They say idle hands...

Idle is the last thing my hands have been today. I'm motivated. I'm inspired. I'm full of caffeine. And you know when those three things collide some serious scrapbooking is getting done.

It all started last night with Crazy L and Blueberry came over. Crazy L was hoping for some scrapbook pointers from the Queen Scrapbooker - me apparently. Anyhow, it got me motivated as I helped, watched, cropped, cut, matched, chalked, etc. Then this morning bright and early I was up and at 'em.

The MomUnit has sent me some old photos she's been holding on to thinking I'd want some of my very sexy and very 80's school photos. Its not like I'll be putting them up around the house, so might as well preserve them.

I started with a photo I took of the Irby Valley some 25 years ago - give or take. I remember this day very well. I was bored. Which wasn't different than any other day at the farm. I, being a city girl, found myself bored more than once on the peaceful little farm in the middle of no-where. (Side note: This was long before Starbucks entered my world - because I would have had to drive to Moses Lake for coffee - if I was driving by then). Anyhow, the day was sunny and bright. It was hot, and off over the scab rock (that's what it's called I swear) were some storm clouds. I was sitting on the lawn chair out front talking to Grandpa when he pointed out the rainbow between the two trees. Running in to get my camera I snapped this photo. The following Christmas, I framed it and gave it to the GrandparentUnits. It hung in their house until they no longer lived there.

Senior Year! Oh the memories. We were home from Saudi for Christmas (I think) and in a whirlwind attempt to get things done I had to get my Senior photos done, order announcements, and buy a prom dress - during Christmas time. Super easy. Yah right. Mom scheduled the photo shoot and off I went. This was one of several shots we thought did me justice. I was stunned when I saw this photo again to realize I, indeed, had a mullet in high school. Though friends have said, kind friends, that it's not so much a mullet as a Farah Fawcett du! I'll buy that. And pearls? Nice touch. Only they aren't pearls at all. If you lived through the 80's you know that costume jewelry was a big thing - plastic costume jewelry. I had a ton of it. And those bad boys around my neck are a fine example of such jewelry.

Not related to memories in the past - but memories of the here and now. You all know I'm doing cookies for fundraising for the breast cancer 3 day walk. I have, of course, photographed the first batch couple of batches. I'm quite proud of this layout. Sometimes they just come together and make a statement.

I've been asked to donate some scrapbooks to the Beyond Pink fundraiser in October. One will be Pink in theme - dah! The other will be one page for each month of the year. I'm so thrilled to be doing this. It's WAY easier to scrapbook when there aren't any photos to match or use. Part of the research I've been doing for this is just how much would people be willing to pay? While at the expo this year several people said, "I'd pay you to do my photos." It got me to wonder, just how much could I charge? I've found kits for sale anywhere from $5 to $8 for two page layouts. That's not too bad - or is my perception of how much scrapbooking costs off a bit? I figure each page I do is about $4 to $5 these days - so $7 or $8 means I'd be making some money for fundraising....hmmm, so many choices to fund raise. Maybe next year. Though if you want some pre-made scrapbook pages, let me know, we can work out a deal.

Why the sudden burst of energy? I mean I have been unemployed for 2 months and barely lifted the paper cutter...I got a job! Yep, got a job and should be starting next week. Once I get back into the workforce who knows how much time I'll have, so I'd better get it done now.

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown

Somewhere in 1980 or 1981 (the date is all fuzzy to me) I met the man who would help mold me into the woman I am today. Most of us aren't fortunate enough to chose our parents, but I did have that chance when my mother met the man who would be my step dad - The DadUnit.

Born in 1934 in a small town in Eastern Washington, raised by truth, hard work and integrity. All qualities he passed on to me. Times were hard for him growing up. Being in a farming family, during the blackest times in the US economy - meant that they went without a lot of the material items that our children "expect" today. Still, they had love in the family, and enough food to feed them - what more could they need?

He graduated from Marlin High School - a graduation class of 4 and set out to see the world. Going to college at Central Washington he studied hard, got a job, married, had three boys and settled down into a job.

Sometime later he went to work for the Boeing company and was shipped off to Iran. While there he got a chance to see the world. Experience things that many in that time frame didn't. He was one of the last Boeing employees to shut the lights off in Iran before they took the hostages.

Leaving Iran he ended up single and living in Lancaster California. Which is where he once again met my mother. "Once again" because while we lived in Minot, North Dakota (I know, right? The place expresses what hell will look like when it freezes over) he hired my mother to the Boeing company. Weird how the world tilts without you even knowing.

1981/82 he became part of my life. And a part of my heart. With him at the wheel our family blossomed. We traveled. We experienced. We lived. And we loved. Because of him, I got a stellar high school education in a foreign land, and got to go to where the culture was as far from what I knew in the US as it could be (Saudi Arabia). I'm sure he never thought he'd be asked to step up and raise a teenage girl. He had boys and I'm sure at times he thought they were way easier - certainly less emotional.

He supported me through college. Financially, yes, but so much more than that. He wasn't necessarily on board with my major, but let me pursue it all the same. Every trip home asking as only a concerned Dad could - "What are you going to do with a Spanish degree?" Truth be told, I had no idea at that time, but knew I'd figure it out.

After college, he supported me through all the jobs I've had. Secretly hoping I suspect that I would have stayed with his Alma mater Boeing.

Through the years, I've never once questioned his love for me as his daughter. I've never felt like I was a "step" daughter to him. He was strict, but fair. And while I may not have agreed with all his punishments or opinions I knew they were coming from the heart. He never yelled when punishing either. He would sit and we'd "discuss" it. I hated that. It was way more painful to be civil when all you wanted to do was yell and scream. Yet, I've never heard his voice raised in anger.

Here I am in my forties now and he in his seventies. He's not doing overly great health wise. He may not be the man that walked into my life some 30 years ago thanks to the Alzheimer's and I worry about the time I have left with him. I worry about the things I may never get to do with him. I worry about the stories I may never hear him tell. But with all that worry, I know that he made me who I am (with help from the MomUnit of course) and that deep down his heart is still that of a man who stepped in to raise a young girl into a woman.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Thank you for everything you've given me through the years.

I met up with a gambler, we were both too tired to speak

A friend once told me that I was the most inward thinking person she knew. At the time I dismissed it as a drunk friend spilling her emotions when the alcohol took down her barriers. Still, it's stayed with me and even today I think about it.

I was asked by a recruiter a couple of weeks ago if I were the hiring company would I bet on me. Without a second thought, or hesitation I answered, "you bet!" After I got over the initial groan of an unexpected pun, the recruiter asked me if I wanted to change my bet. Again, no hesitation, I responded, "I'd bet on me every time."

I felt like I had just participated in an odd, but eye opening, psychological test. It got me thinking, "Would I bet on myself every time?" I've told people I am a horrible gambler and have no gambling kharma - yet I'd lay down the chips on myself every. single. time. No hesitation.

It got me to wondering about the betting we do daily. True to it's nature actual betting is full of swagger. Metaphor is betting's middle name.

Raise.

Bluff.

Fold.

Call.

Stand.

Hit.

Bust.

During my recent job search I've found myself sticking to what I know. I've got a nice little routine. I crave what is familiar. All the while knowing my daily routine is nothing familiar. It's the last place I'd rather be. I'd rather be working PM Magic on a project that has my name on it. And yet, I have to trust that soon my skills will be hard at work. I never wavered that I'd find a job. I never felt sorry for myself for being unemployed. I never really worried overly much about I wouldn't come out on top and be better for it.

I was betting (trusting) on me. And I'd do it every time.

Trust is a gamble. Yet we trust everything around us - mostly. We trust our family. We trust our companies. We trust our next paycheck is in the mail. We trust the smarmy news anchor will tell us the truth about a disaster. But are we trusting? Or are we hoping? Hoping that indeed the trust I'm giving freely will not be broken?

It's all a gamble really. No guarantees when you put your chip down on lucky number 13 you'll win. Odds are you may not. And yet we trust ourselves. Willing to let go of that $5 (I have gambling limits remember?) that maybe, just maybe I'll win.

I'm finding that in my ripe old age (all 41 years of it) that regardless of the many times I've fallen on my face, that folding is not in my blood. It's for losers. Winners go all in. Winners hedge their bets. They roll the dice and they will lay down that bet again and again and again.

You know what, I will bet on myself again and again and again.

The Unusual Suspect

I have a huge pond in my back yard. Every year around this time the tree frogs serenade me with their song. It's probably a mating song, which is gross, but pleasant if you don't think about it. It used to be annoying and now I find it's soothing. Occasionally you hear a bull frog singing off key, but I can look past that.

A couple of nights ago, the rain was hammering down and the frogs were singing away out there. I have my windows opened and could hear the chorus of frogs mixed with the pounding rain, it was blissful. Relaxing. It made me feel like I was camping out without the actual camping out (cuz we all know I don't do that right?)

Last night I walked into my room and couldn't believe how loud the frogs were. I mean they usually get loud, but they seemed to be in my room. Thousands of them, and cricket too. "huh?", I thought, "I haven't ever heard crickets." I laid down in bed and enjoyed the sound all the same. Relaxing. A soft breeze blew in from the window and it just felt so nice and peaceful.

I turned to see what time it was an noticed a green light illuminated on my clock. No need for an alarm so I'll just shut it off. Depressing the button the frog, cricket, out doorsy sounds stop.

I lay there face palming my head. "What an idiot!", I say.

I bolt up and glance around the darken room. How'd my nature sound on the clock get turned on? No timer for it. I didn't do it. Oh crap...a crazy person probably broke into the house and turned on my clock - at which point I realized I have to stop watching who done it shows at night.

Hopping out of bed, I frantically switched on all the bedroom lights. Opened the closet and checked for said crazy people.

All the while at the end of my bed, an unassuming cat puddle moved. He stretched. Blinked and gave me the look of, "Pray tell why did you wake the King from his slumber."

Realizing I was being an idiot. I switched off all the lights and went back to bed. Laughing at myself, I watched the "beast" jump up on to the window sill right above my night stand. You see where this is going don't you?

It's a thin window sill, and one the beast doesn't really "fit" on too well. He notices I'm watching him and jumps down.

The room is suddenly filled with frogs and cricket sounds and a little green light appears on my clock.

Damn cat.

She's a Fighter like her mama always taught her to be...

Pink is the word. And this weekend was all about pink and breast cancer awareness. It's hard to believe I've been a part of the 3Day/60 mile breast cancer community for 2 glorious years now, but I have. And each event I go to or volunteer for I am sure none can ever top it...and somehow, the next one does. It's hard to explain the 3Day world to people, but just imagine a world where everyone feels and gives love. Warmth. Care. Happiness that exists around something so sad and horrible as breast cancer...truly amazing. And I'm so honored to be a part of it.

This past Saturday was the 3Day expo. The 3Day staff - whom I adore - asked me and galpal Lori (Who shall hence forth be known as Crazy L?) to be at the Inspiration table. They asked us to bring our scrapbooks and talk to walkers about how to be inspired by the 3Day. I felt, what's the word, honored to be asked. I mean they want "me" to inspire people. Okay. I can do that!

First, to spend the day with the 3day community of love and friendship and then to spend it volunteering with none other than Crazy L...I knew the day would be a blast. I laughed, I cried -what? of course I cried - I laughed some more. It was, a great day.

What surprised me more than anything was the feedback I got about my scrapbooks. The shocked look on peoples faces about how much work (or assumed work) they think went into them. The compliments of the beautiful pages I had done. The questions about how did I do that? The question of "can I take a picture of this design?" All of it was a bit overwhelming. And I found a bit embarrassing.

I'm proud of the scrapbooks I've made for the 3 day. Its hard to not make something so beautiful when everything you're working with is beautiful in every way. I am a good scrapbooker, but I had no idea people thought I was that good. So many women asked me to take their photos, begged really, and scrap for them. If only I could find a way to make $$ at that - and so today I started thinking about how I could raise $$ for the 3Day/60 mile walk by scrapbooking peoples experiences. Still, I was a bit "ahhhh" struck by the love I felt from people viewing my scrapbooks and oogling over my pages. I felt loved. And accomplished.

Princess Lori, Erin, Blueberry and I (notice the Hope Miche bag shell - I saw two other girls there with the same hand bag.)

 Princess Lori and I preparing to Inspire people.

Coffee and pink - my two favorite things

Our Inspire domain. I feel inspired. Don't you?

 I'd say don't ask, but I know you will. Princess Lori has these awesome sparkly shoes. She was trying to get them into the photo...and well, I had to show off my non pink shoes.

In other non pink news, I did not get the job I interviewed for on Friday. Which is probably a good thing. While the job sound exciting and something I'd love to do, it would have launched me right out of my comfort zone into a very uncomfortable zone. I would have taken more time than necessary, I think, to ramp up. So while I was sad to not get the job, I was equally relieved because I knew in my gut it wasn't' the job for me. It takes a lot for me to say that. The 'fearful' girl in me wants a job. The 'realist girl' in me what's THE job.

More phone interviews this week. I know the job of my dreams is out there. I can hardly wait to meet it.

Solitaire is the only thing in life that demands absolute honesty. -

Solitaire is also know as Patience. Interesting little tid bit and every so accurate for the Ah-Ha moment I had while playing solitaire during the Great Unemployment Adventure.

Solitaire has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My grandmother was an avid solitaire player. I can remember the many summers we used to spend at her house and hearing the familiar shuffle, bridge, shuffle, bridge, tap, tap tap. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Even as I write that I can see her sitting at her table. It was therapeutic to hear it. After several minutes of that she'd lay the cards out and begin to play. Sometimes she'd win. Sometimes she'd lose. But for an hour or so she'd sit at the kitchen table and play. But she'd never cheat. Even upon my suggestion, she'd never cheat.

I've cheated at solitaire. I get a moment of satisfaction from "winning" which is promptly followed by another deal to "fix" the fact I cheated. Thankfully in the computer age, I can't.

Ahem...

Along side of the cards she'd always have a bottle of Planters Dry Roasted peanuts opened. Several would be poured into the lid. As she played she'd take a couple of peanuts. Next to the peanuts would be a small glass of rose wine. Usually out of a box. But there she'd sit for hours sometimes playing. As a kid I remember sitting next to her "helping" her. She never complained, never shoo'd me away. In fact she had a ton of Patience with me. She taught me how to play. I wish I had take a photo of her playing...

Right, so my Ah-Ha moment. I play solitaire on the iPhone now. I'm addicted. I can't help myself. Some games I win, most I don't. I play Canfield Solitaire now, thanks to the MomUnit getting me hooked. It's crack for solitaire players.

As I play Solitaire there comes a point when I think I'm going to lose. My instinct is to quit at that moment. Reshuffle. Start over. A click of the mouse I can begin anew.

I find myself sticking with it though. I keep saying to myself, "The next shuffle might rustle the cards loose. Keep going." And sometimes, miraculously, I win.

My "Ah-Ha moment" was realizing that life is a lot like that. There are times, current time in my life, where I want to quit. Reshuffle the cards. But the smarter side of me says, "keep going. The next round through the cards may work."

I may win some or lose some, but at least I know that I've played the hand I was dealt.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a solitaire game to win.

PS - the phone interview went well. Called back for a face to face on Friday! Glad I didn't reshuffle.

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

I have a phone interview today! I love interviewing. Wanna know why? When else do you get to talk to someone seemingly interested in your professional career? Almost never!

Interviewing is an opportunity. It's a chance for me to show someone who doesn't know me at all just what makes Jenn - well, Jenn. What experiences have brought me to their doorstep? What jobs have taught me the way to manage projects successfully? What people have influenced me into who I am today?

In preparing for the phone interview, I, of course, read the job description a million times. I've jotted down a few questions. And me being me, I have prioritized which questions I really want to ask. Some can wait if the interview was successful and I progress. And that got me thinking.

I started thinking how people blow job interviews. I've interviewed a ton of people in my time, and frankly, love it. I should have gone into HR I think. Still I'm amazed what people will tell you in an interview.

Here are a few rules I've put together for myself about interviewing:

Dazzle them, but professionally.
For me the interview is the first impression. It's my one chance to dazzle the interviewer with just how articulate and professional and PM worthy I am. I need to be able to demonstrate what skills I have by examples. Examples people! You can tell someone you know how to manage a successful project, but until you can give an example of a project you managed successfully and WHY it was successful, your words are useless.

Prepare.
I wonder how many people I've asked if they checked out our company's website said No they hadn't. Really? You didn't even bother to take the time to check out the website? That's lazy. I don't think interviewers expect the candidate to know everything there is to know about a company, but at least an overview of understanding what the company does is going to help you.

Honesty.
I'm shocked at how many times someone has told me something they've accomplished in an interview, then couldn't back it up. Being dishonest on your resume and then in an interview is a solid tell of your character. Let's face it, we all want to be better than we are. And that's a good thing. But there's no reason lying about what you've done. As they say somewhere, "The proof is in the pudding." Eventually you'll have to put the money where your mouth was. Honesty is always the way to go. If an interview asks you about "have you ever..." and you haven't. Just explain you haven't, but that you're a quick study and would love a chance to learn more about that. (unless of course you're not a quick study and you can't stand whatever the topic is).

Be genuine.
People can tell when you're not being genuine. If someone tells you part of the job will be to eat a bell pepper every day. And say, hypothetically you hate bell peppers, don't pretend to like bell peppers. Don't pretend. Being who you are will get you farther than pretending to be a bell pepper loving PM. I'm just sayin'.

Be succinct.
For god's sake, don't go into too much detail. You have to go into enough to explain, but the interviewer doesn't need to know every step you took. This of course depends on the question you've been asked. If they've asked you to review your job history, do so succinctly and perhaps adding in tidbits of things you've done that directly relate to the job description. If they ask you for a step by step review of how you set up and manage a project. Then by all means, go step by step. I think you get what I'm saying.

And lastly, interview them.
By all means, ask questions. Especially if you're interviewing with the person who will be your boss. You have to know that you're as compatible with this boss as he/she has to with you. Ask about their managerial style. Ask about team challenges from their perspective, etc. However, be sure you ask relevant questions. For example, your first interview you probably shouldn't ask about vacation benefits. Or whether the employees get free massages every day.

I guess and last lastly, have fun. Don't freak out about an interview. Go in having all the confidence in the world that you can do the job. Sure, you will have to ramp up, but most people do. But know you're background and know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Be prepared to discuss them. But enjoy yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go prepare more for my phone interview.

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

I haven't been sleeping well. Actually, that's not correct. I haven't been able to sleep for the amount of time I've been used to. And thus feel like I haven't been sleeping well.

The ParentalUnits are here. Dad gets up way earlier than a normal person who's unemployed should. And let's just say he's not a quiet type. In our family we used to joke about my grandfather who was a farmer and thus would get up before God. The guest bedroom was off the kitchen in this old farm house. Anyone staying in the guest bedroom would hear anything and everything going on in the kitchen.

Grandpa was always the one who made breakfast. It was his job. He'd boil eggs, fry up bacon or sausage or make pancakes that would stick to your ribs for all eternity.

The joke, however, was that any pan grandpa wanted, appeared to ALWAYS be on the bottom of the stack. He'd rattle and shake, and sometimes drop pans all morning. And no one, not even the dead, could sleep through grandpa preparing to make breakfast.

His son, my dad, isn't that different it turns out. Just the easy task of making toast and getting a cup of coffee sounds like three 4 year olds down there turning the kitchen inside out. And since I'm in the guest "cove" (not quite a room as it has no door) and the kitchen echos like there's no tomorrow, I've been getting up with dad.

Yesterday morning I was up with him because I heard him getting pots out of the cabinet. I was sure he was going to boil eggs because that's really the only cooking he does these days. I knew from the night before Blueberry had scrubbed the stove (we made pancit and we made a mess). All I could imagine is dad thinking he had turned on the burner and hadn't and gas would be leaking into the house. So I got up to investigate.

It's tricky to investigate without making it look like you don't trust that he's doing something correctly. He's, I'm sure, aware that I'm checking in on him. With the Alzheimer's, I never really know what he understands or doesn't understand. There are times he's sharp as a tack and other times I just don't know who he is. Its frightening and sad to me and this is the life my mom lives every day. Ugh!

Anyhow, back to sleep deprivation. I haven't been getting my solid 9 hours and this morning I was determined! Only the earth started moving at 5:21am. The Northwest had a "earthquake" this morning of 3.4 - which is close to nothing and most California's would assume that's a large truck driving by. Still at 5:22am I felt it and was wide awake....BEFORE Dad. Thank heavens I can nap through the day.

In other news, the job search continues. It's been a month today! Hard to believe I've been out of a job for a month. Thankfully unemployment has been approved so that will help take some of the financial pressure off. I swear to you all here and now, when I find the job that will fulfill me and start making money again, I will save 3 months salary (and have it somewhere I can actually get to it without a penalty)!

The son of the Queen of PopUps got married this past weekend. Probably the quickest ceremony I've ever experienced. It was, no lie, less than 5 minutes. The Groom stated to me they wanted 5 minutes of ceremony and 5 hours of party! I like the way he thinks.

All the lifelong family friend's were there too. It was nice to get caught up on everyone. With TheGroom getting married, I'm now the last single son/daughter in this crowd (at least of the sons and daughters who spent any time with this crowd over the years). That is a sad thought to me. I'll work on the single-ness after I work on the job-less in Seattle situation.

The other cool thing about this wedding was the meal. BBQ! Are you kidding me? That is totally awesome! BBQ! I'm so doing that when I get married. The had bibs on all the tables and of course we had to put them on.

The MomUnit, me and Seattle SIL getting ready to dig in.

BigBro had a little more trouble getting ready to dig in! But we love him anyhow!

You wanna know who I am? Just Google me.

I'm not naive. I know that anything you put on the internet is there for everyone to see. Its fair game. I expect items I put out there are "ok'd" by me so its never concerned me.

Every once in a while I like to google my name just to see what pops up. The standard facebook, blog, flickr, amazon profiles all pop up. I'm fine with that because there's no personal information people can get about me.

I was, however, stunned that people can be given a map as to where I live. Yep, you got that right. I know with modern technology that finding someone is quite easy these days. And I'm thankful for that when trying to get people to my house for a visit. I'm not thrilled that a psychopath can as easily find me.

I know I can't have it both ways, but there has to be a way to control a person's address and location being given out so freely from sites I've not authorized to do so. I also know there's no way to really police this and the reality is who would want to find me.

Still what if I had a 16 year old daughter. So I decided to google one of my nieces. I could not only find her address, but her parent's names and locations. Frightening stuff.

I recognize and appreciate the internet is a good thing. I wouldn't have the life I have without it, but its a scary beast and seems to be somewhat unchecked in what information can be found. I find myself asking if this modernization is a good thing. Convenience can be just a bit scary.

In my googling search though I found another relative I've never heard of located in NJ. I only knew one cool person in NJ and now there may be two (one related one note)! I may need a nap.

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug

Since my untimely and shocking relief of duty I've had a lot of time to think about my attitude and my life. I can go days, weeks even, feeling upbeat and happy. Feeling like I am the the full bucket of awesome-ness that I know I am. I'm invincible. No one or nothing can take my happiness away. I am woman! Hear me Roar! (I had to, sorry)

Then, barely noticeable, in the back of my mind flickers of self doubt. Something in my past will filter through the bad 80's music in my head and suddenly, without warning I'm in the land of pity and guess what? There's one big pity party going on for me! The bucket of awesome-ness suddenly doesn't look so full. In fact it looks rusty and is missing it's handle.
I find myself in that place less and less these days. I can't explain it really, but I feel, free. I have a whole new life chapter with blank pages sitting in front of me. It's waiting ever so patiently to have ink put to them. I'm eager too, to get started, but am not so eager to recognize that this time of peace is necessary - scary - but necessary! Soon enough those pages will be filled and soon enough I'll be managing projects with the swiftness and awesome-ness that is me.

Or I'll be working at McDonald's.

No. No. None of that. There will be no "do you want fries with that?" in my future!

Right, back to bucket of awesome-ness.

As I've mentioned I've had some time to think lately. I've started to think about all the things I did wrong in my previous job. That list can be long. I discovered some years ago I wasn't perfect. Weird, right? But as I focused on the negative, suddenly, as Olivia Newton-John was belting out Xanadu in my head - no really - she was - it dawned on me....what about all the things you did right? Why not put those in your bucket of awesome-ness? Why not fill it up with all those qualities you know you have but are too afraid to admit to yourself? (Because, let's face it, you don't want to seem egotistical) Why not fill it to the brim with the glory that is me?

I used to have a very positive outlook on who I was and where I was going. Somehow as life is happening around us, we forget just how great we really are. Sometimes life forces you to stop and think about that. And if you're aware, forces you to really think about it.

Do you have a bucket? What's in your bucket?

Take me out to the ball game...

Yesterday was Mother's day. Mom's around the globe were told how much they were cherished and loved. I found myself thinking about my relationship with my mom and found I smiled a lot when thinking about it. I'm lucky. I get to have a solid, fun-loving, adult relationship with my mom. Oh don't be stupid, she can still lay the guilt trip on like any body's business, but by and large, she and I are friends above all else. Best friends really. I'd say she's lucky to have me as a daughter, but well, this is about her right? Anyway, Happy Mother's Day Mom! You're the best!

And Boyz II Men said it best:

You taught me everything

And everything you've given me

I always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life,

There isn't anything

Or anyone I can be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were grey

Whenever I was down

You were always there to comfort me

And no one else can be what you have been to me

 

 Oh and one more thing mom...click here.

Tee hee! Inside joke there.

ahem...right, on to other news....

We went to the Mariner's game yesterday - believe it or not, but it was a sunny day in Seattle. The Mariner's actually won - which hasn't been something they've done a lot of this year. Bigbro, Seattle SIL and I had a blast. The 3Day organized these tickets (free - which is a good price for me) and so we got to sit around all our 3Day buddies. It was pink bat day at the game, so most the M's players were swinging pink bats...

News on the job front...

Its hard to believe that I've been unemployed for almost 2 weeks (2 weeks tomorrow) that time sure did go by quickly.

Looking for a job has been interesting to me. There seems to be a ton of project/program management jobs out there, but so many are soooo specific with what they want. Many go as far as to say, "If you don't have these skills, do not apply." Which of course, I tend to not apply. Only a few of them have I applied thinking,"Well maybe they'll see something else in me that outweighs that other."

Its a numbers and waiting game at this point. I find new jobs every day, but now find I have to be extra careful about applying for the same job twice within the same agency. There are several staffing agency's here around the big Software Giant in our area and all of them get new jobs daily, sometimes the same job will hit on all of them. I have no issues with applying for the same job in three or four different agencies. I just don't want to apply for the same job on the same agency's site. It's definitely a test in my organizational skills. Thankfully Microsoft Office has a job search log template! Who knew?

I've gotten a few nibbles, but nothing that has panned out. In almost all the cases, the job wasn't for me. I'm not being particular by I am being particular. If you know what I mean?

I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead.

That's the spirit! I've got spirit yes I do! I've got spirit, how 'bout you?

ahem.

Day 7. I can't believe I've been unemployed for 7 days. I'd say 7 long days, but the truth is they've flown by.

I won’t admit defeat yet. I can’t. I’m still new to this unemployment thing. And frankly, it’s been enlightening.

I’ve applied for several jobs, many staffing companies, and jobs of all shades and color. Some I'm over qualified for and some I can barely spell. I have found the job search to be like putting together a puzzle. There are several pieces out there and soon one of them will fit into place. One will be the job to add to my resume.

I’ve had several people review my resume and kinda feel more confused now than before. Each having their own slant on it, and what employers are looking for. I’ll find my own stride with it. I’m sure somewhere in all the great feedback is my resume. It needs to be refreshed and overhauled. No time like the present to do it.

I’ve tried to keep myself on a schedule, thinking the more I keep myself in the job environment the easier it will be to get back into the job market. Although, I’ve found I stay up way later and get up way later. The cat is none too happy about me delaying his meals on both side of the clock. Somehow I think he’ll survive.

Stay-cation's all I ever wanted...

I'm trying to be optimistic. I know, some of you may not recognize this one me, but I think instead of being overwhelmed by being unemployed, I'm going to try to choose to see this as an opportunity for a Stay-cation. And besides, I think it goes well with my eyes.
I've learned a few things being home all day. I am, I admit, that nosey neighbor. And I now know just what shenanigans go on here during the day.
I think my cat is having an illicit affair with a Goose who may want to eat him alive.
Francis here (I've named her Francis - I have no idea if it's a her - but we'll go with that) shows up every morning at about 7:37am (not that I'm clock watching or anything). She does his little goosey call (read: honk) to seduce the poor feline to the back window. Then she promptly sits on my deck and taunts the cat.

When I first caught her I thought it just a coincidence that the cat was staring out the back door drooling over a meal. But Francis here shows up daily. And she leaves behind little gifts for me. Little trinkets of her affection to my deck that she now thinks is her own person perch.

See? I would have missed this daily ritual if I had been at work. I never would have know of this sordid affair.

Also, daily, some where near me a family leaves for work leaving behind their dog. I know this because for about 45 minutes after 8:05am the barking begins. Its a sad bark. One that demands being let out of the garage. But bark this dog does...non stop for 45 minutes. Until I think he either gives up or loses his voice.

And lastly, I learned today that it does feel good to apply to jobs. There's something satisfying about getting that resume tuned up, polished and out there. Telling the world to LOOK AT ME! I'm available. You cannot let this pass you by.

I've discovered a number of new and exciting websites that do a lot of the work for me. Each click of the mouse I'm taken further into a maze of job opportunities until I come up for air and have no idea who or what I've applied to. Thank God Microsoft has a job searching log template. Who knew? And why didn't I think of that on Tuesday ... oh yah, I remember. I was too busy preparing for my Stay-cation!

I am beautiful in every single way, words can't bring me down

I'm unemployed!

I feel empty and a bit confused. How'd this happen? How'd I get here?

I'm unemployed!

No matter how many times I say it I can't begin to believe it. Day 2 of The Great Unemployment Adventure (GUA) is now over. Day 3 - only a few short hours away. Then Day 4, 5, 6, etc. How long will this last? How long will I have to be brave and face the changing landscape of my life.

"Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breath..."

Ain't that the truth. Sing it Christina.

And so my path has been chosen. I've made a good start at being unemployed. By day 2 I've filed for unemployment, applied for more than a dozen jobs, called Volt, called KForce, went to the library and checked out books on interviewing techniques (to brush up), and have made a list of things to do in my "off" time during the GUA.

I'll be scared and worried another day. Today I'm choosing to be optimistic. It's a new era. Time for a new view on life. Time to put away the old insecurities that this unemployment has brought into light and move into a world where I am great.

Words (and unemployment) cannot bring me down!

Side bar: Do you think its fate or coincidence that my iTunes went from Beautiful to Bring on the Rain?

Purses Purses everywhere!

So the Great Purse Party was today! Thanks all you GalPals who made your appearance. Just a note to you all - you didn't eat enough!
My place turned into a little shop of purses. I went all girly inside seeing all these delicious shells all over my living room. I did manage, just barely, to contain myself to just three. They all have cute little girl names, but I've renamed them for the obvious.

I bought ...

Pinky - of course (Cori)

 

Asian (aka Elizabeth)

And, Snake (Jen)

What was interesting - well to me anyhow - was how different these shells look in person and actually on the purse. I gotta say I NEVER, ever would have ordered Snake or Asian online. But in PURSon (get it?) I loved them. And so now I officially have 5 shells - one for each day of the work week!
The cookie fundraiser today raised a good chunk of change. Thanks everyone for buying them. I also sent everyone home with little packets of cookies. I totally felt like Martha Stewart had inhabited my body for two days. Crazy decorative stuff going on here.
So tomorrow should be interesting. I neglected to call in my estrogen patch this week and the old one came off today. So I'll be going a day and a half without a patch (unless somehow they get them in tomorrow). It'll be interesting to see how this affects me - or if it does. Stay tuned! It could get ugly!

Cookies!!!

Well all know, and hopefully love the Cookie Monster. He - I think he was a he, is a blue, furry creature in Sesame Street that loves cookies. What's not to love right?

I like cookies too. While I'm not a sweets fan (I'd rather have something deep fried) there's something about cookies that can bring out the child in you.

I happen to love to bake cookies. My co-workers often benefit from this love because I really only want the first 2 or 3 (or 4) cookies out of the oven, then I'm done, then the lot of them have to go to work. Why waste them?

This year I decided to put two passions together. Raising awareness and money for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day and baking cookies. I've posted on FB several times that if you want to order cookies I'll send you a dozen for a donation.

Now I'm not walking this year. But I'm determined to help my team raise money. Just because I'm not putting one foot in front of the other during the 3 Days does not mean I'm not a willing participant in the spirit and glory of the 3 Day.

I laid out my plan some time ago. I started talking to friends who all said, "Oh sure! I'll order! And they have. Bless you!

I've started with decorating sugar cookies. There's only two decorations at the moment because I have three orders I'll be fulfilling tomorrow (Thanks Ladies! You know who you are!) But rest assured, I now have the bug. Who knows? This could be a job of some sort.

Good Old Sugar cookies with pink sugar.

More sugar cookies, only dipped in white - well pink - chocolate and little pink pearls.

You wanna order now don't you? I ship anywhere in the US.

I'm a Loser Baby!

So this last Saturday we celebrated another year for Blueberry. She's no officially older than me and will be until December. But this was a special year...42! Which really - according to HikerGirl - is 21 again! And as I understand it from some Sci-Fi friends 42 is supposed to be some all powerful super number. We shall see.
In 2003 Blueberry was diagnosed with breast cancer. Never in all my years would I have imagined that this disease would hit so close to home, and to someone so young. It was scary times. Fear was stalking at our doors on a regular basis. The unknown lurked. The new words we were forced to learn were more syllables than I'd ever imagined. And yet, she prevailed. We all did. And here we are 7 years later still sitting in amazement at the brave soul that suffered, and survived!
It was shortly after that horrible experience that I decided for her birthday's gifts would no longer be enough. Let's not talk about the fact that she, and I, both have more stuff than we could, or should, ever need. What do you buy a cancer survivor for birthday's and holidays? Something pink? Something they'd be thrilled to see that day, week, month, but would soon lose its luster and be tossed into the bin of "old birthday gifts".
It was the realization that life was precious. And that all we really have in life, in the end, are memories. Memories of fun times spent with family and friends. Sure there are some sad memories tossed in to keep us grounded, but by and large, the good memories are what people really cling to.
It was then I decided that for her birthday's for as long as I could, I'd give experiences over gifts. The first year I decided to do this I took her on a tour plane ride around Seattle. Now granted we couldn't do it in April, because, well you need a sunny day. So we went in June on the most beautiful day every created.
Last year I took her to the Roller Derby! I mean, how much fun is watching grown women skate in a circle daring each other to pass them?
This year I was at a loss. What to do? I told Blue to be ready by 2pm on Saturday the 17th and that it would be a surprise. Well, the weather didn't turn out to be as good as I had planned so she had to take a rain check (hahaha get it? it rained - rain check? Oh never mind) for the one thing I had planned. But the second thing, was still a go.

I kept the crowd relatively small this year because - well - I wasn't really sure how the HR was going to be. It just opened in February, and as cool as the HR is, the food isn't so great. Still we had a blast! Blue was very surprised.

Why the Hard Rock you ask? Well, for as long as we've been adults globe trotting around the world (is that redundant? Globe and around the world? whatever) Blue has ALWAYS, without fail, stopped at a HR and bought a souvenir pin. She must have a dozen or more. As part of her experience, I bought her a pin to add to her ever expanding collection. (and don't tell her but I've done research already as to HRs in Alaska for our cruise in August).

The gang: Sean and Carrie MacNeil, Mr. Volleyball and the Dane, Blueberry and of course, moi!

Don't ask! Its safe to say, we were being goofy...

So another year, another experience to put in her books. Whatever will I do next year? She's threatened me with a surprise this year for my birthday but that's almost impossible. She's only pulled off a surprise once! (see what I did there? Should she be reading this blog, which she won't because she's lame that way, I've thrown down the glove!).
In other note Blueberry related news - I've been getting donations for my cookies. I have two orders pending right now - $200 worth of cookies - so they say! So what are you waiting for? Why aren't you ordering your cookies from me? Beautifully done, World Famous Chez Jenn sugar cookies!

Will you forget me when I'm gone?

I swear to you...I'm going to get better at posting. I have some thoughts perk-u-lating in my noggin and just haven't had the time, nor the inclination, to put them down in writing. I've been busy you see...taking Blueberry to birthday dinner, killing bees, eating chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, fundraising, eating peanut butter frosting, cooking, being forced to work because the lottery numbers will not cooperate, etc. You get the picture.

And if I weren't running out of battery as I type, I might, maybe, type more. I just simply wanted to check in and make sure my stalkers know that I'm not ignoring them, I'm not! I will get something in writing soon.

Bang the drum. Eat a cookie. Run. Walk. Fight for the cure.

I love to give back. Most the time I don't feel like I'm doing "enough" or that I'm not doing the "right" thing - which I translate into the most impactful (if that's a word)

Today I made 60 Thank You cards by hand for the volunteers for the Gala. BigBro and I took some fantastic photos that evening. The volunteer coordinator wanted to send the photos to the volunteers with a "thank you". I signed up to make the "cards" with the photo on it. They're darn cute I if I do say so myself.

Anyhow, as I was cutting, rounding corners, tearing, and chalking these 60 cards, I was thinking about being a Pink Warrior and what did that mean. Did it mean I had to do everything? No. Did it mean that every little bit helps? Yes it did.

So I put away my "guilt" of not doing enough and settled on doing what little I can, knowing full well that that little bit is helping someone, somewhere. My hands hurt from all the cutting, tearing, etc, but that's a small price to pay when you think about dealing with cancer.

I've also put on the fundraising hat for my team: Saving Second Base. The team is walking again this year with me as their trusty sidekick - Queen Walker Stalker! I'm motivated to help the team so here's what's in the hopper for fundraising.

1. Gathering junk for garage sales.
2. Having a Miche bag party
3. Having a pampered chef catalog party (yes Freak - I just need to figure out when - but you're may gal for this party for sure)
4. Baking cookies.

And #4 is where you my dear readers can come into play. I'm making ribbon shaped sugar cookies, lemon cookies and lime melt away cookies - if you want 6 or 12 they can be yours. I'll even send them to you - and you can pay me whatever you feel is worthy of 6 or 12 delicious cookies made by yours truly. These cookies will be like I said sugar cookies, lemon cookies or lime melt aways with a soft pink icing over them.

Even if you yourself dont' want to eat the cookies, surely you know someone who will. And trust me these are good cookies. I've already made and tested the cookie dough...oddly enough no cookies were harmed during the testing because no cookies were ever cooked...but trust me the dough is delish!

Place your order today by emailing me - most of you have my email. I'm standing by waiting for your order.

Slow-motion weekdays stare me down....

Perhaps its just me, but I feel like I'm in one of those movies where they show the days of a calendar flipping off to show the passing of time. That, I swear, is how this week has gone. Warp speed! And how on earth did we get to April? In case you care, there are 260 more shopping days until Christmas! At this rate we'll be there before you know it.


Thanks to everyone who sent me comments, advice, etc after my last post. I can't say I'm any better off, but hours of soul searching and listening to advice, I think I know the road I must travel.

In other news, I cleaned my desk today of all toy like objects. I had "heard" a comment in a conversation about an impression that is set if one has "toys" on their desk. I wasn't sure if I was the "one" they were discussing, but in the environment of this conversation, I wouldn't be surprised. So all professional at work. I will not give them a reason to point to me and say I'm anything but professional and carries a strong work ethic. I've worked too hard to get to where I am to have them think/feel anything else.


The rebel in me wants to say "screw them" and let them have their impression, but I can't do that. Work is a place where - sadly - I do have to care what others think. But I'll tell you this, if I'm ever in a situation where I'm a boss, I will never let my employees be concerned about silly little stuff like this.


We lost one of our great staff this week. Well, not like we lost him and can't find him. No, instead he chose to pursue another path. I, frankly, was stunned and a little sad. He resigned one day and was gone the next. The company not opting to keep him for the standard 2 weeks - so bizarre I think. But whatever. He'll be missed. The Pointy Head Boss has left the building. Or as we liked to call him, "the stain".


The Stain was once my boss and while I often shook my head at some of his managerial styles at the time, I can look back and despite my best effort, I learned something from him. He was a rock. Solid work ethic and the type of guy you want in your company. When he's at your company and he believes in the vision, he is all in. A work horse, to be sure. A person who has a strong grasp on the work/live balance, but when at work, gives it 150%. He will be missed.


We are all a bit shocked at work and are dealing - sorta mourning actually - with the sudden departure. He's got a great new job and will succeed at that no doubt.

Watch this space...this is gonna be an interesting few months.

It's been a long time, been a long time now...

If you know what song that's from you are way ahead of the game in this blog. You might as well go get yourself a cup of coffee or something and then come back to sit back and read the life that has not been.
If I had to define my recent life with one word I would say "struggle". In fact as I sit here to type out what this "struggle" is about I am not sure where to begin.
I could back track to June when I was asked to step into a Program Manager role. Then fast forward to Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec where my daily existence was a constant struggle. Negativity thrived. Somewhere in those months I lost my soul. And now, now I feel I'm struggling to find that soul that I once had and loved.
Or I could start with February where I thought my struggle was going to be a thing of the past, but then come March and I realized that it was just cloaked and went by another name.
The end result is the vampires have sucked the life out of me and now I'm struggling to make a decision as to what to do.
I've traveled this all too familiar road before. Then one day the MomUnit comes into play. I thought I had made my mind up on the cruise on how to deal with the recent struggle for peace within my soul and then the MomUnit had to go and ask a question that has resonated with me since the last word left her mouth. Is it you or them? Oh god, it's the "Its not you. It's me," excuse. GAH!
Now I'm struggling with what's next?
What to do now?
Where should I be?
What am I?
Who am I?
What do the vampires want me to be?
Why do I feel there is no success here no matter how I try?
Am I just scared of being successful and so the flight reaction takes hold?
Is this my chance to make a difference in me?
Or am I fighting a century old vampire who cannot ever die or every say a single positive word?
I just don't know the answers - and there in lies the struggle.

My gut is saying fight.
My gut is telling me that with each passing day I am becoming a person I don't like and don't want to be.
My gut is telling me that the longer I stay the less of me will exist.
My gut is telling me that perhaps I've learned all I can and now it's time to find a coven who will appreciate me and the value I bring to the table.
My gut is telling me that as I wake each morning hating and dreading the day ahead, something has to change.
My gut is rarely wrong.
This struggle has made me into a person I don't recognize and frankly don't like. I spend so much of my waking day fighting and battling that when I'm done for the day I'm spent and I sit blankly and stare into the depths of the TV.
Where's the girl who used to have a thriving social calendar?
Where's the girl who used to take her camera and just drive until she found something to shoot?
Where's the girl who used to get such joy out of what she does?
Bah...I just don't know. I could type for hours over that struggle.

