Apparently, through reading Lesley's blog, there's a Patron Saint of Single Women. Me, being a single women thought, "Why not check it out?" Even though I gave up being Catholic for Lent (that's a joke...get it? Catholics' give up things for Lent...) I figured it couldn't hurt.
Then what to my amazed eyes did I find. This!
And I quote:
The Patron Saint of Single Women is the martyr St. Agatha. Forced into a brothel by an evil magistrate, she refused customers in order to preserve her purity, though she endured beatings and torture. It is said that during a particularly cruel beating, an earthquake struck and killed her captor. Agatha thanked the Lord for the end to her suffering and then died herself. Prayer to St. Agatha:Dear Virgin and Martyr, whom the Church recalls in her liturgy, you heroically resisted the temptations of a degenerate ruler. Subjected to long and horrible tortures, you remained faithful to your heavenly Spouse. Help us to be faithful that we will find an earthly love and love him as you have loved. Amen.
Did you get that? Did you read that prayer to St. Aggy?
You won't find me receiting this prayer...as I'm too old for such nonesense. But I thought it worthy of blogland...
I, of course, had to take this Patron Saint thing one step further and looked up the following.
Patron Saint of Homosexuals?
Yes, there is one.
But I found this...and almost busted a gut at the number of Patron Saints out there (be sure to scroll down to the list). With this many...I can surely apply and be recognized as, um, let's see...already got a Patron Saint of Smartmouths (Lesley), maybe a patron saint of Sarcasm? Yah...that's it.
Some of my favorites
Patron Saint of ...
Bachelors
Birds
Basket-Makers (I'm not making this shit up)
Brewers
Cranky Children
Dog Bite
Dream Interpretation
Foot Trouble
Gravediggers
Lamp Makers
Lost Articles
Organ Makers (Isn't that God? Get it? He made us, and thus our organs... )
Procrastinators
Tanners - is it a sin to tan?
So you see, I'm just saying, with all these saints, surely there's room for a few more. Gotta go..need to finish my application for Saint-hood.
9 comments:
LMAO! I love it!
btw, I am nominating you for Patron Saint of Sarcasm!
I think you would also qualify for Patron Saint of Pain in the Ass.
:)
I rue the day I showed you my blog.
Tee hee----Leslie and Laura sure have your number1
You've always been my St. Jenn! How about St. Jenn of the Blessed Sarcasm?
XOXO
Mike.
Mike - You got a deal. I'm not officially St. Jenn of the Blessed Sarcasm.
I don't think you are funny at all...and I love sarcasm. Why must people continue to pick on people's faith...it's so easy and lame. Better stick to whatever else it is that you do...
We should introduce St. Agatha to St. Roch! She's the patron of single women and dog bites, thrown into a brothel and beaten to death as an unfair punishment. He's the patron of bachelors and dogs, thrown into jail and left to die under false charges! They sound like the perfect couple...
(If only our parishes worked have as hard on the pastoring of singles as I did with this joke!)
*half...HALF as hard!
Autocorrect is surely a sign of our fallen world...
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