The Return of Jenicide

Roller derby weekend! Woot! But I'll get to that.

What a weekend! Full of adventures, and friends, and bad food.Well, good food, but bad for me.

Friday night the bosses came over so we could make vision boards.  I haven't made a vision board in - forever - it seems. I think the last time I made one it was for wedding stuff and it was like right after college.  I think I may have started a travel one some time in the early 2000's but I don't remember finishing it.

In case you don't know what a vision board is, it's basically a bunch of saying, expressions, inspirations for a topic that you put together on a piece of paper. Most people cut out said sayings from magazines and what not. These "saying" are supposed to help focus yourself to reaching whatever goal it is you're trying to envision. 

Mine, no big surprise, was about health and encouragement towards a healthy lifestyle.

I think it turned out pretty good. And, it turns out, scrapbooking supplies come in handy with vision boards too.  The bosses vision boards were stunning. Both focusing on a few different areas of their lives.  At the end of the night we had our visions. 

Then one of the bosses and I went to the gym. See! Living out my vision board almost immediately.

Saturday AM was the weigh in at Jenny.  I was stunned to see only another pound gone. In fact, I was kinda bummed.  I felt like I had done pretty well last week and to only see a pound down was a bit disheartening.  After I left Jenny I had to have a talk with myself and remind myself that it didn't take a week to get me to this weight, so it sure as heck-fire won't take a week to get rid of it.  Still I was frustrated, but I got over it. I think.

Saturday night we headed to the Rat City Roller derby. OMG.  The roller derby is a blast and a half.  I've been before and I thought I might have missed my calling in life. This time I realized, while I may have missed my calling, I realized I got bruised just watching these ladies.  Sheesh.  They are vicious out there...in a good way.  The rules don't allow some of the more aggressive moves, but still these girls were falling all the time. I'd fall once and call it a day. 

The two bouts we watched were DLF versus Socket Wenches.  DLF being the winner there. Then we watched Grave Danger (current champions) versus Throttle Rockets.  The second bout was way more entertaining. It was as if those two teams had more experienced skaters or something.  The score was closer and the audience was WAY more into it.

I loved this shirt.  And boy, after watching bout 2, I could see how this could, in fact, be the case.  While they don't allow elbowing and what not, the method of using their hips and shoulders to knock out opponents still seemed to work.

The roller derby girls all had different interpretations of their uniforms.  They stayed within the color scheme of their team but clearly added their own little flair. 

If you've not been to roller derby, you should give it a try. It's good, clean, elbow tossing, fun.

This week is a short week for me. I'm heading to Tucson on Friday to visit the 'rents.  I'm hoping they'll be sun there and warmer temperatures than last time I was there.

Happy Adoptaversary!

Today I'm 30.  Yes. Thirty!  I didn't mistype that.  I really am 30 today.

30 years ago today, my dad adopted me. I officially became a Wraspir -- and my life hasn't been the same since. 

When the MomUnit and the other DadUnit divorced in 1979 I really didn't feel anything. Looking back I was surprisingly ok with the whole thing.  And I'm not sure it effected me one way or another.  It was the MomUnit, The Sister and I against the world.  We moved to Lancaster California to start our new life.

I have no real concept of time a as a kid, but I can summise by doing math that sometime in 1980 or 1981 the MomUnit and the New DadUnit started dating.  I remember the "soon-to-be" New DadUnit coming to pick the MomUnit up for a date. He came in the door so dapper, so handsome, so confident.  I had no idea that one day he'd be my dad.

I had no idea that he'd become such an integral part of who I have become. That his guidance, along with the MomUnit, would help me to build a life I can be proud of.

I had no idea he'd up-root our little family and move us to Washington.

I had no idea he'd up-root our little family again and move us to Saudi Arabia and me to a boarding school in Switzerland.

I had no idea he'd "expect" me to go to college -- no arguments.

I had no idea that he'd be a dad! Not just a father, but a dad.

Happy Adoptaversary Dad!

The Truth about Grandpa’s

Today would have been my Grandpa Spaid’s 112^th 109th birthday (The MomUnit can't add). I feel like I was gipped out of knowing him. He passed away while I was still too young to understand how incredible grandparents really are. I was too young to actively seek his company and listen to his stories. I was too young to know I wouldn’t have years to get to know him.

Still I knew him as only a child could know a grandparent. He was a superhero to me. I was thinking today about some of my memories of Grandpa Spaid and I. And since this is my blog, I’m gonna share them.

1. Bike rides in Albuquerque

I really don’t remember much about our time living in Albuquerque. I seemed to have blocked out most of it. I don’t recall going to school so I think I might have been too young yet. I do remember Grandma and Grandpa Spaid staying with us for a while. In kids time it seemed like they were always there in NM. My older sister had a bike that had a banana seat on it. In the afternoons, Grandpa would take turns riding my sister and I on this bike. We’d go around and around in our little cul d’sac. I’d yell, “Pedal faster.” And he’d just giggle like he was having more fun than I was. I wish we had photos of those memories.

2. Snoopy Biting His Ribs at Dinner

My grandparents had beagles. One “followed” my uncle home. The other was deposited with them from our family. I’m not sure why Happy was sent to live with them, but it probably has to do with us moving around. Happy and Snoopy kept Grandpa and Grandma Spaid “safe”. Snoopy was a character. She had her own ideas about things, and was the laziest dog I’ve ever known. Grandpa taught her to grin at you. She’d roll her lips back, wag her tail and show you her teeth. She was a fat, barrel shaped beagle that was the sweetest dog ever. She and grandpa had a special bond. He used to feed her from the table against Grandma’s wishes. Not a lot. But little bits and pieces of his food. And occasionally Snoopy would get a bit inpatient and give stand up and give Grandpa a love bit in his ribs. Turns out Grandpa was ticklish in his ribs. He’d squirm to the side and say, “Stop that Snoopy.” I loved watching the gleam in his eye and he’d laugh at that stupid dog’s antics.

