I know him by heart

So dating update. It’ll be brief. Sadly.

I was going to cancel my eHarmony account. I missed the cancellation date by one day and they will not refund my money. I should have read the Terms & Conditions a bit closer.  Lesson learned.

I decided since I paid for it, I might as well just stick with it. Prior to the account renewing I was getting one or two – maybe – new matches a week. Sad. And unfortunate considering how much $$ eHarmony cost. And of those matches, very few were "matches" if you know what I mean.

The day AFTER my renewal I got 67 new matches. Sixty-seven? Really. That many “new” guys signed up? I think not. I think eHarmony controls the # of matches you get and they hook you in with the hope that comes along with getting a new match – or 67 new matches.

And so, I approached this new set of matches with a different eye. A cynical eye maybe, but different. I approached it statistically instead of emotionally. I figured, statistically speaking, if I sent my “questions” to get the communication started to all 67, odds were in my favor that one, just one would respond. At least one. And if I didn't I'd just stick my head in the ground and never ever come out again.

I couldn’t, in good conscious, just randomly send my questions though. That would be unfair and misleading. I had to put some limit on it. So if the match was taller than 5’6” then he got my questions.

I sent 58.

That was two days ago.

I got two responses.

One guy in SeaTac sent me an “icebreaker” then apparently cancelled it and closed the match because I couldn’t see/do anything with it. Which was fine because SeaTac is a bit far from me.

The second guy answered my questions reasonably well AND provided me his questions. So we shall see.

ll this to really got to the point of this blog post. I know I’m no different than any girl out there in that as I grew up I had dreams and expectations of what the significant other would be like. For example, when I was 7, he had to look and sing like Shawn Cassidy. When I was in college, he had a bit more preppy spin to him. In the end, though, the “person” I’ve created in my heart and mind, I know. And if I were to meet him someday, I would know him.

Yes, I have a list. But its more than that. The emotional imagination isn't something you can write down.

This song I heard years ago while watching Ally McBeal. It’s always stayed with me. I turn to it when I’m feeling a little less than successful in the dating arena. Which is often.

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending love's not meant to be
Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart