Can I get an AMEN?

I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB!

Yeah me.

We're on a road to no where...come on along.

I wonder.

I wonder why our lives are so full of experiences, good and bad, and yet we mostly carry the bad with us every waking hour. What does it take to break away from past experiences to witness something with clear eyes? Start fresh. Do people who lose their memory get to start fresh? Or are we predestined, even then, to experience the same and carry the baggage with us?

Its possible I may have been wrong about something. I know. I know. Shocking that I might be wrong, but stranger things have happened. But this possibility got me to thinking is is possible that I reacted a certain way because past experiences influenced my perception and automatically created an outcome?

I was reading an article earlier today that made me start thinking about our past experiences and how they influence our every day life. George Miller, a Princeton Professor of Psychology, stated our dilemma in communication best when he said, "Most of our failures in understanding one another have less to do with what is said and what is heard than with what is intended and what is inferred." So basically, whenever we observe another's behaviour, whenever we hear words being spoken, whenever we get information through any of our five senses, our brains work immediately to draw some conclusion about what was meant or intended. Our minds use this information to find meaning from these experiences. It fills in the gaps.

Let's take for example a scenario. Let's say you have a friend. That friend starts dating someone and suddenly you are pushed to the side lines and feel as if you are no longer good enough or worthy enough, because say you're single, to be part of their "in" crowd. And let's say that you have, in the past on several occasions, experienced heart wrenching situations in which you were kicked to the side by other friends who suddenly find themselves involved. Is it possible that your past experiences clouded your judgment about a recent friend whom you feel has abandoned you?

Is it possible I could have been wrong? Is it possible that my mind, based on previous situations just assumed or concluded the outcome of this relationship too? Could it be that I misread all the communication? Could I be the source of my own pain?

Walking on Sunshine....

Okay, maybe not walking, but I saw the sun today. No shit. I left my apartment and glanced sky-ward like I always do...and was blinded by this bright big thing in the southern sky. I blinked...and it was gone.

This is a picture of one of our floating bridges yesterday getting hammered by waves. We had a small wind storm/rain storm last night. Gusts were measured up to 90 MPH. In the hood, where I live, we had gusts up to 75mph...I thought I was in Kansas and the tornado was coming to take me to Oz.

Because I think its amusing to talk about the weather, we have hit a milestone here. In what is normally our wettest month, we have broken a record of wetness. This month's total rainfall hit 11.63 inches last night. The record was 11.62 from November 1998. Phew...just made it. And the month isn't even close to being over yet. Oy vei.

And these crazy meteorologists are excited that we might beat more records:
"We could sink the official wettest-month-of-the-year record of 12.92 inches, set in January 1953 at Sea-Tac. And there's the December 1933 Seattle record of 15.33 inches accumulated at the federal building."

Who me? Cynical? Nahhh..

Okay, maybe a little. But I come by it naturally. I have come to love and cherish my cynical side. I just need to put that side away sometimes and learn to allow happy thoughts of hope to creep into my psyche and know that it won't hurt. It may scar, but it won't hurt.

What the hell am I talking about? I can hear you saying that now. I have bionic ears you know. Which, by the way, if I were ever to be granted a bionic option, ears would not be my first choice.

Anyhooooo...

The job front. So the Boeing job and the wireless job both well, sank. Which left me with my original job I so desired at Content Master. They had to postpone their hiring due to other internal hiring priorities. But now they're back and so am I.

I got a call yesterday from the hiring manager. He left a 5 minute - no lie, I saved it - voice mail on my cell phone telling me the reason for the delay. He didn't want me to think it was because it was me, but rather they had some internal priorities to deal with. But that he now has been given the go-ahead to hire. So....he ultimately asked if I'd be available to come in for an informal chat with he and another PM.

Yesterday afternoon, I found myself swimming to my informal chat. I met with him and another PM on staff. I got a chance to ask all the hard questions of the PM that I was dying to ask, and his answers shocked me and made me want the job EVEN more.

As I was leaving, the hiring manager explained to me that he'd like to make a decision by Friday, but would like to see a few more resumes. He's comparing all the candidates to me and my skills. So I very slightly told him that he would not be disappointed by hiring me. I'd add value and I'd be a good fit.

All that being said, it sounds like its in the bag. Which is where the cynical side comes out. I really hesitate to be happy or excited about this job, because it seems every time I do, I get burned. With each ring of the phone, I'm sure its them saying, "Thanks, but we'll pass."

