The Scotland Plan

Its 10:26 on Thursday May 31st. We leave tomorrow morning....and I'm all set. I have all day to do whatever I want and not stress about leaving. Just last minute bathroom items need to be tossed into the suitcase.

Man this feels good.

No guilt about leaving work behind either. Didn't think I'd ever get here. I hope by the time I get back the job is all changed and my hours will drastically be reduced.

Anyhow, I wanted to type out what our itinerary is not only so you all can tag along with us, but because some day I'll be scrapbooking this and will want to look back.

I recently took a class about travel scrapbooking and one of the things it brought up - that I hadn't ever really put to words - but that your trip itself may be a certain amount of time, but you live it longer than that brief moment. You spend months planning and then you'll spend the rest of your life talking about the trip. It's very true and I think that's why I love traveling so much. The stories. That and experiencing different cultures and seeing how others outside the US (or even inside the US) live.

So here goes...

Scotland June 1 - June 15th.
Scottish Highlands and Islands

DAY 1, SATURDAY JUNE 2, 2018
We get in around 7am -  by the time we get to our hotel we'll probably have a half of day to go and do something. I've suggested the Glasgow hop on hop off bus - it covers a lot of ground in a short time. That evening we'll have a welcome dinner and meet our travel companions.

DAY 2, SUNDAY JUNE 3, 2018
GLASGOW–DOUNE CASTLE–ROYAL BURGH OF CULROSS–EDINBURGH
Apparently on our was to Edingurgh we'll stop a couple of places. If you've seen Outlander some of them you may recognize. Trossachs National park to see the Doune Castle (castle #1). I love castles. I have secretly thought about doing a tour of Scotland and hitting all their castles.

Then, at the Royal Burgh of Culross - a charming little town, I hear...

That night we'll be doing the optional Royal Burgh of Culross, follow your Local Guide through Scottish evening with Highland dancers, bagpipers, and the Ceremony of the Haggis. Lil' Sis won't be doing this particular excursion. But the rest of us are. I will be trying Haggis and I most likely will be hating it. But I have to...


DAY 3, MONDAY JUNE 4, 2018
EDINBURGH
We'll start the morning sightseeing with a local tour guide.  We'll be visiting the 200-year-old “New Town” and the famous scientists, inventors, and novelists who lived there. Then we'll visit the “Old Town,” drive up the narrow Royal Mile to Edinburgh Castle (Castle #2).  If available we'll get to visit Holyrood Palace.

We opted in for the extra excursion this day too. We'll be heading to Rosslyn Chapel, made world-famous by Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, and also one of Scotland’s most remarkable buildings It will be the one place I may regret bringing the big camera. I suspect my breath will be taken away with its beauty (I may have already googled it).

DAY 4, TUESDAY JUNE 5, 2018
EDINBURGH. ABBOTSFORD EXCURSION
Today we'll visit parts of the Scottish Lowlands and Border Counties. The countryside will be on display as we drive through what I assume are the rolling hills and leafy valleys ultimately stopping at Abbotsford House - which is Sir Walter Scott’s home. I'm not sure I've ever read anything from him so I'll have to do some brushing up on that on the airplane.

After that we'll hit Melrose Abbey, the burial place of Robert the Bruce’s heart.

Later that evening Lil Sis and I will be doing an extra excursion to board the former
Royal Yacht Britannia to see how the Royal Family and crew of 240 lived and worked on board.

DAY 5, WEDNESDAY JUNE 6, 2018
EDINBURGH–ST. ANDREWS–BRAEMAR–INVERNESS
Today we'll leave Edinburgh behind. My Scottish Friends (R and G) have pointed out to me that as we pass over the Forth Road Bridge we'll pass their old house!

We;ll cross the Firth of Tay and from Dundee, head into the Highlands with a lunch stop in Braemar. The highlands are HIGH on my list and cannot wait to experience them. We'll drive through the Grampian Mountains and Cairngorms National Park to Inverness, the Highland capital - and where some of Outlander takes place. If only I can find my highlander who's wealthy and looking for an American bride. :-)

DAY 6, THURSDAY JUNE 7, 2018
INVERNESS. HIGHLANDS EXCURSION
Today we'll stop first at CLAVA CAIRNS, featured in Outlander and one of Scotland’s most
evocative sacred prehistoric sites with three exceptionally well-preserved burial cairns, each enclosed by stone circles. I'll be careful to not lean on any stones just in case I get hurled back into the 17th century.

We'll visit the Culloden Visitor Center, the story unfolds of the crushing Hanoverian victory over Bonnie Prince Charlie’s Scottish clans.

Then, caslte #3 Brodie Castle, the ancestral home of Clan Brodie. Back in Inverness, That afternoon we'll be taking in the famous Loch Ness and Urquhart Castle (castle #4). It includes a boat ride on the loch. I'll have my camera ready in case I see Nessie.

DAY 7, FRIDAY JUNE 8, 2018
INVERNESS–THURSO
Today is going to start off the Scottish way...a tour of a Whisky Distillery. Then we hit castle #5 Dunrobin Castle. I think we have the evening free for this day.

DAY 8, SATURDAY JUNE 9, 2018
THURSO. EXCURSION TO THE ORKNEY ISLANDS
At John o’Groats, we'll board a ferry to cross to South Ronaldsay, one of the Orkney Islands. We'll cross the four Churchill Barriers and overlook Scapa Flow, where the German fleet scuttled itself in World War I.

After lunch we'll get to tour the Orkney Brewery. SIL and I are in a win win situation here. Neither Lil' Sis or Blueberry drink, so SIL get their servings! Hiccup!