3. Bananas, half and half and sugar

As a treat, or as dessert Grandpa would often have bananas with half and half and a sprinkle of sugar on the top. Looking back I think he had a sweet tooth. I remember him fixing up a bowl for me. I am not sure how old I was but they were living on Soldano in Azuza. He and I sat at the table around breakfast time. He sliced a banana into his bowl. Sliced one into mine. Poured half and half in his bowl. Then did the same in mine. Then he said to me, “Now for the good part.” and he sprinkled sugar on each of our servings. To this day I crave bananas and half and half once in a while. Oh and he’s also the one who taught me how to eat cottage cheese with sugar on it. If I were to ever eat cottage cheese, you can bet I’d put sugar on it.

4. Lawn chairs and quiet time

I have some very fond memories of finding Grandpa sitting in his backyard, or on the back deck, or in his garage with the door opened in a lawn chair just sitting—quietly. Or at least it was quiet until I showed up. I’m sure he was out there contemplating life or thinking about how much he had to do. Or he could have just been escaping us kids and Grandma for all I know. I do know I never got to ask him why he sat out in his lawn chair. I bet his answer would surprise me.

5. Avocados

Avocados are not something I like. I doubt it has to do with this next memory, but maybe. At their house on Soldano, they had a HUGE, and I mean HUGE avocado tree. (Chances are high it wasn’t nearly as big as I remember. I also remember their house being huge. And as an adult driving by it and seeing how small it was was a shock to me. ) Anyhow, each summer the avocados would get ripe. Grandpa would pick the one’s within his reach. He’d then send my sister or I up the tree of the ones on the top. I wasn’t a very graceful child, so having me climbing a tree was risky. He’d get us up there and then hand us a rake. He’d stay on the ground and “direct” us where to climb to get the next avocado.

 

6. Mowing Aunt Millie’s lawn

This memory kinda has to do with the next memory. On a regular basis, my grandpa would load up his stinky lawn mower in the back of their Pontiac station wagon and drive to my Aunt Millie’s house. It was only a couple miles away, or at least that's what it seemed to me at the time.  He'd unload the mower, tell me to go on in side, and he'd proceed to mow Aunt Millie's yard.  I remember wondering as a kid why he did it. She seemed capable enough to do it.  But as I got older I realized it wasn't about her ability to do it, it was something he wanted to do for her.  He liked being helpful that way.  Always willing to help someone out and never asked for anything in return.

 

7. The Big Turquoise station wagon.

On many of those trips to Aunt Millie's house, Grandpa would let me "drive".  They had an old turquoise Pontiac station wagon that was a beast of a car.  They had it for as long as I could remember and it became a beacon to me.  When ever we'd be going to visit them or them coming to visit us, the site of that bright blue wagon meant good things.  The Grandparents were near.  Anyhow, on our way to Aunt Millie's house one day I asked Grandpa if I could drive.  He told me I wasn't old enough to drive entirely by myself, but he'd let me "help". So I slid over (see the old Pontiac had bench seats so sliding over was easy.) and he gently put my left hand on the wheel.  He would tell me to keep it between the curb and the dashed line.  I didn't know, or realize at the time, that he "other" hand was doing the driving, but I didn't care. Grandpa trusted me eoung to let me drive.

8. Growing tomatoes and introducing me to tomato worms

Grandpa had a green thumb when it came to tomatoes.  He may have grown other things, but I only remember the tomatoes.  When we lived in Lancaster we had plants upon plants upon plants of tomatoes in the backyard.  The crop it would yield was something out of a sci-fi movie.  Huge tomatoes.  Even to this day when I smell a tomato vine I think of Grandpa. 

One day he was out putzing around his tomatoes and he yelled to me, "Come over here! I've got something special to show you."  I went over to where he was standing and he was pointing down toward a leaf.  Sitting on the leaf was the ugliest, greenest, horny-est worm I had ever seen.  It was gross.  Grandpa explained to me the tomato worm was an even critter and must be take care of whenever I found one.  I then made one vital mistake. I asked him what I should do.  His response was simple, "Kill it." "Well, how do you kill it Grandpa?"  His response was action. He grabbed that worm off that leaf, threw it to the ground and stomped on it. Lifting his foot all I saw was green goo.  Needless to say, I didn't kill any tomato worms.

9. Teaching me about 4 o’clocks

Back to the house on Soldano.  Along the fence there was a plant, vine thingy that had beautiful flowers on it.  I asked Grandpa one day while he was sitting in his law chair trying to get some peace and quiet what the plant was.

"Why, those are 4 o'clocks," he said.

"Why are they called 4 o'clocks?" I questioned.

He said, "Because every day at 4 in the afternoon they open. And when they open that's when you know its time to go inside the house and tell Grandma to start dinner."

For the rest of the summer, whenever I was outside, I'd watch for those flowers to open.  I'm not sure if he was yanking my chain about them actually only opening at 4, but I do know that it was a pretty smart way to get rid of me and send me inside to bug grandma.

I wish I had more memories of Grandpa.  He was a special man and the type of Grandpa every kid should have.  Happy 112th Birthday Grandpa. Sure wish you were here to sit with me on my lawn and just be quiet.

Happy S.A.D Day...

Actually the world "day" after S.A.D. is redundant. 

Happy Single Awareness Day!  All you married and dating types, Happy Valentine's Day. May your heart be filled with chocolate cream.

I'm not going to rail against VD this year. I'm done with that. I have more important things to discuss.  And taking a page out of my favorite blogger's book, I'm doing a list. She does it...so can I.

1. First thing Saturday - I weighed in. 2 more lbs gone!  If you're keeping count at home that's 7 total. 

2. Following the weigh in, I hopped in Sparky and headed north to chat with a few gals about the 3 day. A good friend of mine had asked if I'd come up and give them the scoop on the 3day and help get them going.  I love talking about the 3day so I was game.  I pull up and as I'm walking up to the house, three gals come out of the door. The first gal I looked at quizzically. She looked at me and said, "I know you!"  And I was all, "I know you too."  Turns out she and I worked at a scrapbooking store back in 2003 and 2004.  She was just getting ready to go off to college and I always wondered what happened to her. She was a good kid, responsible and easy to work with.  And it looks like she's done pretty good for herself. So YAY for small worlds.

