I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

I haven't been sleeping well. Actually, that's not correct. I haven't been able to sleep for the amount of time I've been used to. And thus feel like I haven't been sleeping well.

The ParentalUnits are here. Dad gets up way earlier than a normal person who's unemployed should. And let's just say he's not a quiet type. In our family we used to joke about my grandfather who was a farmer and thus would get up before God. The guest bedroom was off the kitchen in this old farm house. Anyone staying in the guest bedroom would hear anything and everything going on in the kitchen.

Grandpa was always the one who made breakfast. It was his job. He'd boil eggs, fry up bacon or sausage or make pancakes that would stick to your ribs for all eternity.

The joke, however, was that any pan grandpa wanted, appeared to ALWAYS be on the bottom of the stack. He'd rattle and shake, and sometimes drop pans all morning. And no one, not even the dead, could sleep through grandpa preparing to make breakfast.

His son, my dad, isn't that different it turns out. Just the easy task of making toast and getting a cup of coffee sounds like three 4 year olds down there turning the kitchen inside out. And since I'm in the guest "cove" (not quite a room as it has no door) and the kitchen echos like there's no tomorrow, I've been getting up with dad.

Yesterday morning I was up with him because I heard him getting pots out of the cabinet. I was sure he was going to boil eggs because that's really the only cooking he does these days. I knew from the night before Blueberry had scrubbed the stove (we made pancit and we made a mess). All I could imagine is dad thinking he had turned on the burner and hadn't and gas would be leaking into the house. So I got up to investigate.

It's tricky to investigate without making it look like you don't trust that he's doing something correctly. He's, I'm sure, aware that I'm checking in on him. With the Alzheimer's, I never really know what he understands or doesn't understand. There are times he's sharp as a tack and other times I just don't know who he is. Its frightening and sad to me and this is the life my mom lives every day. Ugh!

Anyhow, back to sleep deprivation. I haven't been getting my solid 9 hours and this morning I was determined! Only the earth started moving at 5:21am. The Northwest had a "earthquake" this morning of 3.4 - which is close to nothing and most California's would assume that's a large truck driving by. Still at 5:22am I felt it and was wide awake....BEFORE Dad. Thank heavens I can nap through the day.

In other news, the job search continues. It's been a month today! Hard to believe I've been out of a job for a month. Thankfully unemployment has been approved so that will help take some of the financial pressure off. I swear to you all here and now, when I find the job that will fulfill me and start making money again, I will save 3 months salary (and have it somewhere I can actually get to it without a penalty)!

The son of the Queen of PopUps got married this past weekend. Probably the quickest ceremony I've ever experienced. It was, no lie, less than 5 minutes. The Groom stated to me they wanted 5 minutes of ceremony and 5 hours of party! I like the way he thinks.

All the lifelong family friend's were there too. It was nice to get caught up on everyone. With TheGroom getting married, I'm now the last single son/daughter in this crowd (at least of the sons and daughters who spent any time with this crowd over the years). That is a sad thought to me. I'll work on the single-ness after I work on the job-less in Seattle situation.

The other cool thing about this wedding was the meal. BBQ! Are you kidding me? That is totally awesome! BBQ! I'm so doing that when I get married. The had bibs on all the tables and of course we had to put them on.

The MomUnit, me and Seattle SIL getting ready to dig in.

BigBro had a little more trouble getting ready to dig in! But we love him anyhow!

You wanna know who I am? Just Google me.

I'm not naive. I know that anything you put on the internet is there for everyone to see. Its fair game. I expect items I put out there are "ok'd" by me so its never concerned me.

Every once in a while I like to google my name just to see what pops up. The standard facebook, blog, flickr, amazon profiles all pop up. I'm fine with that because there's no personal information people can get about me.

I was, however, stunned that people can be given a map as to where I live. Yep, you got that right. I know with modern technology that finding someone is quite easy these days. And I'm thankful for that when trying to get people to my house for a visit. I'm not thrilled that a psychopath can as easily find me.

I know I can't have it both ways, but there has to be a way to control a person's address and location being given out so freely from sites I've not authorized to do so. I also know there's no way to really police this and the reality is who would want to find me.

Still what if I had a 16 year old daughter. So I decided to google one of my nieces. I could not only find her address, but her parent's names and locations. Frightening stuff.

I recognize and appreciate the internet is a good thing. I wouldn't have the life I have without it, but its a scary beast and seems to be somewhat unchecked in what information can be found. I find myself asking if this modernization is a good thing. Convenience can be just a bit scary.

In my googling search though I found another relative I've never heard of located in NJ. I only knew one cool person in NJ and now there may be two (one related one note)! I may need a nap.

