A Comedy of Errors

Yesterday I worked out.

I know, for many of you that's not a WOW moment, but for me it was a big moment. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned and it turned into a comedy of errors.  At least that's how I'm choosing to view it today.

As I said I worked out yesterday. I got home around 3:45, changed and then battled with myself as to whether I should walk to the gym (it was freakin freezing outside) or drive.  The New Jenn won and I walked over. Leaving the house, as I've done a hundred times before, I left through the garage and closed the garage door via the key pad outside.

Did my thing at the gym. Caught my breath and stretched and walked home.  I got home and tapped in my code and nothing. No garage movement at all. I tapped it in again and nothing. 

Last time this happened I had to just sit and wait so the stupid pad could reset itself and it would work fine. I sat. I waited. I froze.  Finally, I tried it again. Nothing. Argh.

I walked across the way and knocked on the neighbors house.  They have a thousand kids and I was dreading having to talk to the thousand kids and beg to use their phone.  Then it hit me, do I even know Blueberry's cell number?

Mr. Neighbor and his thousand kids let me in - ahh heat - and I used his house phone. Called Blueberry who apparently couldn't hear me through the phone.  Tried again. She still couldn't hear me.  Finally Mr. Neighbor said, "Use my cell phone."  Called Blueberry again, and after her struggling with something on her end, she could hear me. 

She was working later than normal and hadn't left work yet.  She did agree, with very little begging I might add, to run home, get my key and come help me. 

It's important for some of you readers to know the logistics here.  Blueberry works in downtown Seattle. She's a bus rider (Yay saving money and gas).  And she lives 20 miles north of Seattle.  Which means, she has to leave her office, get to the bus stop, wait for the bus, get home (during the busiest time of traffic), get in her car at the park and ride, get to her house (another quarter mile away), rummage through her drawers to find my key, get in her car and drive another 20 miles to my house during rush hour (thankfully going against traffic). I'm tired just typing that out.

So I told Blueberry I'd wait for her at Tully's across the street. It was at least warm and had a bathroom. In hindsight I should have waited at the gym and maybe worked out some more. At the minimum they had TVs and people to watch.

By the time I got to Tully's it was 4:45pm.  I sat. I waited. I sat some more.  Also keep in mind, I have no phone, no book, no money, no nothing to entertain me. Just me and my bottled water - which I was conserving in case I had to make a night of it on the street.

Finally at 6:30pm Blueberry pulls into Tully's with her Wad-O-Keys. 

We head to my place and proceed to try every - single - key on this Wad-O-Key ring. Nothing. None of them work.  Argh! We debated at least for 10minutes about what all those keys belong to - why I don't know, but it entertained us a little. Well, it entertained me.

We tried them again. We even looked for a flash light in her car to help us see the door handle, because maybe that would miraculously make one of them work.  I walked back over to the garage to see if the key pad would work. Nothing.  I did happen to glance up to my living room window and there sat Pookie.  Staring at me with a face like,  "WTH? I'm hungry here." Too bad he doesn't speak English and can't open doors. 

Finally, giving up on the keys, I borrowed Blueberry's phone to call the Landlords. I figured Mr. Landlord was still at work at Hotel CaliforniaSoft which is near me so I hit his "work" number on Blueberry's cell phone. 

It rang a couple of times and Mrs. Landlord answered. Huh? Turns out Blueberry's numbers are all weird. It also turns out that Mrs. Landlord was in Redmond and has a garage clicker and she'd be happy to swing by.

Ten minutes later she's swinging by and her clicker isn't work.  Great. Now what?  Mrs. Landlord says she has a spare key at their condo in Bellevue.  So we all head caravan style to their condo.  20 minutes of looking for a key, chit chatting and peeing (what? I had to pee.) Blueberry and I are back on our way. 

Mrs. Landlord wasn't 100% sure the keys she handed me were to the house, but Mr. Landlord, whom we called from their place, said he has a set at work.  Blue and I decide to save time and swing by Hotel CaliforniaSoft and pick up a set of keys from Mr. Landlord.  If none of these keys work, I was going to be calling a lock smith and waiting another 4 hours likely.

We get back to my place and try Mr. Landlord's set of keys - and voila! The door opened.

Incidentally, the other set of keys didn't work.  Not sure what those belong to but will give them back to the Landlords for them to figure out.

By this time its 8pm. I'm STARVING as is Blueberry. I offer her a Jenny Craig meal which she turns down saying "no no. They're expensive I don't want to use one of those." Which translates into, "Gross. Are you kidding?"  So I heated up some chicken noodle soup for her and a JC meal for me and we sat laughing at how stupid this who event was.

BTW, the garage door does open with my clicker and the inside door opener.

So what did I learn from all this:

1. Take a spare key and hide it outside somewhere
2. Give Blueberry a BIG key ring, brightly colored with BIG Letters that says, "Jenn's Key. Do Not. Lose."
3. Perhaps take a spare key with me to work out.
4. Blueberry has too many keys where she doesn't know what they belong to. She might be a key hoarder in disguise.
5. Tully's is boring without money.
6. The bathrooms at Tully's are clean.
7. I can make good food decisions even though I'm starving.
8. Laugh at everything.  It may be bad, and frustrating, and annoying, but really, what can you do? Laugh and it'll make it better.

Secure in my insecurities

I received an email from a friend recently that was her babbling (her words, not mine) about her insecurities.  It was an interesting email to me for a couple of reasons. First, I'ver never thought of her as someone with insecurities and second, it got me to thinking about a couple of things that have taken place the past couple of days.

