Wednesday, November 18, 2015

One Tribe y'all

One Tribe y’all

The Black Eyed Peas got it right.
"One tribe y'all
We are one people
Let's catch amnesia, forget about all that evil...

Forget about all that evil, that evil that they feed ya
Let's catch amnesia, forget about all that evil
That evil that they feed ya
Remember that we're one people"

My heart hurts. I’m sad not only for what happened in France, but even sadder at the hatred that has spread through our lives because of it.

I’m speaking specifically of the constant, hateful, comments and attitudes towards refugees from Syria. One of the terrorists involved in the horrific bombings in France has been labeled as “a refugee from Syria” and suddenly ALL refugees from Syria are out to kill us. So many people are commenting, out of fear I assume, that none of the refugees should be allowed in the US. “SAVE our LIVES by not letting the terrorist in!” Really? That’s what you get out of seeing the images of thousands, THOUSANDS of people being forced to leave everything behind to save their lives. 

Stop to think for a minute. 

Look around you. See everything you have. 

Your pretty phone, your Starbucks coffee, the fact you’re typing on a computer, with electricity. The fact you can go to your sink at any moment and get water. Or go to your fridge and get something to eat. OR, drive a bit to buy something to eat with money you got out of a bank.  

Think about your family. The family members who are going to sit at your table for Thanksgiving. You remember Thanksgiving? The day we all give thanks for what we have.

Now think about all of that being obliterated.

No food. No water. Nothing. You have to leave it all behind with just the clothing on your back. Your destination? Unknown. You have to walk for miles and miles and hope that whatever country will let you in. 

Oh and one more think, that family that was at your table, you now have no idea where any of them are or if they’re alive. Take a moment. I’ll wait. Think about that. 


My heart just aches when I think about the hatred I see being spread on social media. People I love and respect actually posting to “Stop all aid to Islamic countries. Let them hate us for free.” Wow. Just wow. So every single person who practices the Islamic religion (which is ironically a very peaceful religion) are now evil and should be shunned. What if I converted to Islam? Would you shun me? 

Or my favorite are my “Christian” friends – and I will say this has been more than I expected – these same people who scream from the roof top “GOD IS LOVE” and then turn around and hate on people who are “Islamic” or “refugee”. How can you say you practice a faith of love, follow a God who is love, and tell the world that you accept all, and then turn around and not accept? Worse – judge so incorrectly. Has fear really gripped your heart so much that you can’t see that you are exactly like them in so many ways? 

What? Did I just say you’re exactly like them?

Yes. We are all human beings. Some of us hate. Some of us are evil. Some of us do horrific things in the name of religion (funny how so many “religious” people forget about the Crusades. You remember? Catholics going into other countries and terrorizing their people. Yah – about that…) Some of are homeless. Some of us drive fancy cars. Some of us are fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful…whatever the label. We are all humans. We are all trying to figure out how to get along. The more YOU…yes YOU – send hate into the world, you are not helping anything. You are part of the problem. 

Stop blaming a President. Stop blaming a religion. Start looking at your heart. At your soul…and as stupid as it sounds – especially coming from someone who doesn’t practice a specific religion anymore – think about “What would Jesus do?”

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

42... or 26

This little game is going around FB and I figured, why not make it a blog post. Since clearly actually posting about the going's on's in my life isn't what's happening...

Twenty-six about me...cuz I know you're dying to know.

A- Age: 46 and three quarters
B- Biggest fear: BEES
C- Current time: 7:45AM
D- Drink you last had: Venti Vanilla Americano...and still enjoying it
E- Every day starts with: Moving the cats to get out of bed
F- Favorite song: Fight Song - Rachel Platten
G- Ghosts, are they real?: Yep - even seen one
H- Hometown: Don't really have one...Moved around too much - but if I had to pick - I'd pick Seattle
I- In love with: Myself...hahahaha
J- Jealous of: Healthy, skinny people who don't have to work hard at it
K- Killed someone?: Not yet
L- Last time you cried?: Stupid Ellen show from last week
M- Middle name: Joy - cuz I'm such a Joy to be around
N- Number of siblings: 5 - sorta...
O- One wish: Health and happiness for all
P- Person you last called: My mom - dah.
Q- Question you're always asked: Are you dating?
R- Reason to smile: Today's my 1 year anniversary at work, and it's BONUS $$ day
S- Song last sang: Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
T- Time you woke up: 6:30am
U- Underwear color: Black
V- Vacation destination: Spain
W- Worst habit: Judging
Y- Your favorite food: Italian
X- X-Rays you've had: lungs
Z- Zodiac sign: Capricorn! The best sign.