2. Later Saturday I met Blueberry at Mediterranean Kitchen.  You can probably still smell the garlic coming out of my pores. Their hummus is some of the best I've ever had, and it will keep any and all vampires away. Wow. Blueberry and I chit chatted there for a bit then walked over to Starbucks for some more girl talk. We were interrupted by this random guy eavesdropping on us, but he seemed harmless and amusing, so we "let" him talk to us.

3. Sunday was Sunday Dinner.  We missed January thanks to Snowpocalypse. So we had some making up to do. The usual suspects came. There was laughter, there was food, there was some inappropriate conversations for a dinner party...but what do you expect from this crowd?

I love this photo because it looks like I am wearing a head dress.

Left to Right: BigBro, PhotoGirl, The Yank, Blueberry, Puck, The Pantry Goat, Seattle SIL, Queen PopUp, Mr. Queen PopUp, yours truly. 

This is how everyone appears BEFORE dinner.

Then we eat dinner. I tried to say healthy this time so I made BBQ chicken skewers, rice pilaf and grilled veggies. Way better for you than the Cajus Stroganoff I had planned.

You can tell everyone hated it.  Almost no left overs for the Pantry Goat.  There's only been a couple of dinner where I've had no leftovers.  I started planning like a Wraspir for quantities then I subtract 10%. It seems to be working. Well, except for the over abundance of rice I had. Last minute decision and I made WAY too much pilaf.

Weird, but this is always what happens after people eat my food.  Its like the food is so good they get a bad case of the crazies!

4. The Grammy's were this weekend. I'm not one to watch award shows. They bore me usually.  I wanted to see this time what, if anything, they did for Whitney Houston since she had passed away on Saturday.  Turns out the show was pretty entertaining.  The Foo Fighters...OMG... I heart them.  Dave Grohl can sing to me anytime he wants. Maybe he wants to be my valentine...Ever since I saw a rockumentary on them a year or so ago, I was in love with the band.  And let's not forget Adele. I have two words for her: Power. House. My god that woman can sing.  What I really like about Adele is she's not your wafe of a person. She's real. She's not model thin and she's beautiful. I like that she owns who she is and is appreciative, or seems to be, of everything that has happened to her over the past year. Way to go Adele.  Adele for President.

5. I have no more to say.

On Eating Carrots

I know you won’t believe me, but as I type I’m eating carrots. 

 

I’m not a carrot fan, or rather I wasn’t a carrot fan. And maybe I’m still not a carrot fan, but I am a ranch fan.  And carrots with a ranch chaser…tasty. 

Ranch isn’t the best dressing to use when you’re trying to change the way you eat. But I’m not a big fan of other types of dressings either. And let’s face it, a carrot without a dressing on it…blech.

So in an attempt to make my carrots more tasty and avoid the ladles of calories that come with ranch dressing, I made a low-cal version.

Yes, I know I can buy “lite” ranch. And I’ll repeat, Blech! Someone who came up with a low cal ranch dressing that actually tastes like the other would be a millionaire. I’m sure of it.

Back to my adjustments.  In the great Northwest you can buy a powdered brand called Uncle Dan’s.  Uncle Dan’s was introduced to me by the DadUnit many, many moons ago. We lived in California and couldn’t get Uncle Dan’s. Then every time we visited Washington we’d stock up on Uncle Dan’s.  Now mind you this was before the Internet so ordering online wasn’t an option. How different my suitcase would have been? We stuffed packets of ranch in places packets of ranch shouldn’t be stuffed.

The recipe for making this ranch dressing is the same as most: some type of milk and mayo. Uncle Dan’s specifically calls for buttermilk and mayo.

I found at my grocery story low-fat buttermilk (which is only 98 calories).  I made my Uncle Dan’s with low-fat buttermilk, low-fat mayo, and a scoop of low-fat sour cream. See I like a thicker ranch for dipping. I also added more ranch packets to the mix.  One packet calls for 1c of buttermilk and mayo.  I did 1.5 packets to my 2 cups of cream goodness.  Adds that extra ranchy-ness. And Yum.

I am not a fan of fat-free mayo.  But in a mix like this you can’t even tell.

I couldn’t really figure out how many calories are in this mixture – I mean I could, but I don’t really want to.  I checked MyFitnessPal and Hidden Valley Ranch Salad Dressing made with skim milk and light mayo is 46 calories for 2T.  So I figured my Uncle Dan’s is likely somewhere near there.

The point is, I’m eating carrots.  And choosing carrots, which is even odder for me.

Last night I had a Getting Started Meeting for the 3day. My plan was to, somehow, get in a work out and have dinner before I left for the meeting.  I had to also give myself 45 minutes to get to the meeting in rush hour.

I left work a tad early and headed to the gym, kicking and screaming. I did NOT feel like working out.  I swear on the drive to the gym I had a skinny Jenn dressed with angle wings on one shoulder telling me to go and a fat Jenn wearing red horns on the other telling me to just skip it.  So I compromised. I told myself, I’ll just drive to the gym and see how I feel (see I started bringing my workout clothes with me to work so I didn’t have go home first.). I drove to the gym and parked. I sat in the car for a minute or two trying to get up the energy to just go in.  “Just go into the gym,” I told myself.  Once in the gym I knew I couldn’t turn around.  I changed my clothes and stomped upstairs not at all wanting to work out.  Still I climbed on the elliptical and punched in 20 minutes. I figured if I did 15 of it, I’d get a gold star for just being there.  I ended up doing 20 and felt good.

I’m not going to say that I was happy with doing 20. I was happy that I managed to get there with ALL the talk of the red devil telling me not to.

