Will you tell the folks back home I nearly made it?

If you know the song to the lyrics in the title you 1) need help and 2) get BIG Jenn kudos.

Right, so I'm sitting her being depressed watching the Crapple Cup. Good Lord, my Cougs really need to pull their helmets out of the collective behinds. Ugh.

My appetite is missing. If you've seen it can you do me a solid and send it to me? I keep expecting to see it on the back of a milk carton or something. Today at 3:45pm I realized I hadn't yet had a morsel of food. That is so unlike me. Food and I are BFFs. Its frustrating to not even want to eat. Further I don't even want to cook, or think about food, or shop for food, Ugh...I so miss my old self at times.

My new diet today has consisted of Nutella and Fritos. Nice huh? I had a handful of Frito's at 3:45pm and then a spoon full of Nutella. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm thinking this could be the new diet craze.

Last night BigBro, Seattle SIL and I went and saw Straight No Chaser. If you ever have the chance, I highly recommend seeing them. Fantastic singers, mixed with some comedy and throwning 10 attractive boys and you got yourself a winning combination. Check out their Twelve Days of Christmas on their website. Seattle SIL managed to get us front row seats...it was perfect. I could gaze into the eyes of so many talented men. This year they did a song called the Christmas Can Can...I almost pee'd my pants laughing at them. Click here to see it! Do it! Go back and click that link!

21

And I'm done.

• 21 nights of trying to talk myself out of giving myself shots
• 21 injections
• 21 empty syringes
• 21 little purple bruises at the injection sites (looks kinda like a constellation)
• 21 days of doing something I never thought I'd do

I light my torch and wave it for the NEW MOON on Monday...

Go Team JACOB!

Yes that's right I went an supported Team Jacob this weekend. I went early on Saturday to avoid any screaming teeny boppers. Blueberry and Mrs Braspir (who's name will now be Queen PopUp). I was no fan of the first movie. In fact, I hated it. Too many longing looks and no enough dialog. Blech!

New director for New Moon and it's an entirely different movie...well of course it's different, but you know what I mean. Loved it. I may have to walk over and see it again this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend, its Turkey day in case you didn't know. A lot going on this weekend. Here's a little preview for you:

1. Turkey Day of course. I'm hoping the prodigal brother makes it over from Eastern Wa so I can see him. I haven't seen him in about a year. Spending Turkey day with BigBro and that fam. Food and Family, what could be better.

2. Hair cut - Yes. It's time. Despite the money being short at the moment, a girl has to look like a girl. Which means getting one's hair styled correctly. Plus..well why am I trying to explain it to you?

3. Straight No Chaser - Yes that's right. Don't be jealous. BigBro, Seattle SIL and I are all going to see them. Seattle SIL found they were in town and so offered it up. I can't wait! In case you don't remember who they are...check this out.

4. Apple Cup - Though this year it should be called the Toilet Bowl. Stinky. That's what our two university teams are this week. But yes, it's the University of Wa Huskies (BOOO) vs the Washington State Cougars (Yay). Someone has to win. They both stink, so who knows. The cougs stink way more than the huskies...so I'm guessing they'll lose.

5. Christmas Photo Sunday - Usually by this time of year I already have my cards done. They are usually made by hand and my letter is usually written, printed, envelops addressed, sealed, stamped and ready to go. This year I haven't even started. I'm way behind. So I've decided to go a different route this year. One of my volleyball buds has a photo studio in his house and offers to do photos. And I'm going to take him up on this offer. The question is what to do. I have a few ideas, but I'm sure you my faithful readers have ideas. Do tell. No. There will be no nudey photos...I can't afford breaking his camera and replacing it.

6. My last injection! This should be listed first cuz that day is Wednesday. Yes that means I have THREE left...not that I'm counting or anything.

Misty Eyed Moron...

"Who would that be?" you ask. Me. Unbelievable amount of tears that seem to seep out of my eyeballs these days. Make. It. Stop.

This could border on TMI, but if you're a reader of my blog you know that just about nothing is off limits. So here goes.

I had a very easy monthly visit from Aunt Flow. Very easy. All my life, (well okay except in 11th grade when I pretended to have cramps to get out of gym class. Only the gym teacher was also our school nurse who informed me "Exercise is good for cramps.") I had no real issues with Aunt Flow. I was regular, light, and never a moody basket case. Oh I had mood swings, I won't deny that. I was just never that crazy girl who went on an emotional roller coaster during those precious days each month.

