What's in a Year...

A year, as far as I know, hasn't changed the number of days in it. And yet, the 365 days that exist in a year has flown by in a blink of an eye.

A year ago today I lost my dad. 

365 days.  I have thought of him in one way or another every day. Mostly happy thoughts - sometimes not so happy. I can say that the majority of my memories of dad are happy - and that to me says a lot about the man he was.

Life is a highway

I often wonder if my "highway" will forever be under construction. The song "Life is a Highway" doesn't actually ever say that the "highway" is completed and should therefore be used on a regular basis. My "highway" appears to have lost a major section of it and is now under reconstruction...again.

I've been in the same role for approximately 3 years. I love the group. I love the company (Hotel Californiasoft is in my blood) and I've learned a lot. But that's all coming to a sad, and somewhat immediate end.

I had been living this last year under a cloud of assumption that I would continue on in this group. I heard in April that my role was going to change slightly but that it would still be "my role." My gut told me then that I should update my resume. 

In middle of June I found out that in fact my role has changed, significantly, and I'm welcome to interview for the new role.  Say what?

And just like that - WHAM - my job highway got turned upside down.

The new role isn't one I'm interested in. While I could do it, and do it well, its a administrative role and one that would feel like a HUGE step back for me.  Not to mention it would be awkward to interview with team members who knew my skill set. They'd be wondering, as would I, why I was interviewing. Was it just to have a job?

So my highway is under construction again. I'm out there looking, actively, for another job.  Plenty of opportunities out there as the end of the fiscal year comes to a close for Hotel Californiasoft and a new year, with new money opens up.  See, if you're open to contract work, then you have more options.

I have my irons in the fire and have lined up several interviews, phone and in person. I'm working on a job right now that I would LOVE to have. We shall see.

So - here we go again. I'm sad to be leaving this team, but am open to the new opportunities that are out there for me.  Watch this space. A new job will be mine soon.

Wheels on the bus go round and round

Hello fine fellow reader (s).  Welcome to another installment of "Jenn Must Get Healthy". It's been almost a year since Jenn fell off the wagon. But she's back and is here to tell you the gory details.

When last we spoke, I believe it was last June, I was well on my way to losing weight. It was slow going, but it was going. And that was what was important to me. Then something happened. A traumatic experience for me in that my Dad died. (sniff sniff).

Something about that event stopped me in my tracks. I just stopped.

I stopped working out religiously.

I stopped planning my weekly meals.

I stopped thinking about what I was eating.

I stopped eating healthy meals.

I just stopped.

I didn't do it consciously - at least I don't think I did. I just felt like I needed a break.

It was last August when I realized that I hadn't really been doing much, if anything, to lead this healthy life I want for myself. So I decided to just not worry about it. And I didn't.

Slowly I noticed that things felt different.  While I was jogging on and off, I missed the gym.  I quickly squelched that thought and moved on without thinking about the gym again. In fact, the only time I thought about the gym was when I'd drive past it every morning and check out to see how busy it was.  But I wouldn't then think, "I could go in the morning."

But things were feeling different. I wasn't drinking my normal amount of water. I missed that too. I lacked energy. Unhappy. Unfounded. I just felt, well, icky. 

I didn't want to admit that it was, perhaps, because I had fallen all too quickly right back into the poor eating decisions or the lack of exercise. It couldn't be that. It had to be something else. It just had to be. And by God, I was going to figure that out.

Fast forward to Memorial Day weekend.  We scattered Dad's ashes - and I promise I'll get that story out soon - its' just too much to write about right now - and somehow being out in the middle of no where Washington, with the cold wind blowing like a hurricane, with family/friends surrounding me, I remembered - again - why I was making an effort...health.  That small little, 6-letter word - how could I have forgotten it?

And so I decided to make another plan. I was going to join Weight Watchers. I had thought about it over the last year, but had always come up with one excuse after another. ChickenLady had joined and was working very hard to talk me into going with her. The timing didn't feel right really. I had the MomUnit in town, and this thing, and that thing, and that other thing...I found excuses easily.

Finally, I ran out of excuses. ChickenLady texted me to join her on Saturday. My thumb hovered over the keyboard of my iPhone, ready to type, "Sorry. Busy," when it dawned on me. I had no more excuses. I couldn't think of one valid reason to NOT join her. I had everything to gain (or lose). I've been looking for the "right time" and so why wasn't "right now" the right time? My fingers typed almost by themselves, "I'll see you there."

Saturday morning came and I was up and ready to go. I was going to walk to the meeting, but wanted

to go right from the meeting to the grocery store, or so I planned. I didn't, but that's beside the point. I went. I signed up. I got a Bravo sticker (OMG I love stickers) and it was a fantastic morning.  The leader is happy and knowledgeable without being "too happy" or preachy - if you know what I mean.  The group was diverse and all had a story to tell.

