Miss Independent

So last night I was minding my own business and watching a re-run of "How I Met Your Mother." (which BTW is a funny, funny show) when out of no where I had a small panic attack.  Nothing major, just an "OMG that's totally me."

See, in this particular episode, two of the character's who had been dating decided to move in together.  He moved into her apartment.  She didn't make any room for him.  Every time he tried to put something of his away she would hiss and make some comment about how it was the way it was supposed to be.  In the end, they realized they weren't ready to live with each other, but to me I totally related to the woman who didn't want her stuff moved.

I've lived by myself for a long time now, and I often wonder if I'd be able to let someone in (physically, not emotionally - that's a whole other blog for another day).  I was raised to be independent and for that I'm thankful.  I do, however, think my independence how crossed over to control freak ( Why are all of you saying, "DAH"...)

In the end of the day, I do like my stuff, and I like my stuff where it is, and after giving it some serious thought, I don't think I'd really be like that character. I think I could, and would, make room for some unsuspecting guy.  Although, if he had a picture of dogs playing poker, I don't think I could let that into my house.

I also had a thought that perhaps my independence is scary to boys.  You know how they like to protect and "fix" women (sorry guys I know that's a sweeping generalization and not all of you are like that) I'm not sure I'd know what to do with someone wanting to protect me or take care of me.  I've done it by myself for years and have been pretty good at it. 

This doesn't mean I won't continue to search for my Fred (Have ever told you my theory about how people should find each other?  No! Well, I think when we're born we should each get a cartoon character and our goal in life would be to simply find the other character who matches. For example, I'm Wilma Flintstone and I have to find my Fred.  It'd be way easier and way fewer divorces I think.).  In fact, I may *gasp* sign up again for an online dating site.  I've been working on my profile for a couple of weeks now - mostly because I get distracted and forget - but it's almost done. 

Who knows maybe I'll find my Fred and maybe I'll find that, while Miss Independent, I can and want to be flexible.  Stranger things have happened.