Wanting to be heard....

One of the many advantages of being the new kid on the block is you get to ask dumb questions and figure out the lay of the land with an excuse like, “Hey! I’m new.” In my past jobs I’ve found that the first month is really critical in setting up working relationships.  It’s not like you only get one chance, but it is your opportunity to figure out how best to work with your new team and even more important as a PM, how best to communicate with them. 

 

Many years ago I was told by a seasoned PM that the key to being a good PM is to learn everyone’s language.  I really didn’t understand what that meant until I worked on a team that had several different roles. I mistakenly assumed that everyone spoke PM and would clearly understand what the objectives etc for the project was. I would be wrong. The project was falling into the depths of hell, and this seasoned PM I turned to for advice. 

 

She told me when reviewing how I had asked for things, or worked with the team that my main problem was communication. When I bristled at that, thinking I was a fine communicator, she calmly said, “No you need to approach each personality type differently.” 

 

Ahhhh

 

She went on to explain and I took notes. Each time, now that I’m in a new role I do three things with regards to my communication:

 

I adapt to the personality type language.  For example, the way I casually talk to people about the weekend, is fine. But if I want them to do something for me, I need to change how I approach it. If I want to get through to a developer, for example, I generally just tell them, as succinctly as possible, what is I want. It’s been my experience that developers just want to know their task in black and white. No fluffy stuff. 

 

And with a new team, or company, I adapt myself to speak their language. I’m on their turf now and for me to “fit in” I need to start talking like them.  And stop getting your feathers in a ruffle with the “BUT you need to stand out” idea. Trust me. If I am a successful communicator, I will stand out. 

 

The second thing I try to do, is a bit like “fake it until you make it”. I try to mimic the speech around here. Depending, again, on who I’m dealing with, I may try to change my speech patterns slightly to meet theirs. This is hard for me, but it does come in handy once in a while. I’ve especially found this useful when talking with executives, or when something is going south and you need to give bad news.  I read somewhere that the way people relate to their world is generally through visual, auditory or kinesthetic (sight), sound and sense. Their past, (education, where they grew up, experiences, etc) all comes into play with how we all communicate. So, if I can adjust ever so slightly, my message may be heard more. 

 

 Here are 3 common situations I’ve found for understanding how to communicate:

1. Sight: Is there someone who just doesn’t SEE eye to eye with you, no matter how plain your message may be? We’ve all had this person right?
2.  Sound: Is there someone who just can’t HEAR you, even when you think you’re coming in loud and clear? Again, we all know this type of person…they appear to be listening, and they go off and do something completely different.
3.  Sense: Is there someone who just won’t FEEL anything except the bone they have to pick with you? Um, yah. And sadly, I’ve been this person.

Each of these situations is actually the same kind of problem wearing a different disguise.  I’ve found if I’m not getting my point across, it may be as simple as matching my speech to their way of speaking. The seeing one is an easy one for me since I’m a visual person. If they just aren’t getting it, sometimes drawing it out helps them “see it”. 

And the last thing I do that is essential in being a good communicator (remember, communication is speaking AND listening) is I ask questions…lots of questions. In many cases, especially when its about an issue, I ask pointed questions.  I never underestimate the power of asking pointed questions. It generally gets the conversation going in a direction neither of us can foresee. 

So today I reminded myself of these points. I’ve been here for a week now and while it’s a comfortable environment where everyone seems to get along, I think communication is still going to be key.  There are still team members with whom I’ll be “directing” and I will still need to make sure they hear my message.