My heart keeps telling me that I did the best I could, and that its okay to be happy about the the possibility. While my brain, who for the first time in months, appears to have a louder voice than my heart, is yelling, "oh no you don't. You're not getting your hopes up to just be disappointed again. No way, Jose."

Oh the turmoil of multiple personalities.

So happy thoughts everyone. I need them (as does Ken so happy - job thoughts for us both)

C - @ - L

Get it? Seattle ? I’m clever. But not as clever as the men and women in the tourist industry here in the great northwest. They’ve designed a new brand for Seattle and a new word.

Metronatural? The what, the who?

Pet Peeve #569 - the creation of new stupid words, or the misspelling of words to be "cute" - as in Kwik Stop.

So for some reason this dreary, wet, rain soaked, emerald city I live in feels the need to improve its image to get tourist to visit in the winter. Now, I ask you, tourist, why on EARTH would you choose to go some place guaranteed to be wet, grey, and about 45 degrees - maybe - when you can go some place warm and tropical? But the leaders of this fair city are doing all they can to drive tourism here during the winter. For those of us who live her year round, and have earned every inch of our webbed feet think "finally - I can walk around Seattle and not run into a tourist".

But all that aside, the state and now the city, really needs to work on its advertising campaigns. Perhaps you heard, the state of Washington's new campaign, "Say Wa?" [pronounced "say wahhh" As in Say what? though a clever use of the abbreviation for Washington - I'll give them that one] I hereby nominate this slogal the worst slogan every, AND the worst use of state dollars ($$ half a million dollars to come up with this).

Amused by this, I did a search on the tourism website and found this announcement / proclimation of Say Wa.

" The SayWA moment - When jaws drop, that's a SayWA moment. When you collapse in a field of freshly fallen snow, with the stars all around, and the sound of laughter travels a mile, that's another. The SayWA moment is the moment when an experience becomes emotional. In Washington State, these moments form a plentitude, a series of endless discoveries, and each will make you SayWA in a new and different way."

Um, yah, emotional! I'm getting something, but it ain't emotional.

The Say Wa campaign did get a lot of exposure when it was anounced, mostly in a joking fashion, but any exposure is good exposure right.

So I can't WAIT to hear what the fun loving, web-footed, rusty tan, folks of the great northwest have to say about their new city slogan. Seattle Metronatural.

Some other potential slogans.

1. 15 million slugs can't be wrong.

2. Seattle: Noah's home

3. Seattle: Bad weather, bad traffic.

4. Seattle: Land of the gooeyduck (this photo is a real photo of a gooeyduck...)

Two Down...One to go...

The wireless carrier I interviewed with called. They're passing on me right now (which really means forever). They really need/want someone who has more experience in general, but specifically someone who has more experience in the execution phase of projects.

On a plus side, the recruiter did say they liked "me" as a person. Too bad I can't make $$ being Just Jenn.

It's no lie...really...

Just so you all don't think I'm a complete lunatic (no comments Beverly), here are some photos my mom sent me showing the flood around here. It's been a crazy, crazy week. We're forcasted to get rain now for 10 days straight. Oh joy. So glad I live here.

Puget Sound Flooding

Now, granted non of this is near me really. Me and my castle are up on the hill, and about oh...several miles from any river or lake. So I think I'm safe. But just in case, I'm going to get a quote to fix a snorkel on the Mustang. But the flooding is real for many folks, and after seeing these photos (by the way you need to keep going on them, they get serious) I feel bad for the souls who do have to deal with this. What a mess.

In other and more exciting news, the Boeing job is out. WAY over qualified for that job and I'd be bored to tears. Strange, very strange interview process.

Interviewed for a major wireless carrier on Friday. LOVED THE JOB. I'd have to say, right now they are ahead of Content Master in every way. Not only do they pay better, but it would be in the group of emerging products. All the new, geeky, techy stuff for cell phones. I'd so dig that.

The cynic in my says to not get my hopes up for either job, but the optimistic Jenn is fighting hard to keep Cynic Jenn at bay. Who will win I wonder? Stay tuned!

Quote for the Day:
"Too many people are ready to assert their rights, but not to assume their responsibilities."

Noah Called

Apparently Home Depot is having a sale on 2-by-4's. Just in time really. Noah and I are starting the lower level of the ark this afternoon. Chances of us finishing before Seattle is under water...zero to none...Seattle is already under water.

I started making a list of animals to NOT bring on the ark. No need.