Then, we go to Skara Brae, where we'll see the remains of a 5,000-year-old Neolithic village and visit Skaill House. And then the Ring of Brodgar, the Orkneys’ Stonehenge. Some day the real Stonehenge will be seen by me.

DAY 9, SUNDAY JUNE 10, 2018
THURSO–DURNESS–ULLAPOOL–ISLE OF SKYE
Our guide book starts today with, "A day to sit back and enjoy the breathtakingly wild and unspoiled scenery, some of the finest in Britain." The northern coast is lined with miles of yellow-sand beaches and pretty estuaries, and the hills and mountains take on a purple hue as the summer progresses." Ok. I'm in. We drive through Durness to the quaint fishing port of Ullapool, where we get to enjoy a traditional fish and chips lunch at a local restaurant.

DAY 10, MONDAY JUNE 11, 2018
ISLE OF SKYE
Isle of Skye is by far what I'm looking forward to the most.  I've heard so many tales of it's striking landscapes, weird rock formations, and dramatic waterfalls that I cannot wait to see them all for myself. We will drive around the Trotternish Peninsula and visit the Museum of Island life. Then, we'll drive up (or down) the spectacular coast route, stopping for photos, I hope, of the many waterfalls and gorges, and finally visiting the island capital of Portree. On the way back to Broadford, we'll take in the views of the jagged and dark peaks of the Cuillin Hills.

I always wonder if people who live in these types of places recognize just what an amazing place they live in. I'm not sure we Seattle folks really recognize it either though. I mean, we know it's beautiful and all, but do we understand why people flock to visit our city?

We're doing the extra excursion to the Eilean Donan Castle (castle #6 I think). What is said to be one of the most iconic images of Scotland, Eilean Donan Castle is situated on an island where three great lochs meet.

DAY 11, TUESDAY JUNE 12, 2018
ISLE OF SKYE–GLENFINNAN–ISLE OF MULL
Today we'll be at the Museum of the Isles to learn all about the Clan Donald  and insight into 13 centuries of clan history. We will board a ferry at Armadale to cross the Sound of Sleat. Rejoin the mainland at Mallaig and follow the “Road to the Isles.” Stop at Glenfinnan with its viaduct, as seen in the Harry Potter films, then take the ferry to the Isle of Mull, where we will conclude our day with a visit to the quaint island capital of Tobermory.

DAY 12, WEDNESDAY JUNE 13, 2018
ISLE OF MULL. IONA EXCURSION
Another day to "leisurely relax and enjoy the best of Scotland’s western isles". We'll drive across Mull to visit the beautiful Isle of Iona.  We'll have time to visit the Abbey and explore the religious settlement before returning to the hotel in the early afternoon. Maybe a nap.

Part of our trip to Isle of Mull is the extra excurstion to the Duarte Castle (castle #7). Duart Castle is the ancestral home of the Clan Maclean. Standing proudly on a cliff top guarding the Sound of Mull, Duart enjoys one of the most spectacular and unique positions on the West Coast of Scotland. This tour includes a glass of whisky in the banqueting hall.

DAY 13, THURSDAY JUNE 14, 2018
ISLE OF MULL–INVERARAY–GLASGOW
The final island ferry crossing brings us to Oban. Then, over the Pass of Brander and from Inveraray to the “Bonnie Banks” of Loch Lomond. I most likely will be singing this song the entire time. Everyone will enjoy that...

Back in Glasgow this afternoon, we'll get a city tour...which we may have already seen on our first day. There's a 12th-century cathedral, (another cathedral for SIL and I to explore...I've lost count of how many she and I have seen in all our travels).  Later that night we'll have our farewell dinner. I'm sure I'll be ready to come home while feeling sad about leaving.

So that's it. If you're still reading...thank you. I'll be posting throughout the trip...

Scotland...it's here

I cannot believe that Friday morning I'll be on a plane to Scotland. Seems like just yesterday SIL and I decided to go to Scotland. Man time sure did fly.

This will be a different trip in that we have more with us. Blueberry, My lil' sis, SIL and I are all going to take Scotland by storm. It may never be the same again.

I'm 98% packed. I still have some last minute things to throw in a suitcase, but by and large, I'm packed!

The lead up to this trip has been unlike all others. Work didn't allow me extra time do my normal research and I'm feeling a bit "behind". But never fear, I have a plan. I took tomorrow off so all day I can research, finish packing and generally get into the Scotland spirit. I'm leaving work behind.

I'm usually pretty good about checking out when I go on these long vacations. About a week in I get curious what's happening, and may peak into my email. This time I don't plan on doing a think. I turned my email off of my phone (which won't work in Scotland anyhow) and plan on NOT visiting our internet email site to "check in". I promised some folks photos, and will send those from my personal email only.

Another BIG decision I made is to NOT bring my big camera. My Canon and I had issues last trip in that it's just getting too big and too cumbersome to carry around for a trip like this. So I purchased a Lumix ZS100 (made by Panasonic) shortly after we returned from Ireland. It takes fantastic photos. It has everything I need. So I made the brave decision to  leave the Canon at home.  One side of me wants to bring it "just in case" and the other side of me says, "No need. You're good." It'll come down to the moment I'm walking out the door. My photos are very important to me, so I want to be sure I'm confident of the camera.

And with that...the next time you hear from me I'll be writing from Scotland. Woot!

2nd Mom's Day without her

I have been contemplating this day all week. I kept wondering just how bad it was going to be. And here I am...and it's fine. I have found myself thinking happy thoughts more today than sad thoughts. Yes, I miss her. God how I miss her. But I miss her every day, so today isn't any different.

Have you ever stumbled onto something that you'd been looking for? And it was like the universe was saying..."Hey...Look here." Today I was moving papers around the office when two papers feel out of a folder. When I looked to see what they were, they were copies of an interview The Niece did with Mom when the Niece was in high school.

Hmmm...is Mom talking to me?

Anyhow, I wanted to share it.

"Wow, you are asking me to remember a way, long time ago. But here goes. What were my teen years like? I was a teenager in the 1960's. The 1960's were a time of change for the United States. when I was in school, in southern California, there were "gangs" in school, but they were more like different groups. There were the "bookies", which now would be the "nerds"; there were the Chicanos, which were the Mexican group; there were the "surfers", no explanation needed; the "jocks", again, no explanation, and the "preppies" or the popular, into everything school leaders. I can't say I belonged to just one group, I hung around with all of them, but probably more in the "Preppy" group. In my junior year and senior year I was a cheerleader and in the drill team. I also worked for Von's Grocery company behind the cookie counter (now it would be the bakery). I could work legally at 15, and I went to work part time after school. I had to work for anything extra I wanted (i.e. extra "cool" clothes, surf board, class ring, extra spending money, etc.)

I had a lot of friends in school, and spent as much time as I could with them, but between school, working, cheerleading and drill team practice, I didn't have a lot of time left. and I was expected to help around the house as well. I had my regular chores of keeping my room clean (my mom would NOT ACCEPT a messy room - there was no option); vacuuming once a week, doing the dishes every other night (no dishwasher); cleaning the bathroom once a week and helping with dinner when I was home.

My mom and I got along okay, but I was a teenager and there was some tension between us from time to time. I had to be home on the weeknights...I was only allowed to go to practice and work, and then I had to be home by 9pm.  My homework had to be done either before I went to practice or work, or immediately after I got home from either one. If I didn't have practice or work, my homework was done as soon as I got home from school...that was the rules of the house and I never challenged them. The way I looked at it, it was easier to go along with the rules than to fight them. At least it kept me out of trouble. On the weekends, if I went out, i was to be home by midnight...no later and not bargaining about a later time. I missed curfew a few times and was grounded, once for a month...no phone, no friends, only work and practice. And after I bought my car (my grandmother and I bought it...she helped me buy it - the car was a 1953 Chevy, and it cost $100, I only had $85 saved up, so she loaned me the $15 to finish paying for it...and I had to pay her back on my next payday) i had it about a month when I missed a curfew and my dad took away my car for two weeks. I was back to walking to school, practice and work! I had to decide which was more important, keeping curfew and my car, or walking...I chose keeping curfew and the car. Lesson Learned!

I did have an eating problem in high school. Back then there really wasn't a name for it. I just didn't eat. In my sophomore year I got really sick from not eating. I would eat, just not a lot. My parents were frustrated with my not eating and very worried. I was anorexic as they call it now. I was forced to eat more and more very day and I was expected to gain a point every week. That was so hard for me...I thought I was fat!  I weighed 82 lbs my sophomore year and was 5'4" tall. Not healthy at all. After numerous doctor visits, the doctor told my parents they would hospitalize me if I didn't start gaining weight and "force feed me". I didn't want to find out what that was all about, so I started to try and eat and gain weight. I never realized how horrible I really looked being so thin. I finally gained 13 lbs and was at the lower end of acceptable weight. When I was underweight, I had very littler energy and my hair had started to fall out from being malnourished. I was starving myself to death. It took a long time for me to overcome the disease, but I finally did. I did some teen modeling when I was 14-16 for an agency in LA. When I was so thin, they wouldn't use me because I was too thin. I liked modeling and wanted to be a model, so it was a goal for me to gain some weight so I could model again.

What happened in my teen years? Hmmm...the hippy movement began when I was a teenager. some of my friends dropped out and became hippies. the Viet Nam war began and there were a lot of war protesters. Since my boyfriend was in the marines and I didn't really believe in the war, but supported our troops. I didn't really understand the war, and I don't think anyone really did. President Kennedy was shot my junior year of high school. that really scared me. to think someone would shoot our president. we also had he "Cuban crisis" when I was a sophomore. I remember everyone was scared we were going to war (remember our parents went through WWII) and began stockpiling food, they were remembering when during WWII there were rations on food, gas and other commodities.

What is the most important learning from those years? Ugh...what a question. I think the most important thing I learned is to like myself for who I am. My anorexia stemmed from me trying to be someone I wasn't. I wanted to be a model and I thought I had to be extra thin, but that was not true. I learned to be who I was and like myself. I also learned to chose my friends carefully. Some could lead me down the wrong road and my life would have been much different than it is today.  I learned to make wise choices, choices that were good fro me, maybe not the most popular choices, or what my friends wanted me to do. I had a good set of values and I learned to use them wisely. "

Miss you Mom!

Wine Wine the magical fruit...

Wow, two posts in a row with Wine in the title. Hmmm...

This last weekend SIL, Bluberry and I went out to do yet more wine tasting. It was "hidden" behind the veil of "let's go play with out new cameras". But I wasn't fooled. It was about wine tasting.

I've gone back and forth on the "wine goal" for this year. I find it amusing I even have a goal around wine. But here you have it.

I originally was going to try to taste 50 wineries this year (you know because it's my 50th year). Then I thought that my be too, oh I don't know, wino-esk.