I headed home, changed my clothes, and went downstairs. It wasn’t quite dinner time yet, but I was hungry. Normally, I’d grab a bag of chips and sit down with my diet coke and “snack”.  This time I opened the fridge and saw the carrots, bright and orange staring at me.  I grabbed them and some Uncle Dan’s and we had a snack.  My appetizer.  Shortly thereafter I decided it was late enough to have dinner and I was off.

A couple things I know to be true now:

1. I can make the right choice.  And making that right choice is WAY easier when you have the right things to choose from. I’m not sure I would have made the same choice if those carrots were sitting next to a bag of chips. 
2. Even on off days, you can still feel good about a lame workout.  I went. I did something.
3. Carrots and ranch are da bomb!

Not Quite What I thought

So 4 weeks down and 5 lbs.  Yes!  I find it hard to believe it has been 4 week since I’ve changed my eating and movement lifestyle.  That time went fast, almost too fast. Blueberry didn't believe me yesterday when I told her it had been 4 weeks.  I had to get the calendar out to prove it.

Last week I hid my scale. It had been sitting unharmed for years in my bathroom right next to the sink.  Dusty old thing.  Then in January I dusted it off and thought it would help motivate me throughout the week. I mean who doesn’t like weighing themselves first thing in the morning, after pee’ing and with no clothing on? It’s the best you weigh all day.  I was only stepping on the little devil on Friday mornings just to give me an idea on how the weigh in would be on Saturday AM.  That little action would often set a tone with me, good or bad, for the day.  Finally last week I decided I didn’t need that.  I would know in my heart if I was doing well or not. 

Turns out last week I did well.

I had inadvertantly been sabotaging myself for a couple of weeks. See, I like a lot of viddles on my salads.  I had carefully checked all the calorie count and decided I wasn't using full servings and so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. And by the individual salad it really wouldn't, but when I was making these "little" salads twice a day all week, those calories add up.

Last week, I took the salads out of the food rotation altogether and focused on just veggies with my meals.  Between that and upping my work outs by 5 more minutes I lost 2.6 lbs. WOOT! (Of course after the weekend I had I may have added some of that back on – sheesh).

The Niece came to stay with me Saturday to spend some quality time with her favorite aunt.  I was 4 weeks behind on some photo assignments and thought since it was sunny and warm out that Sparky, The Niece, Puck and I should head to the beach. So we piled into Sparky, put the top down and off we went. 

These “assignments” from this photography class is really just inspiration lists. Nothing that was "due" per se.  The instructor calls them Treasure Hunts and it’s basically a list of a dozen items to consider photographing. The idea being to get you out of your comfort zone and to try to photograph things you might not normally think to photograph.  The Niece was the  official list holder.  As we walked along Alki she was rattling off items and we’d point and say, “OOOO something fuzzy.”  I’d run over and snap a photo of it.  

 Or she’d yell, “Girl with a funny hat.”

Or “Your feet in the sand”

And then she figured she had to take matters in her own hands and solve the “a heart in your path” item and built this heart with stones.  At which time I said, “You have a heart of stone.” And she just rolled her eyes like any young person would at a bad joke from you aunt.

Finally we had shot just about all we could wandering the beach.  I hadn't had lunch yet and it was WAY past my feeding time, so we headed up to a local place and had some Mexican food.  A dark, scary looking little shack that had pretty darn good food. On the way The Niece says, "A brightly colored popsicle - sort of - its cold at least" and she was pointing at this little gem. 

I asked the mom if I could take the little girls photo before I started shooting and while I was shooting this little girl stood staring off in the other direction, intently paying attention on something.  She never once looked my way and I snapped about a dozen shots of her. 

Sunday The Niece and I were up and out to breakfast at one of my favorite local places, Couzins. 

The Niece ordered chocolate chip pancakes and when this plate of sugar was delivered, she just looked down at it and said, "Well, I'd better dig in."  She was going to be on some kind of sugar high after that meal.  Thankfully she'd be in her car on her way home by the time that high came on and I wouldn't have to deal with the high then crash that would follow.  She headed out after breakfast and headed home.  It was great to spend time with her and just hang with a young lady who has her life mostly figured out.  But I have faith she'll get there and will make the right choices for her and her goals.

Yesterday afternoon was, in case you didn't know, the Superbowl.  I was rooting for the Patriots for no other reason than Drew Bledsoe played for them and he was the quarterback during my stint at WSU.  That and I'm not a Giants fan...Blueberry and the Pantry Goat came over and we sat and yammered on during the game and was silent during the commercials.  Which...were...horrible this year. Man, all that money for a TV ad and that's the best they could come up with? We decided the Doritos commercials were funny as was the VW commercial. Otherwise we figured it was a waste of time. In fact, we only really got interested in the game during the last 4 minutes.  That was when the Pantry Goat says, "So how do they get points?"

Epiphany Nuggets

So far this life style change has been full of what I like to call "epiphany nuggets". These little moments where something finally clicks. Or a moment where you fully understand and are aware of a habit, situation or thought process.  Oprah calls them "Ah-Ha" moments. But that's so 1990's.

For years....YEARS... my day has been consumed with thinking about where my next meal was going come from and when it was going to come.  I've done some deep soul diving in the past to try to figure out why that is. Its not like I was ever hungry as a child.  Sure we didn't have a lot in our family, but I don't remember ever going without food. The MomUnit may have, but us kids never did. Unless if we did, I've blocked that out of my mind.

My life has been about food.  The constant badgering about when I'll be eating again.  As you can imagine, that has played a significant role in how I've kept my girlish figure all these years. (insert heavy sarcasm.)

When I started this new way of eating, I was naive enough to think that I'd no longer have to think about food every waking minute.  That Jenny has it all planned out for me, and that was that. Wash my hands of the subject.

Turns out...I actually think about food WAY more now. 

Its not so much about when am I going to eat again but rather, what I'll be eating.  The planning that has to go into eating healthy is ridiculous. And I do know that one day it won't feel like such an effort, that it'll just be the new reality, but in the meantime, I think about food all .... the.... time....!

