Hello,
My name is Pookie. You might know me as the Big Black Beast of Burden. A name, I assure you, of which I do not approve. The woman (aka my maid) finds it amusing to call me such silly, whimsical names. She knows full well my name mean honesty, strength, and power: PookieSnackenBurger. The Lord. I've applied to make the Sir PookieSnackenBurger esq.
I need a nap. That paragraph was a lot of work.
Thank you for waiting. Now where was I? Oh yes, the Lord of the apartment.
This is me on my new found throne. The woman tells me I don't belong up here, but what could she possibly know about royalty? I mean, seriously. She cooks for herself! She works! Whatever.
The new throne has an excellent view of my kingdom outside. I've not actually been through my kingdom, but I protect it with vigor any chance I get. The occasional Mr. Hands (the woman calls him a ra-coon) has to be scared away by my roar! I also have a mysterious feline that walks through my domain and stops to stare at me. I stare back and stare him down until he leaves. The woman says if she opened the door I'd be dead and shredded. I assure you that is not the case. I am cat. Hear me roar!
This is the throne in the anti-chamber (the woman calls it the lehving ruum). I have a kickass view from this fluffy, coushy thrown. I finally have asserted my weight just right so that the pillow of which I lay folds in nicely to conform to my body. What a view eh?
I do have a few complaints that must be heard. No one else seems to listen to me, the lord. So I'll use this forum to vent. I understand from the woman that people "reed" here and make "comments".
My name is Pookie. You might know me as the Big Black Beast of Burden. A name, I assure you, of which I do not approve. The woman (aka my maid) finds it amusing to call me such silly, whimsical names. She knows full well my name mean honesty, strength, and power: PookieSnackenBurger. The Lord. I've applied to make the Sir PookieSnackenBurger esq.
I need a nap. That paragraph was a lot of work.
Thank you for waiting. Now where was I? Oh yes, the Lord of the apartment.
This is me on my new found throne. The woman tells me I don't belong up here, but what could she possibly know about royalty? I mean, seriously. She cooks for herself! She works! Whatever.The new throne has an excellent view of my kingdom outside. I've not actually been through my kingdom, but I protect it with vigor any chance I get. The occasional Mr. Hands (the woman calls him a ra-coon) has to be scared away by my roar! I also have a mysterious feline that walks through my domain and stops to stare at me. I stare back and stare him down until he leaves. The woman says if she opened the door I'd be dead and shredded. I assure you that is not the case. I am cat. Hear me roar!
This is the throne in the anti-chamber (the woman calls it the lehving ruum). I have a kickass view from this fluffy, coushy thrown. I finally have asserted my weight just right so that the pillow of which I lay folds in nicely to conform to my body. What a view eh?I do have a few complaints that must be heard. No one else seems to listen to me, the lord. So I'll use this forum to vent. I understand from the woman that people "reed" here and make "comments".
Complaint #1
The Blue Monster of Death - why? Why does the woman feel the need to invite that ... that...
thing over once a week. It sucks up all my beautiful fur I've left lying around. Clearly, the woman doesn't understand I have a right, I owe my people, to cover all ground, furniture, bed linen, and clothing with my fur. Once everything is covered, I could rest. But no. She and that robot sucks it up every week and I have to start all over. Whoa is me!
Complaint #2
The food dish. See. Just see how I must live. That food dish isn't 100% full. The woman has decided that 1) my food dish does not need to be full and 2) I do not require the wet, succulent food every day. She is wrong. Please. I beg of you. Tell her I need that wet food daily. The side of the can says it will promote my shiny coat.
The Blue Monster of Death - why? Why does the woman feel the need to invite that ... that...
thing over once a week. It sucks up all my beautiful fur I've left lying around. Clearly, the woman doesn't understand I have a right, I owe my people, to cover all ground, furniture, bed linen, and clothing with my fur. Once everything is covered, I could rest. But no. She and that robot sucks it up every week and I have to start all over. Whoa is me!Complaint #2
The food dish. See. Just see how I must live. That food dish isn't 100% full. The woman has decided that 1) my food dish does not need to be full and 2) I do not require the wet, succulent food every day. She is wrong. Please. I beg of you. Tell her I need that wet food daily. The side of the can says it will promote my shiny coat.Complaint #3
My complaints. I spout them off all day long and in her presence. Yet all I get back from her is lip. She goes on and on about me being spoiled and the cutest cat in the apartment. Um...dah! I'm the only cat in the apartment. I'm smart too. Please? Ask her to listen to my complaints. If she does, I promise to not hork on her new shoes again. (I swear the last time was an accident. I swear.)
This is all for now. I'm excited to see I now can reach ALL my loyal subjects through this medium.
This is all for now. I'm excited to see I now can reach ALL my loyal subjects through this medium.
2 comments:
My poor, unloved, abused grandkitty! How terrible it must be for you! I trained her better than that! Poor baby! Poor, spoiled, rotten baby.
P.S. I think your master has lost her marbles...or should be a writer instead of what ever she does!
Love,
Gramma
We feel your pain, too, Pookie. Sometimes our master has the nerve to shoo us off the bed or chairs so she can sit there herself. whatEVER!! And she never takes pics of US and puts them on HER blog!! Oh, the injustice!!
- Calley & Sebastian
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