Politics and Friends

Its that time again. A major election is upon us. It's a shit show out there with the two candidates pushing the reasons you should vote for them. 

I try VERY hard to understand both sides of the political table. I know which side I'm on, but I like to respect the opinions of the other side. And, silly me, I try to understand their opinions. 

When I try to have any sort of conversation with the other side, it almost always starts with the "oh ya well your candidate does XYZ".  I'm not trying to be argumentative. I just want to understand. And I've come to believe that if you don't believe like them, they don't want to explain why they believe the way they do. Maybe they don't even know. 

I've kept most my far LEFT and far RIGHT friends. I appreciate their opinions and for the most part, I ignore the crazy. Sometimes I can't help myself and I try to argue with them...both sides. It never ends well. 

In all this, I've never unfriended any one on Facebook from either side. And as far as I know I've not been unfriended. Today that changed. And I'll admit I'm a little sad and a little happy. 

I did the unfriending. It's a friend from a life long ago (high school) and she doesn't even live in the US. I'm unsure if she's a US citizen, but I know she hasn't lived here for years, decades. She has very strong beliefs towards Trump. And I respect that. 

Recently I posted on FB asking BOTH sides to be aware of disinformation and misinformation. Many bad actors are pushing bad info out there. Most of it isn't true and little research shows you that. I've noticed one side doesn't like to do any research or provide any sources for their words. Ahem. 

Anyhow, this "friend" responded with a video from Instagram where it was showing a woman trying to vote on an electric voting machine and it wasn't allowing her to vote for Trump. 

Ok, let's look into this. Because I'm sure there's NO WAY that would pass as a major situation without us hearing about it. A simple search on sites of media that are middle ground shows that yes this did happen. The voting machine malfunctioned. The woman brought it to the attention of voting officials there. They closed that machine and gave her a ballot for her to fill in manually. She even says in many of these articles that she was impressed with how they handled it. Turns out it was a faulty machine.

What the impression this "friend" was trying to imply was that the democrats were stealing the vote again. When I asked what her point was, she commented as such. THEN it got personal. 

She doesn't know me. She knows what she sees on FB. I don't post anything political and have never said I'm one side or the other. She assumed it. She made a comment about me being "blindfolded". 

That was all it took. What pissed me off, is her post had NOTHING to do with what I was saying. I was asking people to think before they post or believe anything. And for her to respond with an instagram without any context was just weird. And yet, again, she wouldn't open her little mind to have an adult conversation. 

That's the most frustrating around people who are on a certain side of the political arena. You can't have an adult conversation with them. They ALWAYS seem to bring their argument with the "Oh ya well..." and that's not what I'm after. I want to understand. I want to listen to why you vote the way you do. I may not agree, but let's at least be civil. It appears the orange man they follow, who spits out hate with every word, means that they too cannot be open and interested in understanding, listening and learning. 

Vote! Get out and vote! That's all I can say. 

Guilt, Fear, and Making Bad Decisions

I think it's safe to say that we've all felt guilt, fear and we've all made bad decisions in our life.  I've come to a recent conclusion related to all three of these that I'd like to share with you. They're related, by a shoe string, but related all the same.

First things first...STOP FEELING GUILTY.

Unless you've done something horrible, stop beating yourself up over things.

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend about feeling guilty about not doing things around her house. Finally, after not sleeping because of the guilt and the strain it puts on her marriage, she and her husband decided to stop it all. They gave themselves permission to NOT feel guilty over not getting everything on their list done.

And who likes house projects anyhow?

What I realized while listening to her was how quickly I feel guilt over things that are really not that big of deal, and certainly aren't worth the effort to feel guilty over.

I'm talking, of course, about making bad food decisions. Or not getting to the gym like I promised myself. Or having that cookie at 2pm instead of an apple.  Or not getting a phone call to an old friend made. The truth is, I shouldn't beat myself up over these things. It takes away some of my soul I think. I spend more time spinning over these small things, that I can't move forward.

Thankfully, I can, and do, stop myself and just let it go (who of you just started singing the Frozen song?)

The problem with "letting it go" is sometimes that's followed by fear. What if "letting it go" means I'm going to die at an earlier age because I ate that cookie AND didn't get to the gym. 

And thus starts the gerbil wheel of worry. That's an entirely different blog though.

The other element here is the worry and guilt over making bad decisions. I have known people who have paralyzed themselves into making NO decision because of fear of making a bad decision.

Here's the thing, it's been my experience that the two things I need to make a decision over are never really bad options. I usually have to choose between relatively similar or good options, so why would I concern myself that I'd make a bad decision?

