Where did my fun go?

Where did my fun go? It was here one day and gone the next, at least that’s how it feels. I used to be fun. I used to go out and do things. Fun, different things.

Once upon a time, I had a fun life, I swear.

I did things. I went out and did a lot of things. I went on random adventures. I was always down for going and doing something, anything, spontaneously. I was rarely home. There were so many options for doing things with friends and spending time outside my house. I feel like I was always going and doing something with someone – no end in sight.

But then it stopped.

When was that? Did it happen all at once? Or was it gradual? Did the opportunities to go out slow down, or I did? Having fun now seems like a genuine struggle. Going out for me is always met with some resistance from, well, me. Here’s how it goes:

• Someone askes if I want to do something.
• I want to say yes. If I say “no thanks” they’ll ask why.
• So I say yes.
• Then as the day approaches, I get more and more “itchy” about going. So many thoughts run through my mind like, “Will it be fun? Can I even have fun? Will there be a lot of walking? Could I manage that? Will we eat? Or will I starve?”
• Ridiculous thoughts. Nothing “tangible” yet, there they are.
• Sometimes it ends with me grudgingly going, and sometimes I find a valid excuse and pass on the experience.

I can blame Covid. And I do think that has a lot to do with it. It forced me to enjoy being home, and by myself. Turns out I really like that set up. Maybe too much.

All this to say, that I’m going to embark on a frightening journey for 2025. I’m going to try saying Yes more often. I’m going to stop making excuses for myself and whatever the adventure is. As much as I belly ache about going out, 9 times out of 10 I enjoy myself and it’s never as bad as I think it will be.

So saying yes. That’s going to be hard. But the option is to continue to stay at home watching all the fun go on around me, without me.

Adobe Stock Photo

Politics and Friends

Its that time again. A major election is upon us. It's a shit show out there with the two candidates pushing the reasons you should vote for them. 

I try VERY hard to understand both sides of the political table. I know which side I'm on, but I like to respect the opinions of the other side. And, silly me, I try to understand their opinions. 

When I try to have any sort of conversation with the other side, it almost always starts with the "oh ya well your candidate does XYZ".  I'm not trying to be argumentative. I just want to understand. And I've come to believe that if you don't believe like them, they don't want to explain why they believe the way they do. Maybe they don't even know. 

I've kept most my far LEFT and far RIGHT friends. I appreciate their opinions and for the most part, I ignore the crazy. Sometimes I can't help myself and I try to argue with them...both sides. It never ends well. 

In all this, I've never unfriended any one on Facebook from either side. And as far as I know I've not been unfriended. Today that changed. And I'll admit I'm a little sad and a little happy. 

I did the unfriending. It's a friend from a life long ago (high school) and she doesn't even live in the US. I'm unsure if she's a US citizen, but I know she hasn't lived here for years, decades. She has very strong beliefs towards Trump. And I respect that. 

Recently I posted on FB asking BOTH sides to be aware of disinformation and misinformation. Many bad actors are pushing bad info out there. Most of it isn't true and little research shows you that. I've noticed one side doesn't like to do any research or provide any sources for their words. Ahem. 

Anyhow, this "friend" responded with a video from Instagram where it was showing a woman trying to vote on an electric voting machine and it wasn't allowing her to vote for Trump. 

Ok, let's look into this. Because I'm sure there's NO WAY that would pass as a major situation without us hearing about it. A simple search on sites of media that are middle ground shows that yes this did happen. The voting machine malfunctioned. The woman brought it to the attention of voting officials there. They closed that machine and gave her a ballot for her to fill in manually. She even says in many of these articles that she was impressed with how they handled it. Turns out it was a faulty machine.

What the impression this "friend" was trying to imply was that the democrats were stealing the vote again. When I asked what her point was, she commented as such. THEN it got personal. 

She doesn't know me. She knows what she sees on FB. I don't post anything political and have never said I'm one side or the other. She assumed it. She made a comment about me being "blindfolded". 

That was all it took. What pissed me off, is her post had NOTHING to do with what I was saying. I was asking people to think before they post or believe anything. And for her to respond with an instagram without any context was just weird. And yet, again, she wouldn't open her little mind to have an adult conversation. 

