Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.

Saturday the orange glowing gas light came on in the Stang. Time to go filler up again. Ugh. I drove into the gas station, started pumping gas, and jumped back into the car to keep warm. As the dollars clicked by, I watched this older white car coast into the lane next to me. My gas hose clicked off. I watched with a wary eye the older man get out of the – what now appears to be a car that had seen better days.

I put the hose back, and twisted my gas cap on. The older gentleman poked his head around the corner and asked if I had a dollar to spare. He needed to get to Marysville (just 15 miles up the road) and his son has his credit card. He only had $.60 with him. He asked again. I apologized and said I didn’t have any cash – a white lie. I had cash but wasn’t about to pull my wallet out for him to grab it and run.

I apologized again and got back into my car and drove away. I didn’t get far. I drove around and came up behind him and said I’d put $10 in his tank for him. He thanked me and said he appreciated my good will toward him.

The best part about this story, the last part is a lie.

I did drive away. And I did park for a bit to think about it. Why was it so hard to trust that this guy could, in fact, be in a pickle? Why did we automatically assume the worst in people? Have we (read: I) become that jaded to not trust another human?

Definition of Trust: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

Huh! Interesting.

As I pondered all those questions I started thinking about trust in general and how hard it is for me to trust people. Why is that? Nothing’s ever really happened in my personal life to account for the lack of trust I have with people. I’ve been emotionally hurt in the past and at times am not willing to risk getting hurt in the future, but that’s another blog.

There has been plenty in my professional life that has caused a lack of trust where work is involved. I thought I had worked through most of that. But as I started thinking about it, in fact I haven’t. I still have a lack of trust. I assume some people have ulterior motives. A friend once said to me, “The world isn’t out to get you.” I didn’t believe her then and I don’t believe her now.

I don’t know exactly what to do with this trust issue. I’d like to it in the “deal with it later” drawer, but somehow I think putting off dealing with it will make it that much more complicated to deal with. I do know I don’t want to be the person who automatically assumes that the world is out to get me. That seems very egotistical to me. I mean, after all, I’m sure the world has more important things to do that “get me.” I know it isn’t just me too. I know that the few bad apples out there have caused us to all, at times, lack trust of people – especially if our personal safety or that of our family – is called into question. Statistically though, I’d like to think there are more good people than bad in this world.

I started to think about what was in Marysville for this guy. Why did he have to get there? If that was where he was going. See! No trust! But then I started thinking, what if he was late to his granddaughters 5th birthday? Or his daughter’s rehearsal dinner? Or his wife’s 50th birthday party? What if me not helping him, made him miss something important in his life? That’s not to say I feel guilty for my decision. That’s not it at all. To think that I had a chance to potentially help someone and I didn’t trust that what he was asking was legit.

You can trust that I’ll be doing some more “look” into this.