Thursday, May 13, 2010

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug

Since my untimely and shocking relief of duty I've had a lot of time to think about my attitude and my life. I can go days, weeks even, feeling upbeat and happy. Feeling like I am the the full bucket of awesome-ness that I know I am. I'm invincible. No one or nothing can take my happiness away. I am woman! Hear me Roar! (I had to, sorry)

Then, barely noticeable, in the back of my mind flickers of self doubt. Something in my past will filter through the bad 80's music in my head and suddenly, without warning I'm in the land of pity and guess what? There's one big pity party going on for me! The bucket of awesome-ness suddenly doesn't look so full. In fact it looks rusty and is missing it's handle.
I find myself in that place less and less these days. I can't explain it really, but I feel, free. I have a whole new life chapter with blank pages sitting in front of me. It's waiting ever so patiently to have ink put to them. I'm eager too, to get started, but am not so eager to recognize that this time of peace is necessary - scary - but necessary! Soon enough those pages will be filled and soon enough I'll be managing projects with the swiftness and awesome-ness that is me.

Or I'll be working at McDonald's.

No. No. None of that. There will be no "do you want fries with that?" in my future!

Right, back to bucket of awesome-ness.

As I've mentioned I've had some time to think lately. I've started to think about all the things I did wrong in my previous job. That list can be long. I discovered some years ago I wasn't perfect. Weird, right? But as I focused on the negative, suddenly, as Olivia Newton-John was belting out Xanadu in my head - no really - she was - it dawned on me....what about all the things you did right? Why not put those in your bucket of awesome-ness? Why not fill it up with all those qualities you know you have but are too afraid to admit to yourself? (Because, let's face it, you don't want to seem egotistical) Why not fill it to the brim with the glory that is me?

I used to have a very positive outlook on who I was and where I was going. Somehow as life is happening around us, we forget just how great we really are. Sometimes life forces you to stop and think about that. And if you're aware, forces you to really think about it.

Do you have a bucket? What's in your bucket?

1 comments:

BigBro said...

You are the most AWESOME sister I have............lets fill that bucket!!!!