1. Bees
2. Snakes
3. Icky boys
4. Sloths (or is it sloughs?)
5. Slugs

One down. Two to go.

Had the Boeing interview this afternoon. Despite my desire to work for the large aerospace company, I don't think this job was for me. Their interview structure was weird to say the least. On the one hand I see why they have to do it this way, but the other hand says I feel like a cow that's been in the middle of cattle call. (no comments about me being a cow please).

So last night was the networking dinner. I fought with my inner voices as to whether to attend. Generally speaking I hate those situations. I hate going into an environment where I know no one. So having this small fear, I thought why not take a chance to work on this fear. As it turned out it was crazy. 90% of the participants were fresh college grads or soon to be grads. Average age in the room = 23.

The networking dinner was really a big ol' hoorah for Boeing to convince the participants to go to work for Boeing. I see why Boeing has to do that these days. The market is better for job availability.

Today I drove my butt all the way back down to SeaTac to interview. I didn't actually interview with the hiring managers, at least I didn't get the feeling I was interviewing the hiring managers. There's a pool of these jobs available, and it sounds like they put those capable in the pool and pick and choose from there. So I could be working anywhere.

The company apparently has been burned by their interviewing practices in the past, so they are extremely structured and scripted. Yes. Scripted. The main interview guy told me up front that the interview would be scripted. There would be 6 questions already predefined and pre written.

So began the interview.

All the questions were, in my opinion, relatively easy considering the interview questions I've gone through of late. None of the questions asked "specific" issues about my past. All the questions were situational and I was then required to answer by first telling them the situation, then the process I went through to fix it and the result. Its hard when you've practiced your interview answers as story telling and then suddenly forced to break them up.

The bottom line is this. The job isn't for me. The job appears to be very routine and specific to just one aspect of project management. I want the full scale project management experience.

So, one down, two to go.

The Old Man is Snoring...

So let's clear a few things up shall we.

1. Elections are over. Thank god. I was tired, tired, tired of the commercials.
2. The democrats got what they wanted, relatively speaking anyhow.
3. The rain has stopped for a nano second here. Long enough for the car wash lines to form. Yes, I was one of those in line.

Now that all that is out of the way, I have a real problem. And this blog is, after all, about me.

Jobs. When you want one, you can't find one. When you don't need one, they're everywhere.

Please keep in mind while you read this, I'm not complaining. In now way, shape, or form should the following be construed as complaining.

But I find myself in a professional pickle with regard to potential jobs. This is all hypothetical, sorta.

Job 1: Remember in October the job I really really really wanted? Then they suddenly stopped interviewing for that job because they had some internal priorities come up. They asked me to hold out at the current gig until January. Yah. Remember that job. Well they called today. They have figured out their "internal priorities" and are ready to send me to the next round of interviews the week of Nov 27th. Keep this in mind...this is where it gets interesting.

Job 2: Boeing. I finally, after several months, have an interview with Boeing tomorrow. Tonight is the dreaded networking dinner. Dreaded? Yes, dreaded. I hate being in situations in which I know no one and have to be someone. Anyhow, their interview is tomorrow.

Job 3: Contract position with major wireless carrier in Redmond. I interviewed with a recruiter yesterday who wants to put me in front of the hiring manager for this "wireless" company. Fine. I'm down with that. However, the recruiter told me they only want to put candidates in front of this hiring manager IF the recruit would take the job if offered. Well, now how am I supposed to know that before interviewing. So I told the recruiter that I would certainly consider the job. This interview is Friday AM.

What's the pickle you say? How could having 3 very strong possibilities be an issue? Here's the issue.

I REALLY want Job #1. That company has been my first choice.

Boeing is an extremely stable company. But they take forever to hire.

Job 3 - didn't like the way the recruiter gave me an ultimatum. What if I interview and I hate the manager?

All three jobs will require commuting.
All are within my salary range with variance down more than up.

My issue is how to play this hand. I don't want to toss any job opportunity to the curve. So, I'm trying to get Job #1 to have the VP interview me earlier via phone (she's located in the UK that's why it's not until later). I can stall the wireless job. And well Boeing is the great unknown.

I'm very thankful I have this "problem". I like having multiple choices, but hate the ambiguity that comes with it. I'm a black and white person most the time...and this "unknown" stuff bugs the shit out of me.

Hey! You're not supposed to be here.

You're supposed to be out voting. Now get out there. Now! Vote! Its you're right. It's your privilege....don't scorn it. Your voice can make a difference. If you're not voting, you'd better have a good reason...and I mean good. Like a note from God good. Otherwise, I don't want to hear it.

The one bonus to today being election day: NO MORE POLITICAL COMMERCIALS. Thank the Lord! Seattle was ruthless this year with one major congress seat open as well as a Senate race. The mudslinging is bad this year too. Worse than I've ever seen it. I had half a mind to not vote for a candidate just because of the mud slinging. Negativity never gets anything accomplished.

Wait. What are you still doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out voting?

It's Raining...It's Pouring....Still

And it won't let up...ever.

Just to give some of you who aren't from Seattle an idea of how much rain is coming...I give you this photo. Snoqualmie Falls. This photo was taken in August and is what the falls normally look like. Beautiful, ain't it?

Now...let us look at what it's like today. I'd say we have some water coming over that there falls.

Snoqualmie is also a generator of power, which is good, considering the amount of water that's passing through it now, we shouldn't have an electricy shortage. The problem is that this water falls down into the Seattle area rivers. And therefore, causes massive floods. One of the rivers in the area was scheduled to crest last night at 17 FEET above its normal.

Gotta go. Need to get to Home Depot so I can start building the ark.

Web feet and gills

If ever there was any question that Seattle is wet...let me set those questions straight.

Seattle area has received 20 inches of rain in the month of November. TWENTY INCHES...and its only the 5th. That's more rain than we've had in the last 5 months. Oy vei! And in the next 12 hours we are expected to get 4 INCHES.

Check out the doppler picture of 10pm tonight. Oh and the lights are out...thank god for wireless and battery.

Maybe instead of a Mustang I should have bought an ark.

I'm Hungry, are you?

It's been several weeks since Ken and I dropped the recipe swap idea. Ken's busy working on his masterpiece and looking for the perfect job. But I got to thinking this weekend that perhaps there are others of you out there who are missing the recipes too. If you're not too bad...if you are...feast on this.

This weekend I made two new recipes. One I won't bother to post because it took too long and wasn't very good. It was just average. Nothing I'd make again, and so therefore won't pass on to you all.

I decided several months ago that I was going to put together a cookbook of family and friends favorite recipes, as well as all the recipes I've made this year alone. I figure I average 5 a month - give or take - that's - um...er...(hold please...getting the calculator...) by the end of the year it should be about 60 new recipes. Whoa!

The real question is how many of those recipes did I actually "follow" the recipe and not add my two cents...probably two.

Here's tonight's recipe.

Chicken Fried Rice - Servings: 4 - 6
3/4 C Chicken (I used a lb of thinly sliced chicken breasts)

1/2 tsp Cornstarch

1/4 tsp Salt

1 T Vegetable oil

2 eggs, slightly beaten

1 T Vegetable oil (yes its listed twice)

1 C Sliced Water Chestnuts, drained

1 C Sliced mushrooms

1/2 Tsp Salt

2 T Vegetable Oil (yes...its listed three times - trust me)

3 cups Cooked Rice (DO NOT use short grain rice for this. I did and it turned out kinda sticky)

1 T Soy Sauce (I used about 2 T, but I like Soy Sauce...and I used Low Sodium)

1 T chopped Green onions

Dash of Salt and Pepper to taste

Mix chicken, cornstarch and salt in a dish. Cornstarch should coat the chicken. Let sit for 5 minutes. Heat wok or skillet. Add 1 T oil, add eggs; cook and stir until eggs are thickened throughout but still moist. Remove from wok and set aside.

Heat wok until very hot. Add 1 T vegetable oil. Add chicken; saute until brown. Add water chestnuts, mushrooms, 1/2 tsp salt; stir fry for 1 minute more. Remove from wok.

Add 2 T oil; add rice and stir fry for 1 minute. Stir in soy sauce. Add chicken mixture; eggs and green onions; stir fry for 30 seconds.

*******************

Now, can you guess the one thing this recipe is missing? GARLIC. So I added three medium size cloves garlic and a pinch of red pepper flakes. Don't ask. I like the combination of those two flavors...and I think it made it better.

If you have any recipes you want me to add to my First Annual Cookbook, send them to me. AND if you want a copy of the cookbook (expected to be out in January) send me a note.

I'm a Booker...

A scrapbooker that is. Yes, another well known fact of St. Jenn of the Blessed Sarcasm. What? Didn't you read my comments? My pal (I say that sarcastically) Mike - also know as Jesus Christ - JC for short - said I should be named St. Jenn of the Blessed Sarcasm. So shall it will be? Lesley - do I need your permission? Being that you're already a Patron Saint. Can you grant me this privilege?