Granted, you should do your research. You should make sure you know all the pros/cons of each side, but if you're already at the "decision" point, then something got you there to make that choice, and that something most likely isn't bad.

I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of telling ourselves one choice is good and the other is bad. I've tortured myself during planning for vacations over which local would be the "right choice". When, at the end of the day, choosing between Rome or Istanbul- I mean really how could either of those locations be bad?

So here's my plan/goal, and maybe advice to you. Stop sweating the small stuff.

I'm happy I'm getting to the gym as much as I have been. Is it perfect? Nope. Not even close. Will it be? Maybe. I have to remind myself that adding exercise to my daily life isn't going to happen over night. Losing weight isn't always going to happen instantly. Slow and steady...stay the course. That's what I remind myself often. (My goal really should be to remind myself of that BEFORE I work myself up into a guilt ridden lather).

I need to remember that guilt has no home in my heart.  Fear should only be an emotion I feel when a bee buzzes by. And bad decisions, I've made a few...but I survived them and probably turned out better because of them.

So give yourself a break. Stop the cycle. Start giving yourself permission to exist ...

Facebook...Friend? Or Foe?

I admit it. I'm a Facebook junky. I'm often on FB, reading it, posting, replying to posts etc.  I find FB to be useful on so many levels. Some folks would argue that it's making our society more distant than closer. I would disagree. I've learned a lot about close friends and have been drawn closer to distant friends because of FB. I love seeing what's going on in everyone's lives.  Knowing full well that what is put on FB is just a glimpse into their reality. 

Let's face it, Facebook is a powerful, time sucking, informative tool. Its very nature puts it in the good versus bad category for so many reasons.  I often wonder if FB was around in the Roman times, if one post could start a war. And in this very recent time, one post could make or break a friendship. 

I've lost friends because of FB posts or comments. And I usually discount the "friendship" as a mere acquaintance and have generally been "ok" with the defriending.  It can pull you closer to people and give you the opportunity to be more understanding. And it can create a toxic atmosphere for arguments, misunderstandings and differing of opinions. It's the latter that is prompting this blog entry.  Let me just say full and clear, I made a mistake. I made an inappropriate post. I admitted it, I apologized and took the post down. 

We all live in the technology world and are relatively familiar with the "once it's out there, it's out there." mentality. And truthfully I'm not 100% sure just how "private" FB is even when you set it to private. Privacy to me often can be an illusion. I work in privacy for heaven's sake, I know that even in the best of situations, "privacy" is only skin deep.  Those of us in the older generation we understand that once you post something, it's out there and that we should be very careful what we post. 

My profile is private. Only friends can see my posts - according to FB privacy statement that is. If you aren't an approved friend, you can't see my timeline, my photos or my posts…supposedly. I often think of this as a mute button on a phone. Just because you push mute doesn't mean the mute is actually working and should therefore refrain from slamming the person on the phone. I've been burned by FB in the past by a company who searched for me FB posts, and uncovered another person with my same name. They assumed it was me (even though this other person lived in a different state far, far away from Redmond) and opted to not pursue me any further. So I get it. I understand what FB can do to you. 

Here's the situation. First, let me say again, I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and removed my post immediately. Sometimes we have to be reminded about FB and all its super powers. Sometimes what you post, as private as it may be, can be forwarded on outside your friends and therefore makes it very NOT private. See, there's that false security with privacy.  The post I made was forwarded to a friend who wasn't on FB this particular day.  My post was related to a potential job and I was pointing out how frustrated I was in how long the hiring process was taking. I didn't specifically say who the company was, but it was inferred.  In my world of contracting, I've gotten accustomed to the hiring process being a fast-paced, adventure.  That's not the case in the outside world, apparently.  And something I'm having to come to grips with. 

This post in question - forwarded to another friend - offended and hurt her. She's knew what I was referencing and had a right to legitimately feel offended and hurt. She contacted me right away and went about expressing her offense and hurt.  I was well and thoroughly put in my place.  Her point was she couldn't understand how I'd put something like that out there when I supposedly wanted a job from this company.  Again, I admitted I was wrong, apologized and took the post down. She was right, of course, and her not so gentle reminder slapped me hard. I felt like a 16 YO being scolded by her mother. 