That's the most frustrating around people who are on a certain side of the political arena. You can't have an adult conversation with them. They ALWAYS seem to bring their argument with the "Oh ya well..." and that's not what I'm after. I want to understand. I want to listen to why you vote the way you do. I may not agree, but let's at least be civil. It appears the orange man they follow, who spits out hate with every word, means that they too cannot be open and interested in understanding, listening and learning. 

Vote! Get out and vote! That's all I can say. 

Poppies

I've spent a lot of time reviewing old photos. Most of these I got when Mom passed and so many of them I wish I had seen before and could have asked about the story. Scrapbooking for me has morphed into wanting to tell the story instead of just making a pretty page. But now, I am left with a bunch of photos and no stories. 

Some of the photos I do have stories because I was apart of the event and old enough to remember what was going on. These photos all have a story. Enter the California Poppies

This is BY FAR my favorite photo of mom and dad. Taken during one of our trips to the poppy fields, but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Every year Mom, Dad and I would load into a car and head out. Dad loved photographing the poppies and they felt this was a good way to spend the day as a family. I have some very fond memories of these trips. Even as a teenager I was ok with going out with them to see the poppies. 

One year Grandma and Grandpa Wraspir were staying with us. Dad thought it a good opportunity to go see the poppies. 

Grandma loved seeing them. Grandpa loved seeing them because Grandma loved seeing them. 

This particular year - 1984 - are likely THE most embarrassing photos of my teenage year. Why did mom let me leave wearing a tube top? 

I mean, really? What was I thinking?

When I look at these photos I can't help but feel so much happiness. I miss all these people in these photos and am so glad that Dad "made" me go with them. It was a tradition for us each year and I can imagine as a teenage girl I likely didn't want to always go, or I pretended I didn't want to, but I always enjoyed myself. And now, as an adult without Mom and Dad here, I cherish these memories. 

What's In a Number?

It's been about a month since I got my new hardware. It's be a ride, let me tell you. Every day an experience as I prick my left ring finger and drop a very small amount of blood on a test strip. Then I wait, and do a little finger crossing that the numbers are "ok". 

Some days I'm happy about the number. Other days, I'm excited to see how low it is only to see it higher than anything. It's frustrating. 

Along with me on the journey is a D counselor we'll call R. He and I have a call every couple of weeks now and he answers all the questions I have about glucose and what not. He helps me set realistic goals and makes sure I am aware of what certain foods do to your glucose levels. It's been an educational experience, I'll tell you that. All those things I learned about eating "low carb" no longer matters in the same way. Something that is considered "low carb" may be have a high glycemic number (bacon for example). 

Anyhow, we chatted yesterday and I was telling him how frustrated I was that days I felt I ate well and in a calorie deficit, my number is high. Then days I around my calorie limit, the next day the numbers are low. It confused me. 

Apparently, eating is something you have to do when you are trying to maintain your blood sugar. Who knew? It seems very counter intuitive to me that the less you eat the higher your numbers. But R convinced me. He said there are nights that I may need to eat something right before bed to get the right amount of calories! 

So, yah, that's been fun to deal with. I've been doing little experiments around what I can eat and how it impacts my numbers. R is on board with this. He says it's best I figure out the sweet spot and the only way to do that is by testing things. 

I've added to my daily walking with F too. We are committed to doing another 30 days of 30 minutes of work out (walking or otherwise). R wants me to get more strength training in, so F and I will start that next week. I've added "hills" to my walking as in I push the button that says "hills" on the treadmill and it magically changes the incline. I find I really like it. 

So the best part is my AC1 numbers have dropped by 1.1 points! That's huge! My goal is to drop 1 more point. Between eating better, exercise and meds it's totally doable. So stay tuned!

My New Hardware

I'm furious!

I'm furious that I now have this!

That my friends is a Glucometer! It checks your blood sugar levels. Which you means that I now have the big D. I wrote about this in May and have since been coming to grips (albeit not very well) with what this means. 

