Something is missing

I was texting a friend before surgery about having the joint removed from my pinky toe. She casually asks, “So what are they replacing it with?”

Replacing it?

I froze. It had genuinely never occurred to me that something might need to go back in there. I’ve never shopped for toe parts before. Is there a catalog? Do I get to pick between standard issue and deluxe model?

Fast forward to my pre-op appointment with Doc M. He’s explaining things, using doctor words, being all calm and competent. I decide this is my moment.

“So… what are you putting in its place?”

He slowly looks up at me with an expression that very clearly says, Ma’am. Please keep up.

Very calmly he explains that because there’s an infection, they can’t “introduce” anything new into the toe. Nothing goes back in. It’s just… gone. In the future, if I want to add a bone-like item, we can discuss it.

A bone-like item. As if I’m accessorizing. “Oh yes, I’ll take the seasonal bone insert, please.”

He leaves and I sit there imagining my poor pinky toe hollow and unsupported. Is it just going to flop around like a fish out of water? What’s keeping it from wandering off from its little toe friends? Is there a toe support group?

At my first post-op appointment I ask the truly important question: “How is the toe going to stay close to its friends?”

Doc M, without missing a beat: “You may find that you stub your pinky toe more often now.”

Excuse me, WHAT? That was not comforting. That was a threat.

I’m still deeply unsure what’s happening inside my foot at this point. I’m picturing an empty cave where a joint used to live.

Then at the second post-op appointment, he pulls up the X-ray.

It’s like a magic trick. Now you see it, now you don’t. I’m staring at the screen thinking, “Sir… that appears to be a disappearing act, not a joint removal.”

The entire section of bone looks gone. Gone-gone. I had been walking around thinking, “They’re just taking out a little joint.” No. Apparently we went full renovation. HGTV: Toe Edition.

I even looked up a normal foot X-ray. There is very clearly an entire bone there in other people. I, however, am now rocking the minimalist version.

But here’s the thing: the incision is healing. The infection is clearing. Everything is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. And at this point? I don’t particularly care if a whole bone packed its bags and moved out.

I still have a pinky toe. It may be lighter, freer, and slightly more accident-prone… but it’s still there.

And honestly, that feels like a win.