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug

Since my untimely and shocking relief of duty I've had a lot of time to think about my attitude and my life. I can go days, weeks even, feeling upbeat and happy. Feeling like I am the the full bucket of awesome-ness that I know I am. I'm invincible. No one or nothing can take my happiness away. I am woman! Hear me Roar! (I had to, sorry)

Then, barely noticeable, in the back of my mind flickers of self doubt. Something in my past will filter through the bad 80's music in my head and suddenly, without warning I'm in the land of pity and guess what? There's one big pity party going on for me! The bucket of awesome-ness suddenly doesn't look so full. In fact it looks rusty and is missing it's handle.
I find myself in that place less and less these days. I can't explain it really, but I feel, free. I have a whole new life chapter with blank pages sitting in front of me. It's waiting ever so patiently to have ink put to them. I'm eager too, to get started, but am not so eager to recognize that this time of peace is necessary - scary - but necessary! Soon enough those pages will be filled and soon enough I'll be managing projects with the swiftness and awesome-ness that is me.

Or I'll be working at McDonald's.

No. No. None of that. There will be no "do you want fries with that?" in my future!

Right, back to bucket of awesome-ness.

As I've mentioned I've had some time to think lately. I've started to think about all the things I did wrong in my previous job. That list can be long. I discovered some years ago I wasn't perfect. Weird, right? But as I focused on the negative, suddenly, as Olivia Newton-John was belting out Xanadu in my head - no really - she was - it dawned on me....what about all the things you did right? Why not put those in your bucket of awesome-ness? Why not fill it up with all those qualities you know you have but are too afraid to admit to yourself? (Because, let's face it, you don't want to seem egotistical) Why not fill it to the brim with the glory that is me?

I used to have a very positive outlook on who I was and where I was going. Somehow as life is happening around us, we forget just how great we really are. Sometimes life forces you to stop and think about that. And if you're aware, forces you to really think about it.

Do you have a bucket? What's in your bucket?

Take me out to the ball game...

Yesterday was Mother's day. Mom's around the globe were told how much they were cherished and loved. I found myself thinking about my relationship with my mom and found I smiled a lot when thinking about it. I'm lucky. I get to have a solid, fun-loving, adult relationship with my mom. Oh don't be stupid, she can still lay the guilt trip on like any body's business, but by and large, she and I are friends above all else. Best friends really. I'd say she's lucky to have me as a daughter, but well, this is about her right? Anyway, Happy Mother's Day Mom! You're the best!

And Boyz II Men said it best:

You taught me everything

And everything you've given me

I always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life,

There isn't anything

Or anyone I can be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were grey

Whenever I was down

You were always there to comfort me

And no one else can be what you have been to me

 

 Oh and one more thing mom...click here.

Tee hee! Inside joke there.

ahem...right, on to other news....

We went to the Mariner's game yesterday - believe it or not, but it was a sunny day in Seattle. The Mariner's actually won - which hasn't been something they've done a lot of this year. Bigbro, Seattle SIL and I had a blast. The 3Day organized these tickets (free - which is a good price for me) and so we got to sit around all our 3Day buddies. It was pink bat day at the game, so most the M's players were swinging pink bats...

News on the job front...

Its hard to believe that I've been unemployed for almost 2 weeks (2 weeks tomorrow) that time sure did go by quickly.

Looking for a job has been interesting to me. There seems to be a ton of project/program management jobs out there, but so many are soooo specific with what they want. Many go as far as to say, "If you don't have these skills, do not apply." Which of course, I tend to not apply. Only a few of them have I applied thinking,"Well maybe they'll see something else in me that outweighs that other."

Its a numbers and waiting game at this point. I find new jobs every day, but now find I have to be extra careful about applying for the same job twice within the same agency. There are several staffing agency's here around the big Software Giant in our area and all of them get new jobs daily, sometimes the same job will hit on all of them. I have no issues with applying for the same job in three or four different agencies. I just don't want to apply for the same job on the same agency's site. It's definitely a test in my organizational skills. Thankfully Microsoft Office has a job search log template! Who knew?

I've gotten a few nibbles, but nothing that has panned out. In almost all the cases, the job wasn't for me. I'm not being particular by I am being particular. If you know what I mean?

I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead.

That's the spirit! I've got spirit yes I do! I've got spirit, how 'bout you?

ahem.

Day 7. I can't believe I've been unemployed for 7 days. I'd say 7 long days, but the truth is they've flown by.

I won’t admit defeat yet. I can’t. I’m still new to this unemployment thing. And frankly, it’s been enlightening.

I’ve applied for several jobs, many staffing companies, and jobs of all shades and color. Some I'm over qualified for and some I can barely spell. I have found the job search to be like putting together a puzzle. There are several pieces out there and soon one of them will fit into place. One will be the job to add to my resume.

I’ve had several people review my resume and kinda feel more confused now than before. Each having their own slant on it, and what employers are looking for. I’ll find my own stride with it. I’m sure somewhere in all the great feedback is my resume. It needs to be refreshed and overhauled. No time like the present to do it.

I’ve tried to keep myself on a schedule, thinking the more I keep myself in the job environment the easier it will be to get back into the job market. Although, I’ve found I stay up way later and get up way later. The cat is none too happy about me delaying his meals on both side of the clock. Somehow I think he’ll survive.