Before I get into it, let me warn you dear readers.  I'm feeling overly opened these days and not afraid to write things, or say things out loud, that I might have shied away from previously.  I won't apologize if it's too open for some of you (stop reading). All I'll say is my blog is a journal for me.  Many personal things I keep out of the blog for good reasons - there still needs to be some mystery.  However, this journey I'm on I want to share. My hope is maybe, just maybe, someone else out there reading this blog will get a morsel of advice and change their lives.

In my thirties I remember hearing from a friend of mine who was in her 40's the following phrase:  "Once you are in you're 40's you start to accept yourself without question." I remember thinking at the time how ridiculous that was.  Women never accept themselves.  We're designed to question every wrinkle, every fat cell, every grey hair.  Ahhh the shallow mind of a 30 year old.

Now, well into my 40's (is 43 "well" into one's 40's?), I'm starting to think she was right.  I've definitely felt more comfortable in my skin the last several years. There were still some insecurity demons that showed up every now and then, but I felt mostly comfortable. Mostly.

Being fat for most of your entire life (I say most because I have photos of a small, petite little blond girl, who the MomUnit says is me) means, often, that you are FULL of insecurities. You have a lack of confidence in so many situations that you often fake it so people don't see the missing confidence. I have had a handle on the "fake it until you make it" attitude for some time. In fact, I'd be willing to bet if you polled my friends most, if not all, would say they thought I was a confident woman. And in many areas of my life I am, just not all.

On Saturday as I sat in the hard, cold chair in the Jenny Craig waiting room I was waiting for the lack of confidence, the shame, the embarrassment emotions to wash over me.  I sat. I waited (I was early you see) and the emotions never came.  I peeked into my emotional vault to see what was there. Why wasn't I feeling those emotions that I'm so familiar with?  It felt different this time.  I actually felt *gasp* confident. I wasn't faking it, or was I? I struggled with this for a brief moment. Testing the waters to see if I was, in fact "faking it" or did I actually feel confident sitting there?  I glared into my insides to see - testing it over and over again. Each time, confidence existed.  I was, to say the least, a bit taken back. "Huh?," I thought, "how odd."

I left the weigh in a little lighter in the pocket book, but with a plan. Well, and some frozen food.

Yesterday I signed up for a gym.  Gyms are intimidating to me. They're full of physically svelte people who have eaten right their entire lives. Healthy to the max.  At least that's the story I tell myself.  Soon after I tell myself that story, I follow it with, "Its no place for you." Get in my car and drive away.

I called and made an appt to get a tour. Ryan would be who my appt was with.  I arrived early, shocking I know, and Ryan was ready.  I was waiting for the judgmental up and down glare he'd give me. I mean he's working in a gym and he's HOT, surely he's judging me.  Ryan introduced himself and we started or tour.

Immediately he asked what brought me in.  My lips were ready to form the standard sentence, lie really, to tell him what he wanted to hear. Instead, I spilled the truth.  I explained to Ryan what I was doing with JC and why I now felt I needed some exercise. 

Again I waited for the judgement.  Instead Ryan said to me, " "We all have to start some where. You've made a right choice today." "A" right choice.  Not "the" right choice, but "a" right choice.

The tour continued and I asked questions I normally wouldn't ask. As I was waiting for the handsome Ryan to run my credit card I realized that entire time I walked around with my head held high. I felt secure. I felt proud of myself. I felt confident. FELT confident.

I walked home amazed at this new emotion. This new feeling of security.  My instinct is to over analyze this and figure out WHY am I feeling secure kicked in immediately.  And I will look a bit into it, mostly so I can keep it going. I think I have an idea as to why. I'm happy.  Happy with my recent choices.  And maybe, just maybe, that happiness is driving this security.

The Day the Carbs died…

Day one was successful. Not pretty successful, but 100%, whole heartedly successful. Which isn’t surprising at all. The first week, in fact, is usually pretty easy.  I’m motivated, I’m on board, I’m following the letter of the law – well sorta – and by that I mean I didn’t give up the sugar and cream in my coffee. And I won’t. So stop asking me to.

Ahem.

Two things happened yesterday:

1.       I had an epiphory (if you watch the Office you know that Michael Scott calls epiphanies epiphories)

2.       I laughed my ass off, which burns calories, doing Zumba for the first time in my living room.

First the Zumba.  I thought myself a relatively coordinated person when it comes to dance. I can pick up the beat and go with it.  I have moves.  Apparently my “moves” are slow and decrypted and the “moves” in Zumba need to be quick and fast. I was about three steps behind the entire time.  My brain would tell my left foot/leg to move and my right foot would move instead.  It was pretty comical to say the least.  The DVD set I bought came with an instructional series in which they go through all the dance steps and break them down.  I did that section first and felt pretty confident I’d be okay.  I would be wrong.

OMG…I zigged when I should have zagged. I was sucking in air like a crazy person. I was sweating like a mad man and that was only after about 15 minutes.  I had to slow myself down a bit because I discovered, well 1) I couldn’t breathe but more importantly some of the moves make my knees hurt.  The name of the move escapes me, but it was something “funk”. Essentially you twist your knee in towards the other knee while doing something with your arms (which I couldn’t tell you what that something was because what my arms were doing at the time wasn’t, I’m sure, what they should have been doing. Turns out they have a mind of their own too.  Right, so knees hurt, hips hurt, arms hurt, feet hurt…all in all…I think it was a pretty good work out.

Now to the epiphory.

