Wacky Wednesday

Wednesday is such a great day. It not only starts with a "W" which - so does my last name, but it's the sign that the weekend is in view.  And this week I'm only working 4 days - granted they are 10 hour days - but Friday is a day off...woohoo.

I think I've finally hit a rhythm with the job.  I finally feel like I now remember what it was I was doing, how to do these tasks, and more importantly how to do them on time.  Our team charter has changed significantly since I left for my 100 days of Excellent Vacation.  Though my main job hasn't really changed all that much. Different charter, same basic tasks.  It was just remembering what those tasks were and how to project manager that I was having difficulty with.

I think the last of the Sicks is leaving ... finally!  There's still some gunk in the morning, but usually by evening I'm feeling quite good. I was hoping it would be gone for this weekend's adventure.

What adventure you ask? 

This year the "hunting wives" are going to Victoria BC.  Its a small group, Seattle SIL and Mrs. Braspir (I really need a new nickname for her) and I.  We sail bright and early on Friday morning on the Victoria Clipper (basically a high speed ferry - and I just read a bunch of really negative reviews about the Clipper - so goody!).  We'll spend 4 days there and return LATE on Monday night. The great thing about this trip, besides going to Victoria, is I will be completely unplugged for 4 days. No cell phone. No Internet. No nothing.  It'll be weird, but it'll be worth it.

The other great thing about this trip is I'll be borrowing a friends MACRO lens for my Canon. It's a bad move on my part because I know I'll want to buy one. It's a relatively inexpensive Canon lens - as compared to other Canon lens - so I'm not too afraid.  I'm a big fan of macro photography and I can't wait to try this puppy out.  He brought it in today to work so I'll have it tonight when I get home. Look out stuff in my home...I'll be focusing in on the detail.

I'll leave you with my two favorite photos from the PhotoGods outing this weekend. You can see all the photos here if you really want to ooo and ahhh over my photos. I won't mind. Really. Go ahead!

Whoa What A Weekend!

Since I last wrote I've been fighting The Sicks. I think I have a handle on them now and am winning the battle. I'm at the glorious stage of The Cough.  You know that stage, when you feel like you have to cough, and you do, but it's dry and annoying and after a while it starts to actually hurt.  I've coughed so hard recently I think I cracked a rib. Argh!

The weekend was a flurry of stuff. I had scheduled several things late last week and into the weekend. Sadly The Sicks made me miss several fun things, and I'm convinced it was for the good.

Saturday Seattle SIL hosted another All Day Scrap to fundraise for 2012 3Day walk.  She had a good number of people there again too.  I had managed to get my act together earlier in the week and last weekend to "stage" pages so I didn't have to bring my entire room with me.  Still it looks like I brought everything by the kitchen sink.

This is what my scrap station normally looks like. There are a few items that aren't always there - the pistachios and the half eaten cookie for example. Though you could fill in that space with any other given snack item.

Other important items always around is the diet coke (or Starbucks. Or Diet Coke in the Starbucks container as shown here.) Always a gaggle of embellishment items. Always a cutter, scissors, adhesive, photos, etc.  Puck even made an appearance...if you can find him among the crap stuff.

This is Seattle SIL and Blueberry getting down to business.  Its a rare photo of both of them at their table and not meandering chatting up some other scrapper or causing a ruckus in general. Notice how clean and neat their station is. I'm convinced that's a sign of a very unorganized scrapbooker.

This is Amy and Princess Lori. Princess Lori is our "Distractor". When she shows up she has to hob-nob with everyone and see what they're working on and then chat them up a bit more after that.  We have to separate her and Blueberry or else they'll get nothing done and complain about it.

Ahh Puck.  Resting his weary plastic feathers ... dreaming of the day he'll actually be in a scrapbook.

Sunday the PhotoGods went out and shot photos at Kubota Japanese Garden (They have a horrible website - but the gardens are beautiful). I wasn't feeling really great so I shot very few photos. You can check them all here if you're interested.  There are some pretty good ones despite me feeling icky.

I has The Sicks

Yes my readers I has The Sicks.  The fall cold has hit with a vengeance.  It started Monday afternoon with a sore - ish throat and I was popping vitamin C hoping to hit it hard and it would go away. Apparently the sicks wanted to vacation in my sinuses. Yipee.

