Burning Red Face of Shame

Most of you know, I'm a talker. BUT to put me in front of my peers and ask me to speak is a whole other story. Sweaty palms, shaking hands, forgetting my name, the whole works.

It was requested to me to do a presentation about my job and my vision of the job to my stakeholders (Sales(3), Director of Sales, Marketing(3), Director of Marketing and boss). The boss and Director of Marketing pretty much get my job, duh, they designed it. But the others, well, we needed to be sure they understood it.

Seems like a simple task.
I worked hard on a 6 slide presentation. I had 25 minutes, and I knew I'd complete it and leave plenty of time for questions.
I rehearsed and rehearsed the night before.
I gave the presentation to Pookie. He liked it. (Well, let me rephrase that he stared blankly at me ... which is normal... which could mean it sucked... oh man)
I did the presentation in my sleep ALL night.
I practiced in the car on the way into work.
I was ready.
I was primed for success.

The meeting was to be a conference call, which suited me just fine, that way I could call in from my humble office and present to no one.

Slight change of plans at 7:55 AM (by the way the meeting was at 8AM). Let's all do the conference call in the big conference room. "Yes, Lets," I say with a squeaky voice.

Okay. Deep breath. Deep CLEANSING breath. BREATH!

So now, I go from Confident City to wanting to run screaming from the building.

I'm in a conference room with 6 other people, 3 on the phone.

I tell myself, I can still do this.

I try to breath...I try to remember my opening line. Oh crap, what was my opening line. Oh crap, WHAT IS AN OPENING LINE?

I secretly hope the con phone won't work, but it does.

I sit trying to look calm, cool and collected, instead of nervous, shaking with sweaty palms.

I grab my pen to fiddle with it while I talk so my hands won't shake. I'm not even paying attention to what's being said. And then I look up and EVERYONE is staring at me.

DOH! Must be my turn.

Time to turn on the Professional charm.

Next thing I know we're leaving the conf room. I have no idea what I said, what the responses were, nothing. All I could think about was, "THANK GOD its over."

Next meeting was our team meeting, which consisted of everyone (minus Sales) in the previous room. The hum in the room was one of positive gestures, and smiles toward me. Or were they smiles of concern and "Gee its been nice working with you." The Director of Marketing speaks first. His comments on my presentation were...wait...what? You liked it? I did okay? Holy Crap! Really? I didn't sound like a complete moron or a bumbling idiot?

I'm know I'm a smart person. And I know I'm professional and I know my stuff. But to force me to publicly speak just kills me. Maybe I'll join Toastmasters or something again. I joined Toastmasters WAY back in 1991 right after college, but promptly quit when I realized we ALL had to give speeches.

So the long and short of it is, I did fine and got plenty of kudos for my efforts. Which is a nice thing to hear from such smart people around me. I secretly wondered if any of them know I was terrified. I asked my boss and he said he didn't see a scared rabbit giving a speech.

I feel good about my success, but please don't make me do that again!