My ENTIRE life I’ve been told two things:

1. Eat everything on your plate
2. Only eat when you’re hungry.

Both, wrong.

I’m sure the “eat everything on your plate” is an ideal that came about in the 50’s after the depression. Don’t waste anything is basically what that’s saying. And to some extent I get it.  Unfortunately, it taught me to “eat everything on my plate” even when my stomach was yelling STOP!  Thus I over eat. 

Now that’s not the only reason I over eat, that’s one of many.  Last night as I was trying to finish the 2 cups of vegetables I had to have for the day. I was full.  But dammit, the plan says to eat 2 cups, I’m eating 2 cups.  And then it hit me. Why? If you’re full, you’re full. Stop eating.  Leave the vegetables until maybe later if you’re still hungry you can finish them.  

So I left the vegetables. And never went back to them.

I’ve been told my entire life to help you stop eating so much to only eat when you’re hungry.   Turns out that’s way off.  

Yesterday I found myself eating the entire day.  Almost every hour I had something to eat.  Breakfast included a JC meal, a fruit, milk, and cottage cheese (blech). I avoided the cottage cheese like the plague, and added another cheese instead (those mini babybel white cheddar snacks are awesome).  I’m pretty sure that swapping cottage cheese (I think it’s considered a dairy) with a cheese cheese (which is actually considered a protein) may be wrong, but the calories were the same-ish so I went with it.   

I started eating breakfast at 8am.  

I finished breakfast at 10 am.  

First, I’m not a breakfast person at all. So eating something at 8am is hard for me, and it turns out it helped get me through the day. I don't want to make this blog a "what I ate all day" blog, but I think it's important to show you...since I'm trying to make a point - that I'll eventually get to.

8am – JC cereal
9am – fruit
10am – cheese
Water Water Water
11am is lunch time for me, but I wasn’t quite hungry yet so I waited.  I had a bug bash at noon in which pizza was going to be present, so I figured I’d eat my lunch during the bug bash to avoid me wanting the pizza.
11:30 – fruit
12:00 – lunch
12:30 – salad from lunch
Water Water Water – I float
1:00 nothing
2:00 – yogurt
2:30 – fruit
3:00 – the witching hour for me. I usually get hungry at/around 3pm and snack unnecessarily.  The hunger at 3 is usually because I didn’t have breakfast, so starved myself until lunch.  Over ate at lunch time. Hit the wall at 3pm.  Yesterday I was a bit hungry so I drank a big glass of water quickly. 
4:00 Zumba hilarity
Water Water Water – I float some more

5:00 dinner – Mesquite chicken, broccoli, baby red potatoes (like 1/4c of them) and 2 cups other vegetable.

Interesting side note - I wasn’t as hungry AFTER exercising as I expected myself to be.  So I ate, and as I stated above, did not finish the vegetables.

7:00 – evening snack – JC White Cheddar popcorn (way more interesting than vegetables)

Just look at that schedule. It’s eating all day long.  And what I discovered yesterday, which many of you already know I’m sure, is that it’s not about eating when you’re hungry. By then it’s too late. Instead its about slowly feeding yourself all day. Grazing.  Little, very small, snacks/meals help get you through. Your body never feels hungry.

I think somewhere in the depths of my brain I knew this. I’m sure some dietician along the way probably told me. Weight Watchers probably told me. Jenny Craig probably told me. All the other diets I’ve tried probably told me. It took yesterday, charting out every morsel for me to go, “AHAH!” Suffice it to say it got very bright here in Redmond.

There’s another trick I’ve discovered that I’ll chat about in another blog…if I remember.  In the meantime, I’ll just say that technology is a great thing. Charting and tracking your food online and on your iphone is awesome. Thanks Patron Saint for directing me to MyFitnessPal.com.

Vanquishing a Demon

Its time.  The demon has lived with me for far too long.  I’ve fought off this demon many times in the past and have been successful for a short amount of time.  I’d give up and give in.  Only to face off with the demon again. 

Two years ago I let the demon be free. I let it do whatever it wanted, whenever it wanted and did not stop to consider the consequences.  I knew that one day the consequences would become more important than the rest.  But for the time being I let the demon be free. 

Finally, I’m ready to tame the demon.  I’m sure I’ll be successful for a while. I always am.

I’m sure I’ll fall off the wagon and let the demon run free.

I’m sure the demon will push me to the edge. 

I’ve lived with this demon since the day I was born – it feels like anyhow.  Some years I’ve been more successful than others in taming it.  But I’ve never felt as ready to tame it as I do at this moment.  I’m going to do all that I can to hold on to this feeling of dominance over the demon. It’ll be difficult. It’ll be challenging. And it’ll be worth it. 

If you’ve never struggled with weight, it’s not likely you can understand this demon.  I remember the first time the MomUnit loaded me up in the car and off we went to Weight Watchers.  I think I was in 6^th or 7^th grade.  I’m not sure what the MomUnit was hoping to achieve by taking me to WW. I like to think she was helping me understand my relationship with food. I felt, well, hurt.  I saw it as “your fat and we need to fix you.”  Of course I was a teen girl and well, you know how teen girls are...emotional.  Not too surprisingly I wasn’t successful at it.  The ParentalUnits did a good job of cooking healthy – mostly. We had well rounded dinners and we always had a salad.  It was the other meals that I could control that worked against me.  It was the snacks in between the meals that would hurt me. It was the hiding the cookies and candy in my room that would hurt me.

