Facebook...Friend? Or Foe?

I admit it. I'm a Facebook junky. I'm often on FB, reading it, posting, replying to posts etc.  I find FB to be useful on so many levels. Some folks would argue that it's making our society more distant than closer. I would disagree. I've learned a lot about close friends and have been drawn closer to distant friends because of FB. I love seeing what's going on in everyone's lives.  Knowing full well that what is put on FB is just a glimpse into their reality. 

Let's face it, Facebook is a powerful, time sucking, informative tool. Its very nature puts it in the good versus bad category for so many reasons.  I often wonder if FB was around in the Roman times, if one post could start a war. And in this very recent time, one post could make or break a friendship. 

I've lost friends because of FB posts or comments. And I usually discount the "friendship" as a mere acquaintance and have generally been "ok" with the defriending.  It can pull you closer to people and give you the opportunity to be more understanding. And it can create a toxic atmosphere for arguments, misunderstandings and differing of opinions. It's the latter that is prompting this blog entry.  Let me just say full and clear, I made a mistake. I made an inappropriate post. I admitted it, I apologized and took the post down. 

We all live in the technology world and are relatively familiar with the "once it's out there, it's out there." mentality. And truthfully I'm not 100% sure just how "private" FB is even when you set it to private. Privacy to me often can be an illusion. I work in privacy for heaven's sake, I know that even in the best of situations, "privacy" is only skin deep.  Those of us in the older generation we understand that once you post something, it's out there and that we should be very careful what we post. 

My profile is private. Only friends can see my posts - according to FB privacy statement that is. If you aren't an approved friend, you can't see my timeline, my photos or my posts…supposedly. I often think of this as a mute button on a phone. Just because you push mute doesn't mean the mute is actually working and should therefore refrain from slamming the person on the phone. I've been burned by FB in the past by a company who searched for me FB posts, and uncovered another person with my same name. They assumed it was me (even though this other person lived in a different state far, far away from Redmond) and opted to not pursue me any further. So I get it. I understand what FB can do to you. 

Here's the situation. First, let me say again, I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and removed my post immediately. Sometimes we have to be reminded about FB and all its super powers. Sometimes what you post, as private as it may be, can be forwarded on outside your friends and therefore makes it very NOT private. See, there's that false security with privacy.  The post I made was forwarded to a friend who wasn't on FB this particular day.  My post was related to a potential job and I was pointing out how frustrated I was in how long the hiring process was taking. I didn't specifically say who the company was, but it was inferred.  In my world of contracting, I've gotten accustomed to the hiring process being a fast-paced, adventure.  That's not the case in the outside world, apparently.  And something I'm having to come to grips with. 

This post in question - forwarded to another friend - offended and hurt her. She's knew what I was referencing and had a right to legitimately feel offended and hurt. She contacted me right away and went about expressing her offense and hurt.  I was well and thoroughly put in my place.  Her point was she couldn't understand how I'd put something like that out there when I supposedly wanted a job from this company.  Again, I admitted I was wrong, apologized and took the post down. She was right, of course, and her not so gentle reminder slapped me hard. I felt like a 16 YO being scolded by her mother. 

I was taken aback by her offense and a bit unsure how to even address this. I hadn't anticipated her, or anyone, to be so hurt and offended by what I considered an innocent post. But because it had specifically been forwarded to her, from some unnamed person (BTW, this unnamed person has to be a friend of mine and that's something I'm dealing with. See #8 below), she was wound up about it. I was almost offended by her offense. Still, I totally recognized and respected where she was coming from. I told her I understood what she was saying, apologized again, and reminded her that I had taken the post down again.  I tried to explain where I was coming from and how it wasn't meant as a negative comment at all - it was simply a comment. But there was no swaying her, so I had to stop trying. She was already far past pissed, I could tell, and so I figured me continuing to apologize again and again wasn't going to do a thing. 

Here's what I've learned from this experience:

1. You are never too old to be scolded.
2. Admit when you’re wrong. It usually clears the air.
3. Check your privacy settings on FB. FB is a powerful tool and what you put out there should be private.
4. I was in the wrong, there's no denying that. I'm okay with that. I'm ok with it being pointed out to me. Sometimes we need reminders.
5. While FB is a powerful tool, it is just FB.  I sometimes think we (myself included) take it a bit too seriously.  I've been offended by posts made by other people. DAILY I'm offended by political posts from some friends. I move on. I don't read them. I don't reply to them. I try to refrain as best I can because FB is no place for a political discussion or an argument of any type. In my opinion anyhow. If you have an issue with something I've said, or I have an issue with something someone else said, communicate with them directly. It'll clear things up some much faster.
6. Even if someone isn't on FB, they can and will find out what you've said. So that whole "privacy" thing - yah, not real.
7. Being tattled on still happens when you're in your 40's.
8. There are levels of friendship. I'm clearly on a lower level of friendship with whomever "tattled" on me than they are with the person they told. For some reason, this really bothered me. I need to do some inner soul searching to find out why this bothered me so much. I feel betrayed for some reason.
9. Blogs aren't private either.

 

La Dolce Vita

Ah yes, the sweet life. We all dream of it. We all have differing definitions of what "it" is. Right now for me, it's all about researching for my trip. I'm researching everything from, best types of photos to take that aren't tourist trap photos to how best to document it all.

It's the latter that I'm thinking about today with regards to the sweet life.

I love to write. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, GREAT at it. And that's ok with me. I still feel inclined to put my thoughts down for all the world to read. I've had plenty that I've needed to say and feel that 99% of the time, most folks really don't care. But if I can entertain my readers for just a moment with a tale of a day in the life of a tourist in Rome, and allow that person for one moment to be transported to the small café I'm sitting in (or will be sitting in sometime in April) then I have done what I've set out to do.

Photo courtesy of Amazon

I'm knee deep into a book I randomly bought off Amazon called "Globejotting - How to Write Extraordinary Travel Journals".  This book called to me on so many levels. Not only can it help me to have "extraordinary" travel journals, but perhaps it can help me have "extraordinary" life journals.  This blog is, after all, my journal.

Our trip is a trip of a lifetime. I've not been back to Rome since I was a junior in high school The experience I had then was one I will never soon forget. Back then in 1986 the Internet didn't exist. Facebook didn't exist. I couldn't, back then, tell my friends at every second what I was doing. No, it all had to be written over and over again in letters back home.

But now, as an adult I want to experience Rome as an open-minded adult who wants to share it with you.  Not everyone likes to travel. For some the thought of getting on an airplane feels them with such anxiety they just don't do it. For me, travel is in my blood. I haven't been to Europe in a long time - unless you count the work trip to the UK in 2007. And I want to remember it all. Thus the book.

I'm on page 49 and just started reading it today (life of an unemployed PM, right?). This book is well written with a hint of humor and enough knowledge without being condescending. It's really a guide book for writing. Dave Fox, the author, has little exercises throughout. I'm not doing them all today, choosing to take my time with them and go back and work through them once I'm done with the book.

So here's the thing, this book has awaken another layer of what I want with regards to my writing. My current writing is shallow, at best. Boring at worst. I tell the story of my daily life without any real depth. And at times, that's ok. But what about telling deep stories? What about some of the memories I have that have stayed with me? Can I tell those stories to you in a way that will make you want to come back and read more? I think I can. And with Dave's book, I plan to try.

My trip is a mere 33 days away. So much needs to happen before then - primarily I need a job.  Aside from that, I'm taking this time off to practice writing/journaling, and learning Italian. In the next 33 days I hope to bring you some tales of the past trips to Europe, and have you ride along side my anxieties, excitement, expectations, etc of this coming trip.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the book.