I had a friend recently ask, almost disgustedly, why I was being so vocal and outspoken about my weight loss journey. She admitted that she was slightly mortified by how much I was sharing on my blog on Facebook. (Which made me wonder if I’m over sharing, but I quickly decided I was not.) She also admitted that she’d never, ever put anything that personal out there for the world to judge.
Her comment got me wondering why I was sharing. There’s a couple of glaringly obvious reasons 1) accountability and 2) I like to share. But it got me wondering if sharing this information played into another little personality quirk I have - being a gold star junkie.
I’m a gold star junkie.
There I’ve said it. Multiple times.The author of “Happiness Project” book I was reading discusses being a gold star junkie. She explains how she’s totally a gold star junkie and how it works, or sometimes not works, in her life. Where her expectations have been higher than the praise she’s received from say her husband. Her examples of how she craves praise hit home with me. It’s never in an annoying way, or a “if I don’t get praise I think I suck” way. No for me it’s more that I like to get kudos. I firmly believe the more positive re-enforcement I can get, the better my journey is going to be. Sounds selfish doesn’t it? Maybe it is. And I’m ok with that. My frame of mine is whatever it takes. The thing is, I can’t do this alone folks.
After serious contemplation about this, because I don’t want to be a gold star junkie all the time, I’ve decided that the amount of effort I’m putting into myself currently is equal to the amount of praise and “atta girl”s I might get. I’ve done a lot in my life to be proud of, and can usually manage the internal praise and am ok with that. This, though, seems tougher and thus requires more praise.
At the end of the day, I’m not losing weight for praise. That’s just stupid. I’m not changing my lifestyle so that I get kudos from people on Facebook. I’m not sharing my journey to have someone say, “you go girl!” No, I’m sharing it because I hope that it motivates people. I guess I figure if I can do it, then so can you. Yes, I’m pointing at you.
Unrelated to weight loss I did recently get an “atta girl” from work - for work reasons - that made me smile. The “way to go” from an unexpected source always seems to make me even more happy. To know that you are valued and that your work is appreciated by someone you didn’t even know knew you did work here, goes a long way to make me want to work harder and achieve even more.
3 comments:
I like this post. I too am a gold star junkie, which started when I was a kid. I think there's a balance, though - some activities should be enjoyed just for the sake of them, not because you'll do it well or get recognition. There's a whole parenting philosophy about not praising kids for every little thing so they don't become dependent on praise.
Also, if you praise kids for achievement/accomplishments, rather than the hard work they've put in, it apparently can make them afraid to try things they might fail at. I'm a living example of that, so I'm trying my best to raise T a little differently and praise her hard work or willingness to try something hard. Her personality is already such that she has a very low tolerance for frustration (which is totally genetic!).
But I love that you are sharing your journey. :)
For me, I find when I am finally open and honest, there is an accountability that follows. I can secretly go on a diet, or follow a plan--but then in the next week when the wheels fall off, I can just stop the secret diet without anyone asking me how it is going.
It was only in the last year that I even told my husband my goals, my real weight, all of it... and now we are accountable to each other, granted he had less to lose and is only a few pounds from his goal today--it was mortifying to me to speak it out loud. But the last few months have been very good in being able to not fall off and get run over by the wagon because of the accountability.
Anyway, he just ran his first 5k, I think I might want to do one--but I'm not even close to that frame of mind yet. But I know having cheerleaders on your side help to change that frame of mind.
Gold stars are awesome--everyone needs one now and then :-)
I can totally relate to this. And I agree with you!
I know that for me, I talk about my weight loss because it's a big thing in my life, so I couldn't imagine NOT discussing it. Plus, my blog, my rules. And even, my Facebook page, my rules. That's fair, right? :)
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