So I changed it to 50 new wines. Well, shit 4 wineries and you've almost hit that goal.

Officially, my goal is to taste every winery in the Passport that I bought from Costco.

Done.

Know how many are in that...42! I'm going to give it my best though.

In other news, Scotland is a short 3 weeks away. I finally pulled my suitcase out and it's ready to go. The packing list is printed, and it's starting.

In more other news, Mother's Day is Sunday. This year has been different. I haven't been "a mess" leading up to Mother's Day like I was last year. Which makes me wonder if this year the actual day is going to be a mess. I miss her so much and it's amazing how much your heart can hurt.

Thank god I have all this wine.

Wine wine and more Wine

The great thing about where I live is we're in Washington "wine tasting" country. And I take full advantage of this.

I bought the wine passports from Costco and I'm determined to taste all the wineries in them. There are 42 wineries, some distilleries and some cider places. My other goal is to taste 50 new wines this year.  Piece of cake.

Today Photo Girl and the Yank met me at our first winery, Alexandria Nicole. The tasting room appeared to be like you were in a wine cellar. It was so cool. The wine was delicious. Expensive, but delicious. I like that the tasting list almost always has a couple of whites and reds. It gets me to taste white wines, which I generally don't care for.

Alexandria Nicole had a good Merlot that we tasted. Our first taste was from a bottle open yesterday. She then had us taste a bottle she just opened. The just opened bottle was so good, the day old one was way more mellow. I prefered the just opened one.

Our second winery was J&M winery. Every time we try to hit this place it's closed for a private party. Today it was open. So we went on in. It was our first passport winery of the day.

Their wine is, in my opinion, over rated. It's just ok wine and way too expensive for what you're getting. They have a big fire pit outside the tasting room and it was going. It made all the wines have this smoky smell to them even though they didn't have a smoky taste.

From there we hit Lauren Ashton winery. The wine pourer at Alexandria Nicole told us she really liked Lauren Ashton's new Rose. Thankfully it was on the tasting menu. I purchased myself a bottle. I'm not a Rose drinker ... but here I am buying a bottle. That's how good it was.

After that we hit Gorman's. His wines are spicy and delicious. Also somewhat expensive...but we got a 20% off for the passport. I bought yet another Rose and a red.

After that winery we decided we were hungry. Across the street was Village Wines which has some yummy meat and cheese trays. We were in heaven. 4 more wines there.

All in all I think I tasted 26 different type of wines. Each winery has 5-6 wines to taste. Hiccup!

The day started, though, with breakfast with the landlords for our monthly breakfast club. We went ot Voula's in Mont Lake Terrace...it was just ok. Just average food.

Yesterday I spent the day with Meg-A-Rooni. We went out to test my new camera and to get caught up. We had lunch at the Duvall Grill. Fantastic Club Sandwich! Horrible Ice Tea. After that we took a trip to Snoqualmie Falls to check it out. Meg-a-Rooni had never been there, so why not. It was pouring rain. Gave me a chance to try out the camera in the rain I guess.

Busy busy weekend. I missed just being in the house vegging, but I also miss being out and about in the world doing this living thing I hear about.

38 days...but who's counting

That's right... 38 days until Scotland. Yipee!

In an attempt to take back my life, I tried to work only "around" 40 hours last week. I just wanted to see if it could be done with the type of work load we're pulling right now.

I did my time sheets today and I was close. I logged 59.5 hours!

GAH!  I knew at about Wednesday that wasn't going to happen. It dawned on me that technically I'm doing 4 jobs.

1. Manager of the Delivery team. This takes about 15 hours a week, give or take. When I'm training new CSMs it seems to be more, but on average.

2. Localization specialist. I'm the only one on our team who knows and understands how our localization process works. And who has any idea about localization in general. I have been doing localization stuff for years - since my early days at Hotel CaliforniaSoft. (Note: Localization is basically the translation of content...in case you didn't know.) Our loc work is massive these days. Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE is getting ready for the General Data Protection Regulations (GDPR) that's to hit May 25th. It's an EU regulation on processing data - in it's simplest form. But because of it being international...everyone is localizing. And thus all the work. For the month of April, I had 900 development hours on the books for work for loc. That's just development. The managing and coordinating of all that is on my plate. Easily a 40 hour a week gig.

3. PM - I still have clients. And BIG ones. Most my clients are relatively quite these days, but the few that are active are very very active.

4. Professional Service Specialist - Our team is getting ready to reorg. Most the players will remain on and be Client Success Managers. Others of us, myself included, will become part of what we call Professional Services. Basically any additional paid for service a client purchases with their subscription. The CSM takes care of the client and their "subscription health" and we take care of anything else the client wants to do. So in prep of re-orging, and with the new CSMs, I've tried to put together a process for it. And in doing so have become the PS person. The new CSMs I'm not even teaching anything about the professional service portion of the job, and so ALL their work will come my way.

So technically I should be getting 4 salaries. Right?

I have no idea how to get myself out of this mess I'm in. I have been patiently waiting for something to happen and nothing has. We hired a new VP that starts on may 15th. I'm hoping he can bring some organization to my chaos.

In other news, today is the DadUnit's birthday. He would have been (**counts fingers) 84 today! I miss him a lot. He and the MomUnit have been on my brain all weekend. I found myself telling stories about them both and bringing them up in conversation. It feels good to talk about them. Makes me feel like they're here.

Yesterday was Sunday Dinner. I had a small crowd so I did RIBS! I swear each time I do these ribs they get better and better. Hah...I guess ribs were fitting since today's Dad's birthday and he was the master of ribs.

That's all. Gotta go do some more research on Scotland. I'm so excited to go. I sooo need this vacation.

Weekend Social Requirements

The older I've gotten the more I don't often feel like being social. That coupled with working ridiculous hours I like my "me" time. When a weekend comes up that has me around people both days, I start to get antsy.

It's not that I don't like these people (friends and family)...its not that at all. In fact, I love them all and enjoy spending time with them. It's just by so many social promises I don't have my "me" time and that makes "me" cranky!

This weekend though, the cranky stayed home. It was an overly joyful weekend. Celebrated a niece getting married and my BFF, Blueberry turning the big 5-0.

Getting to see so many friends and family come together to celebrate happy things like these don't seem to happen enough these days. I thought of the Parental Units frequently throughout the weekend, but not in a sad way. Sure, I missed them. But I thought about how proud they'd be of it all. And I was reminded yet again, how very thankful I am to have had such fantastic parents.

Today, officially, I'm 1/2 lb away from my first 20. Sure has taken stinkin forever. But slow and steady wins the race I think. I still want my life to not change too much and there in lies the problem. I'm still thinking of this as temporary. I figured eventually I'll get my act together and think straight...won't I?

I signed up for a scrapbooking retreat that is happening at the end of July. Which means, I gotta get my act together and get some pages staged and ready to go because I can't pack my entire scrapbook room.  I spent all day Sunday starting the process and in doing so decided to rearrange my scrapbook room.  Funny how I can always find something "else" to do...still I spent a good part of time doing what I intended.

And lastly, Scotland...it is a mere 44 days away! I've started my research and am so ready to go. I took a half day off on Friday and it sure felt good - which tells me I'm ready.

Oh Sherrie...Oh 50th

So BlueBerry's 50th birthday is quickly approaching. In January I asked her if she wants to have a party. She said yes. I figured I had, well, 4 months to plan it. Suddenly last weekend I realized I hadn't really done too much of the planning. Like the bare minimum. Thankfully, the Landlords live in an high rise apt bldg that has a community room we can rent out. That was easy. Getting the list of invitees was a challenge, but we got the invites out.

Then on Friday I realized I have just one weekend left to pull this together. Blueberry came over today and we killed the list of things to do.

We got 4 photo collages together for the party.
We bought party supplies / decorations.
We bought / ordered the food from Costco.

Side Note: I'm really unsure what part of my brain shut off when I said, "Hey let's go to Costco on a rainy Sunday." Lord the number of people there was astonishing.

Anyhow, while at Costco, Blueberry also bought a new camera...finally. She bought a smaller, less fancy version of my new camera. So we sat for 2 hours reading the manual and playing with the new camera. I think she's all set for Scotland now.

As we were putting together the photo collages, I just sat there and marveled at the idea that we'll be fifty. How did that happen? I certainly don't feel like what I thought 50 would feel like. I mean, when I was in my 20's fifty was OLD. Now it just seems like the next decade and my give a damn is less available.

Other not so interesting things going on:
If April showers bring May flowers, it's going to be one helluva blooming month. The rain over the last couple of days has been relentless.

I found another semi-conscious yellow jacket in my bathroom. That's two. I'm starting to wonder as it's warming up if there's a nest of them in the crawl space of something. I'm going to have to move if there is. I hate bees.

One of my nieces is getting married this coming weekend.  I imagine if Mom were still around, I'd be picking her up from the airport sometime this week. I miss her.

And with that, I'm going to close the laptop before the light turns off (its on a timer and shuts off about 10:10 every night).

Happy Easter every Bunny...

Hard to believe it's Easter. AND April Fool's Day. I think it would be hilarious to tell your kids you hid eggs, but didn't. Probably a good reason I didn't have kids.

Back in 1998 I rented a room in a house a good friend of mine owned. Easter day he was leaving for a 4 week trip to Norway. The night before we had all the friends over to dye eggs. We had a dozen that we kept.

The next day roommate left bright and early. He left me a note next to the empty egg carton telling me he had hid the eggs. What? So the search began.

I found 11. For 4 weeks I waited for that 12th egg to start to smell.

Roommate finally made it home late one night. The next morning I asked him about the 12th egg. He gave me a very odd look. When I reminded him what he had done he laughed and said, "Oh 1 ate one."

GRRR...

It's been a rather emotional week for me. Still not feeling great and want nothing more than to pick up the phone and whine to mom about being sick.

One of the demon cats broke a sugar bowl that was my Great Grandmothers, passed down and at 2am in the morning I'm cleaning up sugar and crying...

Funny how some object can carry so much emotion to it. I almost didn't put it out for fear of me breaking it. But decided that it was designed to be used. I'm sad it broke, but at least can find photos on the internet and tell a story about it.

When I was looking up to find a photo of the sugar and creamer set I learned this is a Hobnail design. Hobnail was designed in 1939 and became popular in the 50's. 

See the interwebs can be useful every now and then to find useless information about a sugar and creamer set that were in the family for years. Facebook folks gave me a lot of options for the pieces remaining. None of which I need to do, so the whole kit and kaboodle got trashed. And no, I didn't toss out the boy demon although I was very close to doing that.

And with that, I'm going to go get myself some coffee and spend the day up in the scrapbook room around memories and maybe, just maybe, get some of my Ireland book done.

Happy Easter everyone. I leave you with my favorite Easter joke.

The Crud...

Up to Friday I had managed to avoid all things sickness. Every single person at work has had the crud. I thought I had avoided it. I was free from the possibility.

Then Friday...

It hit hard.

I had to sit through a 5 hour studio session (they're usually 2 hours) and as the session went on my throat started hurting more and more. By the time I got home, it was real.

Saturday morning I had to run into work and knew as I was leaving that I'd not be there too long since I was starting to feel like death warmed over.

By noon on Saturday I was done for. I felt like C-R-A-P.

It went down hill and I slept most the day on Sunday after meeting friends for brunch club. Which does no good when you can't taste anything.

I stayed home from work today and "worked from home" but did a lot more of just sitting in the chair feeling gross.

Alas, a friend was in from out of town and I had to meet her for Mexican food. It felt surprisingly good to get out. Who knew Mexican food could fix the crud?

I'm not "fixed" and am just feeling a bit better. I've heard tales of this crud lasting for weeks...especially the cough. And I can tell by today that the cough has every plan to settle on in for a month or so.

I have too much work to do to be sick...and ironically work is probably the reason I am sick.

On the bright side, two new employees started last week and we've hired one more. I'm hoping we get headcount for one more developer and we should be set for a month or so. Once I get them trained I can start to rebalance the work load and in doing so find some peace.

A girl can dream...

March Sunday Dinner: Kiss me, I'm Irish

I mean...twice in a day. I've written twice in a day! When has that EVER happen? Of course you may not hear from me for another month, but...there you go.

Tonight was my March Sunday dinner. And of course the theme was Irish. Last year I did Guinness Stew, previous years I've done corn beef and cabbage. This year it was all about the Shepard's Pie. Well, ok it was cottage pie because I didn't use lamb, but we'll just pretend.

I made two different types of Shepard's pie and may or may not have confused the recipes while cooking them. They both turned out fantastic and I didn't take a single photo.

We had soda bread (courtesy of a red head).

We had Scottish Eggs (or Irish Eggs as we called them tonight)

We had a corn beef and sourkraut dip that was fantastic.

We had a green salad (spinach). We didn't see any green veggie in Ireland...

We had fruit.

And we had chocolate cupcakes with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting.

Oh and we had Irish Whisky and Murphy's Stout.

All that equaled these nutty people...


Can't wait to see what next month will bring...Right now the theme is Bite Size Meals.

We also decided we might need to have a literal Sunday dinner. In other words, if I was going to make cornbeef.  I'd make corn and beef.  The Pantry Goat said she'd make mac and cheese. Literally, a bowl of macaroni and a side of cheese.

this one might need some thought.

Passive Aggressive Behavior...

I have serious issues with passive aggressive behavior. I just don't understand it. I don't understand a lot of things, and when I don't I try to figure it out. All too often I just can't wrap my mind around things that just, logically, don't make sense to me.

And this is one of them.

I can understand, a little, this behavior in children. It's a coping mechanism I'm sure. They don't know how to communicate well enough, so they don't.

But adults acting like this just drives me bat shit crazy.

If you've got something to say. Say it!
If you're pissed at me, don't beat around the bush. Tell me. Help me understand why something I did, pissed you off. That doesn't mean I'll necessary stop - I mean I have my own issues there. But be brave enough to talk to me.

I could spend a lifetime guessing at why someone is mad, disappointed, sad, etc at some action I took. And more often then not, I'm probably wrong which then spirals into me getting more and more angry about whatever the situation may be.

As I've aged I've started realizing that so many people I know are "afraid" to talk about what's bothering them. So they do weird little shit to avoid it and somehow, miraculously, I'm supposed to figure out what 1) I did and 2) how to fix it.

How does that make sense?

So go ahead, be mad. Be bothered. But please...also... be an adult.

Oh, and the irony isn't lost on me that this entire post is passive aggressive.

You're welcome!

Its so hard...

The thing that sucks the most about Mom not being with us anymore are the times that I have good news to share. Or, of course, the times I want to gossip with her.

This week I found out that I will be being promoted at work. It's been a long time coming (and will likely be 2 months) it's still very exciting for me. All I wanted to do was call mom. She'd be proud. She'd happy. She'd ask what my raise was. She'd make a comment about how I could afford to come down more often.

I write letters to Mom on a regular basis. It started as a journal, and then it just kinda shifted into a "Dear Mom" greeting. I have a journal full of letters to her. It gets it off my chest, but it's not he same.

So the promotion will be as a Director of Professional Services. Basically the job I've been doing for 2 years, and a little bit more. I'm so excited, and a bit scared. It'll be fine and I'll be fine.

In like a lion...

March, that is. As I started to write this I couldn't believe it was March. What the heck happened to February?

When last I wrote I was in the middle of the Landlords putting in new countertops. What a mess! I had dust in places in this house that I shouldn't have dust.  Sooo messy. The countertops look good. I'm not a huge fan of granite or of a "waterfall" look, but this is nice. It'll definitely help their resell value. Next steps are the back splashes - coming soon. And ultimately the floors...no idea when it's coming.

The Landlords have mentioned they plan on selling in about 3 years. I've loved living here and really wish I would have taken them up on the offer to buy way back in 2009. Almost $500K difference in price between then and now. Now I absolutely couldn't afford this. Oh well.

They do plan on buying, potentially, a place up north and have asked if I'd like to rent it. We shall see. They're good Landlords and I'll have to move north anyhow...things are so expensive here. I'll miss Redmond though. It feels like home to me.

Redmond is the place we moved to when we moved to Seattle in 1986. Redmond is the place we came back to when we came back from Saudi. It's just home.

I was thinking about what "home" means to me now. "Home" was always where mom and dad were. And when dad passed it was where mom was. Now that mom is gone, I'm really wasn't sure what I should consider home. I guess "home" is where the people who love you the most are. So "home" is here. There's something equally sad and comforting in that thought. Sad because I miss mom so much and comforting because I have people around me who do love me and would help me through anything. For that I'm grateful...and also now crying.

Sheesh.

In other news, Scotland is less than 100 days away. In fact it's...**does quick math**  91 days.  Ninety one days!!! I haven't done exactly what I had planned by the time we head to Scotland, so I'd better get on it. I've also not done any real research. I do love my travel research. It makes me feel like I already know what the trip will be like.

And with that...I need to get scooting Meeting the Niece and Blueberry for lunch today. And the maybe a little scrapbooking and then a little work (Ugh).

A little sawdust...

So this is happening...

The Landlords have decided to put granite in for the countertops. The slab that has been chosen is beautiful. I cannot wait to see it in the kitchen.

Mrs. Landlord, who in my opinion is a brave woman, bough a saw and went to town on the countertops. I love how she simply assumes she can do this, does her research and goes for it. I'm a lot more cautious and lazy.

The resulting amount of sawdust floating in the house is significant. I mean ... significant. I think I've inhaled a one of it already. My throat has a bit of an itch because of it.

Anyhow, I've never had to live through any home renovations like this, so it's a learning curve for me. regarding just how much work goes into something like this.

On the bright side, I had to clear out all the lower kitchen cabinets for the demolition and the install. So that means I'm going through all my crap and getting rid of stuff. I've had on my to do list for way too long the task of cleaning out and wiping down the cabinets. Now I'm forced to. I also think I'm going to be forced to wash everything again, but that's another story.

In other news, I made it through the one year anniversary of losing mom. The day of I was "ok". I had so much work happening that I didn't really have time to think and dwell on this. The following day, however, was an entirely different story. It's like all the grief was being held at bay and then one, solitary minute of being available and it came flooding out. I miss her so much. I truly do think of her each and every day. In fact, I just took a video of the demons getting under the sheet I put over the kitchen stuff to save them from sawdust.  As soon as I was done I wanted Mom to see it. It's so unfair to me that she's gone.

Still in OTHER news...Sister In Law booked our next cruise. We wanted to go to the Scandinavian region and so she found a 7 day cruise that leaves Copenhagan and hits 4 spots in Norway. It won't be happening until 2019, but I'm still excited. Though if I'm ever going to retire I really need to stop going to Europe every year.

The Last of the Firsts

They say the first year after you lose someone you love is the hardest. They, whoever "they" are, are not kidding.

They also say that the first year if full of the "firsts". The "first" birthday without  the love one,  the "first" Mother's day, the "first" anniversary, the "first Christmas...and it goes on and on.

I've managed to survive most of those "firsts". Some were so hard I could barely breath. Others, I blew past without even hurting.

There were some that the leading up to it was way worse than the actual "first"- i.e. Mother's Day. I was so sure Mother's day would suck so royally that the entire week leading up to it I was a complete mess. Then on the actual day...nothing. I was grieved out.

Her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday...all sucked. Mom and I had so many silly, little traditions for those occasions that it was super hard to not have her here to experience them.

Now the real BIG first is upon us...

Hold please...tearing up.

Sheesh.

One year ago today, I got the call that changed my life forever. Cousin calling to tell me mom had a stroke. As if it was yesterday I can still hear her words... "no brain activity." "come immediately."

The "no brain activity" rang in my head for weeks after. I just couldn't believe it. How was it possible that Mom was near death? Surely Cousin J was wrong. Mom would survive this. Cousin J was just being over dramatic...

She wasn't.

So tonight as I sit here and try very hard to not think about how much I lost, I find myself thinking about it. Funny that. The more you try to NOT think about something, the more you think about it.

By this time last year I was sitting in this same chair, crying my eyes out to some poor rep with Alaska airlines trying desperately to get me to Tucson the following day.

As this week progresses, I have a feeling this will get worse. I miss her as much today as I did a year ago. I still can't believe she's gone as much today as I did a year ago. Still try to cal her. Still want to share stories, gossip etc with her. Still want to ask her if she is still happy about voting for Trump. :-)

So hang tight friends, it's going to be a wildly emotional week...yay. Can't wait for this first to be over. I know it won't be any better...but it'll be over.

So Long 2017...you rat bastard

Ahhh, the new year. It smells fresh. It's, well, new. It's full of hope. It's full of resolutions and goals. It's a blank slate...at least that's what it used to be for me.

The new year usually sees me reflecting on what I did or didn't do in the previous year. The new year brings out all sorts of thoughts, feelings and emotions - most that I don't want to deal with.

Now the reality of starting a new year without mom has a whole different meaning.  This year I'm looking back over the year with sadness, sorrow, pain and loss. And I'm ready to look forward to 2018 with less than all those emotions. They will always be my bedfellows, but they don't have to hog the covers.

Grief is a funny thing. Fickle really. When it hits you, it hits hard. You lose your breath. You lose your focus. You lose everything...and all you can do it think about what you've lost. It has a way of leading us down a path to really reflect on the past and not on the future. The future looks bleaker than it did... without Mom. While it's already difficult to enjoy, or tolerate, the present, the future is full of memories of a person we lost too soon. The "What would she be doing..." comments are never ending. Or "Mom would have loved this..." are constant. The new year is a realization that this is a year that Mom will no longer be a part of this new year, or any new year.