Now back to scrapbooking. Many hours and many thousands of dollars (Yes you read correctly - THOUSANDS of dollars) worth of scrapbooking and scrapbooking supplies. My friends joke that I could open my own store. They might not be wrong there. I do know for certain that I could have easily paid for a house by now. But all that aside, today I did what no normal scrapbooker has ever done. I'm sure of it. I looked it up on the interWEB and it never lies. Okay. So I didn't look it up, but I'm sure. Trust me. Would a Patron Saint lie?

I got in and out of a scrapbook convention in 30 minutes. No shit. Thirty minutes. Some women pack lunches and hope they get done in 8 hours. I knew exactly what I wanted. I parked (didn't pay like I was supposed to so that karma will come back and get me I'm sure), walked into the place, bought my ticket, plunked down the allotted amount of $$ available from Bank of Jenn for ONE small item at the show, and walked out. Thirty minutes people. That is truly an all time record.

Oh and PS - for those of you who do religiously read my blog, thank you. And to those people who didn't at all call to check on me after I said I might die from glue poisoning...um, yah. Thanks!

Death by Envelop

If you don't hear from me tomorrow, I've died. I'm licking 90 envelopes today...finishing my christmas cards...finally. I know. I know. It's only November. But I make all my cards by hand...and well, it takes a long time. So tonight I'm sealing the ones that won't get letters. Blech! These envelopes taste disgusting. And so am reminded of the Seinfeld in which George's fiance dies from the glue of the envelopes. I'm just saying.

Patron Saint of Single Women

This post is Lesley's fault.

Apparently, through reading Lesley's blog, there's a Patron Saint of Single Women. Me, being a single women thought, "Why not check it out?" Even though I gave up being Catholic for Lent (that's a joke...get it? Catholics' give up things for Lent...) I figured it couldn't hurt.

Then what to my amazed eyes did I find. This!

And I quote:

The Patron Saint of Single Women is the martyr St. Agatha. Forced into a brothel by an evil magistrate, she refused customers in order to preserve her purity, though she endured beatings and torture. It is said that during a particularly cruel beating, an earthquake struck and killed her captor. Agatha thanked the Lord for the end to her suffering and then died herself.

Prayer to St. Agatha:Dear Virgin and Martyr, whom the Church recalls in her liturgy, you heroically resisted the temptations of a degenerate ruler. Subjected to long and horrible tortures, you remained faithful to your heavenly Spouse. Help us to be faithful that we will find an earthly love and love him as you have loved. Amen.

Did you get that? Did you read that prayer to St. Aggy?

You won't find me receiting this prayer...as I'm too old for such nonesense. But I thought it worthy of blogland...

I, of course, had to take this Patron Saint thing one step further and looked up the following.

Patron Saint of Homosexuals?

Yes, there is one.

But I found this...and almost busted a gut at the number of Patron Saints out there (be sure to scroll down to the list). With this many...I can surely apply and be recognized as, um, let's see...already got a Patron Saint of Smartmouths (Lesley), maybe a patron saint of Sarcasm? Yah...that's it.

Some of my favorites

Patron Saint of ...

Bachelors

Birds

Basket-Makers (I'm not making this shit up)

Brewers

Cranky Children

Dog Bite

Dream Interpretation

Foot Trouble

Gravediggers

Lamp Makers

Lost Articles

Organ Makers (Isn't that God? Get it? He made us, and thus our organs... )

Procrastinators

Tanners - is it a sin to tan?

So you see, I'm just saying, with all these saints, surely there's room for a few more. Gotta go..need to finish my application for Saint-hood.

Hard Habit to Break

Ever noticed that when you know you need to tell someone you're sorry, its often harder than it should be. At least, that's how it is for me most the time. And so I did some inward surfing to figure out why its so hard.

Let me tell you a story.

Recently I've been cleaning my "friend" house. I've been tossing aside friendships in which I've determined the "friend" wasn't meeting me half way and didn't add value in my life anymore. It's painful, and not a fun thing to do. It forces you to look and see how you've perhaps been left behind, or have been the one to leave behind.

There's nothing wrong with this "cleaning". As I've aged (or grown up) I've come to realize the people I want in my life, are people who add to my life, not distract from it. Some people will always be "acquaintances", while others I'd like to cultivate the friendship to have it around for a lifetime.

