A dear friend recently lost her mother. I've been trying to "help" her as much as I can. Its never easy. And nothing I say now will really, truly help her. I've focused on checking in with her and just letting her talk as much as possible. I knew Thanksgiving was going to be hard for her, I didn't think it would be this hard on me. And not too surprising, helping her pushed a lot of my own feelings back into focus.
This is the 5th Thanksgiving without Mom. While I think about her every day, certain times of the year it's just harder. And I find myself trying to live by my own advice that I gave my friend.
This morning I told her to just feel. Let memories of her mom come in and float out. I told her to not be afraid to talk about her mom. Everyone knows there's an empty seat at the table. Avoiding it somehow makes it worse. But above all, breath.
By now, if mom was here, we would have spoken on the phone at least twice. Talking about what the plan was. Asking if the dressing is seasoned correctly. Probably gossiping about another family member. And so on.
While I can't be with Mom today, I can carry her with me. She loved to cook Thanksgiving and she loved having as many family members over as she could. She loved the everything about it. Well, except the clean up. She didn't like that very much. If she did it right, she'd always have someone over who would "like" to clean up or feel obligated since she slaved over the stove all day. Not a bad plan actually.
So today I send you Thanksgiving blessings. Wear your stretchy pants. Hug your loved ones. And be so very grateful for what you have today and who you may miss today as well.
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