The Perfect Partner

I was reading another blog (Freak Magnet - Feb 3, 2006 entry) and came across a post in which she describes her perfect partner. As I read her blog, I realized, I don't think I have a list. Or do I?

As I thought about the perfect partner, I do have a list. I never really wanted to have a list because I thought that was limiting myself. I have learned, ever so painfully, from past relationships that having at least some idea of what you want sure helps in the search for "la otra media de naranja". (The mexican's call it finding the other half of your orange). And because of said Pain I, at least now know what I don't want...which is even more helpful. With previous Pain - er ah - relationship - I found myself more than willing to compromise on what I would call today "deal breakers." That is a frightening notion to me.

What would me top characteristics be? And so, in no particular order, my "Not so perfect partner" list.

Humor - absolutely required. He doesn't have to be a comic, but to have comedic tendencies is a must. Not only should he be able to make me laugh, but he should be able to laugh at himself. We all do goofy, dumbass things, (only some of us actually write about them - as witness to several of my posts) so being able to laugh them off is a sign of maturity. Or insanity? Its such a grey area between the two. And of course with humor comes sarcasm. He must get sarcasm. Its one of my defining qualities. Former Pain never got my sarcasm.

Teach me a thing or two - I'd definitely like him to be smart. He doesn't have to be brilliant especially if the "brilliance" causes him to be a condescending ass. No thanks, I'll pass. But smart in that he can actually teach me something. I like to learn new things. Especially if its something that's never crossed my path. I may not like it, but I'm open to learning about it...so teach me, tell me, let me learn.

Communication - If there's one thing I've learned in all my 37 years it's that communication is key in any relationship. Without it, you're destined to a life of wondering where you stand. I hate not knowing where I stand with people. It sends me into a tail spin in the game of "what if's". Being able to communicate effectively is a skill. Of course I'm not talking communication in just the form of being able to express one's self...but half of communication is listening. (a skill I need to work on - hey maybe he can teach me)

He has to be okay with my family. Have I mentioned I'm from an enormous family? Yah, I may not like them all, all of the time. And they may not be perfect. In fact, we are far from it. A bit nutty at times. We can put the "fun" in dysfunctional most the time. But who's family is normal? If you claim yours is, you're in denial.

Be an adventurous eater - He has to like to eat and be adventurous about food. I'm a cook. I love cooking. I love to try new foods. He can't be a bore when it comes to food. Life's too short to only eat one bland, boring thing.

Know thy self - He needs to be his own person and allow me to be mine. Self awareness and soul searching shows you respect yourself enough to discover you. I'd like him to be able to find new things in him that he never knew existed. And to be okay with not knowing what his every move/step in life is going to be. Life is messy, and sometimes what we thought we'd be or want isn't at all what actually happens.

Acceptable of faults - god knows I have a few (No comments from the peanut gallery). But he should be aware that I'm not perfect and certainly don't expect perfection from him (I've got Jack for that - see last paragraph). Despite me constantly thinking I'm perfect, the truth is I ain't. And that's okay with me. And god I hope he's not perfect...that's way too much pressure.

Have an open mind - I'd say he'd have to be a democrat, but I'd only be saying that to piss of my republican parental units. (Kisses mom) I really don't think one's political belief is a reason to date or not to date him. I'm fairly open minded and sure as heck fire hope he's open minded enough to realize every person has the right to an opinion. I may not agree with it, but I respect the fact that they have one. Same reasoning holds true with regards to personal beliefs about religion and abortion. I've got my opinion. You aren't likely going to change it, you must be okay with it if its different from yours.

Must like dogs - Not in the sense of actually liking dogs (or cats - though if Pookie's still around he really needs to like Pookie - getting rid of the cat may be a deal breaker). But rather in the sense of what liking dogs means. It means they are kind hearted and good natured.

In college, I forget with whom I did this - but I'm sure we were drunk - we created our " perfect boyfriend." This boyfriend wasn't real mind you. But he was real enough. Enter Jack. Jack (the name of my made up love interest) has been with me for years. In fact, I frequently joke with those close to me whom I know won't give me the "she's lost it" look that I've got a date with Jack. Which really just means I'm spending some quality time alone.

But Jack, Jack is great. He's everything I've always wanted. We fight sometimes, but I always win. He treats me with respect and has taught me to respect myself. He's an EMT - I do find it mildly amusing that I gave Jack an actual profession. Wouldn't I die someday if I actually met a guy named Jack who was an EMT? I'd probably force him to marry me right then and there.

But Jack, he loves his mother.
He likes cats, but prefers dogs.
He's quick with a joke and a smile.
He can iron. (Also can't remember why I gave him this trait, but I'm sure it'll prove useful someday)
He isn't stuffy.
He's not afraid to cry or be emotionally available.
He's spiritual without having to be religious.
He's sensual without realizing he's that way.
He dresses well, and most importantly knows how to dress appropriately for any occasion.
He's sexy to me (which means he doesn't really have a look to him. Like I don't expect him to be gorgeous...but he has to be cute to me and only me).
He's courteous and generous.

Jack, well he's every man I've ever known. At least the good qualities of every man I've ever known. Did I mention that Jack wasn't perfect? Yah, he's a goof ball who's made as many mistakes as the next person. But he's rebounded and come out the other side a better man.

So for all you prospective single men out there, the crush included - even though I think I'm over him - don't let this list scare you away. And Don't be jealous of Jack. If you think you're up for the challenge though...I'm game.