In other news, today is my one year anniversary at MP. I wish I had written my future self a letter one year ago. I'm sure I wouldn't have imagined I'd be as happy as I am right now. That person probably thought she'd stick around for a year and then move on. That person hadn't ever experienced quite the joy of working for a manager who has your back and you know exactly where you stand with. That person wouldn't have imagined this person imagining a career here. Or planning for the next year's challenges. That person was slightly broken by a string of jobs that meant nothing. That person wouldn't have smiled all the way into work because she was going to work.

I'm glad I'm not that person any more.

Friday, October 23, 2015


Surprises are few and far between these days. In fact, surprising me is a tough thing to do. I started thinking about the most significant surprises in my life and thought it was worth writing it down.

Surprise 1: Volleyball Award
In my sophomore year in high school I started playing volleyball. After a summer of practicing I found myself as a "floater" between junior varsity and varsity. I made it to every single game. I played in all the JV games and just one varsity - and only briefly. Yet I showed up for practice, and games to help and be available.

At the end of the season, we had a dinner and award ceremony. Most of the awards were obvious who was going to win them. Then there was the "Coaches Award". The award the coaches gave to the one player they appreciated for all their effort. That person was me! I was completely shocked. I never imagined I'd get an award.

Surprise 2: Surprise Party
Sometime in the early years of the 2000's Blueberry managed to plan and pull off a surprise party for me. Being that I was, and still am, the hub of all our friends, I was shocked that she pulled it off without me finding out. And to say I was surprised is really putting it mildly. It was awesome! And one of my most treasured memories.

Surprise 3: Quarterly Star Award
Its funny how I feel ok with other people getting an award, and never really thinking you will. Yet when I received this award a couple of months ago I was truly shocked. First the overwhelming feeling of being valued, and second, knowing, and feeling, like I had found my place.

And probably the biggest surprise of them that I'm writing on the blog again. hahaha.

I've wanted to write. I planned on writing. And somehow life keeps getting in the way of me writing.

I miss writing and I miss sharing what's been what in my life. And I'm sure you've missed hearing it. As if.  Rest assured, I will endeavor to write more often. Aren't you lucky?

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The City of Brotherly Love - Day 1

So we made it to Philly!!! Didn't really see much as our flight got in around 4. We got to the hotel, dropped our bags and walked to dinner.

Recommended to us from friends and through guide books was the City Tavern. We figured it would be super cheesy and not great food. Turns out we were wrong. 

Its an old house that they've restored back to colonial days. The staff all dressed in era clothing, and the food is supposed to be from that era too.

Shocked to find that the food was out of this world. All of us had fantastic meals. Princess and I shared a turkey pot pie that was one of the best I've had. It was huge too. So glad we shared it.

Before the meal though, we had the sampler beer platter. Out of the 4 beers, I only liked the first two. The last two were too bitter for my taste.

Back to the hotel, which is in Penn's Landing and right on the Delaware river - and by "right" I mean across the street.

Tomorrow we're doing the hop on hop off bus and will spend the day being tourist. The weather is kinda gross and no forecast of sunny weather in the next several days. Its still 75 degrees and 86% humidity - blech. I don't do humidity well.

Saturday, September 12, 2015


That's the number of pounds lost. Yep. A whole 10. And let me tell you... I feel GREAT.

Tonight I went to the gym. I really, really, really didn't want to go to the gym. I tried to talk myself out it and somehow ended up there anyhow.

Then I figured I'd just do a 15 minute cardio. I did a program I've done many times before but only at about 70% of the effort. I never follow the program with regards to strides per minute, crossramp and resistance. Check that. I couldn't keep up with the program.

Tonight I kept up with the program and kept my heart rate reasonable. You can't see it, but I'm grinning like a doofus.

When that was done, I got off the elliptical and got some water. The next thing I knew I was doing another 15 minute cardio session. It felt great. I was so glad I went.