I know many people who struggle with the planning part of eating and preparing to eat healthy.  Being a project manager, planning comes easy to me. It's the best part of a project. And I am, afterall, one big project. (Let's hope I can come in on time, under budget, and within scope.) It dawned on me though that not everyone is a planner.  So I figured why not run through what I do.  Maybe it'll help someone. Maybe it'll just be pointless words on a blog. 

It all starts for me on the weekend.  The grocery shopping day.  I have been weighing in and getting my Jenny food on Saturday. I will not, cannot, go grocery shopping after that.  By the time I weigh in I haven't had breakfast and by the time I'm done I'll be hungry. Grocery shopping and hunger are never a good thing.

Once I get home, I sit down with my new menu and start planning.  Now for those of you who aren't on Jenny this would be a good time to sit down and actually plan your meals for the week.  And while this planning is going on, you make a grocery list. What fruits are you going to buy, and how many. What veggies do I want this week? And how many?  Do I need any yogurt this week? And how many?

You get the picture.

Voila.  Half the planning is done.  You have a menu and a grocery list. Now go shopping.

That's the easy part.  The hard part is each day thinking about what your plan is.  Again, I'm find myself thinking about food.  But in a good way.

I know I'll be eating at 8am, 10am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm and 8pm today.  The main meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner are taken care of. The in-between meals need thought. 

Then as each day comes to a close, I review everything I've eaten all day and make sure it's been posted to myfitnesspal.com to count my calories and exercise.  Then its thinking about what tomorrow looks like.  I start gathering my meals and snacks for work so that it's all packed and ready to go. Its important for me to do it the night before because I can guarantee you in the morning before coffee, something will be forgotten.

Throughout the day I don't watch the clock. I have reminders set up throughout the day to remind me to eat.  Incidentally, I also use those reminders to get up and walk around or go pee.  It's a great way to break up your day. 

After one meal is done, I think about what my next snack should be. Thankfully, I've surrounded myself with a moat of healthy options. Jenny does provide some of those options, so that makes it a bit easier.

Anyhow, my point is, at the end of the day, I've thought about food ALL day.  My plan to not think about food is nothing but a faded memory.

And here's the thing, I wonder, am I like everyone else who eats healthy?  Is this the "norm" for healthy eating?

The other new thing that I do that just baffles me that I do it, is I now consider, heavily consider, what the calories are for something I'm about to eat.

Let's say, for example, I've had all my food for today and yet I'm still hungry.   I may reach for a 100 calorie snack bar.  In the past I'd just eat it, or two or three. Now, I think about what that means.  And I think, "Is it worth it?" (and more importantly I question whether I'm hungry or bored).  Nine times out of ten I put the bar down.  Its weird. And so not like me.  I even find myself wanting to find out what the calories are for foods in restaurants.  Which, BTW, is sad and scary in and of itself. 

thinking about food, constantly will help drive progress. And progress, after all, is what really drives me.

Pansies...

The MomUnit has a quote in her email signature that says, "Growing old is not for pansies."

I'd like to revise that to read, "Getting a healthier lifestyle is not for pansies."

This becoming healthy thing is hard.  The decisions that one must make on a regular basis is hard.

But I've never really backed down from something hard. I mean I laced up my tennis shoes and trained to walk 60 miles for god sakes...I think I can manage to lose a few lbs. 

My approach this time around isn't, or hasn't been, about "losing weight". Yes. I want to lose weight.  Yes I know that's the major factor here. But its more than that to me. I want to be healthy.  I want to live longer.  And since it dawned on me in kinda a "dah" moment that I have complete control over living longer (well relatively speaking) - then darn it do something about it.

This journey isn't really a journey. I mean it is, at least for now, but eventually it will just be life. And that, my friends, is what I'm looking forward to. The day when these difficult decisions aren't decisions so much as lifestyle that comes naturally.

It took me years to train myself to eat poorly and not exercise. Albeit that training was easy.  This eating healthy, working out, and making good decisions that promote my healthy lifestyle is NOT going to happen over night.

And guess what, some days, I'm going to choose poorly grasshoppa! And that's okay. I'm not interested in the self deprecating talk that all too often happens when people fall off the better eating wagon.

Dining out will most likely ALWAYS be part of my social life.  Some times I'll choose the healthy meal, sometimes I'll choose the not so healthy. The key is making up for that bad decision.

I met a group of girls for dinner last night at a local restaurant.  I knew I needed a plan if I was going to make the good, healthy choice for myself.  I had researched the menu prior to going and determined what on the menu I thought would be "less" fattening and better for me.  There were a couple of options I had in my mind before I sat down.  I chose to not have alcohol - HARD to do when you're out with the girls. And I chose a meal that wasn't perfect, but it was better than previous choices.  But the best part...

I chose to work out afterwards.

Never in my life would I have imagined me driving from a night out with the girls, directly to the gym to do some cardio.  I felt great after I finished my 1.7 miles on the elliptical.  I know, not earth shattering to most of you, but for me it was huge.  I showed myself AGAIN that I can, and I am making the right choices. And that, my friends, is all I can ask of myself right now.

The Road to Hell...

...is paved with good intentions.

Ahhh yes. Intentions.

My intention this morning was to rise and shine and get my butt to the gym.  I'm meeting some girlfriends for dinner after work and won't have time to get there between end of work and beginning of girl awesomeness. 

The alarm went off and I immediately jumped out of bed.  Went potty and jumped right into the shower. After said shower I hopped right back into bed.  45 minutes later the great "Get-er-up-er-Er" Pookie - thankfully woke me.  I rolled over and realized what had happened and just laughed out loud. I can say I did at least GET UP to go work out.  Isn't that half the battle?

Tomorrow's another day.

Last Friday I met with a nutritionist at the gym - an hour consultation came as part of my gym membership.  She was nice, and not as drill Sergeant-y as other nutritionist I've known.  She was very helpful in giving me some tips on snacking better and ideas for snacks.  Then she said something that made me gasp and suddenly recognize I need to up my game....a LOT.