Still today I decided I was going to go do something I enjoyed. A challenge to open my mind just a bit. I took my journal and went to a local coffee shop who's atmosphere is one of comfort and character.
My iPod, my journal, my pen and my coffee all sat at a table to begin writing. I promised myself I'd write anything that came to mind. Suddenly my mind was blank. Nothing. Empty.
When it happens. Scrapbook designs come to mind. What? Are you kidding me? Scrapbook designs? What the hell is wrong with my brain? Here I am searching for an answer for what to do with my current vampire situation and I get scrapbook ideas?
And then it hit me....
Why am I trying to hard to force what I already know is the answer? Why am I so afraid of the next step? Fear. It's intoxicating and it's paralyzing. But don't they say knowing and admitting it is the first step in recovery?

Livin' La Vida Loca

Seattle SIL came over last night and we scrapped. I have been on this determined kick lately to be completely caught up in all things scrapbooking. I jokingly said to the SSIL last night that I'm not sure what I'm going to do once I'm all caught up. Her answer, "Take more photos."

I'm pretty proud of the 2009 Scrapbook and because I am YOU dear reader gets to see it. I heard that groan in the back row...I know you're thinking, "But Jenn you've already showed us your 2009 in review!" and you'd be right. But you've not seen 2009 SCRAPBOOKED. That and I'm apparently a very sick person who has nothing else to do with her time. I didn't take these pages out of the page protectors, because I am that lazy. So ignore the glare.

2010 isn't turning out to be too very exciting so I had to add another cruise to my list of things to do this year. Yes, go back and re-read that sentence. I'm going on another cruise.

You may recall last September me volunteering for the Survivor Brunch and then attending with Blueberry. Blueberry then promptly won a 7 day cruise on Holland America. Prior to Blue winning we jokingly said, "If you win, I go with you." Who knew she'd be stuck taking me?

Being that she and I both have gone on cruises this year, another cruise was going to be financially challenging. Neither her nor I have disposal cash just sitting around waiting for us to use it. If I would win the stupid lotto and be done with it, I could not only go on a cruise, but I could be typing this from Italy. Still, she had 4 choices: Mexico, Caribbean, New England and Alaska. Neither of us were thrilled about Mexico and had both just done the Caribbean. We were really keen on the New England. How fun would that be? But if we did that we'd have to go to NY and spend a weekend - and we knew it would require air fair and thus being more expensive than we could handle in the Great Year of Cruising.

So Alasaka it is. We'll be cruising in August, so I have some time to save cash. It should be a relatively inexpensive cruise in that it leaves from Seattle. We'll be on the Holland America Oosterdam. See those cabins with balconies? Yah we won't have one of those. See one of those cabins above the water line...we will likely have one of those. Which is fine because we'll only be sleeping in the darn room. We'll be leaving Seattle and hitting Victoria, Juno, Sitka, Ketchikan, and Glacier Bay - not necessarily in that order. It should be fun and by the end of it I'll have more photos for scrapbooking.

Flash! ah-ahh! Flash! ah-ahh!

Flash...that's what last week was to me. A flash. It went by so quickly I can barely recall what I did (or didn't in some cases) do. I can, at least, remember the weekend. Barely.

This weekend was a whirlwind of activity for me. I usually use my weekends for sitting around contemplating what I should, or shouldn't do for the day. Then before I know it, the day is done and I've done almost nothing. Some may say that's lazy and useless. And "some" would be correct. But my weekends are mine to blow. And so if by sitting on the couch reading, watching TV, scrapbooking, reading cookbooks, or whatever is my way of decompressing, then so be it. Don't judge!

This, however, can become very habitual and before you know it, when you do have things to do you get annoyed that you have to part from your favorite butt resting place to go *gasp* out and do something social.

Which is an odd place to be for me. I am, after all, Miss Social. Or so I used to be. Not so much these days. My "social" has moved on, got married, had kids, you name it. My network is seriously lacking the "social" part of it. Miss Social is apparently retired.

But back to the weekend.

The Grace Notes Gala for Susan G. Komen was this weekend. I volunteered last year and WAY over dressed. They said "formal" so "formal" I went...uncomfortable all evening. This year I knew more about what to expect so went "comfortable" by nice. I'll spare you the story of getting myself in to a new pair of Spanx. Suffice it to say, I felt like I was in a corset all night - and getting there was albeit humorous - but not a pretty sight I'm sure. You know when you finish a roll of toilet paper you're left with that cardboard tube. Well imagine taking a full blown beach ball and stuffing it into that tube. That's what getting me into these Spanx was like. I think the seam of the Spanx is permanently etched into my abdomen.

I signed up again to be the "volunteer" photographer to shoot the 68 volunteers who were dressed to the nines. This year I borrowed a friends back drop and we had a relatively formal set up. BigBro tagged along as my "assistant" and between us we got some darn nice photos.

Fellow 3Day walker Erin came up to the volunteer room to see Ric and I. While she was there we took some photos.

You can't see it, but Erin has on bright pink high heels. Her feet were killing her. She later commented to me that she'd rather walk 60 miles than spend 2 hours in those shoes.

Erin, is a staffer for the 3 Day and walks in one or two during the season. She is one of my two favorite 3 Day staffers. She is a beautiful person inside and out. She embodies what the 3Day spirit is - She truly is an angel - and shines as a representative of something as important as the search for a cure. Every time I'm around her she just makes me laugh and smile and I'm reminded at how lucky I am to have become part of the 3 Day community. It truly is one of the most welcoming and spirit filled groups of people.

Sunday I got up - after springing forward (yawn)- to meet a set of girlfriends for breakfast. They wouldn't let me take a photo this breakfast outing, but this set of girlfriends really are some fabulous woman. We all met - gosh - 5 years ago now in a class. One of them was the instructor, two of us were in the class and the fourth was friends with the instructor. We all hit it off. And now we use each other as rocks in our difficult times, or sounding boards for career choices or decisions. I'm thankful that I have them in my life. Some day I'll get a photo of these ladies. You've been warned!

Sunday evening, Blueberry and HikerGirl came over for BBQ burgers. HikerGirl was in town this weekend from Montana so whenever that happens (which happens more than I thought it would and I'm so glad. I'm gonna have to road trip to Montana once the snow stops falling) we have to get together for some quality girl chatter. Blueberry, HikerGirl and I can seriously chatter too.

They took off and I sat in a stupor thinking about all the fun I had this weekend. I got to spend my weekend doing things with all sorts of different type of people who all play a significant role in my life. In one way or another, and whether they know it or not, they've each affected me - in a good way. And I'm thankful that I have this network that makes me be "semi" social once in a while.

What kind of world do you want?

A couple of weeks ago I attended the ever so thrilling and emotional 3Day Getting Started meetings. Volunteering for these is something I started the year I walked and have continued in the past two years I have not walked. Attending gives me a chance to help answer questions to would be walkers, help give them the encouragement to do it - when they think they can't, and to give them some of the insights of just how amazing the 3Day is. If you've not walked it or been a part of it, as I've said before, it will change your life.

This year, during the meeting I was volunteering with two amazing 3Day - we'll call them characters. I sat and listened to one who's done it for years tell a would be walker the pros for doing the 3day. By the time she was done, I was ready to sign up. If I had $90 in my pocket I would have on the spot. The passion that flowed from her had me tearing up just remembering all the glory and fabulous-ness that is the 3Day. I've never done anything like it before I walked, and won't likely find anything like it ever again.

Following the story from the character, was the video. The damn 3Day video. It gets me every time. I've seen this video about 4 THOUSAND times and I still cry. There's this Indian guy who says, while he's crying, that today is his wife's birthday and she would be 50. She couldn't be there that day. - God even now I tear up - So he had a choice to walk or not, and he was there walking for the ladies of the world. (Click here - watch the first video to about 25 seconds. I promise you you'll tear up.) Again, I was ready to sign on the dotted line.

I was pumped. The passion for this cause came out and I was ready. I was going to walk again. I spent part of the evening planning my fundraising (quick math told me I only needed 38 people to pay me $60 to meet my goal- easy). I knew I could do it...but could I.

I had a doctor appt with the orthopedic specialist scheduled and figured he could tell me what was wrong with my toosies. Why are they numb anyhow?

Turns out he recommended that I do not walk the 3Day. I was crushed. I wanted to do it again this year. So instead, I'll be the stalker for my team again. Fine. I'm good at that. Now I need stalker mates to help me on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Wanna spend a day with me honking and cheering and crying? You know you want to. It'll change your life.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about the 3 day and what it really means. One of the things I remember the most is the community feeling you have with 3000 other walkers, volunteers and staff. Its something you want to take with you everywhere. You want to show everyone just how great life could be if we all carried the 3 Day spirit with us.

Then today, I stumbled onto this blog. I've read her blog many times before, but she summed up what I had been feeling pretty darn well. My favorite lessons below is "Find a Reason to Celebrate...I. Won't. Tear. Up. ... I. Won't. Dammit!

From Finding My Voice:

"The 3-Day is a microcosm in many ways. The three days, the route, the camp, the people, everything and everyone about the event is life on a smaller scale: The three days are a lifetime, the route is your journey, the camp is a community, the walkers and crew and volunteers are your neighbors and friends.

Here are a few lessons that popped into my mind. You will surely think of more. They apply to the 3-Day, but they also apply when the 3-Day is done. They apply to every day, if we remember apply them.

☯ Lesson 1: Be kind to strangers – The beauty of the 3-Day is that you quickly realize that no one is a stranger. Sure, you may not know them yet, but you have something in common with every donor, every walker, every crew member, every volunteer, every police officer who helps you cross an intersection, every driver who offers a honk of encouragement as they drive by, every store owner who displays a sign of support, every resident of every community who decorates the front of their home or sets out their sprinkler, every bouncy little boy and girl who can't wait to high-five you as part of an awe-inspiring pink parade.

It's an emotional journey and the surprises are endless. You might walk by someone, offer a casual "How's it goin'?", strike up a conversation, and end up with a new life-long new friend. Or you might find yourself standing next to someone in tears. Go ahead and hug them. Trust me, they won't mind.But it's not just for those three days. We are all far more alike than we are different. I have a T-shirt that says, "Humankind. Be both." Indeed.

☯ Lesson 2: Be kind to yourself – You are doing something amazing here, something beautiful and bold and brash. There is nothing meek about walking 60 miles, my friend. And that's only part of the journey. Think of all the training, all the fundraising, all the planning and packing. You're not just a walker, you're an ambassador, you're a teacher, you're an activist. You're not willing to accept a world with breast cancer. You're literally changing lives. Including your own.

So, on the 3-Day and every day, be kind to yourself. Take care of the body that carries you through every day. Rest when you need to rest. Give yourself water. Give yourself fuel. Nurture your body. Nurture your soul, whatever that looks like for you.

☯ Lesson 3: Enjoy snacks – Speaking of fuel ... . The 3-Day is affectionately known as the 60-Mile Buffet. You will eat. All. Day. Long. Not non-stop, no, but regularly. Do not deprive yourself. You are asking a lot of your body. Give it fuel. Lunch and dinner are provided, of course, but along the route, at pit stops, you will find an array of treats. Off the top of my head, I remember: bagels, peanut butter, bananas, oranges, pretzels, potato chips, peanuts, animal crackers, baby carrots, string cheese, raisins, chewy granola bars, and the perennial favorite, Smuckers Uncrustables. I might be misremembering the raisins. But you get the idea.
Now, snacking in the real world should probably not be so constant, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve a treat every now and again, either. Celebrate the first warm day with an ice-cream cone. Or buy little bites of dark chocolate for those moments when you need something sweet.

☯ Lesson 4: Find reasons to celebrate – One of my favorite parts of 3-Day happens somewhere around 7 p.m. on both Friday and Saturday nights. That's when the route closes. Of course, somebody has to be the last person on the route, right? That parade of pink has a beginning, a very long middle, and an end. A 3-Day staffer, on a bike, rides behind the last walker, making sure they get to camp.

But here's the really cool part: The last walker (or walkers) to arrive in camp get to raise the camp flag, which is the signal that every walker has made it home for the night. But even before then, even when the last walker is simply nearing camp, people start clapping: staff along the route, walkers setting up their tents, diners in the dining tent, hundreds and hundreds of people start clapping. Whomever's making announcements interrupts themselves to announce that the last walker is making his or her way into camp. More people start clapping. Whomever is running the sound for the evening cues up U2's "Beautiful Day" and more people start clapping. And then they start to gather around the flag pole, into a huge circle, still clapping, keeping time to the music, and the walker raises the flag and the crowd goes crazy. It's awesome. I cry every time. I'm crying right now.

Just think of how much better life would be if we all took a few moments out of every day to cheer for someone. It needn't be such a big production. A pat on the back or a well-timed "Woo hoo!" will do.

☯ Lesson 5: Ask for help – You'll be walking ... and walking ... and walking. And no one can do that for you. But a small army of others will help you make your way. And if you need help, just ask. If you're on the route and you don't feel well, a sweep van will be by to give you a lift to the next pit stop. If something more serious happens, ambulances drive the route, too, and one is never far away. The medical personnel in the pit stops and in camp are amazing.

Somewhere along the line, in life in general, I got it in my head that I should be able to handle anything that came my way. It's not easy for me to ask for help. But I'm getting better at it. Because I finally got it through my thick skull that people – gasp! – want to help. It's what we do. Don't you feel good when someone asks you to help them and you're able to lend a hand? I know I do. So why I used to be loathe to ask that of others is beyond me. It's a win-win, really. And it makes the world go 'round."

It really is that great. And this year, my team better be ware...I'm in the mood to kick some cancer ass!

Life is a Highway

I know it's March. 3 months into 2010. You've probably all but forgotten 2009 - I know some of us tried. Despite how bad 2009 was ... I still found time to live and have fun.

Officially - my 2009 Scrapbook is done! Woot Woot! Of course it helps to not have a life - that way you can spend your evenings finishing aforementioned scrapbook. In gathering all my photos to commemorate 2009 on paper, I decided to commemorate it in video too.

This was my 2009 in photos!