The Story of the Mexican Meatloaf

Randomly stories will pop into my mind of something that happened with the folks and I. I suspect this happens with everyone who loses a parent. Some times the story is funny, other times they make me sad. One story pops up every now and then and it makes me smile. The story of the Mexican Meatloaf. 

Back in the day, Mom and Dad were really good about trying out new recipes. I suspect that's where I get it from, though I'm more extreme at it then they were. Mom had found this recipe and wanted to try it. She showed it to dad and he was on board. 

The night comes and mom makes this Mexican Meatloaf. Dad and I loved it. It was so much better, in my opinion, than regular meatloaf. Not to mention I really like Mexican flavors. Dad and I were thrilled because this meant, to us, that this would be something new in our rotation of recipes. We would be wrong in that assumption.

Turned out mom hated it. Dad and I couldn't believe it. How? It was "soooo good". But she stood her ground on her dislike. Dad made a comment that we'd have to make it again to check and see. 

Fast forward several months and Dad asked about making this again. Mom said she "lost the recipe". She even went so far as to look through the recipe book and the gray tin box. "Nope", she said, "It's not in here.". Dad and I took her at her word. 

We joked about the Mexican Meatloaf for years. We'd say something to mom about how she probably tore up the recipe because she hated it. She swore she did not, it must have just gotten misplaced. 

We never had Mexican Meatloaf again. 

Fast forward again, after Mom passed, I brought home her gray box of recipes. And as I was going through them I found this! 

I couldn't believe it. I literally laughed out loud and said, "You got us mom!" She had that recipe all along and hated it so much she didn't want to make it again. She didn't lie when she said she couldn't find it - she just ignored it. 

Truth be told, I've not made this again either. Meatloaf is a lot for a single person who doesn't eat leftovers. I may have to add this to a Sunday dinner or a book club dinner. 

For as long as I live, I will smile every time I think of Mexican Meatloaf. It's probably not an overly funny story to most people. I suspect it's one of those "you had to be there". We thought it was funny and I will continue to remember it as a funny story. 

God I miss Mom. 

Twenty Years Later

This weekend I spent some time with my BFF getting caught up. She'd been off at a conference for a week and we hadn't really seen each other before she left. 

As we sat chatting about nonsense, she says, "It's been 20 years this Wednesday."

I didn't even have to ask what she meant. I was immediately sent back 20 years to the day she called to tell me she had cancer. My heart sinks just thinking about that day. 

She'd been diagnosed with breast cancer! How? We're in our 30s? How could this be happening? 

What followed that diagnosis in April of 2003 was months of treatment that included multiple appointments, side-effect so horrible they were unimaginable, sadness, anger, more appointments, more side effects, etc? 

Sherrie and her brother the night she had to shave her head. 
He shaved his with her.

I knew immediately that she was going to need some significant support. We had a pretty good friend / family base, but something had to be organized. I knew I couldn't be the person to help "clean" her wounds or be able to take her to every appt, so I got to work organizing. That I can do.

 

I had people lined up to take her to appoints, to bring food, to sit with her, to help in any way we could. I kept myself at arms length to what was really going on. I couldn't deal with it. 

I knew it was about her and should be all about her. But I also knew I had to keep myself "healthy" to be able to help in any way I could. It wasn't until years later, and a lot of reflection, that I realized I was actually pretty (and irrationally, pissed at her. How dare she almost die on me? It was dark times for her and for me. She felt me pulling away, but didn't have the strength to deal with it. 

We've since talked about all of that. I'm not sure she fully understands where I was coming from, but at least we've communicated. 

Anyhow, back to 20 years later! If I'm being honest, I wasn't convinced we'd be here. For years after I worried that each doctor appt would result in bad news. She was holding her breath after each follow up and only after a positive phone call would she breath normal again. It was hard to watch. 

Eventually, that fear dissipated. It never went away for her (or for me). It got easier and less anxiety, but I think once you've gone through that type of trauma, there's always something there. 

She's celebrating in her own way this huge milestone and I'm here to cheer her on for another 20 years. 

Que Pasa?

Hello and welcome to another, what feels like, monthly update on the Life of Jenn. I figured it's a good time to do a Currently list. I've not done one for a long time, and this really does cover what's happening in my little world. 

Currently:

Reading:

Every year I have a goal to read 50 books (or 15,000 pages). Every year, I get behind somehow and have to play catch up. This year is no different. When I need to catch up, I need quick, easy, but interesting, reads. 