As I sat there thinking about how each of us got to that door and walked in, I was reminded of something about the 3Day that I love, every single person involved in it has a unique story.  All the stories have a shade of familiarity, but each of us had one reason or another to be there. And because we were all there, I was, somehow, not fighting this war by myself.

And so it begins again. I'm re-motivated. I'm ready to go. I had my last few bad meals this weekend and am starting fresh this morning. I did my grocery shopping. I did my plan. I did my prep. I am set up to succeed.  Viva WW!!! Viva Healthy Living!!!

Sunday Dinner...Dad Style

First let me say that since my last ranting post I feel better. I'm still a bit miffed, and disappointed, and now not so sure what I'm going to do for a vacation this year, but I'm slowly getting over it. I was, however, amused at the folks who read it all commented to me personally by saying, "Wow - you didn't hold back." Let that we a lesson to you.

Sunday was yet another fun filled, Wraspir Sunday dinner. We had a special guest this month, the MomUnit. And of course the two little demons kittens. I don't think Linus was every on the floor.  He sacked out in just about every person's lap or arms. 

We had 15 people this month - which is an all time high for me.  I, naturally, was worried we wouldn't have enough food. Thankfully I called in a last minute, "Can you bring...?" favor and we were just fine.  In fact better than fine.

This month I did tri-tip again. Last time I made tri-tip I killed it. As in over cooked it so badly.  Dad would have been miffed for sure.

So I figured I would try it again.  I also had found some Pinquito beans to make.  I can't tell you how many fond memories of have of the Mom/DadUnit making tritip and pinquito beans for a huge crowd of friends.  It is one of those memories I will forever hold dear.

The MomUnit made the pinquitos on Saturday so they had a day to sit. And let me tell you...she did not disappoint.  Even though I joked with her that "dad" had always made the beans. Turns out dad had always taken credit for making the beans. Naturally.

What are pinquito beans you ask? Well, pinquitos are small pink beans - a miniature cousin of the pink bean that has a very distinctive flavor and is only grown in the Santa Maria Valley. We used to be able to find them everywhere - at least it seemed like that to me. Then moving to Washington you can't find them anywhere. Occasionally I can find them in a can and thus use them in my chili recipe, but never as a dry bean to make from scratch. I found mine from Susie Q's website.


Photo by Susie Q

Anyhow, back to the meal. The tritip was BBQ'd perfectly this time - I think with a little help of me running out of propane.  Thankfully I learned my lesson on that and had a spare.  I took the roasts off (BTW I can only find tritip roasts at Costco. I keep asking my local QFC to carry it and they keep not listening to me - rude) early and let them rest. In preparing them however, I did the Dad trick.

First let me tell you about Dad's rub.  He made the best meat rub.  We all loved it and all of us are kicking ourselves now because dad didn't write it down and NONE of us have it.  BigBro and SSIL have a small sample of the rub that we could try to replicate. But I doubt any of us could EVER get the right mix on it.

Moving on...so I used a McCormick's steak rub that I've found to be pretty close to Dad's and tastes darn good. But the key to the tritip is pieces of garlic stuck inside the meat. Dad used to use the back of a wooden spoon and make several holes in the roast. He'd then stuff that with a piece of garlic.  Man does that make a good flavor.

All in all it was a great dinner.  The cats were pooped out after - thank you to everyone who helped tire them out - and so was the MomUnit and I.


They seem so "normal" before I feed them.

Cast of Characters:
Back row / left to right: Blueberry, PhotoGirl, The Yank, New Guy that belongs to the Pantry Goat, Mrs. Chicago, Mrs. Landlord, Me.

Front Row / left to right: Mr. Queen PopUp, Queen PopUp, The MomUnit, Big Bro and Seattle SIL - who may be know as Mrs. Crabby soon (not because she's a crab but because she takes her crab hat every where with her).


Then they eat and all bets are off.

It’s an opportunity to grow

I’m so sick of hearing that I can’t even tell you.  I am usually all for personal growth and usually more open to change. Recently too many things have been influx for me to sit back and not be annoyed. 

First, there’s a chance that my job is changing.  I’ll be seeing a new job description soon and am hoping that its something I want to do. I like what I do now. I still feel challenged on a regular basis.  It’s been brought to my attention that perhaps I’ve become complacent in my current role and a change to something new might be good.  So the explanation of what my new job description holds has me in a bit of a state.  On the one hand, it could be an opportunity to grow.  On the other, I don’t want to do work that I don’t enjoy.  I get that every job, including mine now, has a part that may not be your favorite to do, or something you enjoy doing. I understand that. And I’m okay with a small percentage being that. But I’ve worked in jobs where I was miserable on a regular basis because I just didn’t like what I was doing. I’m hoping this new job description isn’t that. The “waiting” is killing me.  Y’all know how patient I am (not) and so not knowing has made me a bit crazy and irrational. To say the least. 

