Happy Birthday Middle Bro

I think most of you know I have three older "brothers". They were Dad's boys from his first marriage. By the time mom and I came around none of them were in the house anymore. I never lived with them and never built that normal siblings bond because of that. 

Christmas 1998 I think

It was hard to get to know them. They all had their own lives and, frankly, Mom and I didn't feel they cared at all to get to know us. 

We saw them at their convenience always. Their mother and what she wanted to do with them always came first. Mom was ok with that because she learned that celebrating with family didn't have to be on that specific day (like Christmas for example). Any day could be Christmas. It became about doing things with the family. 

Mom and I never felt we measured up and were the "ugly step children" that they knew about but didn't mention. 

Ric and I became very close when we trained and walked the breast cancer 3 day. He was always the most opened. The most welcoming. Still, at first, he kept us at arm's length. I don't think he was sure what to do with our relationship. It felt like he wanted to stay loyal to  his mom, but wanted to support his dad. He definitely was the most open with us. And then we became brother and sister thanks to the 3day. He was my BigBro.

The oldest brother, Michael, was the most stand-off ish. He seemed very unsure about us and the most unwelcoming. He was the one Mom and I felt had the least interest in getting to know us. It bothered mom for years. Then once Dad died, the relationship just got worse. We knew once dad died that we'd definitely not be thought about by them. We'd be a footnote in their lives. 

It didn't help that Mike and his family moved to St. Louis. The distance made it even harder to maintain a relationship. Especially when we felt like we were doing all the work and didn't feel like they wanted to bother. Sarah - my niece, was always close to mom and was one that always reached out. But not her folks. I tried for years to become his sister. Then when I heard he said that he "never had a sister" in a gathering we weren't at, I was done. I'll be cordial around him, but nothing more. 

Then the middle brother, Jerry. He was always the one that confused me the most. Jerry is quiet. VERY QUIET. And if you know Mom and I, we are not. I think when we visited the farm (where Jerry lived) we amused him. He'd just sit in the corner with his cigarette and listen with a smile on his face. 

Jerry had his own demons. He treated mom and I with respect, but his quietness made it hard to get to know him. Then when mom and dad moved to Odessa, Jerry because someone mom relied on. He was over helping, talking, eating, all of it. He became someone very important to mom and her to him. I was thrilled for mom for that reason. By that time, she was starting to need some support with dad. 

He still remained elusive to me. He will talk with me. He'll answer any questions I ask. Sometimes he would initiate the conversation, but it was a lot of sitting in silence with him. And that was when I realized, that he was one of the few I felt comfortable sitting in silence with. 

Today Jerry turns 66. He seems nothing like what I thought that age was when I was younger. His years of working outside as a farm hand, or general help has taken it's toll on him, but he's still going strong. He has a lot of deep thoughts. He loves nature. He has a mischievous grin on his face most the time and it leaves you wondering what type of shenanigans he's planning. He has battled some serious demons in his life, and has come out a being a better man. 

This is how I will always remember Jerry. 
At the farm, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other.

So happy birthday MiddleBro. Hope you have a fabulous day being you.