In 2009 I started earing Charlain Harris Aurora Teagarden series. I got hooked on Charlain Harris thanks to her True Blood series. I was thrilled to see she wrote other series. Aurora Teagarden was super enjoyable to read. So I decided to reread them. In the last month, I've read 7 books. That will get me closer to my goal. What's great about them? I don't really remember any of the stories so it's like reading them for the first time.

Eating

I went through my summer slump in June. I really don't know why, but when June comes around I don't want to cook at all. I made a whoppin 8 new recipes in June - when my average is 13, that just feels like I fell short to keep up my average. But June is over (and so is July) and I'm getting back into the swing of cooking again. I've made 105 new recipes this year. While I didn't have an official goal - the unofficial goal is 150 again. 

Drinking

Ice Mochas! After 2 years, wait - 3 years, of working from home, I finally cleaned out and set up my Nespresso. I had it out since I moved, but didn't really have it set up. So one afternoon I figured I'd pull out the coffee sideboard and plug it in so it'd always be available. 

I inadvertently discovered a cat toy graveyard in the process. 

Now that we have that all cleaned out, I also bought some expresso shot glasses to pull a 5oz shot. Just about every day now I've made myself an ice mocha. I've finally got it down the the exact measurements of espresso, chocolate, milk and ice. 

Feeling

Anxious! Our Portugal trip is quickly approaching and I don't feel like I'm ready for the hills that I've heard about in Portugal. 

One side of me says, it's fine. You'll be fine. The other side of me does not want to be tired from hills. So I've started walking up and down the hill by my house. It's a small hill, but a hill all the same. I figured I I can walk up that hill in the heat of the day and actually be OK at the top, that's progress. 

Loving

My new past time. Coloring. I was cleaning out a drawer and I found my coloring pad and markers. So each night I've done a little coloring. It's quite relaxing...and not at the same time. I'm very critical of myself if I go out of the lines. 

Listening

On occasion I turn on Pandora when I'm working, especially if I'm doing something that doesn't require a lot of concentration. I was bored with my stations on Pandora so I started poking around. I came across Country 90's radio. This was when I actually listened to country music and hearing some of those songs brought back good memories. 

Working

Let's not talk about work WORK. Let's talk about fun work, like scrapbooking. I've been pounding through my projects this year and really focusing on a technique called Layering. I've taken a series of design classes from my favorite celebrity scrapbooker and have wanted to put what I've learned to good use. 

The thing is, I'm bored with all the projects. It's a lot to get sucked into a project and then turn around and start another after you've finished. I decided that I'm going to do 5 random pages a week. 

Not only can I practice my layering, but since the photos rarely have any real importance, I can use up all my stash too. 

The projects I've finished this year: 

Converting 12x12 to 8x6 albums:

• Oahu 2003
• Kauai 2003
• England 2007
• San Francisco 2008

New Albums 12x12

• Lugano 2022
• Viking Cruise 2022

New 8x6 Albums

• Niece's wedding
• Nashville
• London 2023
• Sunday Dinners 2022
• Sunday Dinners 2023
• Up to date with 2023 photos
• 10 misc pages

Phew. I'm exhausted just looking at that list. I've scrapped 299 pages this year!

Wanting

I've been wanting to buy some shelving for the garage to organize it a bit more. But instead of buying new shelving, I think I want to use the wire shelving I have in my office that's currently holding all my 12x12 albums. What will I do with my albums you ask? Well, I want two of these book shelves from IKEA. 

I saw in a scrapbook facebook group a woman's scrapbook room and she had these book shelves. They look so nice and way more professional than my wire wracks.  But I think I'll wait and do this for my birthday this year. 

So that's it. That's me and what's been happening in my world. 

Who wants them?

The rare occasion the room is clean

I think everyone who knows me knows I scrapbook. I scrapbook a lot. Like weekly. Scrapping is my creative outlook and being in the scrapbook room resets my brain somehow and I feel like I’m ready for work again.

By scrapping every weekend, you end up with a lot of scrapbooks. That coupled with being a scrapper since 1998, you get a lot of scrapbooks. Scrapbooking started as a way to share your family stories with the future. Your kids. Your grandkids etc. The Mormons started it as a way of storytelling and ancestry.

I use scrapbooking to tell my stories. My everyday life. The cats. Trips. The past. Everything.  It’s a way to document memories, special moments, and milestones in a creative and personalized way. The result is a wonderful collection of memories displayed on beautiful pages that tell stories.

One question in the scrapbook community that has been passing through social media is “what happens to these scrapbooks after you’re gone?” “Who gets them?” Will they be saved? Or discarded?

As you can imagine, there are a dozen and one opinion about this. Scrapbooking is very personal, and the reason people do it is very personal. What’s normally a friendly community is really getting all up in arms over what some people (like me) think about this.

In the world of scrappers who have kids, their plan is that these beautiful books get passed down. Because they hold a great deal of sentimental value it’s thought that the remaining family will want to cherish them. And they very well may. This, I would say, is what the majority of scrappers assume will happen with their scrapbooks. Hell, I used to believe this.

The truth is it’s very likely that the Niece or anyone who’s left after I go are not going to want my scrapbooks. There are a lot of them. And here’s the reality I had to get to, that’s ok.

Turns out, I scrapbook for me. I assume 100% that they will be tossed (maybe donated?) when I’m gone. And I’m ok with that. I scrap for my enjoyment and peace of mind now. The present. This, as you can imagine, is not a popular thought among die-hard scrappers. I’ve gotten some not so nice comments and some trying to talk me into changing my mind about what will happen to my books. The thing is, I’ll be gone. I have ZERO control over what happens to them. Would I be sad if they got tossed? Nope. I’m dead. Would I prefer someone to enjoy them and, at least for a moment, look through them and marvel at the life I had? Yes, absolutely yes. If I’m being honest, I’d actually like them to look through them and say, “My god she was a talented scrapper.” But most likely they’ll say, “My god she spent a lot of $$ on scrapbooking.”

Regardless of what happens with them, or what we want to happen to them, we won’t be here. Which is why I enjoy them now. I enjoy the process (gosh I’m shocked I enjoy a process) of scrapping. I love touching all the doo dads and finding a perfect spot for them on a page. I love to look back through my albums and do the “Remember when…” conversation. I love when friends and family look through them and learn something new about me or something I wrote. To be cliché, it completes me. It makes me a better person because I get to be creative and get my brain to reset every week.

A very pleasant surpise

Today didn't start out too well. I had a Mammo appt this morning at 8:40 am. I set out on my way to get there and have plenty of time. First, I had a hard time finding the front door to get in. Then when I did, I was told my appt was at another location. 

Let me back up a little. My appointment was supposed to be for Thursday. But I had to reschedule it. Oddly when I called, they had an opening almost immediately on Saturday. So I took it. Now, the person who rescheduled me didn't say anything about a change in location. I assumed I was booked where I was previously booked. I was not. 

So I missed the appointment. That just put me in a bad mood. I swear everything I touched from there on out just didn't feel right. I ran over a curb at the grocery store. I cut my finger when getting seran wrap out. Spilled wax from a candle on my stove top. I could go on. 

In an attempt to get my mind out of the sour mood I decided to do some scrapbooking. I did a couple of pages and then decided I wanted to review photos from San Francisco 2008 - which is the next conversion I'm doing. 

As I was going through the photos I came across a video I took of the cable car turn around in downtown SF. I thought I'd play the video for fun. 

I was stunned immediately. On the video is mom talking. I had to stop for a moment. I haven't heard her voice for 6 years. I watched that video a dozen times to just hear her voice.

I won't lie, I may have teared up a little. 

What a gift I found. I will treasure this forever now. 

Happy Father's Day

These are the days that my brain perks up and floods me with memories. It's a special day for many to share their love for their Dad and show him how much he means to you. 

When you're a "fatherless" daughter on this day, all you have are memories. 

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." - Richard Puz

I've really noticed that with the passing of loved ones, you really do only have memories. And your brain seems to only dish up the good ones. I'm well aware there are bad ones in there, but thankfully my brain is protecting me, I suppose, from the bad ones and giving me the opportunity to remember the strong, positive, loving memories. 

I miss Dad a lot. I miss what he represented in my life - a strong, firm, fair, loving hand guiding me to become a value to the world. He did this by tough love, support, providing advice - whether asked for or not, living by example, sharing his knowledge, sharing his love for food, and sharing his curiosity about the world that gave me the desire to travel. He was so much more than all these things, but these are the qualities and values I remember the most. 

He had his moments though. Don't we all? He could be so very stubborn (a quality he didn't appreciate in me). His argumentative side came out once in a while and there was no "winning" or even having an adult conversation when he was in that state (usually after several drinks). It was frustrating, at times, to try to get him to see the world the way it is and not have him demand it stay the was. He loved the old way of life and wasn't interested in change. 

Still, those "qualities" taught me a lot about myself. I often wonder if those traits annoyed me so much because I might have had/have some of them. That's a post for another time I suppose. 