Yesterday, The Sicks started to move. The Sicks moved throughout my body making me feel icky all over.  I tried to appease it by feeding it The Sicks Lunch of grilled cheese, but it would have none of that. 

Last night, The Sicks moved into the sinuses for a long stay and sent some of it's scouts to my chest area to check out that area.  It'll be just a matter of time before the whole crew moves there. 

I went to be early and slept well thanks to my "coughing-aching-stuffy head-fever-so-I-rest" medicine.  I'm hoping good sleep, lots of water and working from home today will stop The Sicks from getting to out of hand.

It couldn't have worst timing, not that The Sicks ever check with me and my schedule. I've got a busy, BUSY weekend ahead of me and hanging with The Sicks wasn't in the weekend plan.

UPDATE:  I went out and got The Sicks Kit. Not sure how Pringles made it in there.

Just another day in paradise

I think I've come down from my sugar high from the blog entry on caramels.  Man those things are good.  BigBro suggested I start making them from scratch and he'd gladly be the taste tester. Ahh, so nice to have such a giving BigBro. Sadly, I won't be making them from scratch. They're WAY too much work in my opinion.

In other not so exciting news, I've come down with a fall cold. I'm not a fan of colds, in fact I hate them. They slow me down. They stop me from having the energy necessary to be myself. And I'm a very bad sick person. I whine. A lot. Just ask the MomUnit, she'll tell you. I'm a horrible patient.

I kinda wish there were a pod we could go into when it's time for use to be sick. You'd sit in the pod, closed and sealed, and you'd be sick for 24 hours. Then you'd emerge refreshed and done being sick. Let's say every one's REQUIRED to sit in the pod one a year. Imagine all the savings!  Oh and the pod is supplied with all the cold essentials like Kleenex, Nyquil, cough drops, more Kleenex, juice, water, tomato soup, etc.  I think it's a brilliant idea.

Why yes, I am on cold medicine. Why do you ask?

I have a busy, busy weekend ahead of me that starts on Thursday night. I don't have time to be sick this week. Next week's fine, this week, notsomuch!

Moving on...

Its fall in Seattle. And fall in Seattle is a a bucket full of color! The trees are all turning to their beautiful golds and oranges. I just love fall.  And I especially love when we are treated to a sunny day in the fall. Yesterday was one of those days. Sparky and I went out to get cat food at lunch and we put the top down. It was glorious.  A little chill in the air, but with the heater on, you couldn't fill it.  It's supposed to be sunny today too, and as of right now the fog is so thick I can't see the parking lot.  Ahhh, fall in Seattle.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go blow my nose and take more cold drugs.

Caramels are the devil

The one thing I really like about this time of year - well besides the fall colors in all the trees - are the caramels that come off the bottom shelf and into a bin that says 2 for $4. (I secretly hate my local grocery store for putting them on sale.)

Each Caramel Season I go through about 4 bags. And I usually save 2 bags for later in the season. This year, I've gone through just one so far, and then Blueberry had to bring 2 bags to Sunday dinner, so those are tormenting me too. Ugh.

Seattle SIL a couple of years ago gave me this fancy martini glass for Halloween.  I decided to put it to good use this year and hold those fantastic little caramels.  The glass is painted as if a witch flew into the stem and ended up upside down. Very clever. Because I'm pretty sure if you drank a few martinis out of this glass and grabbed your broom, you'd fly as poorly.

I have a couple of recipes that call for caramels.  And sometimes I buy an extra bag or two to have on hand to "make" these recipes. Only I never actually make them. Somehow the caramels disappear before the recipe gets made. I think I have caramel gremlins in the house.

Maybe Pookie's eating them.

They look pretty good sitting there all smooth and all. Maybe I'll just have one before I snap another photo. Or two. Or three. Dammit! Now I have to go find some other caramels to put in the martini glass so it doesn't look like I ate any.

See. You can't even tell I had a couple, 20 of them.

Even Pookie's eyeballing them.

Happy Bloggversary!

I find it amazing that I've been tapping out nonsense on this blog for 6 years now. SIX years. When I started this blog I did so because I lost a bet. I figured I'd write for a couple of months and be done. I certainly didn't think I had enough to say for longer than that.

Turns out I'm full of stuff to say.

That doesn't mean it's all be interesting, or useful, or that every one's always agreed with me. It's been fun though keeping up with writing and exploring what all I can post to a blog.

I have a few faithful followers (besides the MomUnit) and for those folks I'm thankful.  I'm increasingly surprised that people actually read the blog, but apparently it interests them somehow. Or they lost a bet and have to read it.

In 6 years I've written almost 1000 posts. I'm at 945 right now.  Nine hundred and forty five posts of god only knows what.  It made me think about some stats for the blog.

• Countless references to pink.
• Countless references to Pookie
• Countless photos posted
• Countless trips you've joined me on
• 3 cars owned in the time frame (borrowed the exploder, other mustang, Sparky)
• 3 moves in 6 years
• Countless blogs referencing 80s songs or thoughts
• Countless posts that made me cry
• Countless posts that make me laugh

I cover it all here in Jenn Blogland!

Here's to another 6 years of drivel.

October Sunday Dinner & Annual Pumpkin Carving

If you weren't at my house last night you missed out.  Turned out to be just us girls last night, which I think for the men folk was a good thing.  There were some misinterpreted one liners that had most of us blushing.

6 pumpkins gave their lives for our party last night. All of them, I'm sure are happy in their after life. I mean, they do, after all, have a new look.

LTR Pumpkins: Pantry Goat, Mrs. Bras-pir, ChickenLady, Twyla, Blueberry, and me.

The two pumpkins on both ends are the only two that did not follow a template...can you tell? I opted to cut a "knucklehead pumpkin" which is essentially, I discovered, a gourd. And I discovered, they aren't the easiest to cut into.  There was some concern amongst the table that I'd slice off a limb trying to get into this beast.  Hindsight being what it is, I should have used the chain saw.

The finger sticking out of his mouth is courtesy of ChickenLady. No. No, it's not HER finger, she wasn't sitting close enough to me and my tough gourd.  No, instead she gave me a little appetizer spreader that is a finger. 

My pumpkin gourd sure is ugly.  In my defense, I did have three of the Ruby Red Rocket Cocktails before we started carving.  Hmmm, maybe a knife in my hand wasn't such a good idea. 

I'm getting ahead of myself here.  It was not only pumpkin carving, but October's Sunday Dinner. We had a small crowd which makes my decision what to cook for dinner easier.  I opted for Chicken Scaloppini with Wine, Mushroom and Green Olives.  The recipe is here in case you want to make it.  It turned out quite good last night, which could be I starved us and we would have thought a sweat sock tasted good OR it means it was quite tasty. I'm voting for the latter.

We ate, we drank, we picked up sharp knives and started carving.  The poor pumpkins didn't know what hit them.

LTR: ChickenLady, Twyla, Mrs. Bras-pir, Blueberry, and the Pantry Goat - pink hair and all.

Side note: The Pantry Goat decided to where my pink beehive wig all night. At one point of the evening, I pulled out my old Can-Can Girl dress and the Pantry Goat found my Halloween lights. She put them all on.

You can't really tell, but her cleavage is glowing.

Right so back to the carving.  This year there were cheaters amongst us.  4 of the 6 of us chose to use templates on their pumpkins. The Pantry Goat and I were the only TRUE carvers in the bunch last night. Still, I'll admit the templated pumpkins looked pretty damn good.

You should see how much pumpkin guts I had all over my kitchen floor after this event. 90% of it was from me and my gourd.

In the end, we had beautiful pumpkins.

We were relatively well behaved.

LTR: Moi (I still have my apron on too - sexy!), The Pantry Goat, ChickenLady, Blueberry, Twyla and Mrs. Bras-pir

Then we had dessert that ChickenLady brought...OMG Pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting. So darn good. It made us crazy.

Did I mention the Pantry Goat brought a chain saw?

How often do you just sit and think?

I mean without any interruptions.  No cell phone, no TV, no email, no nothing. Can you do it? Can you just sit and think and plan and consider?

I doubt I can. And I’ve tried and failed.

During my 100 day break I wanted to take a significant chunk of my time and really consider my life. My plan. My goals. Was I were I wanted to be? Where do I want to be if not? And how did I get to be 42 years old? I have way too much left to do in my life. And then it dawned on me, I’m losing time every day.  And I just don’t feel like I have enough time to do everything I want/need to do.  It started stressing me out.

Then I opted to just be. To try to not have a master plan. To just live. Exist. Try to be as zen as possible. To not let the little insignificant things bug me. It was hard, but I managed for a bit.  It’s still hard to not let the insignificant things bother me.

But here’s my point – we’re all losing time.

We all seem to have somewhere we need to be – NOW. We’re all in a hurry and I think that somehow, being in a hurry and having to be doing something or going somewhere, we’re losing time.

I lose time every time I check my iPhone when it beeps or bings. I lose time every time a friend or family member checks their phone when it beeps or bings while visiting with me.

I lose time every time I turn on the TV hoping that something will entertain me tonight instead of thinking about my future goals and plans.

I lose time every time I sit in an hour long meeting that could have easily been a 10 minute discussion in the hallway.

I lose time every time I drive out of my way to save 10 cents a gallon on gas without realizing that it’s only really saving me about a buck 50.

Every time I don’t apologize for being stubborn and locking horns in a stalemate, I lose time.

I lose time every time I focus on what I should have done, instead of what I will do.

I lose time every time I stand in front of the mirror and think I’m not pretty enough, or smart enough or good enough. (I read a blog one day about how this is like golf balls. The writer said, “There is not one golf ball in the world that judges itself a failure. Sometimes they land in the hole. Other times, they get lost in the woods. But they are still primarily the same object. The same is true for you.“)

Failure, it turns out, has been huge time suck for me, a great thief of time. I’ve learned over the years that failure is just part of life. In fact have a quote in my scrapbook room that says, “If you’ve not failed, you haven’t lived.” Failing is one thing. Hanging on that failure and reliving it is another.

Now the big question is how do I adapt to save myself time. Do I start by turning my phone to silent? Before cell phones I managed to be connected – on a more personal level – can I do that again? Pick up the *gasp* phone and call someone instead of texting.

At work I don’t have any indications show up of new mail. I adopted, long ago, the practice of checking mail just three times a day: Morning, lunch and before I leave.  Perhaps I should use that same practice when it comes to the cell phone. I can be responsive, but not a slave.

Time it seems is the most challenging of currencies to leverage…and I act like it’ll always be available and always be free.

“This doesn’t mean “hurry.” This means “live.” Live in the way that suggests you know what time it is, with or without a watch. Because it’s your time. And that’s what matters while you still breathe. “

And at the end of the day, how can I use my time to add value to people after I’ve stopped breathing? What legacy do I want to leave?

Be brave with your time.

When Pink was just a color

There's a song I was introduced to recently called "When Pink was just a color." The lyrics are quite powerful and cause me to tear up every time I hear the song.

This morning on the way to work, for whatever reason, I was feeling extremely emotional (and no you can't blame that time of the month with me...I don't have those parts any more). There are two lines that specifically get me going.  The song is about a mother with her daughter and family getting ready to run a race for breast cancer.   One lyric that gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME is when the daughter says, "Every one's dressed in pink. Look how pretty it is." AGH! It kills me.

The other is when it's talking about her mother being missed, but she's still with her as a picture on her shirt and she runs in memory of....Holy Tear Jerker Batman!

It's probably just me.

Anyhow, I thought I'd put the lyrics here in hope that it makes you stop a moment and think about breast cancer. 

Seems like the whole town's here,
Friends and ribbons fill the park,
She knows she's not alone, it makes her smile, and it breaks her heart,
Her daughter is holding her hand, a balloon tied on her wrist,
She says, \"Mommy, every one's dressed in pink, look how pretty it is.\"
And It reminds her, of comin' here,
When she was, just a little girl,
Holding her own mother's hand,
It was an innocent world,

When pink was just a color and ribbons tied back hair,
Every race was just for fun and she ran without a care,
Today is one step closer, to being like back then,
When pink, is just a color again,

Now her daughter's on grandpa's shoulders, waving above the crowd,
She steps up to the starting line, and takes a, long look around,
She sees posters held up high, white candles being lit,
For mothers and daughters, sisters and wives,
That are being missed,
But her mother, is still with her,
As a, picture on her shirt,
And she wipes away, bitter sweet tears,
As she, runs in memory of her,
And of when pink is just a color and
Ribbons tied back hair,
Every race was just for fun and she ran without a care
Today,is one step closer,
To being like back then,
When pink is just a colour again...

When pink is just a color and ribbons tie back hair,
Every race is just for fun, and we run without a care,
Today, is one step closer,
To being like back then,
Every step is one step further,
In this, race we're gunna win,

When pink is just a color again..

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I'm not sure why I find it amusing that we have just one month for breast cancer awareness. Maybe because I'm aware of it 365 days a year.

I was thinking last night about how to express my thoughts on breast cancer and more importantly where to start.  You all know the story of Blueberry and her being the reason I got involved in the first place, so what else could I talk about.

Then I started thinking about whether I could name ONE friend for each day of the month that I know has been touched by the darkness of breast cancer. My internal dialog told me there was no way I could come up with 31 names of people I knew (closely) who have been touched by breast cancer.  Then I started counting.

I went through the name of friends in Facebook. I figured those folks are people I interact with on a fairly regular, albeit digitally, basis.  And I started counting.

And counting some more.

And of my FB friends I counted 34 people. From there I could count family members of each that had been also touched, but thought I'd just leave it at 34.

Thirty four friends, husbands, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers cousins, aunts and uncles who have needlessly effected by breast cancer.  "I guess that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed this year" statistic is very true (1 in 7 in the state of Washington BTW).

Last month I read the Nancy Brinker story. Nancy Brinker, for those of you not in the Susan G. Komen world, is the founder of Susan G. Komen. She made a promise to her dying sister that she would do everything she can to find a cure for breast cancer. That was 29 years ago. And while a cure hasn't been found, the money SGK has raised has done wonders in better treatments and better - quicker diagnosis'. 

I wanted to share with you some of my favorite quotes of her book.

" I'm skeptical when any scientific voice - be it physician, researcher, or school of thought - makes any sweeping declarations of what is true or untrue, absolutely right or absolutely wrong, in the arena of cancer research or cancer care.  I've witnessed the lifesaving value of both chemotherapy and prayer, mastectomy and lumpectomy, allopathic medicine and complementary therapies.  The only singular truth about breast cancer is this:  There is no singular truth about breast cancer.  Or best strategy is to respect and listen to one another, share what we learn, read across the aisle, and make women's lives a higher priority than political agenda. "

When discussing treatments or diagnosis with your doctor: " When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras.  To keep the chessboard moving and for the sake of our own sanity, when we hear hoofbeats, we think horses. It's reasonable to think horses. It's comforting to think horses. But it's sadly self-limiting - and occasionally dangerous - to pretend zebras don't exist."

"It took me a few tries in life, but I eventually learned that you can't bully people into believing. You win people over - or you don't.  And if you're never willing to be won over, it's a safe bet your supporters won't be open to it either. It's like a saloon door; it's got to swing both ways."

"So many dreams die with a cancer diagnosis. It's the loss of innocence, a shattering of our sens of security. We have to honor those losses and grieve those dreams before we can truly open our eyes anew.  It's natural for people to pull away from someone with cancer, simply because they don't know what to say.  Or because they're terrified of it. Some need to believe that it's somehow your fault, because then they can believe it'll never happen to them. Or course, knowing that makes it no less isolating. The people who stick - those are your friends. There is a certain luxury in knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt who they are."

The one thing I've learned in the 8 years since Blueberry's diagnosis is that just when you think you've seen all you can see, you've witnessed all the crazy you can, you've laughed as hard as your sides will allow and you've cried as much as you possibly can - you still have some spare emotion to share.

I don't know if we'll find a cure in my lifetime. I can sure hope.  What I do know is that my involvement in breast cancer, the raising of money for breast cancer may one day help my friends, their daughters, my nieces, my aunts, mom, (and any men in my life - 3% of men die from breast cancer) have a better chance of early diagnosis, better treatments and a longer life as a survivor of breast cancer.  The one statistic that sticks in my mind is since the 70's, 5 year breast cancer survival rate rose from was some where in the area of 80% (frankly I can't remember the exact number) and today it is 98%.  (BigBro would know the exact statistic.)  Because of that, I'm going to keep fighting. For myself, for my friends, for their daughters, for their mom's, grandmothers, aunts, and loved ones.

Identity Crisis

Wait...don't go away. Its me. Jenn. I've been having a blog identity crisis of late and I think I've found a new template I like and that speaks to my personality. I hope you like it.

My last blogger template got dumped somehow, so then I had to pick a couple others as temporary before I could find one I liked.  I had been using pink-ish layouts and decided last night that I wanted one that was like my desktop.  I do, after all, write these from a desktop, I thought it would be a bit more me than pink. I know, what am I saying? Maybe I'm growing up.  Not likely, but maybe.

I completed another week of work, though not 40 hours.  On Friday I had to run around like a crazy person in the afternoon and try to get my passport renewed.  It expired in August of 2010 the day we got back from Alaska and I just didn't renew it.  I kept forgetting, then while not working I didn't want to fork over the dough.  Now I'll be going to Victoria at the end of the month and guess what, I needed my passport.

I looked into those passport cards / driver's licenses thingys too. Turns out it takes just as long to get one of those as a passport, so I opted to just get the passport. Oh and I got to pay the expedite fees. Oh goody. 

Its my own fault really. I procrastinated and now that cost me an extra $60.

I was thinking back to when I got my first passport.  It was months before I was to depart to Switzerland to go to boarding school in my junior year of college.  The whole idea of a passport was foreign to me.  I had no idea what it was really and what it meant to me.  I would soon learn that outside the U.S. it becomes vital and extremely important to protect.

I still have that passport and it's full of stamps.  Those were exciting days getting new stamps in your passport about every 6 months or so.  It has Saudi visas in it too. I hated handing over my passport to get the visas. I was sure they'd lose it and I'd be stuck in their country with no way out. 

My second passport wasn't nearly as interesting. I think it go a stamp or two for Canada and Mexico. YAWN!

My last passport at least got a UK stamp, some Mexico stamps and I think a Canada stamp.  Still boring.  I need work on getting more stamps.

I met someone in line who was roughly my age who had never had a passport. She, in fact, had never really traveled outside of Washington.  I sat stunned and sad for her. All the things outside Washington to see.  But I realized, not everyone has gypsy blood in them and feels the need to move on all the time.

Speaking of moving on, I have way too many friends moving right now.  Funny how I've managed to not help any of them either.

Texas and his family moved back to Texas. I'll miss having lunches with he, his wife and that cute baby of theirs.

Packing Laurie is moving to Palo Alto. Her husband got a job down there and so the whole family is moving. She'll be greatly missed.

Lastly the Pantry Goat is moving into a new house. Thankfully she's still staying in Seattle. If she moved, what would I do with all my leftovers? I'd have to dump them out!

That's about all I've got for now. I've been working on a thought provoking blog post, but it's not quite ready. It still has some thoughts that need to be worked out. They make sense to me, but if I put them out here y'all would be like, "what?"

The Zoo...

Okay, first things first. I lost my blog template. So welcome to the new template. Some day I'm going to meet someone who can willingly, and freely, design me a blogger template. If that's you, let me know...

In other news, I went to the zoo this past weekend.  I haven't been to the zoo for 10 years and it's changed a little. I'm quite impressed with Woodland Park Zoo and how they've laid it out. I found myself conflicted with caging animals for our entertainment, and the realization that these animals have a pretty good life. Food, health care and shelter.

The Zoo was interesting. I was getting ready to ask for my money back because we weren't seeing any animals...and therefore ALL The kids around me seemed to be entering the city limits of Meltdownville. My suggestion was to toss a kid or two into the animal area and THEN we'd see animals. No one thought that was good of an idea as me.

Puck had a great time. He made a ton of new friends.

He felt right at home with them.

Here he is with Baby Hansa - the new - well used to be new baby elephant. I think Hansa is now like 5, but the statue hasn't aged.

We didn't see any gorilla's, but Puck did.

Puck felt right at home on this HUGE egg near the Flamingos.  I'm wondering now if Flamingos are really white birds, but they mate with Pink Ducks and thus they become Pink Flamingos...

We only saw the eye balls of the hippos.  Puck stumbled onto this one that was quite stuck in the mud.

And finally, Puck wanted to meet a lion. So he did. I'm just glad this lion was full or I'd be searching for Puck in the stomach of a lion.

Most of our adventures were viewing this site of the animals:

We saw a lot of backsides of the animals. Well, I saw the backsides, it seemed when I'd walk away they'd turn around. I have a special gift you see...animals respond AFTER I leave.

I actually like this back side photo. The tail makes it interesting to me.

This gal was checking out her cuticles and realized man oh man she needs a manicure.

The giraffes were more difficult to see. To see them up close and personal like you could pay extra to feed them. I debated long and hard on that...then saw the line and kids and decided I didn't need to feed the giraffes.

And this animal was the most pampered of them all. He has his very own pink beehive wig to sleep on. Spoiled! That's what this caged animal is.

How to Deal

During my 100 day sabbatical I did a little introspection...if that's a word. I had some large amounts of down time on my hand that while whatever task I was doing, I could think about personality quirks in myself that I'd like to change, or decide to not change. Some of my quirks I'm very fond of and have no intention of changing. The world will just have to deal.

I also thought about my relationships with people and whether I felt they were strong and healthy. Or did they need some work? We often get comfortable in a relationship and rarely revisit it and see if anything needs tweeking. I think that's what happens to marriages at certain points in their life span...and sometimes that leads to divorce. We just get too comfortable.

I had three issues I needed to concentrate on with regards to relationships:

1. Passive aggressive behavior
2. Healthy communication
3. Feeling appreciated
4. Feeling guilty

All these topics were related to a single person mostly and I needed to find a way to work with each.

Passive Aggressive Behavior
It drives me crazy. I've done it. I'm sure I'll do it again, but by and large, it drives me crazy. Especially when you're trying to communicate with someone. When someone responds or acts passive they are not being honest with themselves or with the person they’re communicating with.  We’re all adults, be straight. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  If I'm doing something that pisses you off, tell me. Let's have a conversation about it. Perhaps it's not what I'm doing, but what you're doing. Perhaps via an open dialog we can come to a compromise about how we discuss certain things. It's what healthy relationships are made up...good old fashion communication.

Healthy Communication
Which brings me to my next topic. Healthy communication.  How to communicate effectively with someone you’ve known most your life?  You get comfortable with your communication styles, but we grow as people, therefore our communication should grow as well.  As we grow up – presumabley – we get more confidence. Conversations that would have killed us in our twenties shouldn’t be that hard in our 40’s. 

I’m here to tell you; any relationship worth working at or keeping, will not crumble and fade away if you stand up for yourself or speak up. You do, however, need to be aware that even if you do speak up that no change will happen. Sometimes it’s just the way people are. Then you have a choice, are you okay with it or not? If you're not, then you have to do what makes YOU happy which may mean limiting your time with certain people.

Feeling Appreciated
We all want to feel appreciated.  It’s human nature. What’s complicated is when we do something expecting appreciate from people, then don’t get that appreciation.  I often don’t feel appreciated by some people. 

During my introspection I remembered something an Xboyfriend said to me one time. At the time we were dating, I loved sending cards to people. And I did it frequently. I got angry and hurt when said X didn't say thank you or even acknowledge that I had sent a card. When I finally asked him about it he said, he figured I knew since he had said it so many times. Truth was, I needed that pat on the back every time. Then I figured out I was sending the cards to GET that pat on the back from him. Something was missing in our relationship and this was my way of trying to fill the hole with a little puddy.

Maybe that’s what’s happening now? I’ve done so much for certain people that its almost expected and therefore not appreciated. It’s become the status quo. Of course if I stop now without communicating this (and the blog doesn’t count) then it’ll only result in hurt feelings.  Communicating this will be difficult, and maybe a bit painful.  I’ll most likely feel guilty, which is a great segue into the next issue…Guilt.

Guilt
Oh guilt. We learn early about mother’s guilt. They are the masters of putting on the guilt. And almost every time, I give in.  My mom, is the Queen of Guiltville…but she only uses it when absolutely necessary. Thankfully.

Guilt is an odd thing for me.  I can’t decide if I’m feeling guilty by my own actions or is the person putting the guilt on.  Its an internal struggle that I have quite come to grips with. “Why am I feeling guilty?” I often ask myself. “Should I feel guilty?” etc.

When I try to have an open conversation with some people, trying to explain what I’m feeling, why I’m doing what I’m doing, etc, I feel the guilt.  It comes via a look, which I admit I could be misinterpreting. Then I start to second guess what it is I’m trying to communicate. How do I respond when I communicate to someone, and then from their response I read guilt? Is it me feeling guilty? Or them projecting the guilt? And how do I tell the difference?

I do have a sensitive side that doesn't want to hurt any one's feelings - I hope most of us have that side. And yet I can't always control if some one's feelings are hurt. Often I think I'm communicating something intelligently and with the right tone, and it gets taken wrong and blows up in my face. Sometimes I walk away and figure it's the other person having a bad day other times I want to respond to the person and ask what's up?

I struggle with this one the most.  I don’t have an answer for this yet and hope that I will soon.

What to do?
So much to think about.  So many issues that have so many moving parts.  It keeps me awake at night sometimes – especially have an incident with certain people.  I lay awake trying to figure out how I could have handled it better? Should I have handled it better? Was it me or them?

At the end of the day, I just want to be happy and want those around me to be happy.  I want healthy relationships that can grow despite stress, bad communication, and pain.  I want healthy relationships in which communication is open and flowing. Is that too much to ask?

3 days 60 miles and no voice to speak of

This year's 3day had a whole different fill to it. Some good points, some bad, but still the emotional roller coaster of joy and sadness that I've come to expect from the 3 days. 

Day 1:
We were up at the butt crack of dawn and at CenturyLink field to participate in opening ceremonies.  Still, with 4 3day events under my belt, I cry. There is something so powerful with witnessing 2100 walkers celebrating the purpose they are all there. Some are walking for themselves, their mothers, daughters, sisters, etc who are all still with us. Some are walking for those who lost their battle. But all have the common goal to end breast cancer. Its amazing to feel the energy and power that comes off of these very focused group of people.

Team Wraspir was all set. They had their fanny packs, their feet were fresh, and they were ready to walk 60 miles.  As with last year, The Niece came to help Walker Stalk with me. This year though she knew what to expect and had her 3day outfits all set and ready to show her Pink support. 

Team Wraspir: The Niece, BigBro, Seattle SIL, me, and Blueberry

As always the Survivor Circle gets my tears flowing without any effort.  The long flag is full of comments from all the walkers. They asked everyone to sign it and/or put their comments, wishes, dreams, reasons for walking.  I took some time reading some of the comments and had to walk away...too many sad entries.

And they were off...

The route this year was primarily in the East side, but the walkers left from Seattle.  The route from Seattle to Bellevue took the walkers across the I90 Floating Bridge.  It was quite a site.  On the other side of the bridge The Niece and I set up with our signs to welcome Team Wraspir (aka Saving 2nd Base).

Once The Niece and I left them there, we hoofed it to camp to drop off a spare car so BigBro would have one to drive home. Then we found the walkers.  The Niece and I dressed up Sparky too.  She looked HOT...as did the driver. 

So the day progressed. I drove up and down the route, dancing, singing at the top of my lungs with very loud music, cheering, singing, and doing it all over again.  I was exhausted by the time the day was over.

Day 2 was much of the same.  Puck got more involved in Day 2. He got his photo take with the Firepersons walking this year. These people amaze me, walking the entire 60 miles in full gear (minus the tanks).

Puck got to experience the port-a-potties too. They're surprisingly clean.

As I was saying, day 2 was more of the same. Driving, singing, picking up walkers who needed a life - even though the 3day provide Sweep vans, some walkers prefer to ride in a spiffy convertible. Can you blame them?

Day two, Walter was out to support the team though. Walter is part of Flamingo Road, which is the team Blueberry does 99% of her training with. He's the sweetest dog ever and looks pretty darn good in Flamingo stuff.

And so the walkers finished day 2 with tired feet, blisters, but still an attitude of defiance that they were going to find a cure...and by God they were going to walk one more day.

Day 3 route was in Seattle. The walkers left from Husky Stadium and wondered their way through the U district to find themselves in Fremont. The Niece and I set up camp at the "Waiting for the Interurban statue and took photos for all the walkers. While at the statue I got to really see the spirit that is the 3 day. Tired walkers were continuing undeterred.

And then Princess Lori swung by...

Princess Lori and I were the ones who thought to decorate the statues.  She had to swing by to make sure I had done a Princess worthy job.

The Niece and I found our way to lunch and we waited for the team.  It amazed me as I sat there that the walkers coming in - who had walked at that point 55 miles - were still able to dance their way into lunch. 

The Niece's 3rd day outfit was one that involved a pink cowboy hat with a crown (Princess Lori would be so proud).  BigBro decided he needed to try on the had...Puck decided he needed to be in the photo.

Team Wraspir was dressed and ready to finish their last 5 miles to closing. Some day we'll get BigBro to actually dress up for closing. Until then Seattle SIL and Blueberry will carry the team.

Then...they made it. Full of joy, tired feet, but extremely happy and proud to be making a difference.

Now we've hit the refresh button.  New ideas for fundraising next year, potentially crewing in Seattle and walking in San Diego...only time will tell.

I'll have all my photos posted to Flickr this week some time.  But I'll leave you with this....THIS is why we do what we do. This is why thousands of walkers lace up in 15 different cities. THIS is why we must find a cure for breast cancer.