1 pound = 3500 calories. 

Being the math whiz that I am that means in order to lose 1 measly little pound in a week I need to work out to equal 3500 calories.  That's 500 calories a day I need to exercise towards.  That's 7 days a week of 500 calories a day. I'm so not doing that. No wonder I'm not losing very much each week. 

So my plan is to up my cardio 5 more minutes this week. On Friday I was so pleased with myself that I made it for 25 whole minutes on the elliptical without passing out.  You laugh, but I tell you when you've not been doing a darn thing for years - 25 minutes a big step. 

And at 25 minutes I burn about 375 calories. A good start, but not enough.  So this week we're going to try 30 minutes 5 days.  I'd love to say I'll get there 7 days this week, but I'm realistic in that I know I won't. I've still got a social life that I need to take care of.

Oh and the other thing this nutritionist said that made me laugh out loud was to try to have a bowel movement before I weigh in.  Apparently some of those can weigh up to 2 lbs.  Are  you kidding me? I just stared at her like she grew an antler out of her head.  Now, I know I play the "how much can I remove from my body to be decent" game before I weigh in. And I try to weigh in wearing the same clothing...but I never EVER thought about dropping a deuce before weighing in.  Of course now I will - think about it that is. 

Why does it always go back to poop in our family?

Moving on....

On the bright side, I did lose another pound. So if you're keep track at home, that's a whopping 3!  I also got measured on Saturday - I guess they'll be doing that  every 3 weeks.  I lost a half an inch on each the bust, the waist and the abdomen.  The hips stayed the same, which was a bit surprising considering the elliptical training. Oh well. I am glad to see the other areas decreased.

My free meals this weekend were mostly good. Well one of them was mostly good, the other wasn't anywhere near good.  I think I may start rethinking this "free" meal thing and maybe reduce it to just one instead of two free meals a weekend.  Maybe I should make it two free meals for the entire week!  My social life does revolve around food - and that's okay with me - it always has and it always will. I love food.  There in lies the issue. I just need to learn to love better food. Healthier food.

So today starts a new week. I'm ready. Let's get this party started.

Tell me your secrets, and I'll tell you no lies.

My journal - sorta.  It goes everywhere with me. It holds everything in it.  Its just not your standard everyday journal. Oh no. It's much, much more.

On my 11th birthday, I got a diary.  I felt grown up. Finally, I was grown up enough to have stories to tell my diary.  All my 11 yo secrets.  It was light blue, with little yellow stars on it.  It had a small lock that I was naive enough to believe would protect my secrets from my older sister or the adults in the house. 

Once alone I hid my little diary.  I didn't write in it immediately. I thumbed through the pages that smelled of new, exciting secrets that the pages would soon hold.  As I looked at the pages, I wondered just what my teenage future would hold and what I would put down on those white pages, fitting my story on those delicate, little yellow lines.  Would I write about only the happy events? Or would I write about just the sad?  I was trying to make up rules for my diary, when I finally decided that my diary would have no rules. Anything and everything could be written down.  I promised my 11 yo self that I'd write every day and I'd express my true emotions. No lies could be written in the diary.

Page 1: Dear Diary - I would write. 

No. That didn't feel right.  I sat back on my bed with my legs crossed underneath me, chewing on the end of the pen, and scratch that out.  "That sounds so childish", I thought.  Dear.... who then? Me? God? Finally, my first entry was about why I wasn't addressing my thoughts, hopes, dreams, secrets, etc to anyone.  It dawned on me at a young age that this book, this treasure trove of thoughts was for no one but me.  (Side note: I did eventually start writing Dear Diary because of a Judy Bloom book I read in which the main character did, so I did.)

As I became a teenager, my journal became more about boys.  Oh so many boys that I had crushes on.  The journal would hold the saddest of stories how all those crushes looked toward other girls.  I'd write about what was wrong with me. I wasn't pretty enough. I was too shy. I wasn't skinny enough. I wasn't rich. I wasn't [Enter some popular girl's name here].  I just wasn't what the boys wanted.  It was sad. And heartbreaking in so many ways.

But there were the good times too. The time Tommy Bennet asked me to couples skate. And how in the dark with REO Speedwagon belting out a ballad he maneuvered me to the dark corner and kissed me. Oh gosh, how I gushed about that night. Of course the following entries were about some girl in Jr. High who wanted to "kick my ass" because I was seen with her boyfriend.  Oh the drama. 

I survived Tommy Bennet and the so-called girlfriend who wanted to kick my butt. 

As I boarded a plane to boarding school, my journal was about, yet again, leaving everything I knew and loved behind.  My life was riddled with leaving friends behind. And to a 17 YO girl that was just disastrous.  I knew I was doing the right thing, and was excited for the adventure, but how could I leave everyone behind again.  I wrote in my journal about a timeframe I knew all too well.  Just how long would it be before my friends back home stopped writing me. 

Life at TASIS was full of things to write about.  Only one or two boy crushes, but the girl drama was epic.  You put teenage girls in a dorm together with a dorm mother who didn't really care and wow, the drama that would unfold.  My Junior year was the first time someone who shouldn't have read my journal did.  It ended a friendship, which was probably for the best.

Those journals included all my travels, where I went, what we saw, who was with me, how I got my purse stolen in Venice, how my friend Claudia got us out of bind on the Almafi Coast because she spoke Italian, the first time I tried gnooki, traveling in and out of Saudi Arabia, my first time seeing the statue David, experiencing the holocaust at Dachau, and of course dealing with my friends being scattered throughout the world after graduation.

College years journals were much of the same minus the European adventures. Boys, studying, drinking, boys, not studying, drinking, Blueberry, drinking, no money, boys, etc. The college years journals aren't nearly as full of drama as previous journals.  In fact, I had only one journal for all 4 years. I just didn't write as much in it as previous periods in my life.

