I know you've been waiting with baited breath to see the next installment of the top 100 worst songs by Dudley Manlove.
A recap.
This gentle - lovely - cover song band plays the top 10 worst songs the fans vote on at the annual Halloween concert. Prior to that fateful day of bad music, they count down the top 100. Last week I gave you 100 - 90. This week, I give you 89 -80. I must say though, the boys are running out of time counting these down. They have 70 to go and only one week to do it in. How ever will they manage?
89. “Two Princes” – Spin Doctors
Blending the free-form feel of the Grateful Dead with simplistic, repetitive pop, the NYC-bred Spin Doctors became a darling of the college faux-tie-dye crowd in the early 90s. You can almost smell the patchouli when you listen to “Two Princes” – written by singer Chris Baron while a teenager. Hammering the phrase “go ahead now” into your skull over a four-chord loop, “Two Princes” solidified the Doctors as the leaders of the post-hippy jam band movement – taken over since by the Dave Matthews Band.
Fun Fact: The Spin Doctors are back in business, having released a new CD, Nice Talking to Ya, in 2005.
88. “Rico Suave” – Gerardo
Ecuadorian-born Gerardo Meija bounced around the film industry (most notable appearance: the teen movie Can’t Buy Me Love) before making his mark as the world’s first Spanglish rapper. With his Menudo-cute looks and washboard abs, Gerardo was an instant hit on MTV. “Rico” was a disturbing piece of male pig-headed bravado with some of rap’s most arrhythmic lines. “Would you rather have me lie/take a piece of your pie and say bye/or be honest and rub your thighs?” I’m thinking, Gerardo. Don’t rush me.
Fun Fact: Gerardo is still out there – he’s a record executive for Interscope and the man responsible for unleashing Enrique Iglesias on the US. Um…thanks?
87. “Sunglasses at Night” – Corey Hart
The future was sort of bright for Corey (what was it with the name Corey in the 80s, people?) Born in Montreal, the pouty-lipped Hart made a big splash with “Sunglasses,” a song that makes less and less sense with every listen. Hart followed this with his biggest hit, “Never Surrender,” before slipping into obscurity. He currently lives in the Bahamas with his wife and kids.
Fun Fact: One of the most nonsensical choruses ever written -- see if you can figure out what Corey is singing about: “Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no/Don't masquerade with the guy in shades, oh no/I can't believe it/You got it made with the guy in shades, oh no.”
86. “Wanted Dead or Alive” – Bon Jovi
Every bad band eventually records their token “life as a rock star sure is tough” song. New Jersey boys Bon Jovi took the cliché to the dreaded ‘next level’ by casting themselves as range-weary cowboys, riding steel horses from town to town, rocking everybody in their path. My favorite line: “Sometimes when you’re alone/all you do is think.” Wow, Jon. Thinking? Sounds horrible.
Fun Fact: It was this song that inspired the producers of Young Guns to hire Jon Bon Jovi to record another cowboy-lite anthem, “Blaze of Glory.”
85. “Lay Lady Lay” – Bob Dylan
Dylan’s last album of the sixties, Nashville Skyline, was the legend’s first foray into straight country – and one of his earliest attempts at carrying a bona fide melody with his voice. His vocals on “Lay Lady Lay” sound like Kermit the Frog doing a Dylan impersonation – making Dylan one of the few singers we’d rather not hear try to sing.
Fun Fact: Artists that have covered “Lay Lady Lay”: Cher, Duran Duran and Isaac Hayes.
84. “Obsession” – Animotion
Born from the ashes of the Los Angeles sci-fi rock band Red Zone (again with the science fiction – won’t these people learn?) Animotion committed musical hit-and-run in ’85 with “Obsession,” a techno-pop piece of crap complete with bleating synths, overdriven guitars and lyrics that go “clunk” in the night: "Your face appears againI see the beauty thereBut I see dangerStranger bewareA circumstance in your naked dreamYour affection is not what it seems."
A circumstance in your naked dream? Anybody want to take a stab at figuring out what that means?
Fun Fact: “Obsession” was co-written by hitmaker Holly Knight; she also wrote “Love is a Battlefield” for Pat Benatar, “Better Be Good to Me” for Tina Turner and Rod Stewart’s “Love Touch.”
83. “867-5309/Jenny”—Tommy Tutone - One of my votes
Originally named Tommy and the Tutones, the San Francisco band had a minor hit in 1980 (“Angel Say No”) before making musical history with their ode to bathroom graffiti. The most popular phone number in rock and roll now belongs to a plumbing company in Dallas, which uses the song as their jingle.
Fun Fact: The song was written by Alex Call, the singer for the SF rock band Clover – which featured a young Huey Lewis on harmonica.
82. “Puttin’ on the Ritz” – Taco
Born to a Dutch couple in Jakarta, Taco (born Taco Okerse – yes, “Taco” is his real name) made a name for himself in Berlin by updating old jazz standards as weak New Wave-ish dance tunes. His first major release, After Eight, contained versions of “Singin’ in the Rain,” “La Vie en Rose” and, of course, “Ritz.” An Irving Berlin classic, Taco’s “Ritz” drains the life right out of the song, replacing it with a vocal so emotionless it makes Kraftwerk sound like Meat Loaf.
Fun Fact: Taco recorded the theme song for the Tom Selleck film Lassiter, entitled “Beware of the Winners.”
81. “Run Joey Run” – David Geddes
You have to hear this song to believe it. It’s a reworking of the teen death song (see “Teen Angel” and “Last Kiss” for reference) and the story goes something like this: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Girl and boy want to marry. Girl’s father hates boy (reasons unknown – but we get the idea that the girl is preggers). Father and girl fight. Boy tries to stop father. Father shoots gun – and kills girl. Pure hokum disguised as tragedy.
Fun Fact: Geddes (born David Cole Idema) got his stage name from a street in his hometown of Ann Arbor, MI.
80. “Achy Breaky Heart” -- Billy Ray Cyrus
Discovered in 1990 while opening for Reba McIntyre in Kentucky, little-known country artist Cyrus flung his ample mullet and trademark white tennis shoes into the national spotlight with this song (originally titled “Don’t Break My Heart”). Though three subsequent hits made the Hot 100, Cryus has yet to have a big follow-up hit to “Achy.” No matter – the line dance created for the song has survived. And Cyrus has had a surprising career as an actor, starring in the David Lynch film Mulholland Drive and on the PAX TV show "Doc."
Fun Fact: The late comedic genius Bill Hicks once proposed a television show entitled “Let’s Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus.”
Next up: 79 through 70. Stay tuned...
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