This cycle continued for years.  YEARS.  I would try new gimmicks. I would try new “diets”. I would try to remove carbs.” I’d try to eat only protein. I’d try to not eat (not ever successful at this one).  At the end of the day, I would give in every. Single. Time. 

And I may this time. 

The larger goal is too daunting to even look at.  I know what that number is, and frankly seeing it makes me not want to even try. So my goal is 20 lbs. Just twenty.  I’d like to try to lost 20 by the end of March. That’s pretty aggressive, but it’s a goal.  That’s 6lbs a month. Which won’t be a problem the first month – mostly because its easy to stay on any new eating lifestyle for a month and the initial weight loss will be water (so they say). 

I need to move more.  Walking 30minutes a week certainly isn’t exercise. It’s getting fresh air.  So I bought a Zumba DVD kit to start. I watched the first 20 minutes last night to get myself familiar with it. I found my feet were ready to move with the beat. This kit is a 4 week kit that starts you out as a beginner and gradually adds more little by little each week.  I’ve scheduled (actually on my calendar) the time between 4pm and 5pm for Zumba.  I’ll eventually need to join a gym probably because I’ll get bored with this DVD set. For now, it’s the plan. 

Self speak needs to change.  Just rereading this blog post I can see I’ve already given myself exit strategies.  Which is okay – mostly.  I’m not delusional enough – yet – to think I will be 100% successful at this all the time. I think the realistic approach is better than trying to go all out and then fail and wonder why.  I know I’ll fail at times.  And that’s okay.  Heck, I may even stop after a month. But I’m going to start really thinking about why I’m doing this.  It’s not for vanity reasons – it’s for health reasons.  I want to live longer.  Watching my father struggle with diabetes makes me NOT want to be like that.  

Free days will be part of this journey. I discovered during my last attempt at this, that having a free day once a week really helped me. It was something to work towards.  Something that I could look forwards to and know on my free day I can have that pasta. Or that heavier meal, non-diet meal.  It feeds the beast and it helps me be ready to get on with it again.  Plus, having the free day and exercising…that can’t be nearly as bad as having every day a free day and NOT exercising. 

So here I am telling you, my friends and family, that I’m starting on a quest. I’m going to try to vanquish this demon.  I know some of you will support me. Some of you will scoff. Some of you may even try to deter me.  At the end of the day, I am the one who controls my destiny. And as of this minute, this moment, this first day of vanquishing the demon – I’m feeling pretty good. 

Love is in the air….sight and every sound

OMG. I’m in love.

Fully. 100%. Absolutely. Without hesitation. In love.

I knew it would happen one day, well I mean I hoped it would.

I knew that I’d walk into a room/store/website and be immediately smitten.  And that day has come. Finally.

I always thought that love was allusive and not something that ever be a part of my life. Sure my friends and family love me, but they don’t count. Well, I mean they do count, but not like this love.

This love is pure. It’s full of color and grace and glitter!
Yes glitter.

If you're laughing right now you clearly don't understand the relationship between a scrapbooker and glitter.  Its messy. Very very messy.

Don't get me wrong, I do love glitter.  I just don't like that it stays with me for days, weeks even.

This new love has solved all my glitter issues. 

Glitter PENS!

I blame my enabler BeagleBabe. She's responsible for introducing me to my newest and most glittery-est love.  But I'm so very glad she did.

These colorfully, glittery, smooth writing pens are what dreams are made of.  I can hardly wait to start using them in jest on my scrapbook pages - instead of writing, "I love you glitter pens" and "Mrs. GlitterPens."

I hope the boyfriend doesn't find out about this new love.  He may stop making me coffee.

Party Like it's 1999...or 2012...

Wow. A new year!  I love new years. Its like you get to start all over.  OVERS! Last year is done, gone, dead to me.  I had some very great moments last year, and some not so great.  Thankfully, the former out-weighed the latter (I always want to type "ladder" for "latter". Weird..I know.)

So 2012...

Welcome!

Before we get into the serious stuff. Last nights celebration was epic.  Well, as epic as one can get in their 40's.  The Pantry Goat had decided she wanted to leave about 10:30PM so we had to do out NYE photo before she left. Turns out after this photo was taken, she stayed until after midnight. I think she secretly just wanted to were the big dunce caps I bought.

Happy New Year from Chez Jenn's!

LTR: Mr.&Mrs.Landlords, Blueberry, Pantry Goat, New Guest w/o a nickname...oh, we can call him The Dutchman, and moi! If you look close to my left hand you'll see a little Pink...that's Puck.

So now that a new year is upon us, it's only right we reflect on 2011.  As I mentioned it was a good year.  In years past I didn't do goal I did themes.  Last year I decided to do goals and fore go themes.  Made it too complicated to remember year round what my theme was. And all too often, about April, I'd want to change my theme.  So goals it was.

Here are my 2011 goals and how I did with them...because I know you care.

1. Financial Freedom! -Turns out being out of debt is fun.  And while I still use my credit cards, they are getting paid off monthly.  Only remaining debt is Sparky, and well, that's not debt to me.

2. Photography! - I think this blog shows I kept up my end of photographing the life and times of Jenn and Puck.  However, I did make myself go out and actually practice my craft.  And, in case you remember back to January 2011 I signed up for Project365. As for this morning, that chapter is closed. I went out with the PhotoGods and shot as much as I can.  I took a couple photography classes and subsequently practiced what I learned.  All in all, I nailed this goal, I think.