And just when I think I can't handle it anymore...I feel this little tap on my shoulder telling me that while she's not physically here, she's still by my side throughout everything I do this year.  In fact, I open my mouth and I swear my mother comes out.

While I have to focus on the grief and really deal with it and not stuff it into the closet to deal with later, I'm going to dedicate this year to me and to Mom. I'm going to do things that would make her proud. I'm going to live my life in a way that she didn't get to and that she'd want me to. I'm going to live the year for her.

So as I sit here on New Year's Eve contemplating 2017 and the expectations of 2018, I'm doing so with Mom.

Merry Ho Ho...as BigBro would say

Christmas is no longer a celebration with family for me...it's turned into more about thinking about the one's who aren't with us.

It goes way beyond mom today. I'm missing Dad too and BigBro. All gone too soon.

It snowed last night in Seattle. I woke to a winter wonderland ... white and cold. I wanted to dial mom up immediately and listen to her tell me how warm it was in Tucson and laugh at how cold it is here. No can do. So I complained to the Internet and the cats. They're both always willing to listen to me.

Little Sister called this morning. That made me feel loved and so happy that she's still in my life. We've been through a lot together and in the aftermath of losing Mom we are more kindred spirits than before.

Little Sister? I'm sure I've mentioned her. She showed up on our doorstep in 4th grade and never left. Her parents weren't really great parents. She adopted us and we her. She called Mom and Dad, "mom" and "dad". Dad walked her down the aisle (turned out to be the only daughter he would do that with). She traveled with us. She's a Wraspir through and through. We have completely different opinions of politics and religion and yet we still love each other deeply.

This morning after I showered I was sitting on my bed just waiting for my brain to kick in to what was next. A weird, sudden feeling washed over me. This thought hit my head hard...

"If I died right now, I'm happy."

That's huge.

As I sat I had the following thoughts cross my mind:
I'm loved. I have family and friends who would stand by me through anything.
I've seen the world. More to see, but have sure seen my fair share.
I've been successful in my career.
Overall, things have been great. Even the tough times I survived.

So bizarre. Now, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon...but that thought was quite comforting and a place I've never been. There's always been ONE...MORE...THING that would make me happy.

So on this day of Christmas, I'm wishing you all the same. Happiness and love in every day of your life.

What's next? The Birthday...49. How on earth did I get here?

The Holidays Will Never Be the Same

People have said this to me as we begin this holiday season. I really wasn't sure what they meant by it, but now, knee deep into the holiday season, I get it. Oh boy do I get it.

I didn't want the holiday season to become something I'd avoid. I love the holiday season and I really didn't want to admit anything would be different. I'm finding that the holiday season is bringing to or so clear attention that my mom, my favorite person, is no longer here.

As the season has progressed, I still find reasons I want to call her. Or see something she'd love and I want to buy for her. Or decorations that remind me of something she had. Or some decoration, item, that she would have found the perfect place for in her house. Everywhere, it seems I am constantly reminded that she is not with us any longer.

It has taken a lot of effort for me to keep, and hold on to, that holiday sparkle. Getting into the "spirit" is actual effort. It didn't used to be. But Mom loved Christmas. I can't not still celebrate the season. She'd not be happy if we stopped.

I miss her. Not just a little. I miss her every single, solitary day. Daily my thoughts drift to her or to something we used to do, or something I wish I could do with her. I think about all the things she's not going to be here for and I realize, all too painfully, that things are no longer the same without her.

I even find myself thinking about what if she was still here. What would she think about how horribly the Seahawks played last weekend? What would she think about a niece getting married? How would she plan to get here for the wedding? How proud she'd be at the great niece graduating from college? How angry she'd be at me for working so many hours? 

Right now, she'd be calling me every day to tell me who we'd be going to dinner to when I was down in Tucson. She'd have every night planned ... a dinner here, a dinner there. 

I miss all of that. 

When I start to think about her not being here for any of that...I start to grieve all over again. It becomes almost a daily struggle to keep it together and consider all the stuff I have to conquer without her. She was supposed to be here for all those things. She wasn't supposed to leave so soon. 

So I'll get through this holiday season. I'll force the Christmas spirit into my life, because Mom would want that. It won't be the same. It never will be. The holidays are forever changed. They will never be the same.

I miss you mom. Merry Christmas.

A Year ago

A year ago tomorrow I was in the hospital for blood clots. I had to cancel my Christmas trip to Tucson because of them. Boy do I regret that now.

I've been thinking of Mom all day and wondering what Christmas last year would have been like had I been able to make it. What would Mom and I have done? Where would we have eaten? How many times would we have laughed?

I know it's all for not, but it's fun and sad to think about.

Today I found a journal from mom. It's a daily journal in which it asked her questions about her life. I had seen it before, but was unable to even consider reading it, let alone actually read it. Today I cracked it open. I read the whole thing. I learned things about mom I didn't know!

Now I want to do the same thing. Write about some of the things that have happened in my life. I don't have any children to pass it on to, but someone will read it. And I like to write, so it'll give me something meaningful to write about.

In other news, I cannot believe Christmas is just a week away. Where the H-E- double hockey sticks did this year go?

I'll be doing dinner this year. Nothing fancy, just a couple of family members. The question is what to cook.

Speaking of cooking, Jenny is going ok. I'm just about to be at 10 lbs lost. It's taken a bit longer than I had planned, but I'm ok with it. I've been hitting the gym 3 - 4 times a week and just in that I'm feeling way better than I have in months. Going to keep the good going...