the "one" they were discussing, but in the environment of this conversation, I wouldn't be surprised. So all professional at work. I will not give them a reason to point to me and say I'm anything but professional and carries a strong work ethic. I've worked too hard to get to where I am to have them think/feel anything else.


The rebel in me wants to say "screw them" and let them have their impression, but I can't do that. Work is a place where - sadly - I do have to care what others think. But I'll tell you this, if I'm ever in a situation where I'm a boss, I will never let my employees be concerned about silly little stuff like this.


We lost one of our great staff this week. Well, not like we lost him and can't find him. No, instead he chose to pursue another path. I, frankly, was stunned and a little sad. He resigned one day and was gone the next. The company not opting to keep him for the standard 2 weeks - so bizarre I think. But whatever. He'll be missed. The Pointy Head Boss has left the building. Or as we liked to call him, "the stain".


The Stain was once my boss and while I often shook my head at some of his managerial styles at the time, I can look back and despite my best effort, I learned something from him. He was a rock. Solid work ethic and the type of guy you want in your company. When he's at your company and he believes in the vision, he is all in. A work horse, to be sure. A person who has a strong grasp on the work/live balance, but when at work, gives it 150%. He will be missed.


We are all a bit shocked at work and are dealing - sorta mourning actually - with the sudden departure. He's got a great new job and will succeed at that no doubt.

Watch this space...this is gonna be an interesting few months.

It's been a long time, been a long time now...

If you know what song that's from you are way ahead of the game in this blog. You might as well go get yourself a cup of coffee or something and then come back to sit back and read the life that has not been.
If I had to define my recent life with one word I would say "struggle". In fact as I sit here to type out what this "struggle" is about I am not sure where to begin.
I could back track to June when I was asked to step into a Program Manager role. Then fast forward to Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec where my daily existence was a constant struggle. Negativity thrived. Somewhere in those months I lost my soul. And now, now I feel I'm struggling to find that soul that I once had and loved.
Or I could start with February where I thought my struggle was going to be a thing of the past, but then come March and I realized that it was just cloaked and went by another name.
The end result is the vampires have sucked the life out of me and now I'm struggling to make a decision as to what to do.
I've traveled this all too familiar road before. Then one day the MomUnit comes into play. I thought I had made my mind up on the cruise on how to deal with the recent struggle for peace within my soul and then the MomUnit had to go and ask a question that has resonated with me since the last word left her mouth. Is it you or them? Oh god, it's the "Its not you. It's me," excuse. GAH!
Now I'm struggling with what's next?
What to do now?
Where should I be?
What am I?
Who am I?
What do the vampires want me to be?
Why do I feel there is no success here no matter how I try?
Am I just scared of being successful and so the flight reaction takes hold?
Is this my chance to make a difference in me?
Or am I fighting a century old vampire who cannot ever die or every say a single positive word?
I just don't know the answers - and there in lies the struggle.

My gut is saying fight.
My gut is telling me that with each passing day I am becoming a person I don't like and don't want to be.
My gut is telling me that the longer I stay the less of me will exist.
My gut is telling me that perhaps I've learned all I can and now it's time to find a coven who will appreciate me and the value I bring to the table.
My gut is telling me that as I wake each morning hating and dreading the day ahead, something has to change.
My gut is rarely wrong.
This struggle has made me into a person I don't recognize and frankly don't like. I spend so much of my waking day fighting and battling that when I'm done for the day I'm spent and I sit blankly and stare into the depths of the TV.
Where's the girl who used to have a thriving social calendar?
Where's the girl who used to take her camera and just drive until she found something to shoot?
Where's the girl who used to get such joy out of what she does?
Bah...I just don't know. I could type for hours over that struggle.

Still today I decided I was going to go do something I enjoyed. A challenge to open my mind just a bit. I took my journal and went to a local coffee shop who's atmosphere is one of comfort and character.
My iPod, my journal, my pen and my coffee all sat at a table to begin writing. I promised myself I'd write anything that came to mind. Suddenly my mind was blank. Nothing. Empty.
When it happens. Scrapbook designs come to mind. What? Are you kidding me? Scrapbook designs? What the hell is wrong with my brain? Here I am searching for an answer for what to do with my current vampire situation and I get scrapbook ideas?
And then it hit me....
Why am I trying to hard to force what I already know is the answer? Why am I so afraid of the next step? Fear. It's intoxicating and it's paralyzing. But don't they say knowing and admitting it is the first step in recovery?