There are a couple of situations in my life that for whatever reason were extremely hurtful and have stayed with me for years. I try my best to put them to bed and move on, but every once in a while something will remind me of them and the pain comes back like a flood. Worst still, one memory generally will lead to the other horrible memories.
In the grand scheme of things to have just a couple of such hurtful memories isn't bad. And yet, they seem to over shadow any good.
One such memory came flooding back today with a vengeance. I went out to Woodinville today for a doggy filled day with ChickenLady. Well, my excuse was a massage, but I took the Oodles of Poodles out and with them we had 7 doggies. 3 of which were total ball hogs (Beau being one of them). The boys played and frolicked for hours. We had a good lunch, nice massage, and great company. Everything was perfect. It was a great way to finish the weekend.
Then on my way home, I decided to turn on the radio. It landed on a country station and before my fingers could do the walking to switch the channel a song came on that reminded me of a painful memory.
I should also state that the pain in the memories is more about how close to home comments that were made hit. It's extraordinarily painful when someone says something, perhaps in jest, and it hits a bit too close to home and it hurts. I fear I've done that to people in the past, and I sure wish, most the time, I could take it back.
Right, the song is by Toby Keith and it's title I Just Wanna Talk About Me. The theme of the song is from a guys perspective and its all about the chatter we women put on and how it'd be nice if once in a while we talked about them. Seems innocent enough. And yet, in a car ride with Crazy X BF this song came on. He turned to me and said, "I feel that exact same way."
It wasn't said in anger and it wasn't said in a way that was to be hurtful, but it hurt. I noodled on it for days/weeks/months and apparently years. I liked to think I was a 50/50 way talker. He wasn't a talker mostly, so that left a lot of room for me to chatter. And yet, his seemingly innocent comment has bugged me for years. Even today, when the song came on I wondered if I was that bad.
At which point I turned to Beau and said, "I don't think so." And was secretly happy he was a dog and couldn't talk back.
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