Still, all the good and bad, I miss this man a lot. Every time I light up the BBQ or travel the world he's there with me. All the glorious memories I was able to make with him remain with me. And while life took him away from me, nothing can take these memories. 

Taken in 1978 in Iran. This photo was taken before he was my dad.
The smile was likely because he didn't have a teenage daughter to deal with yet. 

Sunday Dinners H1

I didn't do so well this year so far tracking Sunday dinners here on the blog. My intent was to post one a month as they happened. And, well, life. 

I started out strong in January. Then nothing. So let me catch you up. 

February - Italian

February was a wroaming Sunday dinner. We all gathered at Chez Levi out in West Seattle. She's got a beautiful house that has a killer view. It's always weird for me to have Sunday dinner some place else. I both love and hate it. Love it because we get to change it up and I don't have to do dishes. Hate it because I love hosting. 

Dinner was stuffed shells. So delicious. We also had Italian Salad, Deconstructed Tiramasu, and appetizers. It was a small group that was the Braspirs, Claudia/Bob, Janet and I. I like small groups sometimes. 

The view from Chez Pantry Goat

That's not one of my cats, that's Frey.

March - Burger Bar

Mmm burgers. I do love a good burger. I blame my mom for that. She LOVED cheeseburgers. The drippier the better. Homemade burgers are one of my favorite things to make. So easy, so inexpensive and so yummy. 

I did the burgers and cheese. Claudia brought all the veggies, including amazing grilled onions. The Braspirs brought baked beans, Janet brought a beautiful lemon cake, Rose and Graeme brough arancini (risotto balls). So much food. I also provided the condiments that included BBQ sauce and fried onions. 

Poor Graeme. Lucy only wanted to sit on his lap. Poor guy is allergic to cats, and that stinkin' cat kept coming back for more. 

This cake was amazing.

April - Thai

Thai themed is officially not my favorite theme. I like Thai food, but I like Thai food in a restaurant. It's a tricky theme because it requires ingredients most of us don't use (kinda like Indian last year). Still everyone played along. 

I made Thai Beef curry in the crock pot. Mark and Jo made spring rolls. Kathy did Chicken Satay. And Janet did Thai Lettuce Wraps. 

I discovered too late that no one signed up to bring dessert. So I brought out some Cresta bars, and Nutella cookies. Worked like a charm. 

Spring Rolls. It took a couple to get the hang of the rolling.

May - Burrito Bowls

I love me a good burrito bowl. And this dinner was spot on. I made carne asada and Charro beans (so good). Mark and Jo brought guac. Graeme and Rose brough Mexican corn. Janet brought sides for the burrito bowls (sour cream, cheese, onions, salsa, etc). The Braspirs brought Flan. 

We had way too much food again, but we were happy and full. As we always are on Sunday dinner nights.

Kathy made flan.

June - Spanish / Portuguese

Oh boy! What a Sunday dinner. Mark and Jo hosted it at their new house in Gig Harbor. We moved this Sunday dinner to Saturday to make it a little easier to get to Gig Harbor and home again without Monday looming. 

Mark made Paella. He and Jo had taken a class and so they knew the right way to make it. Plus he has this massive Paella pan - so it seemed like we had to break it in. 

We started with appetizers, of course. Rose and Graeme brought jamon and cheese; there was smoked salmon; marinated olives, and I made Garlic Shrimp. 

Making Paella is a process, but it's not difficult. There's a lot of components, but if you're an organized chef, this part is easy. Mark did an excellent job and the Paella was some of the best I've had. 

Best part of the night was when Mark was going to take the Paella pan into the house and we'd serve ourselves from there, only the pan wouldn't fit through the back door. That's one large pan. We ate our paella with a yummy El Senior Caesar Salado (it was just a Caesar salad, but we had to make it Spanish.)

We finished the night with a chocolate tort brought by Janet. 

Our next two Sunday dinners will also be wroaming ones. Next month is our annual Low Country Boil at Janet's. Then August is being hosted by the Pantry Goat. 

Crabby Girls Weekend

Once a year the crabs plan a getaway. It's usually in October, and it's usually for longer than a weekend. This year, we had a plan to go over and see one of the crabs new vacation/weekend home. It doesn't mean we won't go somewhere in October, it just means we got to spend an extra weekend together. 

We loaded up and headed over to Eastern Washington on Friday morning. Stopping in Cle Elum for groceries, Owen's meats (a must), the bakery (also a must) and last minute groceries for the weekend. Not that we needed any more food. We always over plan and always have more than enough food around. 

This is just the snacks for only two days.

The Braspir's house is a small, comfy house on top of a hill outside of Cle Elum. It was so comfortable and welcoming and had a killer view. 