3. Travel! - My actual goal was three weekend trips, or mark 3 things off the "bucket list" of things to do and see in the Seattle area.  Turns out having 100 days off in the summer, and buying a convertible helps with this goal.  Trips included: Bellingham, Victoria, Ellensburg, Ginkgo Petrified Forest ("forest" isn't what I'd call it. I called it the Death March of 2011.), and 4 trips to Tucson. 

4. Build relationships! - There's a bunch of old friends I wanted to make a significant effort to reconnect with. Facebook has helped to some degree, but it wasn't quite as much as I had hoped.  I did rekindle a relationship or two and made an effort to keep in touch with some very specific friends that I had been neglecting.  I could have done more with this one and may have to consider adding it to 2012 goals.

5. Personal Growth! - I didn't mean my physical size, but my mental size.  I won't go into too much detail here, but I did discover a few things about me that I specifically and with intention changed.  I was also able to identify some behavior issues I needed to fix...and did to some extent, but will continue now that I know what they are.

6. Sunday Dinners! - It goes without saying that I did 12 fantastic Sunday dinners. This moves off the goal list and becomes a tradition.

7.  Read 35 books! - I read 57.  Notice I didn't say "Read 35 good, deep, thought provoking, books." Of the 57 I think about 4 were photography books, 3 were project management and marketing, one was a financial book, the rest...all just entertaining books.

8.  Find a new fundraiser! - Check. Cookbooks were a big success.  Not only did I have a blast making them, but we did about $800 in fundraising.  At the end of the day, I think we could have done more, and we will. Being a project manager I did a quick little "what-worked-what-didn't" exercise.  Bottom line, charge more!

Phew!

Now what's on deck for 2012?

1. Scrapbooking! I'd like to do a couple things here. First, get all caught up again, and make an effort to stay caught up.  Second is to stop buying new scrapbook stuff and really use what I have.  God knows I could open my own scrapbook store.

2. Photography! Yes this is a constant focus (pardon the pun) of mine.  This year, I'm doing Project365 again, and this year I'm doing themes each month.  In addition, I want to work on taking photos with a flash, taking candids, and learning Photoshop Elements more.

3. Finances! This year's focus is on saving. And saving big.  Maxing out the 401K, and putting at least 3 months of salary in the bank.  Finally, once that's done, start investing somewhere.

4. Health! I'm not quite sure what this looks like yet. I know I want to drink more water, take my vitamins more regularly, and start moving more.  What all that entails I'm not quite sure.  I just know now that I've written it, I can start planning and doing something about making myself a bit more healthy.

5. Write more! I love writing. Some think I'm good at it. Some think I stink at it.  I think I'm just average.  I have spurts of great writing, and it's those spurts I want to work on.  I bought myself a book called 1,000 Prompts.  It has, well, 1,000 ideas of things to write about.  I want to try to write something besides the blog at least twice a month.  I've signed up for a creative writing class, but have to move it because it conflicts with a project management class.  It also means I'll be carrying a journal with me everywhere.  In down moments I'd like to just open my mind and start putting words on paper. 

Five is a good number.  Other things for 2012, which aren't really goals is to continue with the Sunday dinners and cooking.  Those are tasks to me now not goals!

Here's hoping you all have a fantastic 2012.  You are the one who controls whether that happens. Bad things may happen, feel them, recognize them and move on to the good.

The Celebrators!

I have a great group of friends.

There I said it.

And some family members are included in with that statement...you know who you are...

The Birthday Bash themed "Another FABULOUS year" was a success.  The proof is in the photo.

What a bunch of crazy people! And I love them all.  Every. Single. One of them. 

Those people made me laugh so hard last night I think I almost pee'd my pants. 

Those people made so much food, I don't think I'll ever eat again. 

Those people opened too many wine bottles. Which may not look like too many to some. But considering there were only a couple of us drinking wine. And might I add, Layered Cake Malbec...OMG so good. 

Those people made me drink wine from all those opened wine bottles.

Those people ate all my cupcakes.

The cupcakes were a hit for sure. I'm so glad I bought them instead of trying to make them. 

And those people left me a mess to clean up.  Thankfully, I like cleaning up after a party...I don't let anyone help clean up. 

These people got there late and didn't make the group shot.

So I made them act crazy all by themselves.

These people are some of my most favorite people in all the world.  I'm so thankful they know me and I know them.  Here's to more years for great friends, birthday bashes, and wine.

Pictured: LTR

Birthday Girl, Queen PopUp, Red, Princess Lori, BigBro, ChickenLady, Pantry Goat, Blueberry, Seattle SIL, The Landlords and they're little guy, and Mr. Queeen PopUp.

Happy Birthday to me!

As I sit in my office this morning thinking about the closing of my 43rd year (I turn 43 today, but as my oldest brother once told me, you're starting your 44th year actually. Think about that for a moment.) I was, as I always am, washed with emotions about where I am and how I got here.

My life in many ways has been a blurr.

I remember waking up on my 16th birthday - thrilled to be going shopping with Mom - and wondering how my life would unfold.  16!  Seemed like the world was at my fingertips just waiting for me to arrive.  In my eyes, I was a grown up.

Even at that young age I thought about who I was and who I wanted to be. I knew, instinctively that my life was mine to own. My parents made sure I knew the reality of being able to be anything I wanted, but they enforced that I had to work for it.  My 16 year old dreams differ greatly to my dreams of today. I don't often morn those dreams, but embrace them.  Oh, the wide eyes of the young who see life through rose colored glasses.

On my 25th birthday, I sat reflecting as well. My life wasn't exactly how I planned it, and I wasn't complaining. Sure, I wanted to make more money. Yes, I definitely wanted to find love. Still, I was healthy and surviving as only a 25 YO could...as Martina McBride says in one of her songs, "Living on dreams and spaghetti O's." 

When I was 16 I dreamt I'd be married with 2.5 children, a dog, and a white picket fence. At 25 the kids were questionable, being married wasn't something I wanted until I was older, the dog was then (and still is) something I want in my life, the picket fence...I could do without.  My dreams focused on me. My career. My friends. My surroundings. My life. 

When I turned 30 I realized that your twenties were all about figuring out who you are, and your thirties were about enjoying that person.

As I entered my 40's I felt very comfortable in my skin.  What you see is what you get. 

And as I reach 43 today I'm so happy to be me.  I'm not a super model. I'm not in love or married or even close. I'm not rich. I'm not unhealthy (mostly). I have it pretty good. I've got friends and family who love me. I've surrounded myself with great people who allow me to be me almost 100% of the time.  I'm tickled pink who I am today.

Today I think about what I've learned in life, how my thoughts and ideals have shifted slightly to be those of a *gasp* middle aged woman.  How experiences have condensed a few realities into a simple list of 5 truths about life. 

1. Life IS too short.  I hear people say it all time. I rarely see people live like that believe it. You blink and another decade as whooshed by. 

2. Pick your battles.  See #1.

3. Love yourself without exception. This is a hard one. If I had a super power granted to me, I'd help young women (and men I suppose) to see the true, unique beauty in themselves.  Self-confidence is very attractive.

4. Love your family. You might think they are dysfunctional. You might think they are crazy - and they most likely are - but at the end of the day, they will most likely have your back.

5. Give back.  I am a very fortunate person.  I'm lucky to have a job, a good income, and health.  There are many who do not.  Volunteering, and giving back helps you fell better about who you are and who you want to be.  It makes the world a happier place, and that's never a bad thing.

I know none of those are life shattering.  I know a hundred, thousand people before me figured this out.  I know that each year I'll keep learning something new.  But by and large, these 5 things ring true year after year.  And as I sit on the threshold of beginning my 44th year, I want to be sure that I am living each day, without exception, to the fullest it can be...for that day. Cuz let's face it, some days sitting on the couch is all you want to do.  And at 43, I'm okay with that.

Whoose! The sound the last week made as it sped by!

Holy fast week batman.  I knew the holidays were always fast and furious, but my word.

I started my holiday adventure by getting up bright and early on Thursday morning. I had an 8:30 am flight to Tucson and being the ever so early person I am, I wanted to be there 2 hours early.  I was figuring that Thursday would be one of the busiest travel days so I'd get a jump on it. I don't mind sitting around an airport for an hour and watching the crazies wonder by. 

Tired, and a bit hazy from lack of sleep, I hopped in Sparky and drove to the airport parking. The morning was cold and frosty which made me focus on driving.  I was going over the list in my head of what I may have forgotten, as well as making sure I didn't slide off the road so missed that I had voicemail.

I parked Sparky, got into the shuttle and was standing on the platform to go into the airport when I noticed I had three voicemails.

Huh? Who'd be calling me this early?

As I was walking into the almost empty airport (figures) I realized my flight was delayed until 11:30am. Ugh.  That means 5 hours to wait (it was 5:30am). 

I found the Starbucks - who's line was longer than the line for security - ordered my coffee and set out to find something to do. 

Turns out SeaTac had a bunch of entertainers shuffling around the concourse. Elvis was there. He learned how to juggle in his retirement. Puck always wanted to meet The King.

They had carolers roaming the concourse and singing - well - carols.

I chose to upgrade to first class and then proceeded to talk myself into the first class lounge for US Airways (which they share with Continental).  I sat myself in a cushy chair, finished my starbucks and settled in for the long wait. 

Thankfully, I come prepared to entertain myself in airports. I had two books with me and my journal.  I didn't have to worry about being bored.  Or so I thought. Turns out that early in the morning, nothing sounds fun to do. So I sat and watched people come and go in the lounge.  I had more coffee, a danish and finally started reading my new book on writing. (One of my new years goals is to get better at writing...aren't you lucky?) Notice I said "writing" not "spelling"?

The phone rang again at about 10am.  It was US Airways telling me the flight was now delayed until 1pm. Great.  Text the MomUnit telling her to not leave until I text her again to let her know I'm sitting on the plane.  The plane, apparently, had a malfunctioning computer in one of the engines. They had to have one flown in from Phoenix, install it, test it, start the engine, test it, etc.  I much rather they fix it while the plane's on the ground then wait until we're air born...so I didn't mind waiting.

At about 11:30 I wondered out of the first class lounge in search of lunch.  Back down to the main concourse and discovered the airport was WAY busier than when I had originally arrived at O'dark thirty.  Tons of families with yelling kids now wandered the paths. I knew it was the holiday season. 

I found lunch, found my gate and sat and waited with the rest of the very tired travelers of flight 51 headed to Phoenix...someday.  Most were not cranky or angry about the delay, but there were a couple who were furious.  Too bad really, because things break, things happen. You can choose to be upset about it or you can choose to chill the hell out. 

Finally, we boarded. I have never been so thankful for upgrading to first class as I was at that moment. First on, and first off. And first with drinks and snacks. MMMM

The flight was uneventful except for this...

Ah Mt. Rainer - so beautiful.

Landed without incident too. Thankfully.  The MomUnit and a good family friend were circling and finally found me.  It felt good to finally be there. Christmas could now officially begin.

