Thanksgiving and Grief

Thanksgiving has come and gone. While it's a holiday to celebrate being thankful, it's the toughest holiday for me (Christmas a close second). Mom and I had so many traditions and memories around cooking together that I find myself every hour wanting to call her. 

This year was a bit different, in a good way. I was more reflective on memories and more appreciative of those fabulous memories. 

Losing mom is the hardest experience I've had. People warned me about the grief and how it hits you upside the head when you least expect it. That crap is no lie. 

After not being able to call mom on Thanksgiving got me thinking about all the other times I want to call Mom and can't. 

1. When I need to know that I am doing okay in life.
2. I need to bi*** about my really crappy day at work. She was the only one who would listen without all that judgment. Oh who are we kidding, she'd totally judge me.
3. Sometimes I just need to vent about the gossip that I am WAY too old to still be dealing with.
4. When I need a coffee date (virtually) with the person who was ALWAYS supposed to be there.
5. When I've gotten a raise, or a promotion at work.
6. I really wish I could take her shopping or a spa day or some fancy dinner... anything to pay her back for all the things she's done for me!
7. When I just can’t seem to get in right in any of my relationships.
8. I need her to tell me how to be the bigger person when my friends are all being petty.
9. When life has gotten way too overwhelming and I just can’t seem to hold it together anymore.
10. I need her encouragement when I feel like everyone is doing better than me.
11. When everything seems to be falling apart.
12. The times I really need a firm kick in the ass!
13. Her words of wisdom are sometimes the only thing I need at a certain time.
14. When Careless Whispers comes on the radio/iPod and listen to her tell the story of leaving Quartz Hill and how I cried all the way to Bakersfield playing this song over and over.
15. When I need complete upfront and brutal honesty.
16. I wish I could call when I need someone to put my head back on straight.
17. When I just need the comfort of my best friend.

Wineries and such

Happy November! We're well into November and the holidays are upon us. If you didn't know, the TV and the stores will tell you. So much Christmas stuff already in the stores. It annoys me that they don't let us get through Thanksgiving first. Oh well.

I'm doing turkey day again here. I do love this holiday. So much food that reminds me of Mom. Last year was hard, but doable. I have no idea how hard or "easy" this year will be. Grief works that way. Just when you think you're "safe" from it WHAM something out of the ordinary hits you and you find yourself crying in the grocery store.

As the year draws to an end, I'm finding myself reflecting again. I am not at all happy at what I'm seeing about myself this year. I spent a lot of time at work. I've worked, according to my time tracking a total of 1786 hours. Which - in a year - the available work hours is 2080. So oddly, it doesn't look like I've worked as much as I thought. Though I do still have 6 weeks to go. Regardless of the time tracking, I know I've been at work a lot. It's affected my relationships for sure. I have wondered if it's my "escape" from having to deal with a few things - that's what got me reflecting. Things that make you go hmmmm...

Health is another reflection. I stopped caring about the time we went to Scotland. My gym closed and I've just not made an effort to find another. I'm starting to feel it for sure and it's time to get my act together again. It's too bad being lazy wasn't a way to lose weight...I'd be super model thin.

In recent news, Seattle SIL and Mrs. Braspir and I went to do some wine tasting yesterday. I'm still trying to work my way though these passports I bought at Costco.  Technically I have 17 wineries left in the passport, but some of those wineries we tasted during our Wine Walks and 4 I won't go to. 2 because they only will accept the passport if you make an appointment (Two Vitners and Covington) and 2 because I've been to them so many times (St. Michelle's and Columbia). So if I cancel all those out I only have 10. That's totally doable in 6 weeks.

The problem I have with wine tasting is I buy the wine. It's not a horrible problem, I just need to drink the wine in my house quicker so I have room for this new wine. Such first world troubles.