Where to begin...

Pookie hasn't been gone quite a week yet, but I feel like it's been a year. I had not idea that the loss of a pet I've had for 17 years would have such a profound effect on me. It has, at times, made me consider why I would ever get another cat.

And yet, sitting in my house at night - the silence is deafening.  Almost unbearable at times.  Granted Pookie wasn't always around me, but you could still feel a presence in the house.  Now its nothing but me rattling around.

I had a small, yet impactful, breakdown on Wednesday night. I had turned off the TV and had started to read.  As I read I was paying more attention to the lack of noise than the book.  Then it hit me....Pookie was gone. Gone for good, never EVER would he come running down the steps to see me. Never would I hear him jump off the bed at 7:30pm to come down to see me. Never would I hear him meow at the top of his lungs at 3AM in the bathroom that echos.  I was suddenly overcome with grief.

I kept telling myself, "It's a cat darn it. Not a person." And the more I told myself that lie, the more I realized that he was, in his own weird, furry way, a person to me. My "kid" if you will. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but if you've ever had a pet that you've truly loved, you get it. Either that or I'm being overly emotional and Pookie's death is triggering some hidden grief from when Dad died.  Who knows.

So here I am, barely a week since my beloved PookieSnack passed and I'm considering a new cat.

One side of me is feeling guilty that I would dare to consider getting (in my mind replacing) a cat. Pookie would be aghast at such a thought. Would getting a new cat mean I loved him less than I thought? Would getting a new cat mean his memory would be gone?

On the other hand, getting a new cat could be honoring him. Because he was such a great feline that getting a new feline just means I have a love for felines. Or that this new beast would be, somehow, Pookie's spirit in another form. 

And what if the new cat isn't as cool as Pookie was? What if I get a dud? I'd be stuck with said dud for 17 years?

Oh the questions.

At the end of the day I decided I think too much.  That in truth, I want, or rather, I need, an animal in my life. Pookie is gone.  He would approve, I'm sure.

So yesterday I started looking through the Seattle Humane Society photos of cats. And one spoke to me. One who's name is Munch Munch, but who spoke to me as if her name was Lucy.  I'll be calling the Humane Society when they open today to see if Lucy is still available.

I mean come one, how do you not want to just hug that little girl.

Then the Niece posted photos of three adorable black and white fluffy kittens.  I could take two of them, a girl and a boy.  Do I want two? I think yes. But Lucy is so darn cute...how does one not just take her. 

See...thinking too much.

So here's what I have decided, I'm going to let fate decide. I'm going to call the humane society and find out if Lady Lucy Munch Munch is available. If she is, she's mine.

Then I'll call the Niece, and if the little black and white fur balls are fluffy, medium hair kitties, I'll claim the boy.

There, two cats. Done.

Or am I?