I was taken aback by her offense and a bit unsure how to even address this. I hadn't anticipated her, or anyone, to be so hurt and offended by what I considered an innocent post. But because it had specifically been forwarded to her, from some unnamed person (BTW, this unnamed person has to be a friend of mine and that's something I'm dealing with. See #8 below), she was wound up about it. I was almost offended by her offense. Still, I totally recognized and respected where she was coming from. I told her I understood what she was saying, apologized again, and reminded her that I had taken the post down again.  I tried to explain where I was coming from and how it wasn't meant as a negative comment at all - it was simply a comment. But there was no swaying her, so I had to stop trying. She was already far past pissed, I could tell, and so I figured me continuing to apologize again and again wasn't going to do a thing. 

Here's what I've learned from this experience:

1. You are never too old to be scolded.
2. Admit when you’re wrong. It usually clears the air.
3. Check your privacy settings on FB. FB is a powerful tool and what you put out there should be private.
4. I was in the wrong, there's no denying that. I'm okay with that. I'm ok with it being pointed out to me. Sometimes we need reminders.
5. While FB is a powerful tool, it is just FB.  I sometimes think we (myself included) take it a bit too seriously.  I've been offended by posts made by other people. DAILY I'm offended by political posts from some friends. I move on. I don't read them. I don't reply to them. I try to refrain as best I can because FB is no place for a political discussion or an argument of any type. In my opinion anyhow. If you have an issue with something I've said, or I have an issue with something someone else said, communicate with them directly. It'll clear things up some much faster.
6. Even if someone isn't on FB, they can and will find out what you've said. So that whole "privacy" thing - yah, not real.
7. Being tattled on still happens when you're in your 40's.
8. There are levels of friendship. I'm clearly on a lower level of friendship with whomever "tattled" on me than they are with the person they told. For some reason, this really bothered me. I need to do some inner soul searching to find out why this bothered me so much. I feel betrayed for some reason.
9. Blogs aren't private either.

 

Immigrants

I've struggled internally with the recent "immigration" issue that has been thrown to the front page of all our major newspapers in Washington. Like many cities around the nation, we had a march here of immigrants.

Again, I find myself in a quandary of how I feel. But alas, a writer for the Seattle PI wrote a column on this and wrote what I was feeling:

"The truth is the 11 million people -- many from Mexico -- who are in this country without permission are here illegally. Period.

"Their reasons for coming are understandable, even a reason for empathy. They want to work to better themselves and their families.

"This, however, doesn't give them carte blanche to freely enjoy the benefits of American society, from public education to free medical care. They've bypassed means of legal entry that millions of immigrants from Asia, Africa and Europe line up just to apply for.

"Granting blanket amnesty to all illegal Latinos would be a slap in the face to immigrants who've followed the rules.

"The majority of Latinos who've come here without papers are no doubt good, hardworking folks. I do wonder about those who are not. Really, how do we know who is crossing the border? Do they have a criminal background? Or affiliation with terrorists or bloodthirsty gangs like Mara Salvatrucha?

"We don't know -- and that uncertainty should be a cause of national concern."

-Robert Jamieson
Whole article here

Dubai - Friend or Foe?

I just can't decide how to feel about Dubai potentially owning American ports. I can't decide, which is rare for me, which way I feel.

On the one hand, I think being against it based on the fact that Dubai has "Arabs" and therefore are bad or dangerous, is wrong and a bit racist. Not something I'm willing to admit might exist in me, even though rationally I know we all have some aspect of racism in us. That being said, I think "Arabs" in general is a bad thing to categorize as bad or dangerous. Just a few bad apples in the bunch, doesn't mean they are all bad. Because if we said that, we'd have to apply that logic to Americans - and we wouldn't want to do that. (Insert Timothy McVeigh)

On the other hand, I feel like...actually I don't think there is another hand. I think that the only hand there is, is about the controversy in my own thoughts regarding "Arabs" good or Arabs dangerous.

Having lived in Saudi I know a bit about Arabs. I am, by no means, an expert, but I never felt scared for my life, or worried of what may happen to me and my family. That was 20 years ago though (Holy crap that was TWENTY years ago!). Things have changed and not for the good. I am sure I wouldn't be comfortable there now, and not just because I'm a woman. But I don't think ALL Arabs are bad or evil or out to kill Americans. And because of that thought I struggle with the Dubai thing.

So my point is, I am still undecided which way to feel. I hesitate to say NO WAY just because its Dubai and thus Arabs - Dubai has always been a friend to the US. Yet a part of me quivers in fear of the idea that "Arabs" might have control over locations so important to the US economy. I just can't decide how to feel on this one.

Risking backlash again...