We headed off that afternoon to the Thorp fruit stand. I've not ever stopped in there, so we thought it'd be fun to go check it out. An added bonus, they have ice cream. 

We had tacos that night and spend the evening in watching Blazing Saddles. Can I just say, that is one of the most offensive movies! I suppose in 1974 they didn't seem to care as much as we do now. 

Saturday we lazed around for the morning then headed off to the Wild Horse Wind Farm. It's an area where they have 149 wind turbines. It's plenty windy up on that hill so it makes sense. We gave it crabs. 

They have a small "museum" up there that talks about wind energy and all that goes into it. I found it very interesting and learned a thing or two. 

After that, we met my friend Kara in Ellensburg for lunch at The Porch. If you're in that part of town, stop by. Their food was amazing. It was a great lunch and gave Kara and I a chance to get caught up. Sometimes with old friends, it doesn't matter how much time passes between visits, you pick up right where you left off. 

We then headed off to do some wine tasting. Ellensburg Canyon winery is a bit up the canyon heading to Yakima. It's beautiful country out there and they make pretty good wine. I tasted for the first time a Cab Franc "Blanc". It's a white wine, which I normally am not a fan of, and was so freaking yummy. I had to buy a bottle. Oh and I bought two bottles of Port too. One a malbec and one a cab sauv. So good. 

Loaded...hahah, not quite, we headed back home and made a dinner. Chef Kathy made us an excellent salmon dinner. We do not starve on these trips. 

We opted to do book club on Saturday night since we were all together. I wasn't a huge fan of this book. It was ok, but not great. 

Sunday we were headed back home, but not before we stopped at one more fruit stand and had a little fun. 

All in all it was a great weekend and a fun getaway. WE will be visiting that house again I'm sure. 

Another Mother’s Day without Her

I didn't know yet how much this woman who is cradling me would impact my life. 

I didn't know here either.

I'm the blondy on the right

Or here

1984

1989

Or even here

The Last Mother's Day 2016

Being part of a motherless club has not been fun. I miss my mom every minute of every day. I’ve learned that it wasn’t about the big stuff that I shared with her. No. It was all the small stuff that I shared with her that I can no longer experience.

I’ve been part of this unfortunate club for 6.5 years now. I’m certainly not the only one in this club and know there are people who have spent more years in it than me. I knew when she died there’d be a lot of “firsts” that would happen. The first birthday without her. The first holiday season without her. The first promotion without her. The first Mother's Day without her. These are the days that creep up on me and just plain hurt. I was misinformed that the original grief would fade and the pain would "go away". But this hurt lasts way longer than the grief did.

The day that is BY FAR the hardest is Mother’s Day. I’ve had to go through 6 of these days and they get no easier. I have no reason to think the 7th will be any different. They hurt as much today as the first one did. It’s a day that I’m sadden by the woman I miss so much. Who I no longer have to celebrate today with. 

I feel out of place on a day everyone around me is celebrating with their moms. They are celebrating the day with a person I so desperately wish I could celebrate with. I only wish and hope that they all recognize how fortunate they are. Please go hug your mom. Or tell her you love her. Or just call her.

Time hasn’t stopped me from wanting to hide in a hole for the entire day and not come out until all the celebrating is done. Time doesn’t make me forget that my Mom was my best friend and she’s supposed to still be here with me.

While I will wish all the moms out there a Happy Mother’s day, I caution the children to hold tight to your mom. Hug her. Tell her you love her. And never, EVER, take the time you have with her for granted. It goes was too quickly and one day, sadly, you too will be part of this motherless club.

The Past

I'm sure this happens to everyone. I'm sure I'm not special in any way to feel the way I do about the past. But god damn, the past can sure rise up and bite you in the emotional ass when you least expect it. 

I'm SURE it has to do with Mom's day around the corner. I tend to get emotional when Mom's birthday, the day she died and Mother's day comes around. 

Top that with a blast from the past has me thinking about all sorts of memories and you have a recipe for some serious drama. 

It's not drama that makes me said, its just drama that makes me think about life and how wonderful it's been. 

Honestly, diving into memories from the past do have potential to make most said, or full of regrets. My memories usually make me happy, nostalgic even. It reminds me that I've had a pretty good life. Oh, sure there has been sadness and loss and regrets, but I'm learning to see those as mere blips on the grand scheme of life's adventures.

I could dwell on them and let that drag me into the abyss. But in my wiser years I see it as memories that helped shape me. And I'm ok with that and who I am ... well, for today. Tomorrow's another story.