Dudley has taken there sweet time posting their top 90 worst songs. The show is tomorrow night, and they have only counted down to 50. So - you may know I left off around 80 I believe....so here you go. I pick and chose the songs to leave the pros to. Be sure to check out # 56 - but I warn you. Do. Not. Have. Liquid. In. Your. Mouth.
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Oh and stay tuned. The part is Saturday night. After the haze clears on Sunday, I'll be sure to post at least what I can remember.
Of special note, with a story to it... #67 Honey. Its a sad, depressing song, that is, truly, a bad song. BUT, in college, Honey appeared on a compilation tape (remember those cassette tapes?) I made. One of the biggest problems with cassette tapes (well, if you're Jenn Wraspir) is I'd always run out of room and thus songs would end in the middle somewhere. So was such the luck with Honey. Crazy Cousin Sherrie and I would joke that we never did know what happened to Honey (see the tape ended before the song tells us she died). Sad, ain't it?
79. “Ironic” – Alanis Morissette
Isn’t it ironic that a song titled “Ironic” contains no examples of irony? Pretty sneaky, Alanis.
Fun Fact: There is nothing fun about Alanis Morissette – especially if you are an ex.
78. “Don’t Give Up On Us” – David Soul
Fun Fact: “Don’t Give Up On Us” was written by Tony McCauley, the songwriting mastermind behind such bubblegum hits as the Foundations “Build Me Up Buttercup” and Edison Lighthouse’s “Love Grows Where My Rosemary Grows.”
77. “Wildfire” – Michael Martin Murphy
Fun Fact: Murphy appears on the cover of the book The Improbably Rise of Redneck Rock.
76. “Music Box Dancer” – Frank Mills (I think this one would be hysterical to see them perfom, considering there's no words.)
Fun Fact: According to his website, Mills was on his way to a Naval recruitment office when he ran into a friend who talked him into taking a university music department entrance exam.
75. “Safety Dance” – Men Without Hats
This former Top Ten Worst Song is one of the odder new-wave-ish songs from the early 80s. No one is quite sure what a Safety Dance is – it might be the weird arms-akimbo move featured in the video (you know, where your two arms are flung to form an equal sign.) Well, thanks to the internets, we now know that the original lyrics are in fact “is it safe to dance?” And now I can sleep at night.
Fun Fact: The dwarf in the “Safety Dance” video is Mike Edmonds, who has appeared in Return of the Jedi, Time Bandits and Legend.
74. “Hard Habit to Break” – Chicago
Fun Fact: Chicago was originally called the Chicago Transit Authority – until the real CTA threatened to sue.
73. “She’s Like the Wind” – Patrick Swayze featuring Wendy Fraser
Fun Fact: Swayze appeared in Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights as a dance instructor.
72. “The Thong Song” -- Sisqo
Fun Fact: Sisqo hasn’t had a hit since 2000’s “Incomplete.”
71. “Gloria” – Laura Branigan
Fun Fact: Branigan appeared Off-Broadway in Love, Janis, a play about Janis Joplin. Branigan, naturally, played Joplin.
70. “Somebody’s Watching Me” – Rockwell
69. “Party All the Time” -- Eddie Murphy
Fun Fact: Ever the innovator, Eddie’s next two movies are sequels: “Shrek 3” and “Daddy Day Camp.”
68. “Whoomp! (There It Is)” – Tag Team
Fun Fact: “Whoomp” is one of the top-selling singles in pop history, selling over 4 million copies. Whoomp!
67. “Honey” – Bobby Goldsboro
Glad to see the reappearance of “Honey,” a song CNN earlier this year named the worst of all time. Well, they’re wrong – it’s the 67th worst – but I’m happy to see it’s still in our memories. “Honey” is a song about a man remembering his now-dead wife. However, his recollections lead the listener to believe that ‘Honey’ may have been a little slow: “She was always young at heart, kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her soAnd I surprised her with a puppyKept me up all Christmas Eve two years agoAnd it would sure embarrass herWhen I came in from workin' late 'cause I would knowThat she'd been sittin' there and cryin'Over some sad and silly late, late show.”
Fun Fact: “Honey” was written by Bobby Russell, a country songwriting legend whose other songs include “He Ain’t Heavy – He’s My Brother” and “The Nights Went Out in Georgia” – the latter for his then-wife Vicki Lawrence.
66. “God Bless the USA” – Lee Greenwood
Fun Fact: In a 2005 poll, “God Bless the USA” was named the most patriotic song ever – ahead of the National Anthem and “God Bless America.”