I have friends whom I rarely speak too anymore, yet when we do speak, we pick up where we left off. We were such good friends at a time in our lives, that the kinship of friendship stays with us, no matter how far we've traveled in distance or time. That's a good friend. Of course, these are also the friends whom you have to keep close because they know WAY too much about you to not keep them close.

But then there are the superficial friends. The friends that seem on the surface to be a good friend, but as you experience life together you find that the "friendship" you've forged is nothing more than a black hole. There's really nothing there. A few things in common, a few memories to hold on to, but really, at the sign of trouble or a change in life direction, they're gone. Those are the friends I'm clearing out.

One such friend I had deemed in the latter group, the one in which I felt used and unappreciated. So I tried to clean her out. I tried to toss her aside like a candy wrapper. Only I missed the most important part of that candy bar...the inside. As the days progressed, I swore I wouldn't be the one to email first, or call first. Nope. I was done. Then suddenly it hit me, like lightening striking a metal pole (or the metal plate in my head that had replaced my brain). She was someone I wanted in my life. And the only thing keeping that from happening was me.

And so began the process of being sorry.

I realized that I needed to make the first step and say I give. I'm sorry. And as I wrote that email (what? how else do you communicate these days?) I discovered a valuable emotion about being sorry....pride. My attempt to push her out of my life was all about my pride. My overbearing, in-you-face pride. I sat at my computer and thought about the feeling of I was experiencing of 1) admitting that my pride got in the way, 2) letting go of that pride, and 3) feeling frightened at how close my pride had come to discarding an important relationship in my life.

After we fixed our issue and communicated like adults, all is good. She's not likely to leave my life now...unless of course she decides to toss me to the curb. But I took some time to reflect on the whole situation. Why was pride so powerful in me? Why did I hide behind it so often? I use pride as a shield to protect me from something? Pain? Rejection? What?

I don't have all the answers yet. They're in there and I'll eventually find them. I do know this, saying sorry to someone you care about is liberating. It opens your naked soul and puts in on display for all to see. It shows that you too, are human.

"Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others; And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others. When one sets his heart on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating, then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status." - Lao Tsu

The hell.....

I'm so distraught. I can't believe this is happening. I think I should go home and take two aspirin and grieve.

Pink Flamingos

However will we survive?

Note: For those of you not in the know, I collect flamingos. No just any old ordinary flamingo, no. They have to be, er ah, different. Stylish, and not the of the yard variety. Though I have been given those too.

The Boys did not disappoint

Yes, that's correct, the boys out did themselves last night. Though I think I might say that after every show. Regardless, the show was fun and entertaining and oh so yummy-lish-ish of my boy Paul. This year, Mark and Vanessa and their friend Margo joined me. As well as GalPal Erin and her friend Bree, Mike, Nancy, Neil and his wife's friend Salle were all in attendance to enjoy the show.

This years "guest" band was Prince and the Revolution. They performed a few of their hits from the 80's which included: Let's Go Crazy, Little Red Corvette, Raspberry Beret, U Got the Look, and finishing up with 1999 and Purple Rain (for the record, Purple Rain can be the longest song in all of history when dancing with someone you don't want to be dancing with. See past blog on Prince.) Interesingly enough they didn't do When Dove's Cry, but who cares. They did "enough" Prince for one night.

Then the top 10 Worse. And man let me tell you, they were bad this year. In fact, the boys of the band commented on how with each song they flip their music to the next song and exclaim, "OY Vey!"

So on with the show. Oh and it should be mentioned that The Biggest Dudley Fan Ever (namely me) is VERY disappointed that not a single song I voted for made it to the top 10. Hmph!

10. Pour Some Sugar on Me -Def Leppard
9. Africa - Toto
8. Blame it on the Rain - Millie Vanilla (the boys joked that they had toyed with lip syncing this song...)
7. Material Girl - Madonna
6. Time of the Season - Zombies
5. My Sharona - The Knack
4. Ghost Busters -Ray Parker Jr
3. Conga - Gloria Estevan
2. I want Your Sex - George Michael
And the Number One Worst song for 2006....

1. Kokomo - The Beach Boys

The only other point of interest of the night was yours truly doing her most graceful act of the night and bite-ing it on the streets of Seattle. It wasn't my fault. I'm blaming it on the City of Seattle and they street drain that was covered with leaves. I was wearing high heals (what? they're cute and very fashionable) and I stepped akwardly on the street drain and down I went. Twisting my ankle and feeling like a total dork. But God Bless Mark, Vanessa and their friend Margo who didn't laugh at me.