Decisions. Decisions.

You ever wonder how different your life would be if you made a different decision?

I do all the time. I don’t have regrets about my decisions. In fact, quite the opposite, I feel proud of them. But there are some very poignant times in my life where it could have gone the other way.

I’m watching this show on Investigative Discovery (yes, more murder and mayhem) and one of the survivors of this serial killer made a last minute decision to go out that night. She hadn’t planned to. She just decided she wanted to meet up with her friends at the bar after all. Obviously that decision changed her life.

While none of mine are that drastic, I do spend a decent amount of time thinking about the What Ifs.

What if I had decided to not join my friend Christy at the youth group in the early 1980’s? Dad was so sure that being a part of the church back then really helped keep me on the straight and narrow. Admittedly I had been hanging out with a “friend” who I followed into a bit of trouble (vandalism of all things). Mom and Dad, of course, put their foot down. And that was the last time I did anything with Anna DeGuzman.

What if I had chosen to stay in Seattle and go to Lake Washington HS instead of going to boarding school?  This one his huge to me. Not only would I not have some of the best friends I currently have, but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have the travel bug. I’d probably be content just sticking close to home. Hard to say, really.

What if I had said YES to a young man who wanted to marry me? Would I still be married? Would I have had kids? I certainly wouldn’t have the life I have now. Is it better? Don’t know. Would I be any happier? I certainly wouldn’t be living here in Seattle – he went the military route, so chances are high I would have moved all over the place.

What if I had not left Boeing and wen to work at Microsoft? Would I still be there? Would have had all the work experiences that I’ve had? Would have gone down the Project Management road? Probably not.

With each of those decisions, my life would be different. Maybe better, maybe not? That’s the great thing about decisions…you make the best one you can with the information you have. Or if you’re making a decision with your heart, you hope for the best.

I think of all the things that define my life now, cooking, photography, scrapbooking, closeness to family, constant attempt to lose weight…would ANY of these be a part of my life had I made any other decisions?

One decision that has plagued me and that is a big regret with me is not going to Tucson in December of 2016. Granted, the blood clots stopped me, but what if I had made healthier choices earlier in my life and learned to love eating healthy…I wouldn’t have the blood clots and I would have been able to spend one last Christmas with mom. I can almost guarantee we would have eaten out almost every night I was there, we would have had dinner with so many friends she has down there, we would have gone shopping, we would have talked and chattered for hours. We probably would have had a great time cooking Christmas dinner – which could have been anything. I would have left before my birthday because I liked to be home for my birthday. I would have left telling her how much I love her and that we’ll talk soon. She would have told me to text her when I made it home. Would I have noticed something was right with her and made her go into the doctors? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t really linger on that thought too much thankfully.

As I start thinking about my future and decisions that are going to need to be made I wonder whether I’ll look back on them with any regrets. Or will I feel confident that I’m doing the right thing for me at the time? Probably the latter.