65. “Mandy” – Barry Manilow
64. “London Bridge” – Fergie
The song is currently experiencing some controversy, as a “London bridge” is supposedly a group sex act. Hmm. Let’s see if the lyrics shed any light:
“All my girls get down on the floorBack to back drop it down real lowI'm such a lady but I'm dancin' like a hoCause you know I don't give a f*ck so here we go.”
Nope. Nothing sexual there. Next.
63. “Heartbeat” – Don Johnson
Fun Fact: Johnson had another hit in 1988 – a duet with Streisand called “Till I Love You.”
62. “I Think I Love You” – The Partridge Family
Fun Fact: The Partridge Family was half of ABC-TV’s powerhouse Friday night prime time schedule. The other? The Brady Bunch.
61. “Loving You” – Minnie Ripperton
La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la laaa la laa laa laa la la. Doobie doobie doo.
(Dog whistle sound.) There it is. That’s the song.
Fun Fact: Minnie Ripperton possessed a seven-octave range, including what’s known as the “whistle register.”
60. “Celebration” – Kool and the Gang
Fun Fact: “Celebration” was produced by legendary Brazillian artist Eumir Deodato – best known for his 1974 funk-afied version of Also Sprach Zarathustra (aka the theme for 2001: A Space Odyssey.) Deodato has produced records for everyone from Frank Sinatra to Bjork.
59. “The Night Chicago Died” – Paper Lace
Fun Fact: Paper Lace’s last public performance was in 2003 at the Royal Variety Performance for the Queen. Also on the bill: Luciano Pavarotti and Donny Osmond.
58. “Physical” – Olivia Newton-John
This former Top Ten Worst Song ranks as one of our most popular vote-getters. Perhaps it’s because of Newton-John’s weak attempt to become a sex symbol. Maybe it’s due to the strange video, where flabby men turn into hunks thanks to Olivia’s hotness. My guess it has something to do with the lyrics:
“I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie
There's nothin' left to talk about, unless it's horizontally.”
Fun Fact: “Physical” spent 10 weeks at the top of the charts, preceded by “Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates and succeeded by “I Can’t Go For That” – by Hall and Oates.
57. “Maneater” – Hall and Oates
Fun Fact: Dudley Manlove Quartet have performed “Maneater” at two Halloween shows – once as a Worst Song, and once when they came in costume as Hall and Oateses.
56. “Come on Eileen” – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
Poor Eileen.
Fun Fact: I promise never to make that joke again.
55. “Horse With No Name” – America
“I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name/It felt good to get out of the rain/in the desert you can remember your name/’Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain.” Painful. The syntax and structure of the last line confuses the hell out of me. The bigger issue for me is this: you’re in the desert and you can remember your own name – so why not just name the flippin’ horse?
Fun Fact: America’s Dewey Bunnell explains his chorus: “"I have taken a lot of poetic license in my use of grammar, and I always cringe a little bit at my use of 'aint's,' like 'ain't no one for to give you no pain' in "Horse." I've never actually spoken that way, but I think it conveys a certain honesty when you're not picking and choosing your words, and you use that kind of colloquialism."
54. “Barbie Girl” – Aqua (One of my vote for last year's top 10)
Last year’s #8 Worst Song takes a tumble down this year’s chart.
Fun Fact: Mattel objected to the suggestive nature of the lyrics (“you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere”) and sued Aqua for copyright and trademark violations. In a ballsy move, Aqua countersued Mattel for defamation.
53. “Trapped in the Closet” – R. Kelly
Fun Fact: The character Kelly plays in the song is named Sylvester – which is R. Kelly’s middle name. Ah – so it’s autobiographical!
52. “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” – Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
Fun Fact: “Time” was written by Franke Previte, who scored his own top ten hit in 1981 with Franke and the Knockouts’ “Sweetheart.”
51. “The Flame” – Cheap Trick (Oh dear, this was one of my massive votes this year. Perhaps Dudley's getting too popular and my votes won't be making songs into the top 10)
Rock and Roll Rule #7: if your career is flagging, release a power ballad. Cheap Trick – the seminal power-pop band from Rockford, Illinois – had been absent from pop radio since 1980’s “Voices” and “Dream Police.” So, naturally, they turned to the power ballad to rejuvenate their careers. And, naturally, “The Flame” – a schlocky slow-dancer that carries none of Cheap Trick’s trademark charm – became their biggest hit. Lucky for us, Cheap Trick has since gone back to their glory days, and have become a staple on alternative rock tours – they have shared stages with the likes of Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins and Guided By Voices.
Fun Fact: Cheap Trick wrote and recorded the theme song for “The Colbert Report.” Now that’s cool.
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