Through the adult years my journal would become somewhat of a "finding one's self" book. Especially the 20's where you spend your entire time trying to figure out who you are, and what you believe in.  I wouldn't write entries as much as just thoughts.  Epiphanies that would come to me while driving, or sitting in a meeting, or out with friends.  Sure there were still the occasional story of meeting a boy, liking a boy and the boy liking Blueberry.  But by and large it was about me and what I wanted to be.

Then in 2005 that journal became a blog.  And while I don't write all my deep dark secrets in this blog, I do put more out here than some think I should.  All those deep dark secrets, the "work in progress" book stays at home. Hidden away from anyone who might find it. 



Now I write on the computer.  I hardly actually "write" much anymore, I find actually writing takes too long and the brilliant thoughts are gone by the time I have the first couple of words written.  And the hand cramps...yikes. I've started using OneNote for all my writing.  In fact, OneNote on my home computer now contains all my photography notes/journaling, all my cooking notes/journaling, all my financial notes/journaling and now all my personal journals.  I've discovered I love it.  I love sitting down at home, taking 15-20 minutes at night to just decompress and write about what's going on.  And more importantly, what's really going on.

Why do I write? Well, why does anyone? For me it gives me a chance to get all those thoughts out of my head and written down. I find I can settle down a lot better at night by getting them out.  Turns out they're useful for soul searching too. Once you've written the same thing for 30+ years you can determine that you are, in fact, a procrastinator....for example.

I'm glad I write. I'm glad that I got that first diary way back when. I'm glad I've saved most of them. I'm glad that I can now write and share my stories to the world - whether anyone is reading them or not is another story - one in which I may write about one day.

Happy Chinese New Year

I hear it's the year of the dragon.  That's good. I like dragons.  Someone recently asked me what my Chinese sign was. I had no idea. Thankfully we live in a world where the Internet is only a quick click away so I "binged" it ("googled" sounds so much better). Turns out I'm a Monkey.  The personality of a Monkey sounds about on especially the words like "charming", and "sparkling wit" and "rapier-sharp mind" (I had to look up "rapier").

The spunky Monkey is the original party animal! Charming and energetic, Monkeys crave fun, activity and stimulation. They truly know how to have a good time and can often be seen swinging from one group of friends to another, attracting a motley crew in the process. Always upbeat, they are considered minor celebrities in their circle thanks to their sparkling wit and that rapier-sharp mind.

The definition continues to say, "The Monkey tends to be rather accident-prone due to a certain lack of very high morals."  Wait, what?  How does lacking high morals make someone accident-prone - which BTW I'm not.  As for my high morals, I'll leave that to the peanut gallery to decide.

It also says, "This Sign may have limited self-control concerning food, alcohol and other pleasurable activities." Boy ain't that true. 

The whole personality of the Monkey appears to be one of self-serving, independent, and somewhat of a party animal.  I can see many of my personality traits in the Monkey, but like any astrological sign, I don't think it all applies. All the negative stuff in particular doesn't apply. I mean, I am awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I didn't lose any weight this last week. I was home for Snow-pocalypse and on top of that got a nasty cold - which is still with me.  Being home means I'm not on a schedule, which makes remembering to eat all the time somewhat difficult.  I ate the Jenny food, but didn't eat all the fruits and milk and extra snacky things. You'd think I'd lose because of that.  I also didn't work out - still I didn't feel like I was eating any differently. I certainly didn't have other types of food in the house. I guess eating the well-planned, well-portioned menu is important.  You'd think I would have lost at least 10 lbs worth of snot. Turns out snot doesn't count apparently.

This week we're starting fresh again.  I'm at work, and my plan is all set for today. I've scheduled my meals on the calendar as well as the work out plan for tonight.  Can't wait to get this party started. 

Snow-Pacolypse is among us

You'd think that nothing else in the world is happening besides this snow storm in the Pacific Northwest.  Our TV channels have been covering the snow 24 hours a day. The same story over and over...

It's snowing. Stay inside. The roads are icy. Here's a dumbass who tried to make it up a hill. And on and on.

It's beautiful, dont' get me wrong, but enough already.  I have about 4inches here, which by some standards isn't a lot, but by PNW standards, its plenty or too much in some cases.

I've been working from home for 4 days now. Nursing a cold and watching it snow as I work through SharePoint content and budgets. Good times.

It is truly a winter wonderland outside.  Serene in a weird way. Almost too quiet at times.  Yesterday it was beautiful seeing the snow fall. Today it's a bit more eery hearing the ice rain hit the window and trees breaking under the weight of the heavy, wet snow. 

Puck's never seen snow before. He romped and played in it all day yesterday. He never got cold either. Weird.  Below he's resting and checking out how frozen the pond is.  He's wondering where all the ducks who usually float on the pond are and is hoping one of the diving ducks didn't get stuck under the ice when it froze over.

Puck's first attempt at checking out the snow didn't go so well. He tried to stand on the railing and promptly slipped off into the drift below. Silly duck.

He did eventually get around to building a snowman.  This was day one of the snow, Sunday. Today the snow covered the snowman and now it's nothing but a bump in the pile of snow.  Sad. 

The weather people say this is supposed to stop now and we're supposed to warm up a little. Hah. I don't see that happening anytime soon.  Its been a nice snow week but I'm ready for our normal Seattle winter with all it's grey skies and rain. Rain is good. I can drive in rain. Sparky likes rain.

Speaking of Sparky. When I pulled into the garage on Saturday when the snow really started, I noticed a weird pattern on Sparky's hood. Some family members, who will remain nameless, have suggested I pull Sparky out, put the top down and shoot a photo.  "Wouldn't it be fun?", said nameless family member.  Ahhh...no. My luck I'd wreck the car just backing out of the garage.

In the meantime while all this snow is falling, I'm going to dream of warmer weather. I'm going to stare at this photo of the day before the snow storm and remember how warm, dry and beautiful it was.

Another one bites the dust...

