Long, Long, time

Wow. Just wow.  I can't believe how long it's been since I last wrote. I really have no excuse other than - well - I've had too much to say I think. And because of that I stop talking.  It sounds good doesn't it.

It may also be the new job.  There's something about learning new stuff that makes me come home and be tired.  The job is going great and I feel like I'm home again. It's 100% project management and it feels in a hole I hadn't realized was vacant. 

In other news, frankly I'm not really sure how to say this. I guess the best way is to come out with it.  I still may be slightly in denial and so am slowly coming to grips with this.  I'm sure you'll be as stunned as I was to get the new. My BigBro has cancer.

It's okay. You can gasp.  I did. Of course after I gasped, the gasping was the loss of air that had been knocked out of me.  Even just typing it I'm still unsure that it's happening.

BigBro had been experiencing a persistent, and pesky cough for a couple of months.  Doctors diagnosed it as pneumonia.  He had all the symptoms. It was a fair diagnosis.  It wouldn't go away. And being a good patient he pushed his doctor to do some more tests. 

More tests and more tests and later we know that BigBro has Stage IV kidney cancer in his right kidney - and unfortunately it's moved to the lungs as well. On top of all that, what BigBro thought was a pulled butt muscle turned out to be a spot on the top of his femoral bone in the hip.

I know. Take a moment and take that in.  I've had several moments.  And I still can't type it or say it without a small amount of denial. 

And yet, I know its real. It serious and it's real. 

So what's next?  Well, if there can be some silver linings in the cancer story, it appears to be all the same cancer and we've been told that since it started in the kidney and moved from there, there's a better survival rate.  This Wednesday, Aug 28th, BigBro will be in surgery to remove his right kidney. Once the doctors can do some pathology they can better determine the chemo/radiation plan. 

BigBro is showing all signs of positive attitude. He's in project management mode ... just wants to get 'er done.  I wonder if he thinks if he keeps upbeat the rest of us will follow. 

As for me, I'm choosing to be very positive about this. Thinking back 10 years when we had to deal with Blueberry and cancer I handled that entirely different.  I took the emotional route.  I did a lot of "what if's" and what not's.  It was a horribly dark route to take.  Now 10 years later we know more, we have a bigger support network, and well, we're all more mature.  I'm facing this with an attitude of "just the facts mam".  I'm doing my best to just listen to the fact, and work from there.

That doesn't mean, by any stretch, that I'm not reeling inside and am a bit heartbroken at the prospect of my BigBro dealing with cancer.

We've created a Caring Bridge that will be used to keep everyone up to date.  You can check it or check back here as I'm sure I'll be filling you in.

So what can you do for me? You can live your life and tell the one's you love just how much you love them. Too quickly life can turn on a dime.  Oh and never EVER give up an opportunity to pee. I'm just sayin'.