Live. Laugh. Love.

Three words to live by. They're all common words. Individually meaning a lot, but together mean even more.

Its been a tough year this year. But tough means growth, or so I've been told. And I have to admit being unemployed did challenge me and my beliefs in things, and I did grow (more than my waist line that is).

I've been struggling for some time with trying to find a life. Don't laugh. It's true. I had a great life once. Tons of friends. Dinner parties every weekend, things on my calendar to do, burning the candle at both ends. And I relished in it. Then something happened. Friends got married and had kids, the calendar got cobwebs and suddenly I found myself doing not nearly as much as I wanted.

I said I was living each day to the fullest, but I wasn't. A dear friend said to me a few weeks ago that she discovered she was talking the talk, but not walking the walk. She "said" she was living each day...but turns out she wasn't. Those words hit me like a brick. I was that same person.

Sure, I do things. I keep myself busy. But what happened to my dreams? Where had I stashed them? I'm sure I had failed at some point and neatly boxed up all my hopes and dreams and put them in the attic waiting patiently for the day I'd take them down, dust them off, and get moving on them again.

This was one of those days. Live.Laugh.Love Photography has been born.

When last I posted I told you about Mrs. HuskyFanatic mentioning I should do family photos. I finally decided she was right. I was holding myself back for fear of failing. "I couldn't possibly have my own business, I am not that good of a photographer"....the inner dialog went. Then I did something new, I changed my way of thinking. I started visualizing the "what if..." scenario.

What if I did this?
What if I was successful at it and in 3 years time it WAS my job?
What if I could take fantastic pictures and create an emotion from them?

And the dialog went on until I decided, what do I have to lose? Nothing. And yet I have everything to gain. Even if it fails, even if it's only part time, I will be able to hold my head high and say I tried. I gave it my all. Isn't that what life is all about?

And then suddenly without any warning, I had motivation. Motivation I haven't seen in a very long time. It was like an old friend coming to visit. I missed it.

I'm pushing forward now. Motivation and confidence are my business partners. Friends will be my initial clients. And a new blog to be used for the business. That blog will be about my photography adventures much like my cooking blog is about, well, cooking. Still I'll be pointing this blog there when I start getting photos to publish. Mrs. HuskyFanatic and her fam are my first scheduled appt...Aug 7. This weekend I'm taking my niece out to be my practice model. We're going to find some cool places to shoot and then she's going to pose for me. Should be interesting. I can't wait for this journey to begin.

Any small business advice to send please do? Any suggestions, please send. I'm open to hear anything right now...cuz I really have no idea what I'm doing! I have a graphics designer (thanks PMDUDE for the name and the logo), I have a web designer for my ultimate website, (Thanks Texas), I have families willing to be the guinea pigs...(thanks friends/family) I'm all set...now I just need a photographer! Haha...just joking.

Here we go!

You may notice a new blog background. I'd love to say that some day I'll decide on one look, but anyone who knows me knows that's not likely. I like change. I'm probably the rare human on the earth that actually looks forward to change. And I've learned when something BIG is taking too long to change, and I need immediate satisfaction, smaller things change. I rearrange furniture (or move as I've been known to do), I re-organize a cabinet/shelf/room etc, or I redesign my blogs.

And if you don't believe that will you believe the other background expired and so I had no choice?

ahem!

So here we go. New look, same old yammering. Its just a mask.

Things this week have been interesting. One interesting lunch yesterday has led to some serious contemplation. And as if that wasn't enough to think about I now have to think about where this ink on my fingers came from AND how did I get this massive bruise on my leg.

I had lunch yesterday with Mrs. HuskyFanatic (formally known as Mrs. Newlywed). With their new addition into their family, the Newlyweds and I rarely get a chance to get caught up. But Mrs. HuskyFanatic works just a down from me, so she and I can get caught up a lot more. Mr. HuskyFanatic has been known to be jealous, but he'll get over it.

Right, back to lunch. Mrs. HuskyFanatic told me that they all just got some family photos taken. They met the photographer at a location and then 2 hours later they had 300+ photos that the said photographer would then go and "fix" and give them a DVD with the good photos. A significant fee was passed to the photographer. Mrs. HF (short for HuskyFanatic in case you're not keeping up) said the entire time she thought, and said out loud to Mr. HF that Jenn should be doing this.

First I was taken back by their apparent appreciation of a talent I seem to have. Then I was immediately overwhelmed by a lack of confidence I can't even explain. I've seen these photos and I knew I could never do anything like that. Not even close. I expressed this to Mrs. HF and since she has given this some thought, she all but convinced me I could do this. We bartered on an agreement that come October they will be my guinea pigs. I can use them as the first run of potential clients to photograph.

Huh. Me? A family photographer?

I'm still not convinced I've got that kind of talent. Since my lunch though I've been seriously thinking about the possibility. What if? After I realized those photos have, in fact, been manipulated and thus look fantastic, I realized I must get into a Photoshop class so I too can manipulate into gorgeous.

Then the research began. I polled a few friends who have really cute kids (you can't take a bad picture of beautiful people) and all of them are on board to be guinea pigs.

Now, to work on the business plan. What would a small side business mean to me? Could I actually make this work? It would combine a love I have of taking pictures (though I tend to really like taking flower photos over people cuz flowers rarely have a temper tantrum) with making $$. I could start with a small fee, take the photos, put them on a DVD and give them to the subjects. Then hopefully the word of mouth will kick in and friends of friends of friends will ask me to take their photos. After awhile, assuming all goes well, I could raise my rates and quite my 9-5 job.

The possibilities are endless.

I'm not naive enough to think this could be easy. In fact, I'm sure it would be the exact opposite. But what if I put in all the sweat and tears and end up spending the rest of my work life doing something I absolutely love?

After all the contemplation and all the research I'm ready to go. I want to do this. I no longer doubt I can do this, I can and I will. There is still this little nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "you're not that good." and while I agree with that voice to a certain degree, I do have my moments of being that good. I won't ever be an Ansel Adams, but I don't want to be. I don't want to be someone that has already made a name for themselves. I want to be genuinely me.

Now I have to get out there and start shooting people (which my new 300mm lens will help with), learn from those shots, improve, learn to fix in photoshop and voila - a photographer is born.

Oh and start thinking of really clever names. My new business needs a sweet, catchy name.

Fasten your seatbelts...it's gonna be a scary ride.

Create

I'm a scrapbooker! As you know. And many of you have seen the Great Scrapbooking room and know that I could open my own store with all the supplies I have.

I crop to find me, to hear my heart beat at that moment, to listen to that voice deep within, to recognize how alive I was during that time...I crop to know me.

I have 26 scrapbooks. Which may not seem like a lot to some of you. But let me put this into perspective for you.

Each scrapbook is about 75 12X12 pages.

Each scrapbook is a 3 ring binder, bursting mostly at the seams.

I've scrapbooked my entire life. Child photos, elementary, high school, all vacations (with the exception of San Francisco from 2006 - I'm blocked on that one for some reason). I'm - for the most part - caught up. I have several from 2010 yet to get done, but the inspiration, much like SF, hasn't hit me. Soon. Very soon.

I could tell you how much each page costs approximately, but I don't wanna see that number. I suspect I could have paid for a nice house, or my retirement by now.

Still, I find myself always ready to scrapbook. Part of it is because I have a creative mind. But the other, more important part, is because of the aforementioned store in my room. I can scrapbook any time because I "generally" have all the supplies.

And then a request comes my way. I've been asked to produce two scrapbooks for an auction called Beyond Pink. My initial thought was "ABSOLUTELY!" How easy to do scrapbook pages without any photos! They've asked for a small 8X8 book that has a day for each month of the year. And a 12X12 book Pink in theme (Breast cancer and all).

I got right on the 12X12 one. I sat at my desk ready to go. Nothing. No inspiration. Nothing. Apparently doing a scrapbook page without pictures is harder than I thought. Pictures inspire me. Without them, I've got nothing.

So I opted to start the yearly calendar scrapbook. Which meant shopping! I know, right? How would I need to shop with all the stuff in my room (some day I'll take a photo of said room so you can see just how bad it is)? And yet, turns out I never scrap Valentines day - go figure. I never do March and apparently I never do spring either.

I have 7 months left to go but here is what I've got done so far. I'm quite proud of these pages. Each one has been taking me about an hour to come up with and then put together the idea. Phew! I sure hope these catch a lot of $$ at the auction! I mean, who wouldn't want a Jenn Original!

"You can't help that. We're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

Fifteen quick years ago a small kitten was born. He didn't know at the time he'd be held up most high and spoiled rotten - he hoped, oh he hoped, but with so many brothers and sisters, he couldn't be sure he'd get the coveted spoiled spot.

He sat cleaning his silky black fur in the sunlight, when suddenly he saw her. An unsuspecting woman human who looked like she could be a sucker for cute. He decided he'd make his move. He sauntered nonchalantly over to her, looked her up and down with his big yellow eyes and decided to settle in for a nap on her polished penny loafers.

The rest, as they say is history!

PookieSnackenBurger turns 15 today.

(Aka: The Big Black Beast of Burden, Pook, Pookmeister, The PookMan, Snack-N-Poop, Hey!, Bubba.)

He was such a cute kitten. But he grew up and became that spoiled cat he had always hoped for.

He's definitely become like a child. I never could understand how parents could love children so much, until I had - well I didn't have - Pookie. He has had his adolescence. He's had his teenage years. And now he's having senior moments.

For example, he'll be sitting on my lap snoozing. He'll yawn, stretch, get up and walk into the kitchen and look back at me. I swear he's saying, "Why the hell did I come in here?"

He's had a rough life too. He's had to move a dozen times. Each time having to get used to new digs and drop more fur so it's "his". He's had to put up with me rough housing with him (though I've never really dressed him up. Well, okay, I did get him a Pumpkin hat for Halloween which he refused to wear.)

He's an old cat now. Sleeping 23 hours a day. His bones creak and he's getting skinny. But he still has that spirit of that spry kitten I brought home 15 years ago.

His antics are never ending. He's managed to sit on a candle. He's managed to get his claws locked shut in an amoire while attempting to get on top. He's freed himself and got stuck in a disposed dishwasher. Only to give me the look of "What took you so long?" when I found him.

If you've not ever had pets, it may be hard for you to understand, but they do bring a certain something to your life. I look forward to my daily conversations with him...he talks I listen. I am all to aware that his life is winding down, but I don't want to think about that now. Instead, I want to celebrate his 15th birthday!

No, he's not getting a cake. He's getting Glucosamine / Chondroitin and Salmon oil in his dinner instead! Old cat, remember!

The Man who Talked to a Stump

So I have this BigBrother. Well, I have 3, but only one whom I call BigBro. He, along with his wife and Blueberry, are walking in the 3day...again. And it seems that each year one must get more and more creative when it comes to fund raising.

Asking people for money is not for sissies. It's hard. But the key is asking. If you don't ask, you'll never know. It didn't take me long to get into the swing of things and put on my fund raising shoes. In fact, I treated it like a game. And I got slightly addicted to the emails you'd receive when someone donated. So the key, as I said, is in the asking. You've got to ask big because the 3day and what it represents is big.

My BigBro is never afraid of asking. I joked, quite a bit actually, during all the hours of training walks and on the 3Day itself that he'd talk to a stump (as in he'd talk to anyone). And that talking got him $$. A lot of money in 2008. But as the years progress, and the economy gets tougher, getting those donations gets a bit harder too.

Way back when, in early 2008 one of our original teammates had what I thought was a brilliant idea to raise money. I, then and now, would never be brave enough or have enough confidence to do it. My BigBro though, is.

Last weekend he, his two signs, and a bucket stood outside a busy freeway off-ramp. In the matter of hours he raised a metric buttload of money. Day 2 could have been longer if the homeless man who "worked" that corner didn't swing by.

Still it was a brilliant idea in 2008 and I'm so glad he has the cajones to stand out there and panhandle for donations. It worked! Oh and did I mention that I'm glad he's my BigBro?

In other non-3Day related news, I'm still employed. Tomorrow will be one week. And I can say with 100% certainty that my brain is full. And Amazon doesn't seem to sell any memory upgrades for my model.

Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot

Refined and Dignified Buster Poindexter...sorry I had to do it. Me thinks Buster may not be into the "girls" so much. And I wonder where Buster is now?

Ahem.

Yes it's hot in Seattle kids. And when it's hot in Seattle all other news items stop. Nothing else happens except the heat. People melt. Trees melt. My arms are sticking to the desk as I type this...sweat is the new cologne of the day. Thankfully, I have little to complain about. I work (yes at a job - can you believe it?) in an air conditioned building. And home, thanks to the landlords, I have air. All is good and cool at Chez Jenn's. Well, except on the third floor. It's kinda what I think hell will feel like on a "cool" day.

So the job. Yes I have a job. No I really don't know what all it's about yet. I know I'm doing project management. I know they've used two words that has me cowering in a corner "gap analysis" - ack...I shudder in fear. And I know it all has something to do with an big ass Operation Center for Online Services (you know Hotmail, Windows Live Messenger, and the Yahoo stuff). What all of that means, I still couldn't tell you. But just give me time. I'll be in the know just as soon as I figure out how to use the ubber special unified communication networking phone ...

Time out for a water guzzle.

I've been drinking from a fire hose since day one...and am just realizing that if I just a jump to the left I would not be drinking from said hose. With a jump to the left and a step to the right...you're singing it aren't you?

It's the heat I tell ya. It puts all these crazy songs in my head...well, okay crazier than normal!