The Adventures of Puck

Saucy

On of my nieces - we'll call her "Little Red Head" (LRH) just bought herself her first car.  It brought back some pretty fun memories of the first car I purchased.  You'll remember, if you remember any of my blog postings, that the ParentalUnits "bought" (more liked towed home) a 1971 Ford Country Squire station wagon - with wood paneling because driving a station wagon around wasn't embarrassing enough - in high school.  I really shouldn't complain, that car got me and my friends around. 

But LRH buying her first car, with her own hard earned money reminded me of Saucy.

In in 1989 I was still in college.  The summer before college I was working a couple of jobs all in hopes of buying myself my first car.  The ParentalUnits weren't sure I needed a car in college, but I was convinced I did.  So, they said if I could buy it and maintain it, I could have a car. Thus the two jobs. 

I had my idea of what I wanted and like any naive teenager I was sure I was going to buying a super cute, well maintained, fast, sporty car.  How wrong I was.  After driving many cars, I finally settled on Saucy.

A 1975 Toyota Celica...bumble bee yellow.

Now Saucy was quite a car.  Bumble bee yellow, black interior, no dents, no scratches, a 5-speed, and in darn good condition for this little car. I bought her off a WSU grad so she also came with 4 studded snow tires.  She was perfect for a college student on a budget. 

Saucy also had a nice new tape deck (this was the 80's remember) and it had that new feature that it would skip an entire song when you hit FF and go to the next one...remember that?  I remember thinking how cool it was that you didn't have to hold down the FF button and keep "guessing" when the song ended. 

She was perfect.  She was sporty, speedy - relatively, and just what I needed.  So I packed her full in August of 1989 and headed to Pullman.

She did her job and bussed me and my friends all over Pullman and into Moscow Idaho when we felt the need for a "road trip" (all 8 miles from Pullman).  We were living the life.

Saucy, like many of my cars, not only had a name, but a mascot. Grimmy.

You all remember the cartoon Mother Goose and Grimm? Well I had a stuffed animal version of Grimm that had suction cups on all 4 paws.  Grimm road on the gear shift- very provocatively too I might add.  Every time Blueberry would get into the car she'd yell, "GRIMM-EEEEE!"  It was her thing.

Anyhow, Grimmy road shot gun on the gear shift, or on the back window depending on his mood.  He was yellow, Saucy was yellow, it was a match made in heaven.

Saucy did have her problems though. The summer of 1990 before I sold her (we'll get into that) she had a hole in her muffler. And while I thought she sounded like a hot rod, the ParentalUnits said it had to get fixed. 

During the school year though she only had a few issues. She had crack in something in the engine and it cost this college student a LOT of $$ to fix it. Still it was worth it.

Then came January in Pullman.  It was the weekend and we had been hit with one helluva snow and ice storm.  It was cold like only Pullman can get.The wind was whipping through the Stephenson towers and the roads were all iced over.

Saucy was parked in the parking lot in an end spot that you could see when you came round the corner of Stephenson East.

It was in the morning and I was coming back from the bathroom when I hear from the TV room, "Oooo that yellow car just got hit."

OMG...Saucy.

I ran to the window and watched as this little CR-X backed up after hitting my car. 

I no sooner recovered from that, within 5 minutes and another car came around the corner and smacked into Saucy.  Clearly I needed to move her. 

Down I trudge in freezing temperatures only to discover she wouldn't start.  All the way back to the 9th floor, call a friend to come jump start Saucy, and wait for him to get there.

In 30 minutes, Saucy got hit 3 more times. 

By the time the friend got there and we moved Saucy she had just one little dent on her.  She was made of metal man...woot. All the little cars that hit her, however, didn't fair so well.  This little CR-X had some serious front end damage.  She looked good with her new battle scar.

Still the end of the school year came and I was gearing up to head to Guadalajara Mexico on an exchange program for the first semester of 1990.  I didn't need to keep Saucy around for that time and figured it was time to sell her. I worked with a young man (hah - he was my age at the time) who was in need of a car.  He offered me $1000 for her to be paid at the end of the summer. 

So August rolled around, I had $1000 in my hands and was handing the keys over to this young man.  It was bitter sweet to me. She was such a good car and really did treat me well. To this day when I see a Toyota Celica on the street I yell, "GRIMM-EEEE!"

Monday Sugar Fall

Sugar fall is most certainly what happened last night.  For my December Sunday Dinner I did a cookie exchange. And all the little elves that were invited did a great job brings holiday goodies. But I'll get to that. 

This weekend started out with a viewing of Joseph and the Amazing Technocolored Dreamcoat at the Second Story Repertory Theater. A good friend of mine had one of the leads, and so Blueberry and I figured we'd go see her, then go to our Christmas dinner.  We stopped giving gifts this year, or maybe it was last year, and decided to just go to a nice dinner instead. 

The show was great. Packed theater, great singing, and some fantastic actors.  It was a condensed version - which being that I'd never seen it had me a bit confused at times.  But like I said, all in all it was a great show and something fun/different to do for the holidays.

After the show we went to a restaurant we hadn't been to for almost 12 years. I had bought a GroupOn for Ristorante Simone's that was once in our backyard when we lived in another part of Redmond a thousand years ago.  I remembered the food and the atmosphere being fantastic.  We drove to the restaurant only to find that it wasn't at the location I thought it was.  A quick look at the address and we realized they had moved into this strip mall - that didn't use to be there - across the street.

