It's astounding, time is fleeting, Madness takes its toll

Oh yah, Hi. Remember me? I write a blog here. Though you wouldn't know it. Yah, that stale bread smell you're getting right now...that's LAST week's blog.

I feel obligated to apologize, but then think, "Why?" So I'm busy. You'll have to deal with it while I struggle to find my happy place again. Some day. I will find that happy place.

Work is insane. The "crazy" side of me actually likes that it's insane. The "other" side misses the boring side of the house that lived with me for a couple of months. I knew when things were slow, that one day in the near future I would miss those slow days. And I do.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks for me. I've had several highs and lows emotionally with regards to work. I've had days where I've questioned how on earth they could have chosen me to work this program. I was able to almost convince myself that the reason I was "chosen" was because PMDude was on vacation that day. They're first choice was out of office, so they "settled" for me. Those were low days for me.

I've also had days of extreme confidence. Where I could walk into any situation and I knew, I just knew, I was a winner. That I was chosen for this role for a reason. They saw my potential and were giving me a chance to shine.

The reality is somewhere in the middle. Each day the confidence in my ability grows and I become more and more familiar with the requirements of this program. I'm challenging people who I normally wouldn't challenge and I'm okay with making decisions and directing the program a certain way.

I still do and will have to rely on the Dream Team. The experience that lives in this team I can't ignore. I've accepted that I'll make mistakes. It's a given. I wouldn't be able to grow if mistakes weren't a part of it. I've also accepted that I will have successes. Granted I'm hoping for more successes, and they'll be there. Overall though, at the end of the day, I can't wait to hear this team we're working with say, "We can't believe we survived this long without you." That, my dear friends, would be music to my ears.

What I am finding difficult to deal with is the office politics. I've never been good at politics. I think they're a waste of time and energy. I've never understood why there are individuals who have to posture and position themselves at the expense of the team or the company. Yet its becoming painfully clear that I not only have to welcome the politics, I may have to play a bit in their sand box. Thank god sand brushes off relatively easy.

In other non work related news, the parental units are here before they take a jet to Alaska. Its been nice having them around. It's been painful and frustrating to see Dad's - dare I say - progression with Alzheimer's. I just don't know how mom does it. I spend a couple of hours with him and I'm frustrated. I find I have to constantly remind myself that it's not him. It's not him. It's the disease. But man, it is hard to separate the two. Every time I see him I have a lot more understanding and compassion toward not only the MomUnit and what she deals with, but with any person who has to deal with taking care of a spouse.

And then I had a sad thought, "Who's gonna take care of me when I lose my mind?" The momentary realization that maybe no one, scared the insanity right out of me. How lonely it will be...how I sooo don't want to do that.

But I'll have to deal with that later. Right now I've got to turn back the hands of time and start to answer the 206 emails sitting in my inbox.