Friday, November 14, 2014

What is the hardest word for you to say?


This question was posed to the lunch table today. This was, naturally, after we discussed some TV show I’d never heard of and it sounded like they were all speaking in tongue.

One of the guys here, appears to be worldly and deep, but not in an arrogant, “look at me” kind of way. He just seems connected to his life and in the present. Anyhow, he posed this question to the table.

There was silence – which I’ve gotta say doesn’t happen much at the lunch table.

Then one guy pipes up, and another, and another. Everyone seeming open to share what the hardest “word” is for them to say. “Word” became phrase really, but you get the drift. The answers were sweet, heart felt, and silly. One guy saying, or trying to, “familiar” was the hardest word for him to say.  That broke the ice a bit and the silliness ensued. Literally speaking, mine is “ambiguous.” I can’t say that word right for my soul.

It got me to thinking though, what is the hardest word or words for me to say.

Rather instantly I knew, there are two word (phrases) that are tough for me to say.

“I’m sorry.”

And

“I was wrong.”

I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve known people who would never EVER say “I’m sorry.” Sadly it cost them a lot of relationships. And I’ve known a lot of folks who cannot admit when their wrong.I’ve tried in recent years to be very cognizant of the “I was wrong” phrase.  Depending on what the situation is, admitting you were wrong can really change things. Admitting it can really open up the communication channels. So why is it so hard to say?

I think we all want to be right. But I wonder if it doesn’t stem from my childhood somehow. The biological father had a need to always be right. And the DadUnit, at times, had a need to be right. The difference to me was the biological father just HAD to be right, whereas the DadUnit was just stubborn. Subtle difference, but different all the same.

I’m loathed to blame my current behavior on anything that happened in my childhood, because I think as an adult we can grow past that, but this one I think might be a childhood quirk.

I also wonder if it’s not because I essentially grew up as an only child. I didn’t have siblings around during my teenage, informative years, and I wonder if that soloness played a role in my wanting to be right all the time. I mean, I was right all the time. Who was there to contradict me? Or challenge me?The “I’m sorry” phrase I think stems from the same root. I’m wrong and I’m sorry are very similar in nature. I’m constantly looking inward and trying (albeit not always successful) to improve my behavior. This one is one I have to work on every time it comes up.

So, what’s the hardest word/phrase for you to say?

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