Then there’s the change in my normal routine. I hadn’t realized I liked my routing and my rut. I was very comfortable there.  But since Pookie’s died, it seems like my routine has been tossed out the window and it’s “anything goes” night at the Wraspir household. 

In this case I think the change is a good thing. It still unnerves me and has me on edge, and cranky (though that could also be a direct result of sleep deprivation – thank you very much Linus and Lucy).

Now we come to the big one that has me annoyed.  And has me annoyed for a couple of reasons:

1.     It’s a change in plans of something I was looking forward to

2.     I have to realize it’s not about me all the time

3.     Now I have no vacation planned for this year

Last year we went to San Diego to walk and stalk the 3 Day.  Seattle SIL has decided she wants to walk several other cities for the 3Day. I hopped right on board to stalk her while she walked. I love the idea of going to other cities and seeing how they “do the 3day”.  After San Diego we picked Philadelphia with this small team of gals.  

 

Shortly after the new year, the “small group of gals” announced they had signed up for Washington DC.  Say what? But we had decided on Philly.  Ugh. 

 

After much back and forth, and further conversations, and back and forth and forward, and sideways, it was decided, that no, in fact, we’d be walking Philly. Full stop. Philly it was. 

 

YAY – was what I said. I have been wanting to go to Philadelphia for YEARS and this was my chance.

 

I hopped on the planning band wagon and went to work. I ordered travel books, and started researching places to stay and started sending emails, and getting excited about going. I have $$ put aside and I’m ready. 

 

 

Then the 3Day decided to axe several cities for next year. One of which is Tampa.  I have no desire to go to Tampa, never have, never will.  This “small group of gals” decided they wanted to walk Tampa since it wouldn’t be there next year. 

 

Thus axing my Philly plans and I’m annoyed. 

 

So, like I said, I realize this is a chance to come to grips with “this isn’t about me”, but it kinda is AND I feel like I’ve been jerked around for several months now and my desires – and those of other team members – might not have been considered. Maybe they don’t consider us as part of their team at all. Maybe they just think we’re groupies or something. Either way, I’m sad that now my vacation plans are all cut. 

 

“We can do Philly next year,” they said. Which sadly, I don’t think I can. I have a BIG cruise planned for next year that will take 1) all my vacation and 2) a big chunk of my cash. So Philly will most likely not be in my future anytime in the next year or so. 

 

I could go to Philly by myself.  Trust me the stubborn side of me says, “buy your ticket and go.” The cautious side of me thinks that may not be the best course of action. 

 

I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m annoyed. And I’m tired. The city of brotherly love is not happening this year.

Race for the Cure

I still have to talk about the scattering of the DadUnit's ashes, but truth be told I've not gone through all the photos yet and so want to wait until those are ready.  Suffice it to say, the weekend was fantastic and Dad would have loved to see all the family together ...while for a sad reason, we were together.

The MomUnit is staying with me for a week or so as are the Oodles of Poodles she travels with. The kittens - well Linus - is okay with the Oodles of Poodles. Lucy has a hissy fit - literally - when they move or she realizes they are in the room as she walks past them. She's "fine" with them, but not like Linus. Linus thinks he's a dog apparently.

This past weekend was the Race for the Cure. If you remember my jogging goal was to jog the entire 5K - turns out I wasn't quite ready for that. So I've adjusted my goal.

Still I did manage to run for 35 minutes straight, and a total of 37 minutes.  The course was down hill for the first half and uphill for the second. You can imagine which half I jogged.


Did I mention I jogged a whole 37 minutes? 

I sometimes have to shake my head when I think about it because me jogging that long sounds so odd. I'm thrilled I'm still jogging...though admittedly the second half of the race that was all up hill - and I was walking it - I was cursing the entire idea of jogging and why I would even consider doing this.

But I made it over the finish line. Didn't fall, didn't stumble, didn't collapse in total exhaustion. Okay, I did do that. But the rest is true.

Don't you love how my jacket's all ascew? Yah me too. It's sexy.

You know I think about how horrible a breast cancer diagnosis must be. And how scary. And how unnerving. And how it changes your whole life.  And how I wish this disease would go away. And how I wish we could find a cure. And how I wish no other mother, daughter, sister, Aunt, grandmother, friend, would have to go through this.

And then I think, despite all that, I've met some pretty damn amazing people because of it. 



Back LTR: BigBro, Blueberry, me, SSIL, Mrs. Hotlanta, Princess Lori
Front LTR: Princess Carla, E, and Chicago

I'd not know most of those people in that photo. I wouldn't have the relationship I have with BigBro and Seattle SIL if not for breast cancer.

 

And I wouldn't have Blueberry in my life if not for the amazing things Susan G. Komen has done and is doing.  So say what you will about SGK, and I hope you never EVER have to go through a diagnosis and be treated by something that was funded by SGK...but if you do, you may be glad they're around.