Monday, January 20, 2014

A Note to my BigBro

BigBro's Celebration of Life is upon us. This Saturday we'll all gather to remember the larger than life man he was. 

In prep for this event, we've been asking people to write stories about BigBro and send them to me. I plan on printing them, displaying them there and then putting them in a scrapbook for the girls.

I've been procrastinating writing my letter/story. I've started and stopped it a hundred times. Finally, last night after the Seahawks win I was able to write my letter/story.

Get the Kleenex if you're an emotional type. I put my heart into this and I think it's sitting on the desk next to me weeping.

To My BigBro -

I've started and stopped this  note a hundred times.  Unsure where to begin telling the world the person you were and, more importantly, the person you made me. I wish I had one more day with you to tell you just how important you were to me. I hope you knew. I think you knew. I'm sure you knew. 

I don't have a memory of actually meeting you. You were just there - in  my life - bigger than life itself. You always had a smile, a twinkle in your eye and a big, HUGE hug for me. Never letting go until I made the move first. I miss those hugs. 

You weren't a perfect man or brother, far from it. But who of us are perfect. You were perfect to me, and that's all that matters. In fact you used to pretend shock when I'd say, "you were right." You'd smile and say, "I don't know why you can't just accept that." 

I could spin a tale or two of how many times you made me smile. A tale about how many times you had mischievous in your eyes and tried to bring me along with you...I never said no. You were my big brother and I would have done anything to spend time with you.  I just wish I had one more chance to spend more time with you. Just one more day. 

You and Janet were always the family I did things with for holidays and birthdays. We never really hung out until we started training for the 3Day. I'll forever be grateful for the 3Day because that training gave me a brother, and a friend. You learned WAY more about me than you probably ever wanted to know during those countless training hours. But I learned something about you too brother. I learned that you were first and foremost a compassionate person who cared deeply. Who smiled in an instant and who would talk to anyone. In fact I used to joke that you'd even talk to a stump.  Your constant chatter and happy attitude kept my feet moving forward. 

And then during the event itself I saw how much people loved you. My god do people love you.  I lost count of the number of people who'd run up for a hug, or high five you, or stop and ask how it was going. Everyone knew you...everyone.  When I'd be chatting with someone on route and I'd mention you were my brother, they'd get a big grin and say, "I love that guy." And they did...they still do. 

Now you're gone. It kills me to write that. But you're gone from this world physically at least. Yet, I find comfort in seeing you in the smile of people we know, the smile of your girls, the love that people have for you and share with me, the countless stories that are told about you and, above all, I can see you in my heart anytime I want. Because brother, that's where you'll be forever. 

Love you,
Jenn -
PS - You used to say I was the sister you never wanted. You'd smile when you said it, and then pull me into a huge hug.


Anandi Raman Creath said...

This is beautiful Jenn. Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for introducing your brother to me. He was such a ray of sunshine at Janet's all-day crop sessions :)

Kristine Norton said...

This is beautiful Jen. You & your entire family are so special, my love to you all.