While immensely happy, I have to admit I am also sad. Another friend has gotten engaged. For his happiness, I am happy. For me, I am sad. It's another reminder that I am single...still. This one is especially hard, because I swear I'm still dealing with him dating someone. Once he started dating, I felt like I lost a friend. And in a lot of ways I did. Now that he's engaged, I feel that the loss is permanent. I understand that life works this way. I understand that single people become couples and then only do couples things and thus forget about any of their single friends. I've experienced this almost my entire adult life. Friends have been lost on the marriage trail. For some reason, they rarely look back to see the dropped friends in their wake.
When I was little, I dreamt of being married and settled down with kids by 25. Once I hit 25 I realized that perhaps that wasn't realistic. That maybe 30 was more realistic. Now, pushing 40, I'm starting to wonder if I'm defective in some way and men can see that and press one past me. (Secretly I know I'm not defective, but sit for a while during my pity party. Its been a couple of months since my last one. So I deserve this. )
You might want to get a snack though.
I tell myself that if its in the cards, it'll be. But harbor the fear of "what if it isn't in the cards?" Am I really okay with single-hood? Do I really want to be the old lady on the corner with a thousand cats who's house smells of memories, of better times, gone by?
Its been suggested that I need to sign up for an online dating service. Is that really the only option to meet people now a days? I've done that route and frankly didn't enjoy it. There has to be another way. There has to be!
I'll survive. I've survived worse.
And by the way, to all the boys I made the deal with regarding if we hit 40 and weren't married, we'd marry each other so we didn't die alone...thanks a whole helluva lot for leaving me behind with just my cats.
On a much more positive note though, I am, officially, a CM employee. They did opt to hire me permanently. I didn't really have any doubts, but you never know. I feel like I have so much more stake in it now and am working 12-13 hours a day. That won't last long, I promise. And no, I won't meet any men at my work place...they're all married! Damn Damn Double Damn!
Did you get that snack? Was it good? I need a snack!
On a very positive note, however,
3 comments:
As a single person again (divorce) all of my friends are married. Even when I was married, I didn't exclude, or give up on, my single friends. Of course this time around it's a bit different for me since I've got a kid. The ties with many of my married friends originated because of him (my son).
The online dating thing. I wouldn't do it. That's how I met my ex-husband. Do I think that's what caused our marriage to fail? No. But I think online dating has changed so much in the past 10 years it's now become a way to "screen" people and not really get to know them.
Just my 2 cents.
"On a very positive note, however," ....what??? You didn't finish your sentence.
AND I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE....SOMEDAY!
Do you realize that many, many married women envy you...for being single? Think about it.
How about going to church and joining a singles group there? Hell....I am so old I have no clue how to meet men! Hang around the park -- with a dog (you need to get a dog first) and that should attract a man or two...especially if you are throwing a frisbee or ball for the dog..hit the man in the head with it...that'll do it.
Okay...mom signing off now........
I wouldn't dis the online thing too much. After all, that's how Vicky came into my life! (And the twist there is that we were NOT supposed to be a match!)
I'm not saying it's definitely going to happen but I am saying you never know!
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