Disclaimer: If you feel strongly one way or the other about abortion, you may not want to read further.
I am Pro Choice. Period. I believe it is the right of a woman to make her decision about her body. I do not think this is a political decision, nor do I think it’s a decision that should be made by would be politians who are trying to get their names published.
The Government of South Dakota has signed a law banning abortion. This slaps in the face of civil liberties that women have had for many years. I am not a full on feminist, but this decision (and the subsequent decisions from other states that will follow) shows that woman rights are really at all as sacred as we thought. I will never understand how anyone thinks it’s OKAY to make this very intimate, very personal decision for a woman.

I would probably never choose an abortion over life. I am, however, assuming I have enough brains about me to think about the consequences prior to participating in an act that may, if unprotected, could result in pregnancy. But I am a free person and would love to feel confident that I, and only me, can make the personal decision regarding my body. If we make abortions illegal, in some situations we are condemning some, unfortunate children to a very difficult and challenging life.

I truly try to be non confrontational...I do.

BUT...there are some things that really gets my blood boiling. And Seattle/Washington State politics (poli-tickles as it were) is one of them.

For those not of this area, you may not know that we have a dying, archaic viaduct that was massively compromised during our earthquake some 5 years ago. According to the Engineer's who have studied the viaduct, they all agree, the viaduct is a ticking bomb and needs to be replaced. And so starts the political battle (don't even get me started on the Seattle Lite-rail/monorail initiative) over how to replace the ailing viaduct.

The Mayor of Seattle wants a tunnel. The tunnel option will not only cost an exorbitant amount of $$, and it will open up the Seattle waterfront to more businesses. Thus lining the Mayor's pocket.

Other folks of the poli-tickle circle want to just replace the viaduct. It will cost less, and still function. This is, after all, the purpose of such a structure.

The Seattle PI Today wrote that Seattle planning group has given the government an "ultimatum" stating that if the $$ for the tunnel isn't available/funded by April 1st, they will proceed with the plans to replace the viaduct. The article THEN goes on to say, that currently the council/planning team continues to plan for BOTH options. Which is, a waste of good tax payer $$.And as all of us who live here know, they will continue to argue this point, nothing will be done, Seattle will have another earthquake, hundreds of people will die and THEN will they decide to do something.

The other poli-tickle thing going on is with our local NBA team, the Sonics, wants Seattle to pay for a new arena. Now, their old arena renovations are not even 10 years old yet. But they are threatening to leave Seattle if the city doesn't build them a new home. My two cents is good riddance. The interesting thing here is Seattle is STILL paying for 5 arenas. And two of them don't even exist anymore because we've mowed them down to build new ones. One of the arenas, the Kingdome, we still own $$ on for 11 more YEARS. We tore that thing down in 2000. ARGH!

And so my question: Shouldn't the tax $$ go to more necessary fixes like transportation? We have a few bridges, highways, freeways, and an aging viaduct, that are sorely in need of a make over. Or better yet, could we use the $$ to build a - gulp - lite rail system that is actually useful to the majority of commuters (see Monorail comment from before)?

I'd like to say I'm going to stop voting (but I won’t because its too damn important to have a voice) because it seems that no matter whom we vote in Seattle, and Washington is destined to just argue until the cows come home and still do nothing. WE live in a society full of activist and political parties that love to battle, and there in lies the problem. No one can agree on anything.

What is this world coming to?

Does anyone else think this rioting over the cartoonist drawings of Muhammad is getting out of hand? I just, for the life of me, can't understand that kind of ... of... passion? hatred? Religions conviction? I'm not really sure what to call it. What I do know, or think, is that Islam as a religion, on a whole is peaceful. I'm not sure - now I don't practice Islam so this is stated with a Christian background - that Muhammad would agree to killing hundreds/thousands of people in his name. Just like I'm not sure God approved of the Crusades. At any rate, I just don't understand the whole point.

Clearly the West, who believes in freedom of speech, doesn't understand the Arab world, who have never experienced anything even remotely like our level of democracy. And for men (I say men because you rarely see a woman out there protesting) who really don't have any other avenue for expression in these countries...maybe protesting verbally for a religion is the only channel they have for expressing themselves?

I have an acquaintance that I work with that does practice Islam and was telling us that he is sad for his religion. He sees what's going on and while he understands where they might be coming from, he can't help but wonder if they are just looking for a reason to protest. That years of rage have been bottled up and finally they have a reason to let it loose.

The latest thing is Pakistani cleric has put a price on the cartoonist head of $1M if anyone kills him. Would Muhammad really approve of that? I just don't think Muhammad, or any other form of him, would approve of killing another person in their name. I may be wrong, but it seems to go against what religion to me is about, peace with one another.