Facebook...Friend? Or Foe?

I admit it. I'm a Facebook junky. I'm often on FB, reading it, posting, replying to posts etc.  I find FB to be useful on so many levels. Some folks would argue that it's making our society more distant than closer. I would disagree. I've learned a lot about close friends and have been drawn closer to distant friends because of FB. I love seeing what's going on in everyone's lives.  Knowing full well that what is put on FB is just a glimpse into their reality. 

Let's face it, Facebook is a powerful, time sucking, informative tool. Its very nature puts it in the good versus bad category for so many reasons.  I often wonder if FB was around in the Roman times, if one post could start a war. And in this very recent time, one post could make or break a friendship. 

I've lost friends because of FB posts or comments. And I usually discount the "friendship" as a mere acquaintance and have generally been "ok" with the defriending.  It can pull you closer to people and give you the opportunity to be more understanding. And it can create a toxic atmosphere for arguments, misunderstandings and differing of opinions. It's the latter that is prompting this blog entry.  Let me just say full and clear, I made a mistake. I made an inappropriate post. I admitted it, I apologized and took the post down. 

We all live in the technology world and are relatively familiar with the "once it's out there, it's out there." mentality. And truthfully I'm not 100% sure just how "private" FB is even when you set it to private. Privacy to me often can be an illusion. I work in privacy for heaven's sake, I know that even in the best of situations, "privacy" is only skin deep.  Those of us in the older generation we understand that once you post something, it's out there and that we should be very careful what we post. 

My profile is private. Only friends can see my posts - according to FB privacy statement that is. If you aren't an approved friend, you can't see my timeline, my photos or my posts…supposedly. I often think of this as a mute button on a phone. Just because you push mute doesn't mean the mute is actually working and should therefore refrain from slamming the person on the phone. I've been burned by FB in the past by a company who searched for me FB posts, and uncovered another person with my same name. They assumed it was me (even though this other person lived in a different state far, far away from Redmond) and opted to not pursue me any further. So I get it. I understand what FB can do to you. 

Here's the situation. First, let me say again, I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and removed my post immediately. Sometimes we have to be reminded about FB and all its super powers. Sometimes what you post, as private as it may be, can be forwarded on outside your friends and therefore makes it very NOT private. See, there's that false security with privacy.  The post I made was forwarded to a friend who wasn't on FB this particular day.  My post was related to a potential job and I was pointing out how frustrated I was in how long the hiring process was taking. I didn't specifically say who the company was, but it was inferred.  In my world of contracting, I've gotten accustomed to the hiring process being a fast-paced, adventure.  That's not the case in the outside world, apparently.  And something I'm having to come to grips with. 

This post in question - forwarded to another friend - offended and hurt her. She's knew what I was referencing and had a right to legitimately feel offended and hurt. She contacted me right away and went about expressing her offense and hurt.  I was well and thoroughly put in my place.  Her point was she couldn't understand how I'd put something like that out there when I supposedly wanted a job from this company.  Again, I admitted I was wrong, apologized and took the post down. She was right, of course, and her not so gentle reminder slapped me hard. I felt like a 16 YO being scolded by her mother. 

I was taken aback by her offense and a bit unsure how to even address this. I hadn't anticipated her, or anyone, to be so hurt and offended by what I considered an innocent post. But because it had specifically been forwarded to her, from some unnamed person (BTW, this unnamed person has to be a friend of mine and that's something I'm dealing with. See #8 below), she was wound up about it. I was almost offended by her offense. Still, I totally recognized and respected where she was coming from. I told her I understood what she was saying, apologized again, and reminded her that I had taken the post down again.  I tried to explain where I was coming from and how it wasn't meant as a negative comment at all - it was simply a comment. But there was no swaying her, so I had to stop trying. She was already far past pissed, I could tell, and so I figured me continuing to apologize again and again wasn't going to do a thing. 

Here's what I've learned from this experience:

1. You are never too old to be scolded.
2. Admit when you’re wrong. It usually clears the air.
3. Check your privacy settings on FB. FB is a powerful tool and what you put out there should be private.
4. I was in the wrong, there's no denying that. I'm okay with that. I'm ok with it being pointed out to me. Sometimes we need reminders.
5. While FB is a powerful tool, it is just FB.  I sometimes think we (myself included) take it a bit too seriously.  I've been offended by posts made by other people. DAILY I'm offended by political posts from some friends. I move on. I don't read them. I don't reply to them. I try to refrain as best I can because FB is no place for a political discussion or an argument of any type. In my opinion anyhow. If you have an issue with something I've said, or I have an issue with something someone else said, communicate with them directly. It'll clear things up some much faster.
6. Even if someone isn't on FB, they can and will find out what you've said. So that whole "privacy" thing - yah, not real.
7. Being tattled on still happens when you're in your 40's.
8. There are levels of friendship. I'm clearly on a lower level of friendship with whomever "tattled" on me than they are with the person they told. For some reason, this really bothered me. I need to do some inner soul searching to find out why this bothered me so much. I feel betrayed for some reason.
9. Blogs aren't private either.