My horror-scope for today is shockingly close to what's been on my mind for the past few days.
"How strong is your connection to your inner truth? It's time to ask yourself what really matters in your life, and push everything else to the side. Live intensely and beautifully. Don't waste any time."
As some of you may know, and new readers now will know, I don't really do New Year's Resolutions. I do New Year Themes. In the past, I think, I did pretty well doing things that helped better me in some way, shape or form. For example, I did "Out with the old. In the with New" one year. Then I did, "Celebrate Singleness." etc. My plan has always been to carry that theme with me through my journey during the year. Doing things that, seeing things, experiencing things that turn toward that theme.
This year, I'm struggling. Its almost the end of February and I don't have a theme. I was going to do, "Cha cha... changes" since I was moving and starting a new job. But I couldn't think of anything past that to change...at least anything I want to admit I want to change. Because that roller coaster ride I'm not quite ready to take. So I'll keep pretending that I'm ...cough cough...choke choke...perfect.
So now here I am. Stuck with what to do. I've been doing a lot of thinking about taking Risks and how to maximize my risk taking and minimizing the potential pain that might be the fall out from the risk. For example, how much pain will happen if I ask some guy out for drinks? Is the risk of him saying no worth the pain that no might cause? In my heart its a resounding YES. But oddly my mind stops me and forces me to think about just how painful rejection can be. And do I want to face that music again?
But I digress (which seems to be a habit of mine of late). Last year our family, and the world, lost an amazing person to cancer. My cousin Cindy, at the young age of 36 (I think), was someone who, even though she was dealt a rotten hand in life by having to deal with cancer for nearly all her adult life, truly personified the notion of "Live intensely and beautifully." and didn't waste any time. When I think about Cindy and what she fought I get a bit choked up. But mostly with happiness and pride when I think about how strong she was and how much she really fought to live. So my horror scope got me thinking why do near death experiences force us to really live? Why can't we find enough worth "really living" in our day to day lives?
So my thought was, maybe my theme could be "Live intensely and beautifully. Don't waste any time." Thoughts? Suggestions? Can you help a sista out?
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