Crying was something I left to the serious heartbreaks or losses. And I assure you there were many heartbreaks in high school and college that brought me knee deep in salty tears. Still, I felt I was a strong girl. And as Frankie Valli said, "Big Girls Don't Cry" (or Fergie for you younger crowd...she said it too).

It was rare that I cry in a movie. I left the sniveling to Blueberry. She used to cry when we would watch Little House on the Prairie re-runs in college. After the show I'd shove the box of Kleenex toward her and she'd exclaim, "Pa can always make me cry."

But not me. No way no how. I wasn't a crier.

Until recently.

Apparently by removing certain girl parts certain other parts feel the need to go into overdrive and leak tears. Its insane. I cry at every little thing these days.

Break a nail - I burst into tears.

Stub my toe - I lose it (but it really hurt)

Then I was watching Ellen tonight and she had a 12 year old kid from the Philippines who came out and sang "All By Myself"...it was beautiful...and by the end of the song...weeping.

Watch some stinking hallmark commercial about Thanksgiving and sending a loved one in the war a card -- oh geeze here I go again.

Talk amongst yourselves.

*sniff sniff...
Right. I'm composed.

Now, I am no where near where others are or have been. I can't even imagine going to that place...and if fact just thinking about it makes me cry.


The doctors told me I "could" have some menopausal side affects because the estrogen patch I'm on was such a low dose. When the said "could" I heard "never".

Still, here I am getting ready for bed thinking about all the things that made me tear up a bit today (9 times, but who's counting) and suddenly I realize, my EYES ARE LEAKING AGAIN. ARGH!

On a more positive note, and a note that won't make me cry - I don't think - I have 8 shots left. E-I-G-H-T! But again, who's counting.

I guess this is my life now. Weepy Woman! And the BEST part is I suspect it'll get worst when I'm in my 50's when the real menopause kicks in. Oh that will be just ducky. Can't wait. I've got so much to look forward to.


If you're still reading, stay tuned for my next blog where I discuss my own personal summers that go on too.

I did manage to go into the office today too. I spent 1/2 of the day getting reacquainted with all the old crew at work. It was nice to go in and have conversations with people who actually talked back instead of look at you blankly with their black furry face. I may have over did it. May have. Still it felt good to get out among the living, non crying people.

Never look backwards or you'll fall down the stairs.

Not too long ago, I "accidentally" dropped the cat down some stairs. It wasn't intentional - I swear. It. Was. An. Accident. I've explained it to him. I baby-ed him after. I would never do something like that intentional.

The cat, on the other hand, has exacted his revenge today. I knew he had been plotting, but never really thought he'd follow through. And yet, today he followed through with his dastardly plan.

Let me back up a bit.

Yesterday I shot a wedding for the first time. Friends of the family had asked my BigBro to shoot their wedding, and he asked me to be his "second". The promise was made way back in like August and I never thought then I'd be recovering from a surgery. Still, I managed to get dressed and off to the wedding (which, by the way was located at the edge of the world - Enumclaw). I spent as long as I felt I could there and headed home early.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted. I needed rest. So I slept for almost 12 hours, but the afore mentioned cat decided I had had enough sleep (me thinks he may sleep outside tonight).

I had been up for about 2 hours and decided to head upstairs to clean out my belly button. (Side note: not of lint. But rather the incision there is an open wound and requires some maintenance so it doesn't get infected. ) On my way downstairs, the big black beast of burden was "following" me. He loves, LOVES LOVES to run in front of you and stop. No warning, no nothing. Just a dead stop. Normally I have my wits about me and catch his evil plot to trip me and step to the side. Being exhausted and not fully engaged yet, I didn't notice he hadn't moved on to the next step to stop and wait. Instead, I stepped on him. Between his whaling and me trying not to break anything on him, I slipped and took a tumble down about 4 steps.

Hitting the platform my first thought was, "Bring it on. Is that all you got?" Followed by, "Dear God the pain." The cat, meanwhile, was at the bottom of the stairs with a coy almost evil smile on his face rubbing his little paws together in triumph.

I managed to get to my feet and thought it best to head back up stairs to survey the damage. Sore-er now than before, but everything looks okay. The belly button is quite sore and is "leaking" more than normal. I may call the doctor tomorrow. I'm such a pansy.

In other good news, only 11 more shots! Woot Woot!

Oh and my Check Engine light went on in the Stang. Bring it! I can take more. Despite the cats best effort to put me down, I'm not...what else ya got? I'm thinking the world is out to get me right now...must be karma.

Total naps today: zero...something's wrong here

Let it be known by all that today, November 10, be the day I almost blacked out by the number of emails in my two work accounts. I didn't even know Outlook could hold that many emails and not implode. I did manage to get through about 10% of them, the easy ones. And thankfully I had Law & Order: SVU on all day to help me through. Then I had Ellen and her show help me through, then Oprah, then the news...and then I realized there's really nothing on daytime TV.

Shot update:
I know you care. But I've now given myself 5 shots. Five! 10 days ago I never would have imagined giving myself one. It may not seem like too big of a deal to some, and you may be thinking, 'Enough already.' If you are, too bad - my blog my rules (ala Patron Saint). I have a mere 15 more to go, but who's counting. Last nights shot hurt like hell though. I hesitated and stuck the needle in slowly. THAT won't happen again.

Healing Update:
Who knew that healing took so much energy. It saps you. I never really had a reason to think about what the body goes through after surgery, but now that I've had time to think about it, I guess it makes sense. I mean it was used to being a certain way and having a few extra parts, then this big claw came in and rearranged and took a few parts. It's only answer is to take it's own sweet time healing. I'm in the danger zone now though. I feel good, and the pain is minimal, and I think I can do things that I know I shouldn't. I find myself hourly "assuming" I'm well enough - then stop and ask myself if I really should be doing that. Mom would be proud.

Stera-strips Update:
Good god those things stick. Which is their job, but man, do they have to take it so seriously. My finger nail caught one in an attempt to itch the incision (itching apparently means they're healing - who knew?) and tore it a bit...I thought I was going to cry like a baby. I did check though and all my skin still appears to be in tact. The curious Girl in me though wants them to come off so I can actually see the incisions, though admittedly I'm not sure I wouldn't pass out.

Today is brought you by the number two.

Two. That's the number of shots I've given myself. Can you believe it? I certainly can't. I don't even gag a little when I do it. It doesn't hurt and by golly it's almost fun. Okay that last part is a lie, but still I'm super proud of myself for being able to do something I never thought I'd do. It's amazing what one is capable of when one's life is on the line.

Speaking of life lines, thank you to EVERY single one of you who has had me in their thoughts and their prayers. I'm positive all that super charged positive energy has helped me the last couple of days.

It's been two days since the surgery and I'm feeling pretty good. Sore. Very sore at times, but with a little rest and pain medication, all is good in the world. I've not had any weird side effects from the percocet, but I guess is good. I heard so many stories I was a bit scared to even take it.

Surgery day is a blur really. I remember getting up at O' dark what-time? and driving to NW hospital. The parental units are here taking care of me (okay so it's only mom - but who doesn't want their mommy around in times like these?). I sailed through pre-op. Managed to stay engaged even with the check in nurse was having troubles finding a vein on one of my hands. She put this lovely numbing stuff on so I didn't really feel anything but the pressure - which is creepy. The doc stopped by and the last thing I remembered was someone asking if we were good to go. Next thing I know I'm being wheeled past the waiting area and hear my last name called out.

Blueberry and the units met me in my room. I have a vague recollection of talking to them. Overall I felt pretty good. I was uber sore then, but then again...those dandy pain meds.

The staff at Northwest Hospital were fantastic. A great selection nurses and CNAs who had excellent bed side manner. I'll be writing a thank you note to them later this week.

Yesterday I was discharged, only after I passed a few gas bubbles and showed them I could potty all by myself (weird I know). The ride home was miserable. Didn't ever realize how many bumps were in the roads, but man there were a lot.

Slept most yesterday afternoon, and then lazed around today - managed to sneak in a 2 hour nap this afternoon in my busy schedule.

All in all, I feel good. The soreness grows less and less by the day - getting up out of bed or chairs isn't as painful now. The four little open cuts I have are healing - I think. It's hard to see really with the bruising around one of them (they actually went through my belly button - sure hope they cleaned it of all the lint first). My insides seem to be jocky'ing for the new found space. They were rearranging themselves last night. I think my liver has a new address - I'm just sayin'.

So again, thank you all for your support. It means the world to me. I'm sure I'll never be able - oh geez I'm tearing up - stupid hormones - to express how much it has meant to get so many well wishes. You're all the best!

Now if you'll excuse me, I hear my bed calling.

Emptier than I've ever been...

Tomorrow is the big day. As it quickly approaches I'm filled with anxiety and a bit of excitement.

The doctor appt on Monday deemed I was a "perfect" specimen (hey!) for the laparscopic robotic hysterectomy. Lucky me. The doc told me, and I quote, "You're set up perfectly." Who knew I was "set up" perfectly. I would hope I'm "set up" like all women, but maybe I am more different than you all thought.

Two things came out of the appt that didn't please me at all and is the reason for previously mentioned anxiety.

1.) I had to starve myself today by an all liquid diet. AND I had to take some nasty stuff that "tastes like cherry" to clean out my innards. I know TMI, but still.

and

2.) I get to give myself injections for 21 LONG days after the surgery thanks to my blood clot issue I had a few years ago. The doctor doesn't want to take any chances, and while I agree with him, I'm sure modern technology allows for another method to thin my blood. Like, can't I just drink more water? Or can't I take a pill? Why shots? I expressed my concern to him by nearly begging, but he would not be swayed.

The biggest news of the appt was that he will be taking all my girly parts. He wasn't 100% convinced that the ovaries aren't in danger and so thought while he was in there might as well. My sentiments exactly! Naturally my first concern was the steep drop into menopause without my girly parts, but rest assured he had an answer for that too. I get to wear an estrogen patch for 10 more years or however long before I hit menopause.

Now, if you're up on your facts you may know that estrogen was the cause of my blood clots to begin with. They think. I was on birth control pills and we all know those are estrogen. We all do know that right? So he'll be putting me on an extremely low dose. AND apparently taking estrogen orally causes way more problems with clots due to something your liver does or doesn't due in processing (frankly I glazed over when he was telling me). Whereas with the patch, it seeps in through your skin, and it's safer.

In the long run it'll also reduce my risk of breast cancer in my later years.

The parental units made it up here and are settling in. Mom's been laughing at me all day as I've made many, many MANY trips to the little girls room. And even though I've had nothing to eat today, I'm somewhat surprised at how not hungry I am. Though I have my mind set on a nice big burger sometime Thursday.

I wanted to say a BIG FAT THANK YOU to everyone who has sent me well wishes. You never really know how much support you're friends will provide until you need it, and I've gotta say, you are all the best friends ever.

So with that, I'm going to go drink some more water and have some orange jello, get a good night sleep and by this time tomorrow I'll be 3lbs lighter and without my girl parts.

Glitter on the Mattress

If you see a faded sign on on the side of the road....

The boys of DMQ were the B52's last night. Classic. Absolutely classic.

I'm not a huge B52 fan, but at least knew 2 of the 3 songs they sang last night. Rock Lobster and Love Shack. Hearing Rock Lobster rocketed me back to my sophomore year in high school and attending the USA Camp with BFF Laurakens. They had a little party for the teams and I remember hearing this song for the first time. Oh the memories.

Ahem...

Right, so the boys did a damn good B52 impression. The lead singer sounded shockingly close to the guy in the B52s. Oddly though they didn't sing all 10 of the Top 10 Worst songs. I was a bit bummed, because some of them were way bad. A few on the list they didn't sing: Party All the Time, Sussudio, You Light Up My Life, a couple more I can't recall. But of the 4 they did sing...wow, were they bad...in a good way. Oh, you want to know what they were?

The #1 of the Top 10 is one of my all time favorite 80's songs...and I admit, it's a bad song. It's the Final Countdown. Other songs they sang: We Built This City by Jefferson Starship, I was Made For Loving You by KISS, and Sister Christian.

In attendance last night were three, count them, THREE Dudley Virgins: Seattle SIL, Mrs. Braspir, and the PMGoddess. Of the "old" gang partying all the time were Blueberry, myself (of course), PhotoGirl and The Yank. The place was packed and some pretty darn interesting costumes. Of my crowd we all wore this Pippy Longstocking Witch hats, but The Yank and PhotoGirl out did themselves. One was Major D. Pression and the other was General Anxiety and they were both dressed in army fatiques.