The world is out to get me..

I’m sure of it. A friend once told me, many years ago, that the world is not out to get me. I think she might have been wrong.

The job I was vying for passed on me. Their feedback was that they don’t have any jobs that currently fit my skill set. Fan-freakin-tastic. Thank god I kept looking.

Though I’m still batting below average. With my resume in a hundred different places, surely ONE of them would come through. It just has to.

I’m also getting very close to freaking out. I don’t like the idea at all of not having a job in three weeks. In a fit of desperation I actually applied for administrative assistant positions. I’m getting worried that my fear of not being employed will take over the desire to have the perfect job. Maybe I just need the “right now” job instead of the perfect job.

And so this week starts the cancellation of many things. Dinners out, netflix, a few other monthly subscriptions, cable will likely go (which probably isn’t a bad thing), weekend plans… all … have to be postponed or cancelled.

Then this weekend I did the one thing that I knew wouldn’t be healthy for me…I went down the “what if I had made this decision a different way” road. You know the road? The one where you think about decisions you’ve made in your life, and how your life may be different had you made the decision differently.

One decision stood out defiantly in my mind. A decision to not take a job within Catalysis many years ago. Had I taken that job, I’d probably still be working there. I’d be of value to the organization, and best of all I wouldn’t be looking for a job.

The flip side is, had I taken that job, I’d never be a project manager, never would have taken and passed the PMP, never would have met some of the amazing people who are currently in my life now.

So I guess it all works out. Interestingly enough I never thought about decisions I made toward men and how my life would be different. Too much stress to think about relationships right now. But man, if I only had that second income.