The decor was hip and trendy, that host gorgeous.  We both figured we'd be happy to have wrapped and under our tree.  Since we had $50 to spend we figured we'd do appetizers.  We ordered their calamari...OMG so good.  They served it with a spicy, very spicy tomato chutney ... and I've gotta say, it was pretty darn tasty.

After we ordered wine, and our entre and proceeded to stuff ourselves silly. No room for dessert.  Unless the host was willing...which our luck he was probably taken or gay.

Then it was up early on Sunday to grocery shop for Sunday dinner. I wanted to do a standing rib roast, but just couldn't stomach the cost - even on sale. So I opted for roast beef. Which, I must say, was delicious.  I served roast beef, this "low-cal" (yah right) potato casserole, Parmesan broccoli and a mixed salad with vanilla-pear vinaigrette - one of my favorites. I'll post the other recipes later this week. 

I had planned for 6 people, so I was all set.  An hour in, we were all sitting around chatting when there was a knock at the door.  I hollered "Come in." and in walk The Landlords. I was quite confused.  I didn't remember I had invited them.  So I had a look, I'm sure, of utter confusion. When I asked Mr. Landlord why he was there he gave me the look of, "Really?".  I felt quite stupid, but thankful that I'm a Wraspir and so cook for a small army. We had plenty of food, with very little leftovers.

Dessert was a cookie exchange.  And as I mentioned everyone got into the fun.  We had pin wheel cookies, Hello Dollies, peanut butter balls, ginger snaps, Junior Mint brownies, Walnut cookies, gum drop cookies, and little decorated gingerbread men. 

 Yum...

 I think the sugar greatly affected us. Oh wait, that's just how we are normally. Never mind.

It was another successful Sunday Dinner.  And as you can tell in both, Puck joined us as well.  He's a big fan of sugar.

Puppy Love

Most anyone who knows me that I'm a big fan of dogs.  I'm a big fan of big dogs mostly, but there are a few little dogs that have managed to wiggle their way into my heart. 

A million years ago I worked in a coffee truck at a local dog park. Axl Snacks it was called.  The truck sold not only coffee to the dog's people, but organic dog treats for the puppies.  The job was from dusk until dawn on the weekends.  Which, in the summer in Seattle, means 14+ hour days.  It was hard, but fun work.  I loved seeing all the dogs and got to a point where I knew the names of most the regular dogs -but couldn't tell you the names of their owners. 

The gig paid well and I got to spend many hours outside loving and spoiling other peoples dogs.

This past weekend I took photos of dogs.

Let me back up. The Pantry Goat approached me a couple of months ago about a potential co branding of a fund raiser idea.  A local retirement community in which the Pantry Goat's mother lives was wanting to raise $$ for a dog park for their community.  PG and her mom thought taking photos of people with their dogs and Santa would be a great fund raiser idea.  PG approached me to see if I'd be the photographer.  Gladly! She also offered that we'd split the $$ between the dog park and Susan G. Komen fund raising. Another stellar idea.  So I said yes.

I gathered Team Wraspir (BigBro, SSIL, and Blueberry) and we all spent a good portion of Saturday taking photos of residents and their dogs.  We didn't make millions, but we did make enough to make us want to do it again perhaps in the spring or at other events at the retirement community.

Here are some of my favorite dogs.

Meet Baily.  He was the sweetest little Shelty I've ever met.  He was wide and reminded me of the footstool in Beauty and the Beast.  I wanted to take Baily home.

Meet Pepper.  Sweet, timid Pepper. But oh so friendly. She didn't mind at all wearing the antlers.

Meet Cooper. Oh such beautiful eyes Cooper has.  Like Pepper, Cooper sat patiently and let us put antlers on him. 

Meet Rusty.  Another sweet, sweet dog who didn't mind at all wearing Santa's hat.

I discovered this past weekend that I really like taking photos of dogs.  Having Blueberry and BigBro as assistants was critical too. BigBro was the Dog Whisperer.  He was able to get their attention with the myriad of noises he can make with his mouth. Most useful noise, his duck call. Who knew.  Meanwhile Blueberry had an eye for composition. She was good at placing people and their dogs together.  She saw things I was missing and visa versa. It really helped having 3 of us working the pooches.  I won't even tell you how many out of focus, pooches walking half way off the set, type photos I have. Let's just say I'm thankful for digital.

Following a very exciting Saturday, I put together my new scrapbook room.  Well, the room isn't new. And scrapbooking certainly isn't new, but the desk and its components around it are new. 

I've been wanting a larger desk to allow me to "spread out" while I work. So I stumbled onto a nice corner desk at Office Depot. It was a bit more than I wanted to spend so I passed on it.  Then last week I went into Office Depot for something else and noticed the desk was 40% off. SOLD!  And I talked the clerk into giving me free delivery.  Win! 

The desk was delivered last Friday and I spent Sunday assembling it. Blueberry came over to scrapbook and "help" and thank god she was there. I was having issues, let's just say.  Though I only unscrewed and redid about 4 things. Not bad considering the IKEA-esque directions they provided.  I really should scan them and show them to you because - while I consider myself a smart person - I NEVER would have figured out what Blueberry figured out.

The room looks great. I have some ideas for the wall behind all the scrapbook stuff. Seeing it all together like that makes me cringe a little - that's a lot of stuff.  I really wish I would have taken a photo of the before and the den with all the stuff sitting, waiting, to be put away. Holy Scrapbook Convention Batman. I could totally run my own convention.

Desiderata

I was reminded of this today and thought I'd share.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.