Photography Anxiety

In preparation for my BIG ADVENTURE I've been looking at photos of each port of call, the bulk of them of Rome.  So many beautiful things to photograph - so little time.  

And there in lies the issue.

It starts with a small flutter in my tummy.  And gradually grows into an ache in the back of my neck.  My brain gets a bit fuzzy and the fear and worry start to set it.  

It's an odd feeling for me and has taken me some months to figure out what it is. I'm so concerned and worried that I'll miss a photo or opportunity of a photo that my mouth goes dry and I can barely think straight.  

What the hell is this?

 

It's photography anxiety. 

 

Don't go to google and look it up, it won't be there. I've tried. It's only been through countless hours of journaling (thanks to GlobeJotting) that I've discovered what this is.

I know that this trip is likely a trip of a lifetime (although I'd love to think that I'll back to Rome again and spend some time - I'm throwing a coin into the Trevi Fountain again just in case) and I think that feeling of not being able to return has me all shades of anxious. What if I don't get that one perfect shot? What if I miss something? What if… what if… what if…

I'm about to bare my soul here so be gentle with me.

 

I've come to realize a large part of why I like to travel is because of photography. I don't think that's unique in any way, I think that's a large part way a lot of photographers travel.  For me, its not always about wanting to experience a new culture. It's not to see something new, necessarily. It's to take pictures. To try to get that perfect shot that you can bring home and show people and they can be all "wow, what a great shot!"

I don't mean that in an egotistical way - I don't think. I know that my photography confidence - at least some small part - is boosted by the approval of others.  I never, hardly ever, look at my photos and think, "Wow, that's a good shot." I can only think of a handful where that's the case.  I have also come to realize that I don't think I'm alone in this. To some extent any photographer is waiting for appraisal about their photos. A least a little.

Here's the thing I've figured out. Photography is subjective. VERY subjective.  Asking how to take the "perfect" photo is likely a common question we photographers ask. If we could just learn to take that "perfect" photo our life would be complete  (dramatic I know, but that's kinda the feeling I have at times. Don't ask. It's one more thing for me to deep dive into - my inner censor won't let me go too deep on that one just yet.)

Because what is considered a "good" picture or "perfect" photo is, as I said, subjective. What I think is great varies drastically from what you think. A photograph can be exposed, composed and presented to exact standards based on what photography dictates and yet it can still not be perfect.  We all perceive the world in different ways. What's "blue" to me may not be "blue" to another. And what I forget above all when I think about the "perfect" photo is all our past experiences and our emotions play a large role in how we perceive photography.  Our emotional triggers cause us to react differently to images.

This doesn't help me too much with my anxiety, but it does help me put some things into perspective. First and foremost I need to relax, take a deep breath and just enjoy my trip.  Be prepared with the knowledge that I am going to miss something. We have a limited amount of time in each place, so yah I'm going to miss something. It's entirely likely that I'll be concentrating on not missing something and I'll miss something. Did ya follow that?

Second, I need to not see the sights through the camera lens. I've got so many examples of this that it warrants its own blog…later. I need to take in the sights with my eyes and put them delicately into my soul so that I can remember this trip for as long as my memory will allow (which is why I'll be blogging). I need to experience this trip. Live it. Feel it.

Finally, I need to put away the ego and learn to take photos for me - just for me. I'm not interested in selling my photos so they don't need to be perfect for everyone. Then need to be perfect for me. Just me.

Now, take a deep breath. Pack your camera bag. And let's do this.