I knew I'd have to start taking my blood sugar, and I'm actually ok with that. What I'm NOT ok with is how my brain interprets the results. 

I feel like a failure if its too high. To be honest, it hasn't been "low" since I started this (which has only been a week). My diabetes counselor said that I should expect the numbers to stay high for now. But the data point will help us manage the diabetes.

What he didn't tell me is that I'd be pissed when it high for no apparent reason! 

I ate like a good girl yesterday. And by that I mean, I paid close attention to what I ate and whether it had a high glycemic number. I was relentless yesterday watching. 

This morning my blood sugar was 171! ONE SEVENTY ONE! Ridiculous. It should have been less than 150 based on the way it was going. I know I need to get it way down to like 120 ish, but baby steps. 

So, fine. I'll keep taking my blood sugar, but I'm telling you if it doesn't start shaping up I'm going to throw a tantrum and eat something I shouldn't. 

Travel: Yay or Nay?

It should be no surprise to anyone that I'm questioning travel. This last trip was not so great and it has me wondering if I want to wander ever again. (The "wonder" and "wander" is a shout out to mom. She pointed out years ago that I used "wonder" for both).

It's been a couple of months now and I've had a chance to reflect on the cruise in May. I've had a chance to think about why I travel and did that still apply in my life today? 

I originally had the travel but because I was curious. I wanted to see all the cool things I had only read about in books. I wanted to go to all the touristy places and say I had been there and had experienced it. I wanted to learn about history. I wanted to learn about the people, their lives and their culture. I was curious about all of it. And I wanted to fill my soul and my mind with the world. 

I started to question whether I still felt that way and was that enough anymore. 

Travel was a gift that was given to me relatively early in my life by mom and dad. With dad going off to Saudi and me going to a boarding school, travel just became part of our lives. Beyond that, being a military kid young gave me that gypsy lifestyle without being a gypsy. 

But was all this enough any more. Have I traveled so much that I'm no long curious about new places (or revisiting old places)? That's the question I am struggling with. 

Age and health have something to do with this as well. I'm not old, but my body isn't exactly in fighting form and so travel is harder. That's fixable, but even if I do fix it, am I still interested in travel? 

I really have to address that point. And I can say as of right now, I am really not sure. I lean towards not wanting to travel, but my heart aches thinking I won't travel again. 

Does travel just bore me now? Is it because there's WAY too many people traveling and travel is no longer fun for that reason? Have I seen everything I want to see? Is there really anything more that will make me stare with my mouth open in complete awe? 

Sherrie and I are planning a trip to Greece next year. I'm still on the fence. The only reason I am considering it is because Sherrie really wants to go to Greece and I promised we would. I think we have to really consider what that trip looks like now. 

So here I am. Unsure. I'm glad I don't have to make a decision today, but I feel like I need some mojo to get me interested in travel again. 

Crabby Girl Weekend 2024

I think we have a new annual tradition. Last year we went for the first time to Kathy (and Rowland's) cabin. We talked about doing it every year, but you know how life can get in the way? So I wasn't sure we'd actually do it again. 

Yet, we did. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 

We left Friday and headed over.  It's not a "cabin" in the sense of "log cabin". It's a small, homey house that is in a nice community around Elk Heights outside Cle Elum. 

Our road trip had us stopping in Cle Elum to get groceries and have lunch. This year we organized our dinners a bit different. Kathy and Janet were responsible for Friday night. And Sherrie and I were responsible for Saturday. But I'll get to that. 

Groceries in hand and full bellies ( we ate at the Cottage Cafe again) we got to the cabin. Such a lovely little house. I really do love it. Small, cozy and just right for us crabs.

Friday night we just hung out and did a lot of jibber-jabbering. We all spent times on our phones and then discussed nothing important. It's fun to just hang out. Kathy and Janet made tacos that were delicious. We had cheese and crackers for an appetizer and ice cream for dessert. Really a great evening. 

On Saturday we all got up whenever we wanted. I actually slept in to 7:30 ish. After breakfast we headed to Roslyn for a walk around the cute little town. Roslyn became a coal-mining town in 1886. It played a big role in Wa State history too. 

And if you don't know, Roslyn is where they taped Northern Exposure in the 1990s. The show has quite the cult following and Roslyn still hangs on to that popularity. 

We at lunch at The Brick, which is a tavern that originally opened in 1889 and then rebuilt in 1898 using 45,000 bricks - thus the name. 

The actual bar (as in belly up to the...) is 100 years old and is from England. This beautiful and unique 23 foot bar also has an operating running water spittoon. Who knew we'd have lunch and a history lesson.

And the food? Oh goodness the food was delicious. You really should eat there if you're in Roslyn.

After that, we drove up the road a bit to see the old cemetery. Well, we drove up several roads. Kathy wasn't really sure which road led there. We got a great tour of Roslyn and we did eventually find it. 

Lots of cool headstones there. The historic cemetery is quite unique. Because Roslyn was a mining town there was a healthy blend of immigrants before the turn of the century. The cemetery is separated by 26 distinct ethnic groups. We didn't really get out, just admired from the car. 

Then we headed to Lake Cle Elum to just see it. Lovely lake and beautiful drive. 

But Saturday wasn't just a weekend day. It was much more important. It was Kathy's birthday. And we did it up Crab style. 

Crab Table Cloth...duh

Sherrie and I had dinner for Saturday. I made a low carb appetizer that didn't turn out quite as I planned. Which is fine since we had more than enough food for dinner. Sherrie and I made Asian Beef Salad and roasted potatoes. 

It was quite yummy and one of my favorite salads. 

For dessert, I got us Nothing Bundt Cakes. They are also my favorite and I thought they'd travel well. But I couldn't just give her a cake...I had to make it a Crab cake.

I also got Kathy this beautiful Crab shirt. It says "Birthday Crab" on it. I figured we could share the shirt and each one of us wear it for our birthdays. It's not going to fit all of us the same, but it'll be fun. 

I think she had a fun day. We enjoyed celebrating her birthday and I'm glad she let us. 

We headed home Sunday, but not before we stopped at the fruit stand just down the hill. We did last year as well and took photos not that different from these. Such goofballs. 

So I really hope this is an annual event. Stay tuned for more Crabby tales.

The Long Trip Home

Oh my god! We made it. There were more than a couple times I thought we wouldn't. 

I had been worried about all the layover times in each airport. They were very short times and I just knew we'd miss a flight. 

We flew home Iberia from Venice to Madrid. Then Madrid to Dallas. Our flight from Venice was 45 minutes late. We only had 1.5 hours in Madrid to change planes. I thought we might JUST make it. We were seated to the front of the plane so at least we had that going for us. 

We landed in Madrid and we booked it to get to our next flight. We had to change terminals and we had no idea how long that would take. I thought, briefly, we just might make it. 

Then we turned the corner to passport control. Damn. Now we weren't going to make it. 

As luck would have it, a passport agent opened a small line and we got to pass through. YaY. Maybe we'd make it. 

Then we started the trek to the next terminal. EASILY a mile and half. I told Janet to just go. Get to the gate and see if they'll hold the plane. She was reluctant to leave me, but she did it anyhow. 

Y'all... I am not a runner. I don't walk fast anymore and certainly don't job. But I did my BEST jogging/walking effort I could and was breathing heavy and almost ready to pass out by the time I turned the corner to our gate. 

There was Janet jumping up and down when she saw me saying, "She made it!" 

We made it. 

We got on the flight and the flight attendants handed us water as we headed to our seats. One flight attendant stopped by my seat with some napkins to mop up the sweat dripping off my body. 

Turns out the flight had heard of our late plane and held it for about 20 passengers that needed to get there. And we weren't even the last ones to make it. 

But this, now put us late to get into Dallas. I guess if I was going to miss a flight I would rather it be in the US. 

We landed in Dallas and I turned on my phone. I read my email and saw that our flight from Dallas had been cancelled. 

Fuck! Fuckity! Fuck. I just want to be home. 

BUT, American Airlines had booked us on another flight first thing the next morning. That means we're staying the night in the airport. 

