Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday on my food blog,  I wrote about the food traditions of Thanksgiving and how much I miss mom this time of year. Writing that blog opened up a faucet of emotions for me. 

A dear friend recently lost her mother. I've been trying to "help" her as much as I can. Its never easy. And nothing I say now will really, truly help her. I've focused on checking in with her and just letting her talk as much as possible. I knew Thanksgiving was going to be hard for her, I didn't think it would be this hard on me. And not too surprising, helping her pushed a lot of my own feelings back into focus.

This is the 5th Thanksgiving without Mom. While I think about her every day, certain times of the year it's just harder. And I find myself trying to live by my own advice that I gave my friend. 

This morning I told her to just feel. Let memories of her mom come in and float out. I told her to not be afraid to talk about her mom. Everyone knows there's an empty seat at the table. Avoiding it somehow makes it worse. But above all, breath. 

By now, if mom was here, we would have spoken on the phone at least twice. Talking about what the plan was. Asking if the dressing is seasoned correctly. Probably gossiping about another family member. And so on. 

While I can't be with Mom today, I can carry her with me. She loved to cook Thanksgiving and she loved having as many family members over as she could. She loved the everything about it. Well, except the clean up. She didn't like that very much. If she did it right, she'd always have someone over who would "like" to clean up or feel obligated since she slaved over the stove all day. Not a bad plan actually. 

So today I send you Thanksgiving blessings. Wear your stretchy pants. Hug your loved ones. And be so very grateful for what you have today and who you may miss today as well. 

Here we go again

Thanksgiving us upon us. Just a couple days away and we get to celebrate with our friends and family. What could be better? 

I'm sure I've written about Thanksgiving before and how much this holiday reminds me of my Mom. She and I had a tradition of cooking the dinner and we had all sorts of little traditions inside the bigger tradition. It's almost been 5 years since Mom died and I still find myself thinking about calling her to ask Thanksgiving day questions. I'm pretty sure that feeling will never go away. 

The other big event that is now synonymous with Thanksgiving is my brother dying. He passed the Saturday after Thanksgiving in 2013. We spent the entire week in the hospital "saying goodbye". It was a rough week. And every year, I start thinking about it and I get a little weepy. This year it seems way worse than normal. I'll get through it though. I always do. 

One of my good friends lost her mother recently. In the days after she and I were chatting quite a bit. I was immediately thrown back to those days and remembered how so difficult they were. How the smallest thing seemed to take forever, and made me cry. Its hard to be able to help her, because there' so much that I can't do. No one can. It just takes time. And even then it doesn't get easier. It just gets less horrible. 

As I sit her and type this and try not to think about Ric or Mom or Dad not being with us, I like to believe they are still here. Recently I went to dinner with some family friends who knew my parents forever. She commented that she felt like she was sitting with my mom. That my mannerisms, my laugh, my smile, everything was so like her. I'll take that as a compliment. I know they all have played a part in my life and there are things I do because of them (or in spite of them). 

So this Thanksgiving I'm going to do what I always do. Make dinner, enjoy time with friends and family, and have a little moment to think about those that aren't with us. 

Happy Turkey Day y'all.