The gym has a challenge this month for an orange medallion. I want that medallion. It's 12 cardio and 12 strength. Tonight I finished the 12th cardio. I've got 3 strengths. I have a plan for getting the strength done. I'm going to get that darn medallion.

Recently I passed another milestone and got my orange lanyard. 50,000 points gets you the orange lanyard. Each cardio session is 500 points and each strength is about 1000 (depends on how good you are at keeping with the pace).

Last week I didn't lose a single, solitary pound. I was feeling a bit discourage today when I realized that I felt pretty good, regardless. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 nights last week. I ate relatively well last week - made a couple of meal decisions that I'm not guilty over, but weren't certainly on my plan.

All week I planned on having a cheeseburger today. I had that burger. And you know what? It made me a bit sick. It tasted just OK. Guess I don't need to have a burger for a bit.

All in all I'm feeling really good about how my life has changed. I like the cleaner eating but recognize that I will have days when I want something not so great for me. That's how life is.

Next week I plan on sticking to my plan 100%. I've got all the protein cooked and all the planned meals set. That's what makes me successful.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Spanish Coat of Arms

This weekend I said goodbye to a part of my childhood. It didn’t go far and should I need to I can visit it. It’s not something that really helped me develop into the person I am. It’s really just something that’s been there from the start – well from the start of my second life with the DadUnit. 

Dad loved to travel. Before he and mom were married he had seen so many exotic places. Places I had only imagined seeing as a young teenager. I was wow’d at all the stories he’d tell about his travels. His house was full of unique and different things that he’d collect in his travels. 

And this was one of them. 
Spain was one of Dad’s favorite places. On his first trip there he bought this coat of arms. I never asked him why he bought it or what about it made him think to send it all the way home from Spain. It weighed a ton so I can imagine the shipping cost a pretty penny. Oddly that story never was told, at least to me. 

I imagine that dad just loved the way it looked. It was something he felt that could represent him and the Wraspir clan. 

This coat of arms hung over every fire place I’ve known since 1981. I used it in a Jr. High project we had to do about our family. It was the “Wraspir Coat of Arms”. In fact, I think the MomUnit drew it for my project. 

When the ParentalUnits moved to Tucson, the coat of arms went into storage of sorts. Then when the DadUnit passed it sat in storage. It always had my name on as the owner once the ParentalUnits released it. Middle brother brought it over to me a couple of years ago. And since then it’s just sat in my spare room. Never hung in my house.  While it's really not my style, I couldn't find it in my heart to get rid of them just yet.

I’m not a sentimental type, it seems, about keeping family “heirlooms”. I don’t see how they have meaning, generally. Then there’s these swords (and a couple other items). I couldn’t just take them to Goodwill. Or sale them at the family garage sales. No, they needed something special. 

Enter the SisterUnit. I also came into possession of a teak rocking chair that was bought and shipped from Thailand. It too was sitting in my spare room. The SisterUnit decided she’d like both. It was a win-win to me. Not only do I get rid of them from my spare room, but they stay within the family and I could visit them whenever I wanted to. 

So yesterday they left for their new home in Oregon. I’m not sad they’re gone, but it did make me stop and think about “stuff”, “things”, and all those items we have in our homes. It amazes me how attached we get to them. I watched a show on Katrina yesterday and watching all those families lose everything. Having to start over and buy new “stuff”. What must that feel like? I couldn’t imagine, and don’t want to frankly. I like my stuff. And yes, I think I’m attached to it – mostly.  But it is just “stuff”. What I’m attached to more are the memories. And those coat of arms are full of them for me. So thanks for the memories Spanish coat of arms.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Numbers don't lie

I was having some health concerns and finally decided I needed to get back on the wagon of healthy eating. Last time I did, I lost no weight and was super frustrated. It made me think I had a thyroid issue. It seems every woman my age or older does, so why not me?

It took weeks...WEEKS... to get an appointment. When I finally did the doctor had an emergency and I got cancelled.

Then a happenstance conversation with a co-worker hooked me up with a clinic in Woodinville that specializes with overweight people. The doctors and nurses there are trained specifically to help overweight folk. My thought was the same as to why I go to a female doctor...surely she knows more about a female body?

At any rate, my first visit there we discussed what my goals were, my issues, any medical stuff and oh yah, a blood draw for good measure. One of my major issues was I was sick and tired with thinking about food all the time.

That day the doctor put me on phentermine. A drug that helps with any cravings, or thinking about eating at all. It was part of the Phen-Phen craze of the 80's...only this was the good half of that crazy.  It also pushes serotonin through your body to keep you from being depressed. The first couple of days on it, food was the LAST thing on my mind. In fact, I ate less than 900 calories those days. NOT the way I want to do this.

I finally got into a rhythm and was able to grocery shop for decent ish food. The last couple of days last week were pretty good. I love 5Lbs that week.

On Friday of last week they asked me to do the BodPod thing, which I think I already wrote about...So those numbers in hand, I went in for a check up appointment. The Dr. had my blood work back and it was time to get serious.

Here's what I learned:
  • My metabolism is actually quite high. Which is weird considering...
  • My cholesterol is good at 161, though the "good" cholesterol could be a bit better.
  • No thyroid issue
  • My potassum is quite high. 5.4 when the range is 3.5 - 5.3. We'll be watching this number. She's not overly concerned with it and had a reasonable explanation as to why.
  • My glucose was elevated - 105 when the range is 70-99. She's not overly concerned with it either and thinks an improved diet and exercise will see that number go down. I am not at the pre-diabetic range...yet. 
  • My insulin was elevated too. She's concerned that I may be insulin resistant and she went into a long explanation about why that would be bad. Again, we're going to watch that number and see. 
  • Lastly, my vitamin D was L-O-W. 14. The range is 30-80. So lucky me gets to on some prescribed Vitamin D pills (50,000 ibus) for a couple of months. She said this is pretty common in Seattle. To which I said, "You'd think I'd be fine driving around in a convertible." 
So we have my numbers and I have a plan. 1800 calories a day. 105 grams of protein and only 50 grams of carbs (almost impossible I think). I'll continue on the phentermine for now and we'll revisit it in 3 months.

I'm both encouraged and discouraged with all this. I'm tired of the fight. I'm tired of the constant battle between me and food. My relationship with food has never been healthy and I'm full of hope (which really could be the phentermine - which I call my "happy pills") for what this might bring.

The sad, and a bit scary, realization is there will never be an end to this. There in lies the rub. The diet industry has done a good job telling us that it's only "temporary". The truth is healthy eating, and living is a way of live. I will never be "done". It'll be easier, sure. But there is no end date. And that, my friends, makes me tired to even think that.

Thankfully I have my happy pills that just lift me right back up. 

Friday, August 21, 2015

Time won't give me time...

A little Culture Club for the night. How do you like them apples?'s been quite a bit of time since my last blog. And I'm happy to say there's been enough that's happened in my life to keep me happy for now. I won't bore you with all of it.

Let's start with work. Ugh. I still love my job, but my word am I working a lot of hours. I love everything about my job and I know this is temporary. I see light at the end of the tunnel and know that this won't last forever. I know I'm appreciated and valued and I know I've really added to this team and company. I just don't know, for sure, when I'll be getting help. We've started accepting resumes for project managers...thankfully.

My health is my main focus right now. I have started to see a nutritionist and really focus on the food that's right for me. Everyone has an opinion as to what you should or should not do and yet no one realizes losing weight and getting healthy are exceedingly personal and unique.

In my attempt to understand exactly where I am health wise, I went to have my BMI measured. Well, truthfully my entire body composition mapped. There's this fancy pants measuring tool called the BodPod. It's a space ship looking machine that measures your body composition by air displacement. Did I mention it was teeny tiny? Small. If you're afraid of confined places it would not be the thing for you.

The best part of this experience, and I'm sure especially special for the tech who ran the tests for me is you have to wear skin tight clothing. That's right. Skin...tight. I found myself in a sports bra and spandex. Oh and then you have to put on a swimmer type cap to contain all your hair. Ugh. What a delight.

I won't be sharing my numbers with you because for some odd reason I'm very ashamed of them. No one who knows me would be surprised to see these numbers, but suffice it to say they basically say I'm fat. Shocker. My "goal" is to gain 9lbs of muscle to lower my fat mass percentage.

My ultimate goal has stayed the same...I want to be healthy. I really feel good about the nutritionist and this program offers a therapist as well. Cuz, let's be real, if I can't get to the bottom of the emotional aspect of why I eat, then it will never be fixed.

The last in this trifecta is a small pill I'm taking. The purpose of this pill is to essentially cause my brain to not think about food or hunger. It stuffs you fill of seratonin and the end result is your more capable of focusing on making good decisions because you aren't thinking about food. And for 3 days I've not thought about food. Though oddly enough I have kinda, in that I keep asking myself if I'm thinking about food or not. It's a vicious circle.

What I do know about this little pill is it does work on me. I have eaten way less and have been WAY more aware of what I'm eating when I do.

The other side effect of this little pill is it makes you happy. Real happy. I'm a happy person in general, but even I noticed I'm way happier. I almost annoy myself with the happy. It's been a long time, though, since I've been this happy. So I'm embracing it and sharing the love.

And now it's time to get some rest. Good night my lovelies.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Look out we come

Next week is August! But you probably already knew that didn't you. I, on the other hand, didn't but the end of July together with August following closely on it's heals. I'm smart that way.

At any rate, the summer will be over before we know it and I've got nothing to show for it. Nothing!

Well, there have been a few things.

The MomUnit was here for a week. Short time for her to get caught up with all the friends she wants to get caught up with and then be on her way. We had a good visit, and as always, I like having her around. Though she may think otherwise.

While she was here we had our monthly dinner club. This month was Mrs. Landlord's pick and she selected the Big Fish Grill. Not my favorite restaurant by any stretch. But it does go to show what you order does impact how good you feel the restaurant is. Others at the table thought it was great. Me? Not so much.

We also had a Sunday dinner that was hosted by The Yank and PhotoGirl. They've moved into a new house and it's just gorgeous. It was one of the hottest days in all of creation and I melted. But I had good, chilled wine, great friends, fantastic food and sunshine. What more could a girl want?

The demons have been ... well demonic. The hot weather we've been having has put them, and me, in a funk. They don't much like the heat either. I did, however, get a chance to do ONE scrapbook page this month involving the demons.

This page I saw online several months ago and have been searching nonstop for that paper. There was something about this layout that spoke to me.

 Its just so darn cute to me and I knew I had to scraplift it...Yes scraplift is a word.

Anyhow after what seemed like eons searching for this paper I found it ... the one in a set. I had to, of course, purchase the entire set of paper - and thankfully I like all of it - to get this one paper.

It doesn't look quite the same. I had a little issue with some ink being on my hand and causing some issues on the page (see black spots in the middle). I tried to make it work and if I had a second piece of this paper I'd trash this and start over.

I LOVE scraplifting pages. I have over 500 images on my hard drive of pages I want to some day replicate. They never turn out exact, and that's what I love about it. You can see each scrapbookers flair in their own page.

Let's see...what else? Oh we had a book club too. We read the Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin and I've gotta was a surprisingly good book. It took quite a bit to get into it in that I wasn't sure where it was going...but I was ok with that.

So that's about all I have for right now. Work has been crazy busy - which is one reason the blog suffers...I used to write at work. .

Sunday, July 12, 2015

The 80's

I am a child of the 80's. Everything about the 80's I embraced. I wanted to look, act, sing and dance like Madonna. I fell for Duran Duran. I loved the Brat Pack. And the list goes on and on.

I've been watching this series the National Geographic channel has showing called "The 80's - the decade that made us." I'm shocked at how much I'm learning, or didn't know, about the 80's.

It's interesting to witness that decade as an adult.  Things that happened you didn't see the same way as you now see them as an adult. It really was the decade of excess and really did start pop culture and planted it firmly in our society.

One example is Tetris. It tore down walls. It was one of the games made by Russians, marketed by Japanese and sold in the US. It really hit our culture with a bang and everyone who was anyone played Tetris.

Except me.

I am probably the only 80's child who didn't play Tetris or own a Game Boy.

The other thing I learned is what the Cold War really means. I, at a theoretical level, understand what the Cold War was about. And I understood that Russia was bad. What I didn't know, or missed in history class at some point, is that it was called the Cold War because all communications between Russia and the US stopped. Effectively we gave Russia the Cold Shoulder.

I learned more about the Iran Contra scandal. I wrote a paper on it in school and clearly missed the entire reason for the scandal. I knew who Oliver North was - but somehow I didn't understand what Iran had to do with Nicaragua.

Fascinating. It makes me wonder what I not understanding about today's world.

And Knight Rider. Oh goodness I loved that show. It wasn't about The it was about the car. I wanted a KITT car. And who can understand the inexplicable reason why the Germans love David Hasselhoff.

And who can forget Jessica McClure that got trapped in a well? I mean, the entire world came together to pray for this child to be saved. Where was lassie when you need him? Turns out that this particular story is what cemented CNN to be a 24 hour news broadcasting station AND opened the door to the crazy media that we know today.

And who can forget..."Mr. Gorbachev...Tear...This...Wall... Down." I understood at a very thin level what the Berlin Wall was. I didn't fully understand it was a prison for East Germans. I didn't understand that it was grim and isolated. I did understand the glory when the wall came down.

The 80's were truly a decade fully of history and crazy. But boy am I glad I'm having an opportunity to see it now through the eyes of National Geographic.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Almost Honest

Are you ready for another edition of me telling you about how absolutely boring exciting my life is?

Thank heavens because I'm going to WOW you with excitement. Ready?

Def Leppard if you can believe it. Shuffle is an evil bitch sometimes. It'll drop a song that takes you back to a time of better and with the first beat of a song your transported to those days.  Oh, and I'm also listening to thunder. Which sucks because it's 80F outside and the rain is going to make it humid!

Two things actually - well actually three but one's almost over and I plan to write about that at a later date. So for the purposes of this...two things.

The first is Dear Daughter by Elizabeth Little. I have no idea where or how this book ended up on the Nook of Goodness, but it's there. I'm determined to read through all the books on my Nook before buying any new ones. So far, with the exception of book club books, I've bought no new books at random. Ahem...anyhow, Dear Daughter is a murder mystery. It was slow to start and 100 pages in it's finally getting interesting. Which is a good thing, because 100 pages or 3 chapters is my limit before I toss the book aside if I'm not interested.

The other thing I'm "reading" is - wait for it - Foundations of Information Privacy and Data Protection: A Survey of Global Concepts, Laws and Practices. Phew. That's a mouth full. "Why am I reading that?" you ask. Well it's simple, the best job in the world and the best boss in the world offered to pay for me to be certified as a CIPP (Certified Information Privacy Professional). I've thought about being certified before, but it's expensive and I just wasn't willing to shell out $600 for the test, plus whatever for training. It's a slow going reading book and one I won't give up by page 100 if it's boring.

Well, nothing right now. I have done all my grocery shopping for the week and have a relatively healthy plan for next week. Not that it's going to matter one bit (see Contemplating).

I did think about boiling up a cat named Lucy last week when she escaped from the house and gave me a small heart attack. Yes, oh yes, she's grounded...for life.

My job. I worked probably 55 hours last week and I loved every minute of it. Its busy, sometimes chaotic, in constant flux and on the brink of change, but I love everything about it.  It's been a long, LONG time since I actually look forward to working long hard hours. They feeling of appreciation is everywhere so I don't feel like I'm working for no reason. Everyone's busy and everyone appreciates you working hard.

That being said, I'm no fan of 55 hour work weeks. Work/life balance and all.

And it's probably not a good idea to say that I'm loving these no bake cookies from QFC...but OH MY GOD they're good and way too convenient.

Things with my weight loss haven't been going great. I went three week of eating well and exercising a lot and didn't lose an ounce. A chance conversation with a friend made me realize I might have a thyroid problem. Turns out the MomUnit does too. And it turns out it's VERY common for women in their 40's to have thyroid problems. So at least I'm part of the cool kids finally.

The contemplation part comes in with whether to see a western doctor or a naturopath. The naturopath is going to win because I can get in to see her quicker. But the truth is, I don't want to take a pill for the rest of my life and worry that this the breeze the blows down my house of cards - also known as my denial that I'm getting older.

At any rate, I hate the way I feel these days and if that one little pill can make a difference, then I guess I should be happy it's something as "minor" as thyroid.

So there you have it. That exciting, thrilling ride that's called my life.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Secrets! Secrets! I won't tell.

Secrets. We all have them. We all keep them. We all share them.

Our book club this month was The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty.  At book club Princess Lori asked if we all had secrets we didn't share. Truth is we all do.

Then she asked if you would share a secret if it meant protecting a loved one.  I answered yes right away.

I do truly believe there are times when secrets can and should be shared. Sometimes the person telling you the secret doesn't really realize how bad things are, or how much help they need/want.

Though, admittedly, sharing a secret can back fire.

Let's say for example, if you knew your best friend was being cheated on by her boyfriend. Would you tell her? Or any friend for that matter? Would you tell them?

I did. In college. And it cost me a friendship. Would I do again? In a heartbeat. Would I want to know? Absolutely.

Then there are those secrets that aren't really secrets. They are, rather, something that happened and for whatever reason or other the person doesn't want people to know. If you knew and you also knew that said person is being ridiculous about sharing this "secret". And you knew that by sharing it with someone else, the said person would have more support. Would you share the secret?

Do you think not telling someone you love a secret you are keeping is lying to that person?

See, there's so many levels to "secrete". I try not to keep too many to myself - meaning I'm an open book so just about anything about me, I'll tell you. If something went wrong in my life, I wouldn't keep it in...I mean hello, I write a blog.

I've shared secrets I probably shouldn't have. And I've kept secrets for years...decades. To this day I have secrets I've never shared.

What about you? Do you think sharing secrets is sometimes ok? Or do you think they should never be shared? Do you have secrets?

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Measuring it all

Last Sunday I talked about my constant attempt to eat healthy and lose a few pounds.  And last Sunday I set myself up for success.  I wasn't 100% successful, I still made not such great choices, but I made them knowing that it was OK. In fact, I stuck to my plan in the face of being asked to go get something for lunch that I LOVE...I still stuck to my plan. So that felt good.

I only got 1 work out in last week even though I had plenty of time and opportunity. The lazy won last week. In fact, the ONE work out I got was a 30 minute walk that I almost cancelled because I didn't bring my shoes with me. The gal I was walking with said, let's just walk in our flip flops and see how far we get. So we did. Knowing my feet hurt on a good day I thought for sure they'd hurt after that...turns out they did not.

So why was last week so easy for me? Because I planned. I swear the best way to make myself even remotely close to being successful is to plan.

Last Sunday I went grocery shopping with a very specific list. I had a very specific meal plan for the week and I took the time to do all the prep work.  Instead of letting myself when hungry determining the serving size, I pre-packaged all my meals into serving sizes. For example, hummus. I love hummus. I'm sure I assume I only eat 2 T in a sitting but can bet I eat more. So I put 2 T of hummus in containers and had that with my carrots. I also measured out all my ham for my sandwiches - 2 oz of ham is quite a bit it turns out.

By the end of the week I was happy with my decisions. Found areas to improve and felt motivated enough to move forward. I lost no weight last week, but at the end of the day, that's a number. And I think that the real success comes from sticking "mostly" to a plan AND even having the plan.

I did a lot of thinking about failure last week to. Failure on all levels, not just weight loss. And wondered how we can set up future generations of girls to not feel failure around every corner. I think there's a future blog in my thoughts so I'll just leave it there.

This week is going to be much of the same. I've got my grocery list ready, my work out clothes on, my menu printed, my recipes printed...and I'm good to go. It's a sunny, beautiful (and hot) day today and there's promise in the air.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

You know that saying, right?

Lather - Rinse - Repeat?

It's used to express doing something over and over again and ultimately ends up in a vicious circle.

That my friends is my life in a nutshell when it comes to weight loss.

I used dreamed of what it would be like to be one of those "skinny girls" who seem to have the world in their hands and everything together. Then I realized that "skinny" isn't what I really wanted for myself.

It's a by product of what I want for myself.

To be healthy.

As I age I've realized I can't keep putting things off. Sooner or later that closed closet that I've stuffed all my "must get to's" in is going to burst open and I'm going to be wondering what happened to all the time.

So, are you with me? Cuz here we go again.

I've noticed of late that I've just not been feeling myself. Something has wrapped it's arms around me and has made me feel - well - less than me. I wouldn't say it's depression, cuz that's not it. But more of a, "meh" feeling.

I started thinking about all the aspect of my life and ranking them from 1-10 how well I felt about them. Turns out everything seems fine with the exception of a healthy mind and body. That my first thought, albeit jokingly, (at least I thought so) was, "How about a negative 2?"

I put the pen down for a second, sat back, crossed my legs - uncomfortably - because that's what happens when you're fat and thought about my "joking" comment to myself.

Was I joking? Or was that my subconscious rearing it's ugly head and smacking me upside mine?

I had a boss once tell me that self-deprecating jokes are really a view into a person's soul and now I'm thinking that might be true.

I hate eating healthy. Hate it. All the other crunchy, fried, smothered in cheese or sauce stuff is what makes me happy. Or does it? Is it really just a quick fix for short term happiness? I wonder if I've been fooling myself this whole time? That's a rhetorical question...I know the answer to that.

This last week I met with a couple of girlfriends to discuss this book we're reading called The Willpower Instinct. Honestly I've got almost nothing out of the book and really have been afraid to take it very seriously. I mean, what if it fixes something? Then what? But that's besides the point - the point is we inevitably get into talking about weight loss and what it means to have a healthy lifestyle. Both these friends have, themselves, been walking a healthy lifestyle path. Both have had wins and losses. Both have had great days and bad days. Both have had a moment of when they just say, "F*ck it!" Interesting. Me too.

But it was what one of the two friends said that got me thinking. See I've failed a hundred and one ways in weight loss and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. My inner fat chick always wins.  And once she wins and I eat something "off the plan" then I stop. Why bother? That's my theory. I'm just going to plan again, eat well again - but for how long. And this friend said to me that she too is in the loop ... even now after having lost significant weight. And what she's found is that if she just thinks about and plans for one day at a time, everything seems easier. She's not overwhelmed with the "big picture".

This isn't new to me. I use this theory when I talk to people who need to organize their houses or something and I tell them the same thing. Don't think of the entire house. Think of the one closet. Funny...sure wish I was good at my own advice.

So here we are...again...I've planned my week. I've grocery shopped. I've prepped my food so all I have to do is grab and go. I've written in ink when I'm working out and I've given myself ONE free lunch next week and ONE free dinner.

I am sure to fail at some point during the week. But I'm hoping that my new thought, my new plan, my new conversation with myself will get me back on the wagon. After all I have a hundred dollars worth of food to eat so I'd better stay on it.

Don't wish me luck. Send me a text of FB post of support.
Don't tell me "you can do it"...I know I can...but tell me to hang in for just today.
Don't ask me what I've eaten today...but don't tempt me with something delicious either.

I'm a complex much as I don't want to admit it...I am. And I'm not unique in that way. We all are. We all have our demons and no one's life is as great as we on the outside assume. So to all those skinny girls I used to be envious apologies cuz you might have been struggling with something worse than weight loss...

And here we go...please don't hold it against me, or think worse of me when I stumble and fall.

Saturday, May 30, 2015


I can always tell when I've been super busy at blogging decreases as my work increases. I'm still getting used this working full time with enough work to keep you busy today, tomorrow, and well into the future. Oh don't get me wrong, I still love my job and everything about the company I work's just been busy.

And I like busy.

In fact, this past week I got to do something I hadn't realized I even wanted to do.

Who knew I wanted to drink beer and do a VERY LARGE shot of whiskey? I blame my friend RB who was the reason for this drinking...

Truth is it was going to a Sounders game that was the thing I didn't realize I wanted to do. Friend RB had some tickets and asked if I wanted to go. After saying yes, I spent the next several days talking myself out of going. I seem to do that more and more. But alas, I just felt I had to go and do it. And I'm glad I did.

I knew three things about soccer before I went.  1) there's a ball, 2) there are players who can't use their hands and 3) there are two goals. I think I still know just as much, and yet it was pretty easy to follow and understand. A few calls three me, but it sounded like it threw the fans too.

The fans stand the entire time. I had been "warned" about that and yet I found standing for 90 minutes (two 45 minute halves) wasn't bad at all...if you had a beer with you.

I suspect I'll go again some day...I mean it has beer and hot guys running around the field. Who wouldn't want to go? Granted those "guys" are like half my age...well, maybe not...

In other there other news? I think I've been too busy to have other news.