Off I go...

If you're reading this, then you've likely been reading my blog for some time and/or you know me pretty well and therefore you know my struggle with weight. A lot has happened over the last several years that just made me not care anymore. Turns out … I have all the symptoms of someone who’s burned out. One of the symptoms is no real care for one’s self. And I am testament for that one symptom.

Recently a friend shared with me an article about being burned out. I read it with a half eye thinking, "I'm not burned out. Surely I would know..." Yah, denial...it's great. 

Emotional exhaustion is one of the symptoms and it's friends fatigue, insomnia, forgetfulness, impaired concentration and attention ride along as shot gun.  This entire gang has been hanging with me and I didn't even notice. 

Fatigue explains my lack of energy to do anything. Being physically and emotionally exhausted, drained and depleted are all cousins to this. And all things I've been feeling. 

Insomnia hasn't been huge, but I do have trouble staying asleep several times a week. 

Forgetfulness / impaired concentration and attention. Hi! The story of my life. I've been joking with people at work about my memory and never considered that it was from being burned out. 

The other items on the list that I have felt and "enjoyed" over the last year. Loss of enjoyment, pessimism, isolation and detachment.

Huh. Check. Check. Check and Check. 

Loss of enjoyment is a big one for me, along with isolation. Things I used to love doing, I no longer wanted to do. And I would prefer to spend time by myself because I'm so tired of people and thinking. Consequently, I've managed to push people out. And people who know me are probably thinking this didn't sound like me. What they didn't know is even though I was going out with them, the entire time all I wanted to do was be at home...alone.

Now that I know what's going on with me...I've made some decisions to fix myself. It’s taken me since Ireland to really wrap my head around what I want to do with myself. And fully understanding what I NEED to do with myself.

Today I took that step. It likely isn’t the step any of you would take, but it’s one that has worked for me in the past and one that I need to do to get a kick start in eating healthy.

My goal…to not be the weakest link/slowest person in Scotland. I want to not miss anything. I want to take that extra walk around the block to see another cathedral.

What that means to me in # of lbs lost, I have no idea. I’m not interested in putting in a number…yet. I’m interested in health. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I am planning on 20 -30 lbs by December. Most likely closer to 20, but why not stretch myself? I’d like to be 40 down by Scotland. 1-2 lbs a week is 32 by Dec 31^st.

I’m tell you all because you are the ones who know me the best and who are my most vocal cheerleaders. So here we go. 36 weeks to Scotland…