We got our luggage and got in this massive line to drop off our luggage and confirm the flight we had. FOUR hours we stood in this line. Truth be told I had to go find a place to sit a couple of times because my back was aching. 

We finally got to the front of the line. Got our boarding pass and off we went to find a place to sleep. Our gate said it was in the A terminal so we found a shuttle outside the terminal to take us to Terminal A. 

In terminal A we had to wait until security opened up at 3:30 in the morning. By now it was almost midnight. So we found some very uncomfortable chairs and attempted to get some rest.

We got through security without any lines because, well no one was there. We got to our gate and sat and rested. Nothing was open so we just sat there. 

For some reason Janet checked her phone and we found our gate had been moved to Terminal D. WTF? So we gathered our items and took the link train inside the airport BACK to terminal D. As we came down the stairs from the link train, our gate was RIGHT there. 

We sat for a couple of hours until the stores started opening. Janet took off to get some Starbucks. I was waiting for McDonalds to open. I wanted a sausage McMuffin and hash browns. 

We both got our breakfast and was sitting waiting for our flight. I overheard these teachers who were there with a ton of students headed to Costa Rica, tell all their students to be back at the gate by 9am. That seemed odd to me since our flight to Seattle was leaving at 8:30. 

It was then I looked at the flight app and SHOCKING, they moved our gate to Terminal B. Good Lord!

Back to the link train and off we went to the B Terminal.

We got there and had about an hour to spare. 

We had center seats on the flight which was sad because I had upgraded us to First Class for our other flight that was cancelled.

My seat was in the last row of the plane. I sat myself down, buckled myself in and I was out. I don't even remember taking off. I slept for a good three hours on the flight. 

But, alas, we made it! Sherrie picked us up at the airport and listened to me grumble about the chaos in getting home. 

I also brought home a nice cold with me. Good times. Now I just want to rest and hug my cat. 

Port 9: Venice; and we're done

Here we are ... Venice. 

My stomach is a little off and a little ok. We got off the ship pretty quickly. We found the taxi line and stood there for a bit. I noticed a lady walking up and down another line offering people a shuttle to the airport. Since our hotel was near the airport I thought we'd give that a shot. 

Turned out it was 70EU each. The airport was a good hour and a half away and the taxi would have cost us a fortune. 

We got to the hotel, sorta checked in and left out luggage. Another couple there was headed into Venice via a taxi and asked us if we wanted to share it with them. I hopped on it right away. Janet thought we should take the train, but I wasn't in the mood to figure the train out. Plus splitting a taxi 4 ways was pretty inexpensive. 

In Venice we got on a water taxi to take us to San Marcos Square. Venice is such a beautiful and unique city. And, oh my god, the people. So many people. 

We stopped to have lunch since we had a couple of hours to spend before our 3pm walking tour. 

After lunch, and a potty break, we walked around the corner to San Marcos square. 

Again, so...many... people. Back in 1987 even during Carnivale it didn't feel this packed.

We met our walking tour guide and started the trek through the back alleys of Venice. One of the reasons I signed us up for this walking tour was because it took you off the beaten path. 

Its hard to fathom that people actually live in Venice. Though, according to our tour guide, you need to have serious coin to live there. That doesn't surprise me. It got me wondering what these people who live here do for a living. 

After the walking tour we had a gondola ride. I was done and was about to say no thanks (in fact I think I might have said "I'm done") but the look on Janet's face told me we had to do the gondola ride. And I'm glad I did. 

It was total chaos out on the grand canal. So many boats and gondolas. The gondoliers job is one that is passed down from family member to family member. And boy are they strong. 

Grand Canal chaos

Rush hour!

After the gondola ride we trekked back to get on the water taxi to head back to where we started in the morning. I was exhausted and so very tired of people. We took a taxi back to the hotel. I told Janet I'd pay for it because, frankly, I didn't want to deal with the train and figuring all that out while exhausted. 

We had dinner in the hotel that night and it was quite tasty. Tomorrow we head home. I'm ready to be home. As I always say, it's nice to travel but nice to go home.