I will never understand how someone can take their own life.
The acquaintance who sat across the hall from me, I found out, actually took his own life. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what is so bad that would cause someone to do such a thing. Then I'm struck with this feeling of how so many of us wear masks.
He seemed like your every day guy. He was laid back, easy going, his team loved him, he had a house, 10 years at this company, what, then made him decide that not living was the answer? I know that we will never know, but I do know that the grief I saw in his brother's and mother's face today when they stopped by his office was real. How selfish his act was to take his own life and not consider that which he would leave behind? The questions? The unknowing? The guilt people feel? I barely knew this guy and yet I ponder the question, "Could I have done something?"
The teammate who shared the story with me said that he had spoken with this guy on Tuesday night and all seemed as it should be. That he seemed happy and looked forward to the long weekend ahead. This guy went home, stopping at Costco to get his groceries, then took his own life and left no note.
I'm still in a bit of a state of shock. Like I said, I barely knew this guy, but to think about how normal he appeared, only to find out he had some serious demons lurking. And coming to the realization that even on my darkest day (Sunday for example was a dark day for me) even if the thought crosses my mind about what would I be missing if I wasn't here, something ALWAYS brings me back to understanding how precious life is. We're only here for a moment, and nothing is so bad that would ever make me choose the alternative.
2 comments:
how very sad. You're right, no one really knows what another person is really thinking or feeling. It drives further my thoughts about everyday kindness, and how far it really can go. There is a Blaine Larsen song (on his freshman cd) called _How Do You Get That Lonely_ about suicide, specifically a teen that took his life. http://solje.thedevins.com/blog/?p=196 I wrote about it two years ago, and was surprised how many people commented.
I don't think I will ever really understand it, but I will definitely add him to my prayers.
Having nearly killed myself a few times, I actually have some insight into this. People look at suicide the wrong way, for the most part. It's not as though someone suddenly decides to off themselves. I know that, in my case at least, I realized that, very simply, I didn't have to chose to suffer. I could end my suffering very easily. It's really a relief, in a way.
I know this sounds... wrong. And I'm not advocating suicide for most people... though there are a select few I wouldn't mind encouraging... I just thought I'd share my insight into it.
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