This last Saturday was my first weigh in.  I was a bit nervous about it because I cheated and stepped on the scale at home on Friday. It didn't look like the needle had moved at all.  Frustrating!  I had been so good and followed the plan 100% AND I was working out.

Saturday morning I got up, did some cardio at the gym and headed to the weigh in.  I decided on the way in that if no weight had been lost, that was okay.  It would give me a chance to really look at what I had done all week and find out where I might have misstepped. (Notice I didn't say fail?)

How mature!

How so unlike me.

Once at JC, I took off my coat and my shoes and stepped on the scale.  A friend had recommended I not look and only look once a month.  Sounds good in theory, but I couldn't stand it. I had to know. Seeing that number go down motivates me. 

2 lbs!

The number was 2 lbs less. Immediately "Another one Bites the Dust" popped into my head.  Then in the car the song was on the radio. Weird.  Must be a sign that it needs to be my theme song this year. 

After weighing in, I met a friend for lunch - using up ONE of my free meals for the weekend. The other would be Sunday dinner...which didn't happy, but I'll get to that.

As I was feasting on some phad thai I looked out the window and it was snowing.

SNOWING!

Ick.

I don't like snow.  I mean, I like snow in the mountains. Its pretty. Its serene.  But it so doesn't belong on the roads. And in Seattle, snow means drivers go crazy. OMG... snow...drive crazy.

Ahhh look. Puck's out enjoying the snow.  The pond behind him is now frozen over.  Its not like ice skating frozen, but its frozen enough that I saw another duck walk across it today.  Puck wants to go ice skating. 

This snow is just the start.  Apparently the Northwest is about to get hammered by snow.  Goody!

I worked from home today, and will likely work from home tomorrow and Wednesday and until that white stuff gets off the road so Sparky can drive on it without squirreling around.

I walked over to the gym today and was surprised how busy it was. The parking lot had quite a few cars in it for a snow day.  But it was also a holiday, so I guess that makes sense.  Puck went with me to work out too. He was pretty lazy and just hung out on the treadmill and "watched" me sweat. 

I almost bit it on my way home.  I had over worked myself on Saturday (went back to the gym Saturday evening when I was bored and did some weight lifting...maybe too much weight lifting for the back).  So naturally when slipping you try to right yourself and you end up being a contortionist.  Tonight its all about cold and warm on the back.

No Pain! No Gain!

The pain is here. It arrived promptly and loudly this morning.  I plan on pushing my way through it though.  I'm trying to live the mantra of "No Pain! No Gain!" - within reason, of course. Anyone who knows me knows I whine - a lot - when I'm in pain...so let's not get stupid here.

Yesterday I had a date. A date with a treadmill. 

Me and the treadmill spent 30 quality minutes together. We walked hand in hand at a clip of about 3.2mph. Which may not seem like a lot for some of you long legged, fast walkers. But for a short leg meander - er, 3.2 miles for 25 minutes got my heart a pumpin (5 minute cool down made the total 30 minutes).

My plan was to do 10 minutes elliptical, 10 minutes treadmill - twice.  I get bored on machines and so if I switch them up I don't get nearly as bored. 20 minutes on ONE machine seems like a lifetime to me. But I can do almost anything for 10 minutes - almost. The Plan B for me was to do 30 minutes on the treadmill - as a project manager I always have a plan B. 

When I got to the gym a local high school rowing team was working out.  ALL the elliptical were being used by teeny bopper girls and one boy.  So I stepped onto the treadmill and started. Waiting. Watching for an opportunity to hop on an elliptical.  15 minutes later the teens departed.  I was in the middle of a pretty good song so I figured I'd just finish the song and hop on the elliptical for 15 minutes.

Bad choice. 

I didn't realize there were TWO groups of teens. So as one teen left, another group all boys and one girl, came and took over the elliptical.  So much for the original plan.

By this time I was 20 minutes into my walking, so I decided to stay.  I did spy a Car and Road magazine on the shelf next to me that had a kick ass Mustang on the cover. I hopped off the treadmill quickly and picked up the mag.  I can't read and walk at the same time, so I just looked at the pictures.

Before I knew it the timer was going off. Time to slow it down a bit.

I felt GREAT after the walk. I stretched while I was still warm and downed a glass of water. 

I know everyone is concerned that I might be hitting the working out too hard.  Thank you for your concern, but really I feel good. I do know my limits and I'm keeping my heart rate in the rate zone.  If something starts hurting during a work out, I stop.  So again, thanks for your concerns, and just know that I'm being careful.

Getting up this morning I was sure I'd be sore. I got shin cramps last night. Holy Moly those things hurt.  Time to go buy some more Hanna Montana cream (Arnica Montana is what it's really called).  I googled "shin stretches" last night and proceeded to do 30 minutes stretching. It did hurt like the dickens.  At one point the shin would cramp, I'd start stretching that and the calf would cramp.  Ick.

Tonight I'm going to try my 10 elliptical and 10 treadmill again.  Tomorrow's a weigh in.  I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity and did not like what I saw.  It frustrated me momentarily.  First off I have no idea how accurate this 30 year old scale is. And secondly, if no weight is lost this week I can at least know that I've started to create some pretty good habits and I'm okay with that.  Though I'm sure I've lost a pound or two. At least. Maybe. Please?

This weekend we're expecting some snow here in the Great Northwest. I am planning a photography outting tomorrow to get caught up on my assignments for the two photography classes I'm currently taking.  One assignment is a treasure hunt and I'm so digging the themes:

• Your feet in the grass
• Sun (yah right)
• Clouds
• Paint Chips
• An adventure
• Your morning coffee
• a riot of color
• a mess
• a brightly colored Popsicle (not likely in the winter but we'll see)
• laughter
• someone you love
• someone with a cape (I love this one.)

 I doubt I'll get them all, but I'm gonna at least give it the old college try.

Sunday is Sunday dinner and my free day. I'm still going to try to thin down the meal a bit, and it's good for me to know that real food and cooking is in my future.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone.