Saying Goodbye...again

I've put it off long enough.  I've not wanted to write a post about the Memorial Day adventures, but feel it's time. 

The fam all gathered in Odessa to say goodbye to BigBro ... again.  (Side note: I took a vote and we all agreed that we're not going back to Odessa next year...) Anyhow, it was a nice gathering of cousins, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc.  BigBro would have totally rolled his eyes over the fuss we made for him.

I won't lie, it was a hard weekend.  We laughed a lot, we cried a lot and, at least me, let go a little bit.  There's a finality to scattering ashes and seeing your brother's name on a head stone. I could no longer fool myself into thinking he was just on an extended hunting trip. He was, in fact, gone.

We headed over on Saturday. Seattle SIL, Ash, The Niece, Bob and I all met in Ellensburg for lunch and then caravanned into Odessa (after stopping in Moses Lake at Starbucks and a quick pee).  We had agreed in Moses Lake to just go into Odessa and not stop at the cemetery on our way in. Well, as we drove past, I say the MomUnit and her friend ML out there, so I had to stop.

I hadn't expected, for whatever reason, to see a head stone with BigBro's name on it. Yet there it was. I just stared at it. Shaking my head in disbelief.

 

BiggestBro and MiddleBro had this rock made up. They'll place it by the creek during hunting season.

 

Back at the hotel (yes, Odessa has a hotel...and it's ... well, interesting) everyone else started arriving.  After a while we all loaded up and headed to the local restaurant for some family time and reminiscing.  It's true what they say...families gather for weddings and funerals.  I think all of us said we should just get together for the heck of it and not wait for a funeral.

Seattle SIL and I headed up to the cemetery to watch the sunset. It was worth spending some time up there sorta reflecting and just existing with no other people around.

Grandpa & Grandma Wraspir...they have quite the view.

A beautiful sunset over the cemetery

Last year when we scattered Dad's ashes I would not have imagined the next would be BigBro. BigBro on the left, dad on the right.

Sunday we got up and hung around the hotel. They have a nice grass area where we set up chairs and had breakfast.  Sitting around telling stories of yester year was fun.  It wasn't always BigBro stories either. And I can't say for sure how true some of the stories were... = )

Finally, it was time. We loaded into the trucks, cars, vans etc and headed to Irby to scatter the ashes.  We weren't able to scatter his ashes where he wanted them because of some extended family drama that I won't go into, but we were able to find some land in Irby Valley that would suffice.  The old watering hole, aka Bum's Beach, and along Crab Creek. 

We gathered, BiggestBro said a few words and we were off. Each of us taking a bit of BigBro to a place we wanted to say goodbye.  It's heartbreaking and cleansing all at the same time. I just stared at my Dixie cup of ashes and wondered how I got there.  How did this happen? Why did this happen? Was I really ready to let go?

None of us wanted to be there. But we had to do it.

 

The Irby valley...and tossing the ashes

Then miraculously my hand turned and the ashes fell into the wind.  It was done.

Once we finished there we all headed to the local park for a BBQ and just to hang out.  Pleasant day for a family gathering, and in typical Wraspir fashion there was enough food there to feed a small army. 

Then finally, Monday morning we gathered once more at the gravesite.  More family showed up to say their goodbyes. Again, BiggestBro said a few things and a few more stories from the crowd (like on cousin told a story of her dad calling BigBro Rosie. God I wish I had known that when he was alive...I would have called him Rosie to bug him).

Gathering on Monday to say a final farewell.

Damn I miss that guy!

A few more tears, a few more hugs and we were on our way back to Seattle.

A couple days before leaving, I stumbled onto this song (it was on a TV show I was watching) and felt immediately like I could here BigBro saying these words. I think it only appropriate to put it in the blog.

KEEP ME IN YOUR HEART FOR AWHILE
by Warren Zevon

Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
And when the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver's headed North to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile
These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile