The Great Search for the Other Half of the Orange (OHO)

When in Mexico, the host family I lived with told me that they search for la otra media de naranja (the other half of the orange). I've always thought that was charming and not so "prince charming" like.

It dawned on me that I’ve not written and update about my adventures in online dating. It could, frankly, because there has been no adventure in it. It’s been painfully slow. I don’t do patience well, but I guess this is an exercise in just that…patience.

Speaking of exercise, here’s something amusing. But first some background.

My profile is on eHarmony. I know many couples who are couples because of this site. So I figured I might as well give it a try as well. I have in the past, but afore-mentioned virtue I’m missing stopped me from continuing. It was taking what I considered too long. Anyhow, this time around I started an entirely new profile with them. From beginning to end, I answered all their questions, honestly and succinctly. No need to get too wordy yet. I’ve discovered reading profiles is a lot like reading resumes. If you don’t have me within the first couple of lines, I’m moving on.

So fast forward to my profile being live and active. Not two words I used in my profile mind you. I would 1) assume they knew I was alive and 2) am not an overly active person – as in hiking, fishing, skiing, bungee jumping, or any of the sort.

The matches weren’t rolling in. In fact, I only got a handful the first couple of weeks. I’d check every couple of days and be shocked that there were no new matches. I’d think to myself, “Really? No matches.” In a city of a couple million, I’m surprised – or maybe I shouldn’t be.

Then I noticed all the matches that were coming in were for men in their mid to late 50’s. Now I have no issues with a large number of years between me and my OHO (see subject for translation) – I mean my mom is 13 years younger than my dad and they’ve been married for 30 ish years. Yet, when I see a profile for a man who’s 57 I think, “That’s almost 60! And that’s almost my mom’s age.” And – well I just can’t go down that path yet.

I should also mention that none of the 50Plusers were interesting. I’m sure had anything in their profile been interesting, I might have given them a shot…but they either 1) had nothing in their profile or 2) used words too big for me to understand.

I joke.

Mostly.

Ahem…Right, so let’s fast forward again to last week. Suddenly I was getting the mother-load of matches. 19 came in at one time. I felt like I had hit the OHO Lottery. As I read through them, trying desperately to not make snap judgments on them, I started to see a trend. ALL of them, while in my age range, were overly active. As in hate sitting on the couch watching TV or reading, hate staying home, hate doing anything that doesn’t get your heart rate up (none mentioned hanky-panky but one could only assume they would include that in their list).

As I read through them, one at a time it dawned on me…ALL of them were the sporty type. All wanted to hike, fish, be outdoors, swim, ski, bungee jump (one guy said it was on his bucket list and the following item on his bucket list – Survive Bungee Jumping), boating, yoga, working out every day for 3 hours (I kid you not), and the activities went on and on.

Um, did eHarmony read my profile? I know opposites attract, but really? There is nothing in my profile, let alone life, that says I’m an overly athletic type who loves to fling herself off a perfectly good bridge/cliff, then swim 9 miles to where the boat will pick me up so I can hike home.

That’s not to say I’m not active. I am – to a degree. I’m just not Sporty Spice. I’m more Cooking Spice. Or Photo Spice. Or any other spice that is less athletic.

I re-read my profile just to be sure I hadn’t accidentally lied and said I was Sporty Spice…and I sure don’t see how they are getting these matches.

Needless to say, I didn’t send my questions to any of them. They all wanted Sporty Spice and I ain’t she. Yes, I know, I should have let them say that – but frankly – why waste my time.

I was chatting with a friend about it today and how frustrating it’s becoming. She said I should have someone else write my profile. Someone who knows me and who could perhaps do a better job describing me than me. I need a better Marketeer!

So if you feel so inclined….

Questions:

The One thing I’m most passionate about:



The Most Important think I’m looking for in a person is:



The three things I’m most thankful for:



The One think I wish more people would notice about me:



The things I can’t live without: